Thursday, February 4, 2010

Laconia Comic

I don't know if this will be readable...

but maybe if you click on it so it becomes a picture alone and then hit "control+" to magnify it
then it becomes more readable....
I had to cut it in half and then scan it and then paste it into paint and then shrink it so now it's a mess.

Maybe I'll put both sections here so they might be bigger and more readable. Yeah, these are way more clear. Click on them and then hit control+ to enlarge or Control- to shrink. If only stick figures were considered good art! If there is an illustrator out there who wants to collaborate on a graphic novel then contact me. It'll be Harvey Pekar and R. Crumb.

Got a call from an old friend...we used to be real close

It's important to keep moving. Even though living at the group home has given me some perspective it has also led to some bad habits, such as blogging in a stream of consciousness, unpublishable, rambling, hateful manner. I apologize. I don't apologize for the excessive drinking, but I'd classify that as a bad habit.

It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. That's what AC/DC says. And it's hard to know where you are in the climb. So you just keep climbing. Bruce Springsteen keeps playing because he believes his best work is ahead of him. That's what I have to believe. The best work, the best years, the best ideas are somewhere down the road. I'd even settle for good work. I've had a few jobs and at some point it feels like, no, that was it, that was as good as it's gonna get.

As a deckhand the major test was lassoing a davit on the deck with a 3.5 inch line...while the boat was moving. That's a big line. I guess it's the same size, maybe a little bigger, than a gasoline hose. It's big. I could barely get my hands around it and then as we bumped up against the dock I would toss the line OVER the bulwark aiming for the davit. IF we were close and moving slow I could just drop it on, but sometimes the boat moved and I had to throw it. soon as the line hooked the davit I had to lash it around a davit on the supply vessel...and this had to be done in no longer than 5 seconds because if I lassoed the dock and then we bounced off the deck and I didn't get the line around the davit on the ship in time then we would just drift away because the captain could only do so much to get us close without destroying the dock. But the worst was if I just managed to get the davit on the ship lashed and it tightened with me nearby because those 4 inch lines stretched almost half of their length and became as small as a garden hose with the potential force, so I was told, to cut me in half.
So one morning after perhaps 30 hours of shoveling concrete dust and navigating and cooking and washing dishes and cleaning the heads I was on the deck, no shirt, fingers bleeding, the sun just coming and I picked up that line and lassoed the dock at like 20 feet. I mean, I heaved the line high and long and it flipped perfectly and fell over the davit. I lashed the boat on and then ran to get the bow line. (you do the stern first as we had bow thrusters)
The captain got on the intercom and said, "nice shot, Snap." they call all deckhands "Snap" because, "When they food, the deckhan' be on the plate like snap. when they work, the deckhan' be gone like snap." said the bearded Chief Engineer from Florida with a snap of his fingers.
That was as good as it got...
And it's impossible to know if I was right because I left. The tree planting job, for instance. That peaked out at the very end but I don't think I'd do that again. This esoteric approach to work does cause problems with employ-ability and job skills. I never did master the art of being a deck hand. I just got to the point where I knew what to expect, routinely, and was able to get some work done. Basic training lasts 6 weeks. I was basically in basic training for 6 months with a new drill sergeant every two weeks. I suppose it would've gotten easier or else I would've moved up in job titles. Maybe I'm afraid of that, of getting sucked into climbing a ladder. I like starting out on the first few rungs and that gives me enough exposure to the rest of the ladder to know the captain earned that job with time and application. There are no short cuts to being a captain.
I've seen ads for linesman jobs. That's a respectable trade with high skills from start to finish. There is literally no dimension of linesman jobs that is easy and there are unlimited applications. But you have to survive the first five years...which isn't a guarantee. Still, for a rugged man with good concentration I would recommend the linesman job. In my next life I think I will be a linesman and I will read western novellas and play the fiddle to my sweetheart.

email I sent to my spam friend

you want negative feedback? stop sending me shitting spam on my blog. you cunt! fuck you! fuck your fucking cunt! I hate you for your spamification. can you please buy a brain with all the money you are making. you cunt!
buy a brain and then go out and make real money you whore. stop spamming people you whore...
stop stop stop
or I will get my spam buddies who will fill your inbox with 10,000 spam porn viagra messages every day. is that what you want, you cunt? fuck you.
stop sending me these spam emails on my blog.
do you understand that my blog is completely anti-you??
everything about my blog is opposed to your method of living. Fuck you!
fuck you fuck you.
stop it.
stop spamming me
stop trolling the internet for a quick buck.
please stop
get a real job
you whore
you cunt

every time I get a spam on my blog I will call you a cunt and send you an email. that is your call. fuck you!

