Saturday, September 1, 2012


I'm living in the desert. Baby leaf footed bugs live in my van. They hatch on my moped. I'm hungry. I'm working but even with no overhead I'm shockingly broke. I pinch every penny but the man wants two nickles. I don't drive anywhere. I've managed to reduce gas costs to $2 a day by parking near my work. When I first started I was driving 30 miles a day and spending $10 in gas. Now I drive 2 miles a day and spend on average $2. I'm doing this out of necessity but it will become a requirement soon. The insanity of driving as you please and commuting is killing everything in the world. There is a war in Asia but no one seems to care. There are no sacrifices being made except by the men with guns. This is not a "land of plenty" anymore. Maybe it never was. That's a fable told to immigrants looking for work. It's bullshit and the reality is men filtering water from coolers in vans, working to be poor. My advice to anyone is to stay where you are. America is totally oblivious to reality. "Land of opportunity" is a marketing slogan, not a fact.

Asia uffet

No, I didn't break in. This is as busy as this mall gets.

A Conversation

I was taking a shower the other day in the one public bathroom in town. It's a cement block affair with a floor drain and good water pressure so I fill up my water bottle and pour it over myself. I have to be fast because the police substation is directly outside the door. The toilet has no door so it's basically unused. I don't mind using the city water because currently one of the urinals is running non-stop due to a leaky valve. It runs and runs and I'd need to shut the water off to the bathroom and get a new valve if I wanted to fix it. I could do it but I can already hear the conversation I'd have with the city planners as I explained what I was trying to do. No, it's better to take my shower, soap up my ball sack and shuffle out dripping wet into the 99 degree heat. It's not like I strip down naked to be stumbled upon by an 11 year old playing in the park. God, that would be hard to explain. No, I wear my swimsuit and since the swimming pool is right outside I think it's safe to do this. I'm not taking any pictures of this process because that would be impossible to justify to the cops. Really, there is no other solution except gathering the water in my jug and taking it to a deserted lot to take my shower. I've done that also but since no one uses this bathroom I'm sticking with the status quo.

Capri Sun Celebrates Anniversary

Capri Sun released an announcement celebrating 30 years of frivolous waste and environmental destruction in America.

"We are proud to say that despite all rational explanation Americans have been purchasing our drink concentrate pouches for 30 years and quickly disposing of the packaging in the most damaging way possible," the statement declared. "Even though the drink pouch offers a pathetic 6 ounces of liquid (and at least 1 ounce of that is impossible to enjoy due to the narrow and short straw we provide) and even though the drink is purely a sugar-based, non-carbonated soda alternative with only trace amounts of natural ingredients, and the pouch is indestructible and can not be recycled, Americans still love them!"

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.