Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Sons of Job


The Sons of Job


by
Oggy Bleacher

The Sons Of Job
EXTERIOR OFFICE

A door hangs freely over mid-center stage. This door is the entrance to WORK-A-DAY LABOR HALL in Culver City, Los Angeles. A sign reads “OPEN” though the hall is closed. Another sign hangs in the window. This sign reads “Work Today Get Paid Today”

A pair of men, DON and BECKER, stand at the entrance shivering in the early morning cold. Don is a younger white man wearing dirty work clothes. An army surplus backpack lays at his feet. Becker is a middle aged black man. Both are in work clothes. To the left is the window of an ALL NIGHT DONUT BAKERY. The early rising waitresses and prep chefs and go-getters of Los Angeles are on their way to work in cars on the street.
Becker paces past a trash can and picks yesterdays newspaper out of it. Then he spies a cigarette butt on the ground. He picks it up and brushes it off then lights it. Don kicks his feet.
Headlights shine nearby followed by sound of hydraulic brakes.
DON
Is that the Number Six?
BECKER
It got a big yellow “Six” on the front of it?
DON
Yep.
BECKER
Well...
DON
Does the Six go to San Diego?
BECKER
No. You wanna go to San Diego you gotta go Downtown.
DON
That’s the opposite direction.
BECKER
Some things are fucked up like that.
(loudly)
Ain’t that right Coach?
Coach enters from stage right, having just gotten off the Number 6 bus. He walks erectly and proudly, confident in his destiny. Coach is older than Becker and is dressed for work. He carries a newspaper paper.
COACH
(loudly)
If you say it’s right then that’s what it is.
(To Don)
Sonny, Becker’s been and done more than the prophet Moses, so listen...
(Coach touches his ear)
...and learn.
DON
I heard the Number Six goes clear to San Diego. But Mr. Becker said it don’t. Then he said...
COACH
(automatically)
A word from the good book, boys. Bow your heads.
(solemnly, as he recites the quote)
Matthew 17:20: I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there" and it will move.’ Amen.


DON
(continuing)
...then Mr. Becker said that the Number Six stops at the train station...
COACH
I didn’t see you at the shelter Mass, son.
DON
The head man told me there weren’t any beds left.
COACH
That doesn’t mean you have to miss Mass and a good meal.
DON
I was here late waiting for a ticket.
COACH
Anything come in?
DON
One job for this weekend. Rubio gave it to the tall guy with the Angels cap.
COACH
Sergio?
DON
I don’t remember his name. It was a party in Beverly Hills. Is it true they got hotel rooms that cost five-hundred dollars a night?
COACH
Just try to make it to Mass tonight. I hear they’re serving Lasagna.
DON
I’ll try. I’d like a bed, though.
COACH
Every Monday some beds open up. How was that ticket yesterday, Beck?
BECKER
Pet Mart? Five hours. Paid the minimum, though. That new kid caught hell from the manager. Bad attitude. I’ll be surprised if Charlotte lets him out.
COACH
He’s just angry because he don’t know how much the Lord loves him.
BECKER
He’s a stubborn ass.
DON
(To himself)
Take the Six to the train station.
COACH
Fuck it. The chink’s coffee fresh?
BECKER
(shrugs)
I had mine at the house already.
COACH
Bullshit. Come on. My ticket was a guy from my church. Gave me a nice green bonus. Can’t spend it in heaven. God’s Law.
BECKER
Tell that to my fucking ex. You’d think that a man...(pauses) never mind. She’ll bleed me dry before it’s through. Bleed me dry.
Becker flicks his cigarette toward the trash can. Becker and Coach exit left. Don beats his hands on his arms to keep warm.
COACH
Fuck it.
DON
(To himself)
Fuck it.
Moments go by as Don keeps himself warm. Soon a CAR ENGINE is heard pulling up with headlights shutting off. A woman slowly walks up to the door.
DON
Mornin’ Mrs. Charlotte. I was first again today too. Beat Mr. Becker by five minutes.
CHARLOTTE
You live two blocks away, under the motherfuckin’ bridge, baby. I hope you the first one here.
DON
Second straight night the police didn’t wake me up. You think I’ll get a PW gig today?
CHARLOTTE
Who the fuck knows, baby? I already want to go home.
Charlotte produces some keys and tries to unlock the door. She can’t see because Don is hovering.
CHARLOTTE
Quit it! Step back! Does everyone in North Virginia poke their faces everywhere?
DON
Do you mean North Carolina, Maam?
CHARLOTTE
I mean git back so I can see the key! Shit. No wonder all your tickets give me shit. You don’t think.
DON
(stepping back)
I’ll try to do better. Hey, King Taco is having a promotional deal where you buy one taco and you get another one for free. That’s a good meal.
CHARLOTTE
Knock yourself out.
OFFICE INTERIOR
Charlotte unlocks the door and walks inside. Doorway swings away. Don follows Charlotte into Labor Hall. Charlotte turns to shut off the alarm.
CHARLOTTE
Wha? Rubio didn’t turn the alarm on again. That’s his ass.
DON
I hope no one stole nothing.
CHARLOTTE
That’s his ass.

