Saturday, September 27, 2008


$50 to sell some plasma. Next is the sperm donations. This nurse butchered me.


call me

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


the man in the van felt guarding his possessions by installing an alarm in the van would be the right move. Someone had already patched into the wires and set up an alarm but the actual siren and the brain box were dead on arrival. So TMIV bought the exact same alarm system and swapped out the brain and the antennae and a few other wires...and it actually worked. He left the old siren so maybe someone would cut it thinking it's going to disable the alarm and then used the new alarm and put it in the cabin. Of course, if someone really wanted to steal the van they would just take it with the alarm blaring and disconnect the battery once it was started. Please don't!

Oops I live in a van

With apologies to Mrs. Spears and the writer of this popular demand, the man in the van has tweaked the tune a little to match the times.

The lyrics to : Oops I Live in a Van

(verse 1)
I think I pissed in a jug
it's all I have
don't call me a scrub

I shower every day
at the same place I shit
it's two miles away

(pre chorus)
But to sleep on the sidewalk
is just so typically me

Oops I live in a van
I don't have a job
I don't have a plan

You might think I'm a bum
that I live on the run
but I'm not gonna change my ways

I own a '69 Ford
it's got no brakes
cause I can't afford...them

Stop! Don't step on the gas.
We'll surely crash
then what would I do.

(pre chorus)

what would jesus do?

One thing I love about Venice is the funny guerrilla art that springs up when no one is looking. I just think about all the things people ask WWJD? Like marital problems and kidney failure and world crisis and crime and death and hurricanes. And this is the answer. Wow. Who knew?

good night man in the van

This is the last installment in the day in the life:

a final goodnight from the man in the van. using his red LED night vision flashlight. this day was a little busier than usual but the people he met and the average experiences were about normal. Of course this day didn't differ too much from his life when he was living in the $1.2 million dollar house and paying $2400 in rent and managing two tenants and all the bills except he was wasting tons of water and electricity then and now he's pretty much a drop of seagull shit on a giant carpet of seagull shit.


This is the second to last part in a day in the life:
The last stop before the man in the van returns to the van.
He did some stretching and light weight work. The sauna was about 220 degrees so he skipped that. most importantly, boys and girls, the man in the van took a shower. sometimes he takes two showers a day. But he doesn't want to waste water so one is enough. then he changed his clothes and was ready for a few more days of fun in the sun.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

venice skills center

Part X in a day in the life:
the man in the van is all about self-enrichment. So taking a computer electronic repair class seems like the right move.


Part XVI in a day in the life:

The trick with anything is to practice. So here's another shot at the Ricky Roma monologue. The man in the van wants to get the words right, but not imitate Al Pacino and also to add a little bit of his own personality. One of these days he'll get the whole package and be satisfied.


Part XV in a day in the life:

Gustavo is from Chile and plays the guitar. He's an aspiring director and an all around upstanding dude. The man in the van needs a cameraman so he isn't always holding the camera two feet from his face so everyone can look up his nostrils. the man in the van isn't stupid...he knows that isn't a great angle. So what's the solution. At least for a bit find someone to hold the camera. At least for the Final Warning music video.

crossroad blues

Part XIV in a day in the life

Why not pay tribute to the original blues man...Robert johnson. That man lived in his fair share of vans and suffered for us all. He passed this gem down and it only truly sounds right when played by a man on the street. You sing with heart and you will go far. Too bad the man in the van isn't talented enough to make it on broadway, because he'd sing this song like a man done wrong by the boss.

The man in the van is at a kind of crossroads. Take a right and go to jail, take a left and end up a corpse in the gutter. What to do? Ain't we all just looking for a way to the source? Like Dorothy, we're clicking our heels and asking to go home. Then the hand of God comes down and crashes your commuter train into a freight train and you go flying through the air at 40 mph and crash into a pile of briefcases and seats that have been torn up. And you split your head open and lie under a burning hunk of insulation. There's no way to know when you number will be called!

final warning part 2

Part XIII in a day in the life:

Here's some footage of the second verse of Final Warning, the man in the van's protest song directed at the Riviera Ave Neighborhood watch association. The reality is that the RANWA is probably just one old bitter man who is trying to sell his house so is afraid buyers will be run off when they see the man in the van squatting on the sidewalk taking a shit. Well, too bad, buddy. You can name yourself the "VENICE WANTS NO NIGGERS ASSOCIATION" and I still wouldn't give a fuck.

earning some change

This is around part XI in a day in the life

The man in the van found his piano fix for the day. After an hour of playing Burt Bacharach and easy listening hits from the '70s like Take this Ribbon from my hair, And I love You so, Weekend in New England, he got down and hit his stride. The Blues comes easy to a man living in his van.

