Sunday, June 5, 2011

Tar sands pipeline to disaster

Did anyone else see the latest climate progress post? Ominous. It might as well read "End of World planned" It's so bad I definitely placed myself on the Dept. of Interior's black list with this email. My internet activity will forever be monitored because of this and Canada is probably getting my name right now to detain at the border. And if I die in a single car accident don't believe it. I drive 45 mph and never drive at night. Follow the money.

From: Oggy Bleacher
Date: Sun, Jun 5, 2011 at 10:15 PMLink
Subject: Tar sands pipeline to disaster

Regarding the current project to pipe oil derived from tar sands from Canada to Texas. WHAT? ARE YOU JOKING? It's like someone is trying to destroy the environment as fast as possible. While you may say this is a link in the chain of progress that man is ever climbing to his date with some technological utopia I would like to exclude myself from that category. If this is how you get to a utopia THEN I DON'T WANT TO GO.

I went hiking today and on the return trip I saw a huge snapping turtle in the middle of the road trying to get from one pond to another. The cars and motorcycles were nose to ass traveling at 50 mph. How am I going to help this turtle? It's going to probably cause an accident that kills me and the turtle and where will that leave us? There was no hope. The turtle would be crushed and that BREAKS MY FUCKING HEART.
I know there are turtle protection projects but when I look at the scale of this tar sands project then I believe an entire army would be required to conserve turtle habitat. But that army is going to busy CLEANING UP THE OIL SPILLS WHEN THE NEXT SWARM OF TORNADOES BREAKS THE PIPELINE.

By many estimations this tar sands project is crossing the Rubicon either intentionally or unintentionally. I have strong suspicions that the full dangers are known and this project is strategically putting mankind in a position of no return because the dangers involved will require such abundant resources that the project itself will be required to succeed. If true, this is diabolical genius. It sounds like the financial institutions that are "too big to fail". It takes some brains to weasel your way into supporting the foundations of a building even though you couldn't hold up a cup of coffee. Naturally, you will always appear relevant. I'm not fooled.

I have to consider this when composing my argument because if I were to believe you only needed more information then I would use that tact. But I suspect you know plenty and it is environmental ethics you lack. Your pursuit of profit has led to the natural position that either the tar sands project proceeds or the oil industry itself will become obsolete. So, this would be an act of willful war and ecological terrorism. Am I missing something? Please tell me I am wrong. It gets to the point where a project becomes so monstrous that the lie can no longer hide the truth, that the minds behind this project are putting mankind in check. Only an act of defense will avoid checkmate and like a lowly despot invading a weak nation you are hoping no one will step up to the challenge. This is how I see it because I think the worst motives are pushing this project forward. The cloak of progress has worn so thin it wouldn't hide a speck of dust on a rabbit's ass. Yes, petroleum has fueled an incredible development of gadgets and growth. But this project in particular smells like something sinister and foul. When we cross this line it will make the way of the turtle and the wolf obsolete. You know this. You know we will no longer be able to choose both. One way of life will have to be sacrificed for the other and the turtles will be excluded from a world that sees tar sands as viable.
You are asking me to take it on faith that oil companies have my best interest in mind. This project obliterates any hope of my reaching that conclusion. This project is evidence that an ecological genocide is taking place willfully and secretively. There is no part of this project that works for me. I need only look with my eyes to see this project is a blight and a curse. I think you would only proceed with a project with such horrible return on your investment if the profit was not the motive. This is a strategic attack on all sensible people.
Everything about this project defies common sense. Only a mind numb populace, fattened calves who reside on their asses by bowls of toxic potato chips and watch "two and a half men" greedily slurping sodas, and jerking off their prides into the condom of defeat while the continent's natural resources are defiled, would ignore your project. It's repulsive. This project offends me. It's an abomination and anyone who supports it is choosing a side that will forever be my enemy.
I choose the side of the snapping turtle and the deer. Yes. And I'm not alone.
My phone number is 310-425-XXXX. I live in a van and I'm going to Canada to save the arctic wolf. Even that doesn't sound as crazy as the tar sands project.
Oggy Bleacher

Major Nature Voyeurism

Today was the kind of day that encourages short memories. Winter? What winter? Will kids decry the petroleum addicts who burned the climate up for a quick trip to Honey Dew donuts? No, because once or twice a year will be a day like today that makes them forget everything else and bask in the humidity free sunlight that filtered through my protective beard.
Mt. Major was packed. I heard "This picture will be my new facebook avatar" about ten times today. or "I've got a new picture for facebook." or "Can I post to facebook from here?" And it was true, thanks in part to those hundreds of hours I spent placing aluminum fins in huge heat sinks and crimping fiber optic cable in gigantic harnesses, Mt. Major has total internet access. But the facebook references were out of control. Is any moment private anymore?
Also, I had a short history lesson thanks to a 1981 Midway arcade game:

"In the year 2003, the Omega system developed a method of training its warriors to protect their star colonies over the city of Fomap. Android controlled fighters freed to engage and destroy these Omegan warriors."

There is either some serious coverup happening that the government should be aware of or these guys were way off the mark. The game was called Omega Fighter or something and involved a fighter going around a box shooting triangles. It was old old old, considered monochrome/vector graphics for the black and white, linear design. I'm bored just talking about it.

This was the weekend of the classic video arcade game championship. I didn't get too excited this year since I still had tokens left from last year. But I did play some games since it's next door to Mt. Major. The guy chasing the Donkey Kong record was there with his video camera on his game. No one cares, but that'll be a movie sometime.

On the way through Durham I had a slice of Pizza from Wildcats and Durham house of Pizza and Wildcats won my taste test by a pepperoni width. They are both average slices. I wouldn't get out of bed for either one of them. But right next door was pandemonium as that repulsive show "Man vs Food" was in town as the fat guy tried to eat 15 sliders and ten pounds of french fries. OR something. The show is so fake with fake audience cheering. Everyone was trying to get in the picture*. They interviewed me and I stuck my finger down my throat and vomited on the host's plate of food and then I ate it with my hands.
"What? Isn't that what vultures do?" I said as the vomit dripped off my beard and the cute coed girls (paid audience) ran for cover.
"Get out! You filthy hippie!" they yelled.
"Hahahah." I laughed and washed my face with coca cola. "Not crazy enough for you?" and I leaped through the air and landed on a man's back and bit deeply into his throat with my teeth. "Is this crazy enough for you? Man versus Man! Hahahhhahahaha"
It'll be on the Travel channel in a few weeks. Should be good. Stay tuned.

*This seemed very strange to me. I heard someone say, "Do you want to be on T.V?" And it didn't have the same appeal as it once did. I vaguely remember fame and fortune being tied to television and today it's understood that television is simply better produced and promoted internet...and we can all be on the internet if we want. You want to be on the internet? I'll put you on there today. No problem.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.