The boundaries of the Work-A-Day Labor Hall encompasses most of the stage. Left 1/4 of stage is reserved for the immediate sidewalk outside the hall where smoking is permitted. Facing the audience are a dozen folding chairs, an employment info board and a snack machine. To the far right is a desk where the Work-A-Day employees take calls from customers 3 more comfortable office chairs are being the bar. Two file cabinets stand behind the chairs. A chalk board with names of clients (Pet Mart, Sullivan Bros., Target, St. Johns, USC) faces the audience.
Don rushes to write his name on a list that is on the desk.
DON
Because I wouldn’t let up one bit if you gave me a PW ticket. The customer would get the best I got.
CHARLOTTE
That’s what I’m afraid of.
DON
What?
CHARLOTTE
Just get the broom, PW. Rubio left the place a fucked up mess last night. That no good...
Don finds broom in the corner and begins to sweep clumsily around the hall.
CHARLOTTE
Out the door, Honey. Push the dust out the door.
Don understands and begins to move the dust in the direction of the door. Charlotte busies herself behind the desk.

DON
In North Carolina they called this “Sweepin’ the sun up.”
CHARLOTTE
Ain’t that nice.
Wilson staggers into the hall. He shuffles and carries a paper bag. He almost collides with Don.
WILSON
Put me to work!
Charlotte stands up and throws a pen at the Wilson.
CHARLOTTE
No, you ain’t coming in here. Get the fuck out.
WILSON
I can work.
Wilson swigs from the bottle in the bag.
CHARLOTTE
Get the fuck out. I ain’t sending you nowhere. Pony boy, motherfucker! Drunk ass fuck!
Wilson picks up the pen with difficulty and tries to sign his name on a list. Charlotte pulls the list back and swats at his hand.
CHARLOTTE
Fuck off! You’re not going out.
WILSON
I want to work! You’ll send me out or I’ll bash in your teeth!
DON
Sir, that ain’t right.
Wilson turns on Don.
WILSON
I’ll tell you what... She sends me out and chews me up and shits on me for the minimum. My fingers hurt. What kind of person does that?
DON
Sir, you’re language ain’t proper.
WILSON
(takes out a switchblade.)
I know what side of the bridge you sleep under, boy. I’ll slice your fuckin’ neck open. You’ll just be one more body in the river.
Wilson waves knife blade under Don’s throat. Coach and Becker walk in at this moment. They are both carrying coffee.
COACH
WILSON!
The force of Coach’s voice instantly changes Wilson’s attitude. He puts the knife in his pocket and leans back to the desk to speak to Charlotte.
WILSON
(clearing voice with a cough)
I apologize. Is the work ready? I’ll take my ticket now. I’m ready to work. I forgot my gloves though. Can I sign my name? Where’s the list?
COACH
Wilson! The Lord wants a word with you.
Wilson hesitates.
COACH
(calmly)
I brought you some coffee.
CHARLOTTE
Get this drunk out of here, Coach, before I call the cops.
WILSON
I want to work, Coach. I forgot my gloves, though. I can still work. I’ll take any ticket.
BECKER
Go with Coach, Wilson. There ain’t no work today. Tickets are real tight.
WILSON
Ain’t no tickets?
BECKER
That’s right. Why don’t you go have your coffee. No one wants the police here again.
CHARLOTTE
I’m callin’ ‘em right now, you drunk fuck.
WILSON
All I need are my gloves.
CHARLOTTE
That’s it.
Charlotte picks up phone and dials.
CHARLOTTE
(into phone)
I’d like to report a trespasser who’s using abusiveness words.
WILSON
Alright! I’m leavin’. All I want is some work. A man can’t get a goddamn job to feed himself. They keep a man down! Put you’re boot on my back and keep a man down!
Wilson takes pen and turns to leave.
DON
Excuse me. Excuse me. That’s our pen. That’s the sign-in pen.
WILSON
What?
DON
You forgot to put the pen back. We need it to sign in on the list.
COACH
Don. Don’t worry about the pen. Wilson? Lets go take care of this.
WILSON
(to Don)
You want the pen, boy? You want this?
Tense silence broken by
DON
Yes. We use it to sign in...
WILSON
I’ll give you the pen.
Wilson lunges at Don, who falls back defending himself with the broom. This keeps Wilson away long enough to give Coach and Becker time to separate them.
CHARLOTTE
(indicating the phone)
Sorry, boys. This time I’ve got to...
COACH
Hold on, Char.
Coach and Becker drag Wilson out the door. Don cowers in the corner. Charlotte puts the phone back down.
CHARLOTTE
You ain’t welcome in here. You a ghost! A motherfuckin’ ghost!
Coach ushers Wilson out the door and talks to him silently.
BECKER
Helluva way to earn a buck.
DON
Is he really gonna cut me when I sleep? He said he knows I sleep under the bridge. Mr. Becker, is he gonna cut me?
BECKER
Maybe, maybe not. I ain’t no detective.
DON
Why is that man so mean?
BECKER
Any calls, Charlotte? Any tickets?
CHARLOTTE
It’s bullshit. I don’t got to stand for it. Look at me; do I got to stand for that shit?
BECKER
Any tickets?
CHARLOTTE
No, there ain’t no tickets. There ain’t nothin but the mess Rubio left me.
DON
What we gonna use to write with? That man took the sign-in pen.
BECKER
Fuck him.
