Monday, September 30, 2013

Art Car

 I'll give 5 Oggy Bucks to anyone who can identify the significance behind this symbol.

Not as easy as it looks

A Frisbee came in handy for the circle

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Soggy Reminders

Oggy and Bella hunted through the indifferent night for a salvageable wooden spool at the train tracks where fags flipped tricks for cornrow heretics and the mice lived in rancid holes. The spool, originally for fiber optic wire to broadcast the suffocating paradigm to mouth breathing masses, would become the Dog Hotel, the maternity ward of wayward mutts, the last location of security for the squirming puppies now drowning in mud and refuse discarded by the careless human outcasts of the River Street Shelter.
Oggy insisted on removing all trace they had walked near the mouse habitat by dragging a broom behind his footsteps, a request Bella ignored implicitly, and eventually they stumbled on a spool that could be rolled down the middle of the flooded boulevard, police writing them several tickets, Bella's mother stumbling by in a feverish search for her own methamphetafuckmeup.
"You kids have fun," said Bella's mom as her pants fell down her skeletal frame and she disappeared down a rocky embankment, ever scratching the psoriasis on her forearm, her hair lay like seaweed on a shipwreck.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Broken Arms and Worn Armatures

Oggy back on his back

I guess this is technically a's all supposed to be copper

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Disney Tramp Celebration

I keep watching not because it's interesting it's because I can't believe that's all it takes to get 7 million views a day. This is so boring and monotonous. I don't want to pretend Madonna and Cyndi Lauper didn't push the sex card when I was 17 years old, but am I being an old man by claiming they had talent? Run DMC were talented. If DMC and Madonna had made a video in the segregated 1980s it would've been awesome. But Miley Cyrus is actually banking on her manufactured Disney innocence. It's incredible that no one heeded my warning 4 years ago that she was going to turn all your daughters into whores...but I'm an asshole. Now we have a talentless pseudo-ho with fake tattoos, smoking in a kind of parody of tramp celebration.
But the worst I can say about this is that it's not raunchy enough, not interesting, not titillating, not sexy, not good. It's not even original with cliche cheerleaders and smoking in the girl's room and lipstick close ups...those images have all been beaten to death by every hack director in history. It's not a parody but the images are on the edge of redundant and satirical...but they are they are going to reintroduce base soft core porn to all the 17 year old girls cutting themselves in their middle class bedrooms. So terribly predictable. It's dull...but the production value is high. It's actually grotesque for many reasons I don't want to go into. Call me a prude but Debbie Reynolds never went through a "anti-establishment" phase. That role is pure marketing..corporate suits manipulate Miley so she can manipulate girls everywhere...and we'll use dope smoking rappers as our fall guy, like Miley is being debased by a gang of black thugs...ahahaha...and she'll be rescued by Hostess Twinkies!
  On the other hand, this Trae Tha Truth is fucking hilarious.

No Room To Spare

This is what my dash cam would look like.

This highway is about as wide as the road I would walk to high school on. That speed limit was 25. 65 is treated as the minimum here. Health Officials ordered everyone to boil their water due to contamination. But when you boil it the crude oil from Colorado spills ignites.

More Mouths To Feed

9 = Oggy's Lucky Number
Does anyone know how to care for 7 8 9 new born puppies living under a metal storage shed? This seems to be my fate in life to encounter as many wayward dogs in dangerous predicaments. I absolutely don't want dogs but if I take the male dog to have his nuts chopped off I'll have to go through a bunch of shit only to let it loose again. The others men ask me, "Aren't you happy? You get to have a puppy." and my face drops as all recognition of the present moment is eclipsed by memories of certain puppies in Santa Cruz who met the worst deaths possible one by one as Oggy was hobbled by idealistic rumors and helplessly watched the world devour their innocence. Maybe this time will be different...and maybe all the homeless people will unite and sing Christmas carols for charity.

Humble Beginnings

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Voltage Drop

As always happens when I make some kind of improvement to the van there will be fallout. In this case the simple renewal of an ignition coil and a voltage regulator has led to a discovery of a problem with the charging. I think I've figured out the issue but the reason it hasn't come to my attention until now is another story. I don't drive at night because of repeated problems I had to deal with keeping the van running early on. I decided that I would drive during the day so I could safely find a place to work on the van when problems came up. If the problem came at night then I would already be in trouble. Also, cows and boars roam the roads at night.

