DDR

I mentioned that the problems with my computers are the RAM. I had 600MB of RAM and my computer is so old that 2GB is the maximum. 6GB are available and 4 GB is pretty much standard. It turns out that to install the adobe master collection I have to install 2GB of RAM. So, the sound you hear is money flying out of my wallet. But the good news is that the software I bought is actually software and not a bucket of bolts.

As a substitute for entertaining writing I will place a random Nat King Cole video here. It's not Autumn, but the song really isn't about a season, is it?

Synergy

I'm going to figure out how to integrate the blogs I follow into my blog. I think it has something to do with RSS. Real simple stuff. But not so simple. It's a live feed. Does anyone know how this is done? I'm thinking I will have to go into the template of my own blog and set aside some kind of inset that will be the location of the content from a different site. I should practice with the onion before taking the pregnant robot content and putting it here. It's an experiment to try to do the thing Pepsico is doing with chips and soda. The ingredients in the soda are somehow the antidote to the ingredients in the chips. They call it corporate synergy. And I call it a challenge to do the same thing with guerrilla media such as my blog and the blogs I follow. Am I dreaming to call it that? Ah, fuck you. Don't answer that.
If I delete my whole blog accidentally that will be too bad. The one writing gig I applied for (with that snarky cover letter) actually wrote back and said "I like your style." They want me to cover local politics so I may actually get a chance to be a Portsmouth P.J. O'Rourke. Now that would be hysterical.

Warm April

I'd like to say I wrote this but I was too busy hunting pirated video editing software in Dorchester. Of course, I may have only paid for Britney Spears' latest cd so I don't know what I own now. If the next video I post looks like James Cameron directed it then you'll know I got the real goods.

Two Tramps in Mudtime by Robert Frost

The sun was warm but the
Wind was chill.
You know how it is with an
April day when the sun is
Out and the wind is still,
You're one month on in the
Middle of May.
But if you so much as dare
To speak, A cloud comes over
The sunlit arch, a wind
Comes off a frozen peak,
And you're two months back
In the middle of March.



Bonus points if you can name the song I was singing to Desmond Carey. Hint: It was age appropriate.

Match Point

My tennis game is improving daily. I was down at the Wellesley courts that were full of tight 40 year old women daintily pushing the ball over the net with their racket. I think the whole thing was designed to give them an excuse to wear those sexy pastel mini skirts. I ogled them for a few minutes before taking my shirt off and tying the dog up and proceeded to hit the ball as hard as I could against the wood backstop. And I groaned like Boris Becker on every forehand, my grunts echoing off the manicured pine trees. I only stopped when I hit the ball over the backstop into the softball field nearby. There are signs that say only tennis shoes are allowed but I only have my all purpose hiking/dancing shoes. The important thing was getting exercise running from the police when they were finally called to evict me from the place. Members Only? Fuck that. I'll decide when and where to play tennis. I don't care if the place has valet parking. IF I can get in then I can play. That's the rule.

yawn

Here's my latest cover letter for a journalist job. If there's any confusion why I don't get these gigs you should see why in a few moments. I gotta write my review of Revolver since I now own it. It's not great but it's not bad enough to blacklist. Come on. The Hangover was atrocious and they're making a sequel. Revolver was just over budget and misled. The Kabbalah stuff wasn't that important. Anyway,



I'm interested in writing articles for you. Since you didn't volunteer any compensation I'm assuming it's in the six figure range. That's good because since I've taken time off to work on my novel (misunderstood youth learns valuable lessons from disfigured janitor) my savings has dwindled. I make music videos and documentaries when I'm not at the computer or on the street corner singing for spare change. I write human interest stories and either write very opinionated essays about frivolous subjects or else objective articles about controversial subjects. The articles I'd like to write this summer are as follows:
1. Little League Baseball up close. What baseball means to an 8 year old. Motivations and expectations.
2. Trivial Walking Tour of Portsmouth with illustrations. Ex. Popovers was once Sessions Music store where they sold Bruce Springsteen Born in the USA Tour tickets.
3. Medical Marijuana: Is paranoia a good substitute for Anxiety?
4. Prescott Park summer theater dynamics. Lawn chair controversy set to explode.
5. Theater Reviews
6. Going undercover in Strawbery Banke. Is it authentic?
7. Making money from making music. Fantasy or Reality

Those are off the top of my head and I've got other ideas too good to share without a non-disclosure agreement. Tell me a bit about yourself. What media are you publishing the content? Are you independent? Readership? Define "Good Grammar".

Here's an article I wrote when I was a Hollywood Insider. It was published by a magazine that folded so this is the only place you'll read it now. If you think this fits your model then make me an offer.
Oggy
603-431-XXXX



Guy Ritchie Gets Religion
Oggy Bleacher investigates Kabbalah: The con of all cons