Charlotte begins to rearrange the mess left by Wilson. Becker signs his name with a pen from the other side of the desk. Becker takes a seat near the door and continues to look at the paper. Don, after a moment begins to slowly sweep the dust. A man, ROOSTER, walks in door and turns around.
ROOSTER
(yelling out door)
Cut me? You’ll cut who, motherfucker? I’ll carve you a new asshole and fuck you up. Coach, you better get that wino to shut his face before he pisses me off. What the fuck I got to lose? Huh?
(pauses to listen to far off threats)
What’s that, Wino? Huh? Oh, you do? I’d like to see you try. I...that’s it. You dead.
Rooster begins to walk back out the door as he rolls up his sleeves. Becker stands up and grabs Rooster by the arm.
BECKER
He ain’t worth it. You’ll get your ticket pretty soon. Forget it.
ROOSTER
That is a mad dog, Beck. You’d kill a mad dog, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t let it loose on the people. You’d shoot it or run it over or drown it. Right?
BECKER
Just wait for your ticket. I...I heard UCLA’s hiring. Ain’t that right, Charlotte?
Rooster is distracted by this news and turns to Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know nothin’ ‘till the phone rings. You don’t hear it ringing do you?
ROOSTER
That true? UCLA handing out the PW tickets? They paid Coach twenty-seven-fifty last year. All he did was easy clean-up. That’s a Golden Ticket right there. Easy money. That true, Char?
CHARLOTTE
I’s workin, kids. Put your name on the list and let UCLA do the rest. Shit.
DON
I’m first on the list. I was here first and signed my name first. That PW ticket comes in then I go. Right, Char?
CHARLOTTE
You know the drill, Don. Best Match Dispatch. I send the man who’s I think’ll do the job best based on them qualifications you wrote down.
DON
(dreamily to himself)
Thirty an hour? I wonder if they have to cut you two checks because they’re so big? I could get one of them rooms I heard Coach talkin’ about. Buy a new blanket. Where they sell shoes around here? Back in my hometown there was this shoes store with real sturdy boots. I forget the name of them boots. They was real sturdy with brass fittings.
ROOSTER
You let us know when UCLA calls, Char. We’ll take care of anything for thirty plus an hour. Bust my ass for the golden ticket.
Becker nods sadly as he sits back down. He picks his coffee up and sips it again. Rooster walks to desk and signs his name, whispering something to Charlotte while looking suspiciously over his shoulder. Don slowly sweeps. Other men walk in with work clothes and gloves. Some have backpacks. Most don’t have anything. They approach the desk and sign their names then take a seat.
SPORTY
(to Becker)
Them Lakers quit yet?
BECKER
(holding up paper)
Yesterday’s paper.
SPORTY
Fuckin’ Lakers. Fuck them. Play like a bunch of bitches.
BECKER
They got no defense. Shoot and jog, shoot and jog. They a bunch of young guns. Think they invented the three-pointer?
SPORTY
It’s bullshit. They draft them boys too young. That’s the problem right there. That new Forward isn’t old enough to drink. And the Guard is some fuck from Russia or China. Jesus! Remember A.C. Green? That man could play!
BECKER
(nodding)
And Worthy? Remember ‘88?
(whistles)
SPORTY
(nodding in agreement)
He flat out won that series. Shit. Kareem and Magic just watched Worthy. That boy had heart. And he wasn’t in it for the money. No, sir. He played to play.
BECKER
Hey, Worthy come from N.C. State right?
SPORTY
Sure. First or second round in ‘82. That boy had heart. Could pass the fucking rock when he found the open man. Didn’t hog it up like a piggy.
BECKER
(looking at Don)
Hey, D? You ever see James Worthy on the court? He played hoops in your state. You...
(on Don’s reaction)
...uh.
DON
Who?
BECKER
James Worthy. A Basketball player from your state college.
(indicates height)
Tall cat. Black fella.
DON
I knew a man named James who fixed tires at the garage. He lost his hand in Vietnam. But he was real good with tires. But he wasn’t black.
BECKER
You...ah, never mind.
Don goes back to sweeping.
SPORTY
You see? Worthy went to school. He’d seen some things by the time he came to L.A. You can’t just draft kids right out of grade school. They don’t teach defence on the playground.
BECKER
If you don’t got defence you don’t got shit. You can’t beat the clock every game.
SPORTY
No, sir. Them buzzer beaters don’t go down every time. But they don’t get it anymore. It’s all about the money now. Fucking agents fucked it all up if you ask me. Once these kids get their checks then they drag ass. It’s bullshit.
BECKER
Useless.
SPORTY
I won’t even let my boy watch Lakers games anymore. No, sir. It ain’t right to let a young boy watch the NBA now. Fights, swearing, tattoos, show-boating.
BECKER
Don’t forget the ear-rings. Diamond earrings.
SPORTY
See? It’s pollution for the developing brain.
BECKER
It’s too bad. I hate to see it like this. You know these kids make more wearing sneakers and doing flips than playing the game.
SPORTY
That’s right! I read that one kid from Cleveland made something like ten, twenty million because he wore them one kind of high top sneaker.
(shakes his head)
No, sir. I won’t let my boy watch them games. Not until the Lakers learn to play some defence.
Coach walks back in the door.