But recently I was up until 2am at a corn barbeque and on the way back noticed the headlights flickering and then almost dying at high speeds. Initially, I blamed the new fangled voltage regulator and inspected all the wiring with no success. But the alternator was also a suspect and although it charged at low rpm and even high rpm in low gear (proving once again that testing a problem while parked is no good), when I reached 3rd gear and still accelerated there was a dimming of headlights. So I lashed the volt meter to the windshield wiper and took to the road in an experiment. And this is the video of that event. There was a mishap that forced me to edit it but no cops pulled me over.

 I may try to put new brushes in the alternator since I haven't done that before. But it's likely nothing will change and the alternator has other problems with it. The belt doesn't slip and you can tell how predictable the voltage drop is when I lift my foot off. It goes to 14.04vDC and when I step on it the voltage drops to 12.36vDC...which is still charging but unless someone has some advice I have to fix the alternator that I bought the winter before I went to Labrador for some ridiculous low price. That was the fall of 2010. It has some hard miles on it but I thought I'd get more than 3 years out of it. Of course I bought it at Advanced Auto in New England so there's no returning it.

thanks to all who provided advice and support.

Oggy's Top 10 Comebacks to Law Enforcement

1) Law: Is this your vehicle?
Oggy: A couple more payments and she's all mine.

2) Law: Do you know how fast you were going?
Oggy: If I had a nickle for every time I heard that....

3) Law: Are you an American Citizen?
Oggy: Is this a multiple choice question? 'D'! It's always 'D'

4) Law: So, what are you doing out here in a parking lot at midnight?
Oggy: Is it midnight already? Fuck! Time flies when you're weighing cocaine.

5) Law: Do you have any drugs on you?
Oggy: (whispering) Dude, keep your voice down, there's a cop right over there.

6) Law: Do you have any guns, knives or other weapons on you?
Oggy: (worried) Will I need them in Labrador? I can go back and get some.

7) Law: Step out of your vehicle.
Oggy: Is it too late to compliment your eyes?

8) Law: How long were you in Mexico?
Oggy: Long enough to have my heart turned into bloody red salsa and served on a tostada!

9) Law: Do you own this moped?
Oggy: Not if it's going to get me into trouble.

10) Law: (Gun Drawn) What are you doing out here?
Oggy: I built a hut from sticks and trash so I could keep the rain off me when I sleep. What's your excuse?

11) Law: Why were you driving so fast?
Oggy: Because you were tailgating me with those damn blue strobe lights on and I thought to myself, "I have to get away from this lunatic."

1) Utah 2009
2) California 1996
3) Texas 2013
4)New Hampshire 2010
5)Texas 2012
6)Quebec 2009
7) New Hampshire 2009
8) California 2009
9) Texas 2012
10) Santa Cruz 1993
11) I made this one up.

Bonus: At a Maine/New Brunswick border crossing in early December I was making my second attempt to drive to Labrador. It was freezing but I had a wood stove burning dry birch to keep me warm. Cortez had his obstacles to face and so did Oggy. So I drove hour after hour at about 35 mph over roads blackened by ice so that sometimes I wasn't rolling but sliding toward my destination. The Canadian border official asked, "How long do you intend to stay in Labrador?"
My comeback was, "Actually, I'm going to Ellesmere Island, home of the Arctic Wolf as it's an animal species driven to extinction in 50 years, so I was sent back in time to raise awareness and alter history."

Awesomeness in Action

Because I know everyone loves to see a touching story of public servants doing their part to improve our lives...

It gets pretty funny when you get pulled over by a cop and the cop starts acting in a way that makes you call the police.

I really don't understand why he needed to get her signature. It's not needed. Like a parking enforcement loser can put the ticket on your windshield. You can throw it away and the info is still sent to the city hall. They really don't care. This fine officer could put the ticket on her windshield or check the box that says, "Driver Refuses To Sign". It's irrelevant. She'll get the citation. But the relevant part is the assertion of his cocksucker attitude to a woman having a miscarriage. They must train for that in police academy.

