Sunday, December 15, 2013

Report: Sad Man Buys Stocking Stuffer Candy To Eat on Hydro-Fracturing Project

Packaged candy intended for a child's Christmas stocking was recently purchased by Oggy Bleacher to munch on in the freezing cold and driving rain as he wrenches his back muscles installing 4'' rigid conduit. The brightly colored candy, on sale because of the impending holiday, was purchased by Mr. Bleacher without a trace of holiday spirit, only trying to find something affordable to keep his energy up for the 10 hours of manual labor in the sleet and hail.
"I don't give a fuck about Christmas," said Mr. Bleacher as he kicked the mud off his boots and winced from the stabbing pain in his neck, shoulders and back.
"And you can get the fuck out of my face before I punch you in the mouth," added the childless Bleacher.
Mr. Bleacher coughed some phlegm from his congested lungs and spit near the puddles of urine he had just produced to ease his throbbing prostate. With one hand on his infertile, withered cock he fed tasteless morsels of chocolate and caramel into his pale and Grinch-like mouth with the other.
"A couple more days of this and I will die in the mud like a damn confederate soldier, that would make you laugh wouldn't it? You'd just love to see me suffer, huh?" said Bleacher, as he dropped some Holiday themed chocolate onto the mud and his drooped and bleary eyes never blinked from the distant horizon.
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.