COACH
Good mornin’ children of God. Ready to bend your back for your Father?
No one answers him. Some men have dozed off in their chairs. Others stare at their hands. Don continues to sweep while Becker nods and then returns to reading the paper.
COACH
(to Don)
Son, I don’t want you to worry about what happened with Wilson. He’s goin’ through some hard times. Lost his way in the desert. If he gives you any trouble then that’s when you come talk to me.
DON
Where I come from people don’t talk like that to ladies.
COACH
You just got to be true to yourself and the man upstairs. That’s all a man can do. Why ain’t you on a ticket yet?
DON
No calls yet, but I heard UCLA needed men for a PW Ticket. They pay nearly forty dollars an hour!
All action stops with this announcement. The men who weren’t in the room when Becker told this fib to Rooster all appear interested. Why? Because One hour at a $40 an hour job, not uncommon for Prevailing Wages, is the equivalent of FIVE or SIX hours at another job paying $6.75. One day at a Prevailing Wage job equals an entire week at another job, if, in fact, they can get five straight days of work. A week at a PW job is a month at another job. Nearly every personal problem these men have can be solved by one or two days on a prevailing wage job. Their lives would immediately change. They are, therefore, very interested in this news.
DON
I could get a room in one of those houses you were talking about. I could get a room, Coach!
COACH
Sure you could. We both could. But, why don’t you just keep a tight lip about PW gigs. The men are kind of sensitive about them gigs. OK?
DON
When I get my paycheck then maybe you could show me how to get one of them rooms. I’d be obliged to get out from under that bridge. The Police told me they’d run me in next time they caught me.
COACH
OK, Don. First thing we’ll do with that check is get you a room.
DON
And a pair of work boots. These ones ain’t fit to work in no more.
COACH
OK.
Coach moves toward desk.
DON
And my own pair of gloves.
COACH
OK, Don. Lets talk about it later.
DON
And a cheeseburger meal at Burger Time.
COACH
(aggravated)
Don!
Coach walks to desk and signs his name on the list.
CHARLOTTE
It’s a bitch, ain’t it?
COACH
Takes a strong will to survive. If you ain’t got some faith then you fucked.
CHARLOTTE
Day ain’t hardly begun and I’m beat down.
COACH
Any tickets?
CHARLOTTE
Got a message for one on Friday. Inglewood site.
COACH
(secretly)
Any truth to what that boy said, ‘bout the PW gigs.
CHARLOTTE
UCLA hasn’t called in four months. Even if they did it might last a day or two. Nope. You want a lottery ticket then go buy one.
COACH
Figured. Well, Char. You stay strong. The lord is right there on your shoulder. God’s Law.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah? Well it feels like he’s on my back and he weighs a million pounds.
COACH
That’s his heart, Char. His heart weighs...
Phone rings cutting Coach off. Everyone in the hall pays close attention to the phone conversation. Like people waiting for a bus they all watch Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
(into phone)
Work-A-Day Labor Hall, this is Charlotte, how may I assist you. Yes, maam. You have an account with us already? How many? And when will you need him? Any protective gear required for the job? Alright, the standard rate will apply. I’ll dispatch my best man right away. Thank you.
Charlotte hangs the phone up.
CHARLOTTE
Don! Get your boots on.
DON
Mrs. Charlotte, I’ll wait for the prevailing wage ticket.
CHARLOTTE
In my experience, Kid, you, and this goes for everyone, are better off taking the first job that is offered. There ain’t no take-backs if the PW ticket doesn’t come through. If they don’t call with your golden ticket then you don’t work. You can’t buy insurance. Beck? Tell the boy what to do.
BECKER
Charlotte is telling you the truth, D. Take the ticket that comes. I could be wrong about UCLA. You better take this one.
DON
I ain’t! I been chasing my tail ever since I got here. Bus fare, buyin’ lunch at the site, bus fare back here, cashing my check, buying dinner at the Sandwich shop. Sleeping under that...I’m not saving a dime. I need the PW ticket. I need that golden ticket.
BECKER
We all do, Don, but sometimes it doesn’t come. And sometimes you make more by taking the tickets they give you then waiting around for the PW gig. Believe me, I know. Take the ticket. Where does he have to go, Charlotte?
Charlotte looks at her paperwork.
CHARLOTTE
El Segundo.
BECKER
What they want him for?
CHARLOTTE
Cleaning some pumps. The rain clogged up some draining pipe or something.
BECKER
See, Don? That’s a good ticket. Why, I think I did that two weeks ago for the last storm and those were some good people. If you do a good job they might buy you lunch.
DON
I’m waiting for the PW gig and that’s it. I got dibs on that PW gig. I...
ROOSTER
Wait a second, southern boy. Just cause you got your name on the list don’t make you king of this jungle. You just another jersey.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t give a fuck who goes but if you don’t want the ticket then I’m giving it to Becker. He worked for them once before so he gets the ticket. You want it Beck?
BECKER
They payin’ the same as before?
CHARLOTTE
Didn’t say. Probably. You want gloves?
BECKER
No. I got a pair. Print it up.
Becker stands up and walks to the desk. Don stands with his arms crossed.
DON
I aim to make enough to get a room and a hot meal. Can’t do that on a four hour day. Can’t do that at seven dollars an hour.