If this happened in Germany and this whole video was in German you'd think, "Holy shit what a fucked up country!"

Friday, September 20, 2013

Gay Revisionist History

I awoke in a fever at about 3 am and into the fading mist of my unconsciousness was the most bizarre lingering dream, traces of a fever and absurdity...remnants of my life in Hollywood trying to dream up the next great punchline: I was dreaming of an entire network of programming that basically took every major television series from The Honeymooners to Cheers AND INSERTED THE ABSENT HOMOSEXUALS WHOM EVERYONE PRETENDED DIDN'T EXIST WHEN THOSE STORIES WERE WRITTEN.

Top Consipracy Theory

Is it normal to think that everyone has been brainwashed into accumulating gold for aliens to use in their spaceships? I mean, if you really look around isn't that what we're doing? It all boils down to finding gold, accumulating it in one place. Why? It has to be for aliens. All of human history we've been groomed to covet gold, to hoard it. But I'm putting my foot down. I won't do it. Fuck the aliens. I'm not accumulating gold for them. In fact, I'd like to dump all the gold back into a volcano...just to piss off the aliens. Who is with me?

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Knecht's Legacy

"Oh, the subject [of my book] would not matter so much. It would be merely an opportunity for me to weave my thoughts around some theme and to enjoy the good fortune of having a great deal of free time. The chief thing in my case would be the tone - a tone not of scholarship but a decorous mean between respect and intimacy, between gravity and playfulness, a friendly communication and utterance of sundry things that I believe I have experienced and learned."

Magister Ludi
Hermann Hesse

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Dog Likes Snacks

This is actually a picture of the dog and the box at the same time. She's looking at the box.
These dogs love their afternoon snacks and honestly I don't think she cares that the dog on the box looks sort of like her. Because the one eyed black dog eats them as fast. The countdown to puppy-ville is maybe 2 weeks.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


?? "Find the Wizard of Oz with great love"  ???

I love the Chinese. The eternal moment is apparently a picture of two women standing in the rain and two men looking at the sky. But the picture was taken with some other camera so what is the message here? How did this dash cam take a picture of itself from outside the car??

I'd be doing a disservice to humanity if I tried to correct their syntax errors. I'm totally getting this dashcam for my van. Lately the front end is swaying like your grandfather's monte carlo sedan so I want video proof of the work it takes to keep it on the road. I can't find an R15 tire to save my life.


  *wanna slap yuz face wit realtea...see, cuz this is real yo. white boyz thinkin they saving world wit climate chang bullshit when the shit de hood is where it real. niggaz gettin doped on molly and streakin butt nekkid. aint no saving what that cant be saved. no no nigga. fool cold trippin he got some effec on world. he aint got shit on nothing but them cans o beans he cooking on the stovetop in his creepy ass cracker van. you think the shit is bad but you aint lookin under the right rock motherfucker. cities be fillin up wit zombies but you watch the cracker news and never see none of it. you the ignorant motherfucker wit your college degree in you ivy leage mansion, aint got no ide what the fuck is goin down under your fuckin nose. keep watchin PBS cuz those fake ass motherfuckers won't never show you the real news.


These niggas be hittin the shadow clone jutsu on people**

*Oggy, writing in the style of worldstar hip hop members
**this was a comment that I confess I don't understand...but I'm the ignorant one, not the person who wrote it because everyone else on the site understood. I need a translator. that's reality.

The younger generation watches these videos and laughs...they make the videos I couldn't make growing up because we didn't have cameras or mobile phones. Maybe it was always this bad.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Weather Systems

Is it ever tolerable here?
To punish those Texans foolish enough to remain here for a brutal summer of heat the Weather Gods send tropical storms and hurricanes when the temperature finally drops a few degrees. I surrender!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Van Damage

Took about 3 years to build this screen and put threaded inserts so I could keep it in place.