I did actually send this email to the website behind those get rich quick spam messages that have been showing up on this blog. I know the person is not actually reading my blog and posting them. It's a spam bot that basically trolls blogs without those "enter the message" devices that stops spam bots. I'm not really that annoyed by the spam. It's harmless...useless really since the only people who read this blog are shiftless losers.
But I'd been drinking and attacking Steve Jobs and really, whoever you are, it was bad timing. See? Two weeks ago I didn't care but when I post something and five minutes later you leave your spam turd on my door I flipped out.
While I'd probably get the same response with, "Please stop spamming me." I used some harsh language. Yes, I feel spam bots are repulsive but ...I don't know. I guess I didn't think the person would respond or ever read this email. But she did.
She said she would stop spamming me if I sent her my url. which I did. I wonder if it will get worse or better. hard to say.
Is it my fault she programs a spam bot to place these gross ads on my blog? This really isn't a private blog. It's public. But don't I have some say in what is placed on it? Yes, I can delete her ad, but the very idea of these get rich quick schemes is behind so many problems. It's a baseless.

but here is a clip from her site...
"My name is Helen, five years ago I divorced my husband. The kid with me, and making all ends meet was a horrible task to do at first, for I had long stopped working anymiore after my daughter was born. I even felt a depression, senselessly trying to fina out what kind of job I would like to find and what was available at that time in the market. My college in finances was long, long time ago, the kid took all my time and efforts."

I mean...she's from Spain or somewhere and I call her a cunt. I didn't really mean it. But placing ads, selling things for other people, it's one of those phantom industries I loathe because it's all board room marketing with everything directed to convincing you that you need something you probably don't need. Like I said, it's bad timing and her spam bot is to blame for us even communicating at all. See? It's this damn computer! She and I have nothing to say to one another but the program brought us together. Maybe it's trying to set us up. is that possible? Should I ask her on a date? Should I trust her spam robot?
I don't know. I think I burned that bridge when I called her a cunt ten times in a row.
But she claims to make $2-3 grand a day. What the hell? 300K a year and she's got to be dealing with a low life like me? See, so either she's a liar or stupid or she's set loose a stupid spam robot. Either way this is no good.
Damn it! I feel like a dirt bag. I'll think about it tomorrow.
I've thought of it and it's very likely this is some consortium in Brazil who are neither from Spain or any of these claims. That's possibly just the front for some get rich quick site. I mean, does it sound more appealing if I tell you I was down on my luck and got rich with this method? Like one day I'm a divorced depressed single mother, and the next I'm making $200K. Almost sounds too good to be true. Like those porn sites that say, "Secret video of my ex girlfriend." Well, I've seen that same girl sucking dick in like ten different videos so...either you're an asshole for thinking your girlfriend was faithful, or SHE NEVER WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
See, the internet is almost all lies.
I wish I could say I had the imagination to invent a life for Oggy Bleacher and really I sell office supplies for a day job and this hellish group home is in my imagination. But I've told you before that I have no imagination. I'm living the life I want to write about because I could never in a million years invent these things. You could almost say I was fact checking stories by Jack London and George Orwell and Kerouac and Steinbeck. They didn't have imaginations either. (maybe Orwell did) They just wrote what they saw.
So, if the lady really is a lady then I'm sorry I called you a cunt. That wasn't polite and your offense was not so deep that I had to attack you. Honestly, I thought you were like the people I worked with in Van Nuys, a ruthless group of Israelis who spoke Hebrew and counted their nickles and spammed everyone and cut corners and sent spam bots out with impunity. Those guys were cunts. They promised me a car and I ended up taking the bus home after I quit...they would've had me pretend I was personally assembling those crappy mini motorcycles in my garage if it meant they'd sell more.
But if you are really a group of people who invented a depressed single mother persona as your mascot and you just pay a Brazilian $.25 for every ad they place by randomly searching ads and placing spam...then...refer to my above email.
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.