BECKER
It’s your choice. Just don’t wait forever. You got to learn how to get eight hours out of a four hour ticket.
(to Charlotte)
Get me out of this place at least. Matter of fact, these gloves are all full of holes. Get me another pair, will ya?
CHARLOTTE
Wisht I was goin’ with you.
(getting gloves from a box and handing the gloves and ticket to Becker)
Make me proud, baby.
Becker takes the ticket and looks at it closely.
BECKER
What’s that street name again?
Charlotte takes the ticket and looks at it.
CHARLOTTE
Aviation.
BECKER
Right. We’ll be seein’ ya.
Becker walks toward door. As he leaves a younger man, Code Blue, enters and brushes past Becker.
BECKER
You keepin’ banker’s hours now? Sleepin’ late?
CODE BLUE
Fuckin’ your mamma’s ass is what I was doin. So fuckin’ loose I couldn’t get my nut off.
BECKER
(smiling)
You ain’t supposed to fuck her ass, boy. Didn’t they teach you that in school? Your little pencil dick can’t get in that deep.
CODE BLUE
Why don’t you run off and lug some boxes, bitch. Sweep them fuckin’ floors. Tote that motherfuckin’ barge. Lift that bale. Go on. I saw you yesterday at that Pet Mart. You ain’t my boss.
BECKER
(whistles)
Go fuck yourself. Shaving ass like you do makes everyone look bad.
COACH
Boys, boys. It ain’t even six in the mornin’ and you got your mamma on a plate. Go to your corners.
Coach points Becker out of the door.
COACH
Joseph had a boy like you and...
CODE BLUE
Save your preachin for the winos. Joseph weren’t no father of mine. I’d have kicked his bitch ass if he was.
COACH
(to himself as he walks back to his seat)
Forgive them father for.
CODE BLUE
(to Charlotte)
That dude tried to cheat me out of an hour, lady. It ain’t enough that I take his shit but he tries to cheat me? And that Becker was acting like he was my boss. No one tells me what to do unless they paying me. Now pay up!
Code Blue throws a wrinkled yellow paper on the desk top.
CHARLOTTE
(firmly)
Mind your manners in the hall.
CODE BLUE
Take the ticket and...
CHARLOTTE
MIND YOUR MANNERS or you will have to move to Washington to work for us again. Got that? Your...
The phone rings and Charlotte picks it up roughly
CHARLOTTE
Work-A-Day, please hold.
Charlotte pushes the button to put the person on hold.
(to Code Blue)
...your mouth is the oldest part of you. It’s gonna make threats your skinny ass can’t back up. I’ll pay you when I’m through.
Charlotte returns to the phone.
CODE BLUE
Whatever. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.
(writes his name on the sign-in sheet and looks at the other men in the hall. Pauses.)
Shit. What a pack of rats.
ROOSTER
And you a piece of shit. Fuck you, punk.
CODE BLUE
Whatevah. Hey, broom dude.
Don looks around.
CODE BLUE
Yeah, how is that bridge working out? You and the other trolls getting along? Playing nice?
DON
I don’t know. I’ve been coughing at night.
CODE BLUE
Shit. You’re a real spark plug, ain’t you?
DON
I’m just sweeping. Did you sign in yet?
CODE BLUE
Who made you the den mother?
CHARLOTTE
You want a voucher or a check?
CODE BLUE
Voucher. I need the green to be seen. Get some hustle money. Treat my ass to some Chicken and waffles. Ain’t that right, Huck Finn?
ROOSTER
(to Code Blue)
Let the boy alone, bitch. Too early to listen to your trash.
CODE BLUE
Bitch? I’ll show you who’s the bitch outside.
ROOSTER
I’m here to work. You can afford to miss a day sitting in a cell; I can’t. So go fuck yourself and your mother.
CODE BLUE
You chicken then? You a bitch chicken?
Code Blue steps up to Rooster and pokes him in the arm.
ROOSTER
Keep your dick beaters off me.
CODE BLUE
(smiling)
That’s what I thought. Anytime you wanna get beat down you know where to find me.
ROOSTER
Yeah, in the shitter with a stick up yo’ faggot ass.
Rooster claps and laughs. He slaps hands with Sports Man. Code Blue stands with fists clenched.
SPORTY
(laughing)
He’s sitting in there a twirlin’ on the stick like a Hollywood faggot! That’s sweet.
CODE BLUE
You’re just asking for a beating.
CHARLOTTE
Hey! Find a playpen if you want to wrestle. These men are here to work. Don, you ready to work? I got a call from the South Central Library. Shipping books and shit.
DON
I’m waiting for UCLA to call.
CODE BLUE
Shit. UCLA ain’t calling. Send me out, Char. I’ll move them books.
CHARLOTTE
You’ll wait your turn. Don?
DON
I need me a PW ticket.
CHARLOTTE
PW ticket? You...aw, suit yourself. Coach? You want to work?
COACH
That’s a two-three hour round trip bus ride, Char. I’d miss evening mass if I take that ticket. You need a man with a car for a ticket in south central.
CHARLOTTE
Anybody have a car?
Nobody raises their hand.
CHARLOTTE
Anybody want to work?
CODE BLUE
You pay for my bus fare?
CHARLOTTE
(holds up his cash voucher)
You just earned your bus fare.