New Ignition Coil. Like putting racing stripes on a donkey

High Risk Investment Houses or Brain Eating Amoebas

The difference between Al Jazeera and CNN is like the difference between Debbie Reynolds and Miley Cyrus; one is a thoughtful beauty and the other is a trashy skank, but they both sing and dance.

Al Jazeera has an agenda as was evident when the 9/11 story was "The Other 9/11: Chile's Junta" an article about the continued healing after the Sept 11th 1973 overthrow and killing of Salvador Allende by Pinochet's military which was supported by that beacon of Quaker peace known as Richard Nixon. Thousands were killed, vanished, tortured or exiled to support Nixon's megalomaniac agenda. Nixon makes Assad look like Gandhi. Al Jazeera does make a case for the lasting problems still experienced and the lasting injuries like those suffered by Alejandro Zuleta who was damned by his conscience to be a student and political activist at a time when Emperor Nixon thought he ruled the world:

"Lieutenant Rivera would crush all my fingers, on both hands, with a metal ruler while sitting in his admiral's desk. Because I, the prisoner of his war, did not provide the answers he wanted to hear, or the way he wanted to hear them."

I found that particular torture interesting because the twisted Nixon could play the piano and Zuleta's hands were forever disabled. There would be no piano playing in his future. I don't think people harbor resentments because they want to punish themselves but rather because they want to keep the memory fresh so they can immediately pounce on anything that resembles their bloody experiences.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Truth in Cinema

Kelly taking advantage of soundless production: "You Reptile..."
When I watch Singin' in The Rain I forget other movies and actors exist. It's like talent wasn't born after 1952. More happens in the first ten minutes...more is shown, exposed, alluded to than most movies dream about. Not only is the premise (Hollywood transitions to talking movies) ambitious, but the musical numbers are both a parody of themselves and showstoppers. It's like an homage and satire and blockbuster all in one. If David Mamet wrote a musical comedy it would look like Singin' in The Rain. It's hard to believe Debbie Reynolds was 20 years old when she played Kathy Selden. Gene Kelly was 40. I'm in awe when I watch this movie.

Call Me Back in 2014

"Is Oggy Bleacher there?"
"Yes. This is Senor Bleacher."
"This call is being recorded."
"Oh, yeah? You gonna put it on YouTube?"
"Mr. Bleacher, this is Collective Services and we are calling on behalf of Citizens Bank."
"You have me confused with someone who cares."
"Mr. Bleacher, I'd like to..."
"Listen, now isn't a good time. I'm working." (Oggy is bending 3/4'' natural gas tubing as a dust storm lashes his eyes)
"I'm sorry to hear that. When would be a better time to call you?"
"2014. One year."
"I can't postpone this call for 3 months."
"No, I didn't say January, I said, one year. A full year. Call me back in September 2014. I'll be free then."
"I see...."
"Do you?"
"Sir, this is regarding..."
(dead serious) "Call me back in one year. That works better for me." (Oggy struggles not to laugh)
"One year?"
"Sure, why not? I'll still be here and you'll still be a hatchet man for a predatory bank, still grinding it out at a dead end call center in Pakistan. Who cares when we have this conversation?"
"Have a good day, Sir."
 (Into a phone with a dial tone) "I'm going to write a clause into my will that none shall ever pay Citizens Bank. You'll get nothing. Not a dime. I'll die with my millions.....hahahahaha....I'll take every nickle to the fucking grave...."

 It left a bad taste in my mouth, of dust, debt, globalized dehumanization, ignored problems, useless and futile circumstances. The majority of my time is reacting to manipulative news cycle designed to repulse and enrage...yet have no impact on my life. Like a puppet on a string I dance with jiggling muffin top madness over my rancher jeans. No point to any of it. I tried to make the news with my wolf quest...and it did succeed in forcing my own imagination into overdrive...but the news was waiting for me when I returned and I made almost no news...only terrorized the coast of Labrador, getting lost, singing on rocky beaches of my own ego.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


"I don't like parents."
Grease is my attempt to numb the pain in my ego. I really question the direction my life is going sometimes. I had bad thoughts rampage unsupervised through my brain today. Thoughts that had me researching "Bipolar" when I got home.

