Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Dear cops, please leave me alone

Please god, let me be able to drive ten miles without being pulled over to the side of a deserted highway and getting pistol whipped and strip searched for no reason.. Incredible. Bullshit. I'm simply driving at my normal 55mph and this hot shot shiny state trooper jumps on my ass, and this of course causes every vehicle in front of me to slow down to 50mph after driving way over the speed limit to pass me. Well, shit, now we're driving at 50mph and I got this cop car behind me and I can't pass or speed up. Obviously he wants to search me for weed that I should be smuggling from Colorado to pay for the ticket he's going to give me. So, what is the point of passing anyone? The two vehicles in front of me are following each other but about 10 feet. I'm about 30 feet behind the last vehicle. Finally, Shinyman turns his shiny fucking lights on and I pull over. Fine, at least let's get the beat down over with, the suspense was killing me.

"I pulled you over for two reasons, "says Mr. hotshot state uniform man. "One, you were following the vehicles in front of you too closely."
Sure, they were obviously following each other about half as close as I was following them, but he pulls me over. What-fucking-ever.
"The second reason is your windshield is obstructed by those items hanging off it."
 "My rosary?" It's about the gauge of dental floss.
Mr. Shiny Badge nods his head. "Yes, sir."
"But it was blessed by Pope Francis."
"It is still a violation. Only an air freshener can hang from that mirror..."

Blah blah blah, step out of the vehicle, where are you headed, blah blah...looking for work. etc. etc. go ahead and put your hands behind your back so I can make sure you aren't carrying weapons. 

My fucking lord. I really look forward to the day I stop driving on U.S. highways. So tired of getting police in my face putting their hands on me. You know how hard it is to keep track of the multiple fake driver's licenses I had to make for my trip through Central America? And I have about 4 different versions of my registration and had to keep a straight face while I searched for one that was authentic.

I almost prefer the Mexican version where we swear at each other until I pay him enough money for him to let me leave. Damn, I was almost feeling patriotic and Mr. Shiny Service Revolver had to go and ruin it with his gestapo attitude. A fucking rosary on my rear view mirror>??? Following the car in front of me too closely???? Anyone with eyes could tell they were far close than I was. Such cowardly bullshit. So fucking sick of it. I didn't even look at the piece of paper he gave me. Maybe it was a court summons, maybe not. Makes no difference in this forsaken land of laws and shiny badges running around with sticks up their ass. Fucking state is as flat as a table top and not one person rides a bicycle.

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.