COACH
(to Sports Man)
Hey. I thought you fixed your truck up.
SPORTY
Vacuum lines are all fucked. It’s that bitch’s fault. Drives like god gave her a license.
CODE BLUE
So I got to take a bus two hours on my own dime and my own time?
CHARLOTTE
That’s how it works.
CODE BLUE
I thought you said I work for you.
CHARLOTTE
You do. We pay you.
CODE BLUE
So that means I start working as soon as you give me a ticket. Why don’t I get paid from when I get the ticket?
CHARLOTTE
Because until you start working for our client then you haven’t done shit. You are on our payroll as soon as you clock in at the job site. No one is gonna pay to get your worthless ass to their site. ‘Specially us.
CODE BLUE
That’s bullshit. Either I work for you or I don’t. How am I gonna work for some library if I don’t get there? And if I work for you then I’m on the clock starting right now.
COACH
Boy’s got a point, Char.
CHARLOTTE
Now don’t you start on me, Coach. You know the rules. The clock starts when you arrive on location. How you get there is your responsibility. If you want to call headquarters and argue with them, then there’s the number. I’m not playing ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ here.
CODE BLUE
Bullshit.
CHARLOTTE
If you want to bitch about dollars and cents then go stand outside the lumber yard with the Illegals. Now, I’ve got the ticket. It pays good money. Who wants to get paid? Rooster? It’s yours if you want it.
CODE BLUE
Shit. Motherfucker don’t even know how to read and you sending him to a library?
CHARLOTTE
That’s right. He don’t need to know how to read to get paid. Rooster?
ROOSTER
I’d muck a latrine to get out of here. Sign me up.
Rooster walks slowly to the desk and waits while Charlotte fills out the paper work. Code Blue shakes his head. Don finishes sweeping and puts the broom away. Coach takes the seat that Rooster left.
COACH
(to Sporty)
What’s up?
SPORTY
Rooster told me that Wilson the Wino showed up again. I thought he was dead.
COACH
Just his soul.
SPORTY
Can’t save the world, Coach. These folks were too far gone to start with. It’s like the Lakers. Pat Riley couldn’t coach these cats up. They a fucked bunch.
COACH
I sleep good at night. Don’t you worry. I...A fucked bunch? Bullshit! They lose two, three games in a row an you dropping the life boats? They just need to commit to winning.
SPORTY
But they’re playing just like shit. Like they don’t care! Shoot and Jog, shoot and jog. They worried more about their sneakers than playing defence. That sound right to you?
COACH
You can’t judge a team on one road trip. Dallas got a decent team you know. Good legs on that team.
SPORTY
Shit, Lakers used to play circles around Dallas. They whipped Dallas. Fuck Dallas. The spread was ten points and the Lakers lost by twelve. One basket!
COACH
Wait for the dust to settle. They pacing themselves for the playoffs. God’s Law.
SPORTY
They never used to pace themselves. Remember? Hell, they’d tear off ten or twelve wins in a row. What the fuck they pacing themselves for? These boys got no heart? These games count, Coach. They count!
ROOSTER
(on his way out the door)
I’m with Coach. Lets see how the Lakers play in May. Playoffs are the only games that count. Lakers just picking their fights. That’s all.
Rooster continues toward door.
COACH
(nodding)
Picking their fights. As the man says. He...hey, you show ‘em how it’s done, Rooster.
(continuing after Rooster exits)
He’s right. You win a game against Dallas in February and you don’t got shit. They already made the playoffs, so why sweat these away games? You don’t put the pedal to the metal when you trying to cross the country. Moses didn’t make them Jews run across the desert. Took ‘em a couple years.
CODE BLUE
Lakers got no guards. All they got are shooters. Got to play both sides of the ball to win.
SPORTY
But how is that gonna happen if they trade every guard they draft? How? Magic? A fucking fairy gonna rebound for them?
COACH
You ain’t goin’ to Hollywood Park, are you?
SPORTY
(Shyly. Defensively)
Naw, I mean, I didn’t go, personally. A buddy of mine went and all I did was go with him. See? No big deal. Just for fun.
COACH
How much you lose?
SPORTY
It ain’t like that. I didn’t lose hardly anything. I was playing with the house’s money to begin with, right. So it don’t even count.
COACH
How much?
SPORTY
My buddy lost more than me. I mean, if it wasn’t for the sixth race, we’d have cleared two grand a piece. I mean, I called two straight winners. No joke. And just missed a trifecta.
COACH
How much?
SPORTY
I’m almost up for the week. Lakers win tonight and I’m back up. So it’s cool.
COACH
How Much?
Sports Man reluctantly leans over and whispers the amount in Coach’s ear. Coach winces and shakes his head.
SPORTY
(under his breath)
It’s them Lakers. They can’t play defense.
Phone rings. Everyone listens.
CHARLOTTE
Work-A-Day. How may I help you?
(pauses)
I’m not interested.
Charlotte hangs up. She looks at the men in the room.
CHARLOTTE
Phone sales.
(off the men’s reaction)
Hey, that’s a good paying job. Come sign for your voucher, honey. Sign and initial.
CODE BLUE
(as he stands)
Make a man take the bus two hours on his own dime? That stinks like shit. Something’s gotta change.