"As mania becomes more severe, individuals begin to behave erratically and impulsively, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and may have great difficulty with sleep. At the most severe level, individuals can experience very distorted beliefs about the world known as psychosis."

These aren't related pictures but I only have energy for one post. Not only one dog balancing on top of a truck going about 75 mph down the road...two dogs. Look close.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


"That doesn't really work, does it?"
My favorite scene is when Mozart plays (from memory after hearing it once) the "March" Salieri wrote in his honor. But Mozart immediately plays a theme and variation that demonstrates his genius...and diminishes Salieri's. Mozart can't help it.
Salieri says early on, "I prayed to write music that would be loved and that I would be loved." And I pondered this comment. Mozart couldn't care less about his own fame. He was infused with music and wrote what he heard in his head. I know this is the only explanation for his talent. You could say he was touched by God.

For us lesser mortals, the target audience of this movie, we have to work at it.

Salieri asks, "If God had not wanted me to be a musician then why did he give me the desire?"
Maybe the answer is that it isn't God who gives you the desire to do things like write forgettable music.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Indirect Imperial Dominance

Hegemony is a word that I ran across twice today. Someone said that the United States was Hegemonic....(It was a comment on Al Jazeera) and then I learned that Noam Chomsky, the guy I write in for President every 4 years, wrote a book called Hegemony or Survival. Yeah, I didn't take the class that was assigned for...but I did take a class about African History!

Flatland. It's very strange seeing a storm approach for 40 minutes.
If I stand on a ladder then I can see it coming for 60 minutes.

I earned my money today.
Anyway, Hegemony is the overt oppression of a people for political gain. I can barely understand the definition let alone a book about it. I don't have much more to say so I'll let Noam talk for a bit.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Hot Rod Hearts

29 years ago. Yes, we are old.

When this songbook was published someone who was 42 years old was born in 1942. Dear God! I think I'm the same age as my father was when I first heard these songs. I really wonder what in the world he was thinking to upset the natural balance of divorces by taking responsibility for two teenage boys and basically trading his carefree bachelorhood for hours trying to teach my brother Algebra and answering calls from the police when I was caught breaking into houses or stealing his car?

Border Inspection

I should identify with those videos on youtube where some conspiracy nut drives up to a border inspection with a camera rolling and a border patrol man or woman walks up and asks, "Are you an American Citizen?" to which the narrator says, "Am I being detained?"
Then it becomes a Laurel and Hardy dialogue.
"Are you an American Citizen?"
"Am I free to go?"
"AM I being detained?"
"Are you an American Citizen?"
"I don't have to answer any questions without a lawyer I being detained?"
"Where do you live?"
"Am I free to go?"
"Where are you coming from?"
"I have a constitutional right not to answer any questions without a lawyer present. May I go?"
"Are you an American Citizen?"
"Sir, are you American Citizen? I need to determine if you are American Citizen, this is a border inspection..."
"Am I being detained?"
"Are you an American Citizen?"
"Am I free to go?"

And you can watch videos where this goes on for ten or twenty minutes. And I should be rooting for the narrator for making the border patrol squirm. But I don't approve at all. It seems so completely petty. The narrator either has a thick New York accent, is a completely grey hair hippie, or otherwise looks and talks and acts like an American Citizen. There is no dispute that he's a citizen so this whole argument is pedantic.

How Obama spells Peace: W - A - R

Nobel Peace prize awarded to the person who has "done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

Obama's Achievements: 5 years of division, bombing, arms development, chemical torture of American Protesters.
A big sign in Texas gun store with Obama's face: "OUR NUMBER ONE SALESMAN"

The best quote I've read is, "When does sending a message with bombs send a better message than an email?"

Idiot simpleminded politicians. "We need to send a message that chemical weapons are wrong."

Hey , asshole, YOU JUST DID SEND A MESSAGE! YOU THINK THOSE CAMERAS IN FRONT OF YOUR PINOCCHIO NOSE ARE THERE FOR NOTORIETY? At least don't treat the public like complete assholes who don't know the difference between a bomb attack and an email. At least be truthful and say, "We're going to bomb them because it fits our agenda. They deserve to die." At least be honest for once and don't try to flim flam us like little kids who are at a PG-13 movie and need everything censored.

