Sunday, April 22, 2012

Mexican Drum Circle To End Drug War

The latest plan is to fill my 1969 Econoline Van with bongo and conga drums and make one last excursion into the heart of the Mexican drug war to lead the largest drum circle ever assembled. The point is to smoke pot and get laid while playing drums obviously, but the official press release will say that we want to "Make a Sound for Peace." "Sonido Para Paz" has the nicest ring to it.

The Sky Has Fallen

It's Earth Day again and I want to make my argument once again for voluntary change rather than what I expect will be mandatory as a crisis looms. See, the problem is that there really is no justice for the ignorant gas and oil producers who claim the market rules their decisions. The climate change deniers can say it's a total left wing conspiracy so pot dealers can make more money but there's no punishment for ignoring the obvious. In a perfect world you would either take steps to reduce your carbon imprint or you would personally suffer the consequences when the crisis escalates. It doesn't matter how rich you are or how well intended your resource intense gadgets were meant, you would be flayed with shredded iPads when the sun finally goes dark. But it's not a perfect world and I guarantee that the hoards of trolls rowing down the denial river will eventually say, "Well, that's all water under the bridge now. No use crying over spilt milk." and they will be referring to several cities in America (not their own) being obliterated by super storms. Obviously, that kind of person is repulsive and has no place in a civilized culture. But the truth is that they are also the motivated capitalists who will immediately embrace solar power and wind power and pot farms as soon as the market dictates the demand.

Brain Fart

Any clerical work demands real focus so I'm pretty bad at it. Three particular strategies I want to describe for the record so you'll know why I get fired:

1) When counting stacks of 25 I like to break it into 5 groups of 5. But when I count to 5 I don't use numbers; I use letters because the forms I'm stacking are full of numbers and when I think "2" but am looking at a "3" then it can mess up the count. So I say, "B" since there are no Bs on the form. A,B,C,D,E. This is crazy and it's also not flawless so don't listen to me. It's also impossible to count more than 26 of anything without saying, "B subprime...B prime...B superprime" as you cycle through the alphabet. Remember that I count from one to 25 for 8 consecutive hours.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.