Code Blue signs for his voucher and walks to the cash machine. He begins the cashing out process like an ATM machine.
CHARLOTTE
You get a phone sales job that pays per hour, you can save some money. Get a bonus for each sale you make. You’ll eat good. Steak for dinner.
CODE BLUE
You push a man into the corner, he’s gonna come out punching.
DON
Doesn’t pay like a PW ticket. That’s where the steak dinner is.
SPORTY
My horse lost by a goddamn whisker. I mean, he sneezes at the finish line and he wins. Two Grand. I called it. I swear!
Code Blue looks in disgust at the small amount of money he received from the machine, about $29 after taxes and voucher fees (the machine takes one dollar and all the change, ie. a $30.76 check would pay out $29.) Minus the amount to take the bus and buy lunch, and the waiting time and the time on the bus, Code Blue figures he got paid $1.50 an hour. This shows on his face.
CHARLOTTE
(looking at sign-in sheet)
You didn’t initial, honey.
CODE BLUE
Shit can’t last. No. A man...a man’s time is worth more than this.
END OF SCENE 1
FIVE HOURS LATER. NO CALLS HAVE COME IN. NO ONE HAS GONE OUT ON A JOB. SOME MEN HAVE LEFT. SPORTSMAN IS STILL IN THE HALL WITH COACH, CODE BLUE, DON, AND TWO EXTRAS WHO ARE SLEEPING. RUBIO HAS ARRIVED TO HELP CHARLOTTE DO PAPERWORK, COLD CALL BUSINESSES WHO HAVE HIRED MEN IN THE PAST, AND CASH OUT WORKERS AS THEY RETURN FROM JOBS (IF THERE WERE ANY WHO HAD GONE OUT). CHARLOTTE AND RUBIO SIT IN THE BACK OF THE DESK.
Don is facing Coach, sitting backwards in a chair. Coach is slouching in his own chair. It would appear that a beatific Coach is describing heaven and has gripped Don’s attention.
DON
Real butter? And syrup? Did they have syrup?
COACH
Butter, syrup, whole milk. And if you finished, why, they’d ask you if you want some more. Real professional, like at one of those restaurants in the pictures.
DON
Tell me about the sausages again.
SPORTY
No more food talk. My belly’s busting. Charlotte, make ‘em stop.
COACH
Piles of sausages. They made sure every man had enough. They were the small kind of sausages.
SPORTY
Link sausages?
COACH
That’s right. Link sausages, and you could eat five or ten. Spicy and flavorful. Fried up with the bacon.
DON
(overwhelmed)
Bacon? You had bacon and sausages? Aw, I can’t take it. Hot cakes with butter and syrup. Bacon and sausages. I’d be happy if I could eat the leftovers from a meal like that. Just the scraps that you left on your plate.
COACH
Hell, there weren’t any scraps on my plate. That plate was clean as the soul of Jesus. I polished that cocksucker. I’ll tell you...
DON
Whole milk and hot cakes. That’s a meal. I swear I’ll set you guys up like that when I get a PW gig. OK? Donuts too. And tacos from The King Taco.
COACH
When your boss treats you like a man, feeds you good, gives you what you need to do the job, then you work up a sweat. There was a whole crew of men on that ticket and we busted the shit out of them weeds.
SPORTY
That up in Pacific Palisades? That rich dude’s spread. What’s his name?
COACH
Yeah. He come down with a van and hooked us up.
SPORTY
Yeah, I heard about that ticket from Becker. I was in San Diego that month.
COACH
Yes, sir. He drove about five of us up there, had all the tables for breakfast set up. Like a buffet style. That dude had a spread. Cooks and butlers. That man knew what living was about.
DON
And you just sat down and ate. I’d’ve gone for those sausages first. Them are my favorite.
COACH
Well, I led a prayer first. I...see? That’s another thing. You know what?
DON
I couldn’t eat enough sausages. Nope.
COACH
That man waited to eat with us. He didn’t disappear like these other Johns. The man sat down with us and prayed and ate like he didn’t care. Tucked right in and listened.
CODE BLUE
Bet he was one of them fags from the valley. They like to slip a sausage in them young boys. You watch. He’ll be on the news pretty soon for he molests some boy.
COACH
No, he was straight. Good man. His staff was all straight.
CODE BLUE
Bullshit. There wasn’t no straight ticket feeding you milk and biscuits. You dreaming. Any ticket tries to feed me a fucking piece of popcorn then I split. They drug me and next thing you know I got a sausage up my ass. Tied up. Cutting me up and shit. Fuck that. You see the news at night? Think they make that up for fun?
DON
I believe you coach. I met good folk before.
(reflectively)
Not since I got here, but I met ‘em before. They out there.
COACH
Sure. They all over. A bunch of ‘em are at the shelter. Good people. They know we just need a break.
SPORTY
That’s what I was sayin earlier, Coach. I’m this close to breaking out. I hit one Superfecta and I’m even again.
CODE BLUE
They all faggots. Don’t trust no one who wants to give me something for nothing. Specially the bitches.
COACH
You think he didn’t get nothing? We worked our asses off. That was August in the hills. Felt like the Mojave. Two hundred degrees. We sweated our shirts off. Nothing?
DON
That’s right. He fed you them sausages and bacon so you could do a good job on that brush.