How can Obama be in the same category as Liu Xiaobo?

Injustice in Arizona

I need to vent a little bit before I go to sleep. Aside from being the victim of identity theft today, I also learned the troubling tale of Debra Milke. Trust me, you don't want to research the details of this case so I'll dance around the facts that I've learned in a casual browse through the online material. In fact, don't even read this unless you want to raise your blood pressure. Mine is through the roof.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Having Fun With Oggy's Money

I got a call from an automated operator and I almost hung up because I thought it was Citizens Bank calling me to collect their $1.75 that predatory fines turned into $150. But it was a fraud prevention and I made some purchases recently to improve my tool belt and midi capacities in my effort to create backing tracks and fakebook lead sheets for Western Swing gems like "I'm gonna hire a wino" and "I never go around mirrors". My priorities changed real fast.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Bright Future

"At the dump, the dogs are pushed into a pit, where their decomposing bodies are used to generate methane gas, which is then transformed into energy."

I'm sure someone in Japan is trying to figure out a way to use dead dogs to contain radiation. Good luck.

One of the dogs at the camp is pregnant so I'm researching options...
Like Bob Barker said, "Spade and Neuter your Pets."*

This reminds me of a conversation I overheard the other day where a 20 year old said he didn't want to get AIDS from "fucking the skank whores I meet on Facebook" so another kid said, "Wear a trashbag." and he was talking about a condom...and I got real depressed like Holden Caulfield because my back hurts and every time I put on a condom from now until I'm permanently impotent I'm going to remember that comment and my cock will go from erect to a dangling empty balloon in two seconds. And the woman will ask what's wrong and I will have to lie in order to avoid telling this story.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Syria Issues Travel Advisory Warning For United States

The embattled Syrian Department of State, operating from a concrete bunker 50 feet below the war torn city of Damascus, has raised the travel advisory status for The United States to it's highest Warning level, indicating the lack of basic security. The official status change was announced in a press release through one of the two remaining media outlets in the crumbling country.

"The security situation in the country of America, otherwise known as The United States, has deteriorated from questionable to alarming. The cold blooded murder of infants in baby carriages, dismemberment, cannibalism, the prolific random gun violence, the dishonest, secretive, and despotic government, the failing economy and the blatantly pornographic mainstream media has now forced the Syrian State Department to warn any victims of the current Syrian conflict to avoid seeking refuge in America."

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Laughing At Myself

It even has a picture of me living in my van so no one gets confused
This bumper sticker is going in the van to remind me that fabricated property value shall not lure me like a fish to the hook. I was more creative when I lived full time in the van because I had nothing to lose. I had no pride. All that mattered was the next gag. Now I'm a company man looking for easy laughs. Sad

Sunday, September 1, 2013

A Good Man Gone To Waste

This song is called "I Never Go Around Mirrors"

It's a good day when I discover an artist from the '50s who has dozens of perfect 2 minute songs about heartache and drinking in sawdust-floor bars. Lefty Frizzell (how is that pronounced?) understood the nature of Honky Tonk music: simple, singable, short, low budget, timeless. These songs are 60 years old and if someone rerecorded every one of them today only old country fans would know it.
I'm trying to collect all the western swing songs that I like into a fakebook arrangement book that I can carry around and copy and give to all the house bands that I meet. One of the songs is "Old old man tryin' to live while I can" It's a perfect song for the grey hair crowd I knew in La Paz. Merle Haggard recorded it and I was looking into who wrote it and I think Lefty Frizzell did while he was still young (he died aged 47). And then I learned he recorded it and enough songs for a 10 disc box set...all of them priceless tunes in the style of Patsy Cline and Hank Williams Sr.

While Hank Williams and Hank Thompson and Bob Wills are members of the Western Swing elite, for some reason Frizzell never entered my radar. Probably because this is a recent fetish for me. One thing I will note that others have said before me, Frizzell's recordings are amazing because he manages to sing the word "lie" with about 4 syllables. You go listen to his recordings and you'll see what I mean. Everything is sung in slow motion like it's all one long word. But it's all in my range.

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.