He made $11 in an hour. But he gave $5 to the owner of the Piano, the dude dancing in the background who is named Nathan Pino. Pino plays some mean keys and makes about $50 in some good hours. I'll post some video of Nate playing the piano one day. Just enjoy!

Venice Beach

Part IX of a day in the life

Riding north on the boardwalk.
Venice Beach

Mayor of RV Lane

Part VIII of a day in the life:

Oh boy, there's one in every bunch. Dennis is the Messiah of RV lane...not the mayor. Well kind of both. Who knows? He's everything. The dude is driving around in...well, he's PUSHING a VW van.

Thing is broke down and busted up. Must be a 1971 van. Everything he owns is in it. I met him because he was pushing the van into a parking spot. I helped out.
And then it begins...his plan to save the world starting with an army of homeless people installing solar panels on top of every building in Venice. He says these visions come to him at night, "Like those flip story books"
Technically he's on the money...if only we didn't live in what he calls "The Fourth Reich" in which the Nazis have returned under disguise to kill all the poor and foreigners. Solar panel installation would take place, I presume, right after we are all gassed and buried in the caverns they have dug for this purpose in Nevada.
The man in the van has heard some wacky shit in his day, but Dennis was firing on all cylinders. We would steam clean the streets.
I guess the problem is that the poor are despicable people as far as most citizens are concerned. They would see us working as the massah sees the house nigger washing plates. It's a privilege for us to work for them. I say fuck them. Fuck their condescending attitudes. Fuck their Bentleys and their Chryslers and the BMWs. How about this for a novel idea: Let the rich wash OUR piss of the sidewalk. LOL. I will take a fat dump in the middle of the street and Donald Trump can come on over and clean it up. How about that?


Part VII of a day in the life:

When the movie called J.O.B.S comes out then you will know where you saw the writer and star. This cool cat came out and said, "Shit you gonna be cutting up black people with that saw?"
We had a good chat and then he started harassing the women in the women's shelter next door ("You got a baby? You want one?") LOL

Well, you gotta take the good with the bad. HE could talk all day if I let him..and I let him talk a little too long. If you turn it off before the end then you will be in good company.
His screenplay was called "Jump Out Boys." Get it. J.O.B.S He said it was like Fight Club meets Reservoir Dogs. I said, "It's a westcoast Godfather!" And he agreed, though what that means was not clear.

Shit, it was about a drug dealer who sells pussy and gets busted because his choices were bad. My man kept saying "It's about choices." He claimed to be Al Jarreau's cousin. Living on the street. Selling busted sun umbrellas. Everyone always says that these colorful characters will make a good screenplay. Well, take a good look. Is this something you'd watch? Or pay money to watch. It gets boring after ten seconds. Why? Because these characters are stereotypes. One is a hustler. The other is a dweeb. What the fuck do they have to talk about? Nothing. So where is this movie going (the one with the dweeb and the hustler?) would it be like Pineapple Express? Sort of stoner odd couple? Bullshit.
I'm not buying drugs from him at the beginning, I'm paying him because he is a broke person riding around looking for work and hustling for change. I'm interviewing him and taking his time so he gets a buck.

George in his element

Part VI of a day in the life:

Here's George in his zone bullshitting the city on the phone. No one can sling shit like George.
This hot tub has seen some crazy times but everything must come to an end. I was the last one to see it in the house with water in it so it is fitting that I'm the one to finally toss it into the garbage. Cutting it in half was not ceremonial...the City is coming to pick it up and needs it in two pieces so it will fit in the truck. The hardest part was the pvc pipe. Not to mention the man in the van is using a saw that is more suited for cutting small twigs. But it's low resource!

Hot Tub Cutting Party

Part V of A Day in the life

What's a day without cutting a hot tub in half? Not a day the man in the van wants any part of.

Lincoln Place

Part IV in a day in the life:

The last of the affordable housing in Venice...sold out and in litigation because...gasp...the deal was illegal and destroyed many lives. But Fuck them..they were only blacks and Mexicans.

Litter picking

Part III in A day in the life.
Help the man in the van clean up the world. Keep your trash where in Congress and the White House!


PART II in the DAY IN THE LIFE. 3rd street asleep.

Morning With the Man in The Van

Wake up sleepy head! The Cops are coming!

This is the first installment of A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE MAN IN THE VAN

Monday, September 22, 2008

RV lane

check out the man in the van! 3rd and Rose in Santa Monica

That's 10 RVs on one side of the street. And 10 more on the other side of the street. One block. 20 RVs. It's a party!Photobucket

you see how 3rd street dead ends against sunset? The man in the van ain't stupid. That means no cars drive down 3rd street. They all drive on 4th. On the west side is a production company warehouse...on the east side is Public Storage...where most of the RV dwellers have their belongings. $90 a month for storage and street parking. That's the fate for lost of folks who lost their houses to hurricanes. The man in the van didn't make the laws, he just breaks them.

No Eddie, my place doesn't look like this. I'm clean!

Father Son Dialogue

Theater for the masses


the man in the van digs glengarry glen ross


elton john rocks

Final Warning

The man in the van wrote a song for the Riviera Ave Neighborhood Watch Association
Partial lyrics:
Final Warning:

Riviera High Class Living
They Say it's what you give
and not what you're given

Final Warning That's what you gave to me
like you got the right
like you ain't guilty

To The dark night says the bright morning
this is your final fucking warning

To the dark night says the bright morning
this is your final fucking morning:

Oops I did it Again...lived in a Van

Here's a cover of Britney's pop hit...maybe the man in the van will do a parody of it later. Oops I did it again, I lived in a van, I pissed in a jug...

tour the van

check it out!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Near Death

The man in the van had a near death experience last night. Maybe it was brought on by the hibiscus/cannabis tea that he drank...maybe not. But he is born again and he wants to share his experience with the world.

1. We all write our own stories. The Man in the Van was near death and he was freaking out...he was going to a van...alone...broke...with Mexicans selling stolen bikes on the street...the smell of dry cleaning wafting through the holes in the side of the van wall. He looked around and took an inventory of his life. What did it all mean. What did the man in the van's life add up to? He realized that he had constructed his own coffin. The van was his coffin and he had decorated it like the vikings, with artifacts that would help him in the afterlife. A Guitar, records, some clothes, some sheet music. But the details are very telling. For instance, the 8 record jackets that the man in the van has screwed to the top of the van are just memorabilia in the day, but last night, in the dim light of the streetlamps shining through the curtains, and the car lights bouncing off the ceiling, and the police lights doing their thing...the record covers all joined to look like the hand of Jesus reaching down, offering his comfort. Was it a sign? Definitely. The Man in the Van needs to wake up, hold onto the hand of Jesus.

2. All signs are important. The Man in the van has been ignoring the signs around him. This will all be gone one day. The man in the van will turn to dust and so will his van. All the petty details of his life, the small debts and grievances he has, the people who owe him money, the indiscretions, the police run ins, the lies and the pain. What do these mean? What do they add up to. The Man in the Van fought through the night to stay alive. But the hand reached out to him.

3. We all know when we are going to die. We can ignore the signs but we know they are signs. We can deny the ultimate passage is waiting, the hand reaching down, the unavoidable end, but it's still there. These dozens of people who died in the train crash. The others who die in bombings. One day, that has to be you. You have to die with the rest of the meek. It may come as a surprise or as though you were meeting a doctor for a consultation. When the time comes it will be peaceful because you make amends with the world. The rough corners are no longer a problem. You take nothing and what you leave behind is free to be judged or forgotten.

The Man in the Van will make a video tribute to his van and describe the intimate details of his possessions. Perhaps it is not for him to decide what these artifacts mean. He can look at the parallel lines Blondie album cover and think it was chance that brought it to his van, but it was destiny. Do not judge the man in the van lest ye be judged.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Keeping it real with a meal.


Champions eat alone:

Don't Touch That Dial

Get it off my chest. Move on down the road.

Mas Mas Mas

I got a big mouth. What are you gonna do about it?

Fourth and Rose

Public Storage on the Right. Dry Cleaners on the Left. That's as Political as the man in the van gets.

Riviera Rant

Wassup Riviera Ave Neighborhood Watch Association?


Dockweiler Beach

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.