COACH
We busted hell loose on that brush. A professional landscaper does that job in three days for twice as much as it cost him. He wasn’t a dummy.
CODE BLUE
He’s a bum lover.
COACH
He was a smart man. Spent his money wise. Guess how long it took to knock out three acres of heavy brush? Just the five of us.
DON
Four days?
COACH
Seven fucking hours. And he fed us lunch and dinner. He had a menu for us to choose. Sandwiches. Pizza. Fried Chicken.
DON
A menu? From a restaurant?
COACH
From his kitchen. I told you this guy had more money than an Egyptian Pharaoh. His butler took our orders and went off.
CODE BLUE
You didn’t have to walk three blocks for a sandwich?
COACH
Three blocks in Pacific Palisades won’t get you far. That’s way up in the hills. Overlooking the ocean. Sweet spread.
CODE BLUE
Got to have a sweet spread to get them butt boys up there. Got to have the good weed, too. The Chronic stuff.
DON
I bet I would’ve eaten so much for breakfast that I wouldn’t have no appetite for lunch. That’s what I bet. I’ve done that before.
COACH
Oh, I worked up an appetite digging roots. You know, you clear brush on a flat stretch, that’s one thing. But you clear it on a hillside in August and that is every bit as different. You should’ve seen how much Becker ate. He couldn’t hardly talk his mouth was so full of chicken.
DON
Good?
COACH
Easy Money. I had a sandwich with ham as thick as my thumb. Mayonnaise. Mustard. And pasta salad.
CODE BLUE
You had a cock sandwich. That’s what them fags like to serve.
COACH
Wasn’t like that. We did the job right.
CODE BLUE
You’re always telling me how I got to stretch a ticket out, but it sounds like you cheated yourself out of two days. Ain’t too smart.
COACH
That’s why you sitting there in your baggy pants looking like a fucking gangster and I’m sitting here. You think I cheated myself?
CODE BLUE
I think you gave your pussy up too fast. Them fags know how to make a dog work.
COACH
That’s what you think? How about you, Don? You think I cheated myself?
DON
Did you get real plates and glasses or just paper stuff? It’s been two or three months since I ate off a real plate.
COACH
We knew the guy had a weeks worth of work. We knew it. The brush was just the beginning. Becker was onto that first thing. He looked around and saw the place needed work. Everything needed a little work.
CODE BLUE
Cuz the guy was suckin’ dick all the time.
COACH
He wasn’t home. Just got back from vacation.
CODE BLUE
At the fag island.
COACH
The place needed work all over and Becker says to me, ‘Coach, we show what we can do today and this could be a golden ticket.’ Becker’s real sharp. So we kicked ass on Day One and bought ourselves the high class treatment all week.
CODE BLUE
Them fags like to live it up.
COACH
Worked on his pool. Did the hedges all up. Put in a new carpet. Tile. Plumbing. You name it, we had it covered.
CODE BLUE
Sucking dick?
COACH
And he gave us a good bonus at the end. Money in my pocket. Paid off the office. Remember that Charlotte?
Charlotte makes a disinterested sound. Becker walks through the door.
DON
Mr. Becker! Coach was just telling me about the job you did up in the hills last summer. Is it true? Did they feed you bacon and sausages?
BECKER
Coach wouldn’t lie about bacon, D.
DON
That was a golden ticket, huh? You ate good.
BECKER
It was a good ride. Didn’t change anyone’s life. Hey, Rubio, what the hell is up? The city shut down today? Why isn’t anyone working?

Rubio speaks with a Latin accent. His English is not perfect.
RUBIO
We’ll see some calls on tonight.
BECKER
That doesn’t help us now. I get stuck with a four hour ticket. How can I make it up on the back end?
Becker puts the yellow receipt on the desk. Rubio begins to process it.
RUBIO
Voucher or check?
BECKER
These half-day tickets are pinching me, Amigo. Bus dragged ass both ways. Cost me two hours.
RUBIO
Check or voucher?
BECKER
(aggravated)
Voucher. What about Sullivan Brothers? That site wasn’t near finished last week. They call?
RUBIO
They just need skilled plumbers.
BECKER
Plumbers? I’ll plumb. Fuck!
RUBIO
You need papers of certificate. Trade school papers.
BECKER
Bullshit! I helped out one punk who graduated and he didn’t know a u-pipe from a fucking faucet. I did half the work and they paid him thirty-an-hour. I can plumb as good as...better than anyone.
CHARLOTTE
Maybe you can fix our toilet. [points to bathroom door]
RUBIO
They still need papers. It’s the City Hall.
BECKER
Fuck City Hall! Call ‘em on the phone and ask if they need sheetrockers. Painters. Mud. Tile.
[points to the men sitting in the chairs]
You got men waiting to work.
RUBIO
I called ‘em and they said they needed papers. Skilled plumbers.
DON
I can plumb pretty good. My uncle was always working on his plumbing back in North Carolina. I can plumb.
COACH
Industrial plumbing and residential plumbing are miles apart. They got schedules to keep at the City Hall. You gotta lay all your pipe out. Alone. Bend all the pipe. We’re talking a hundred, two hundred yards of copper pipe threaded in and out of an active construction site. Nobody helps. Shit falling all around you. They give you the blueprints at five in the morning and they check on you at noon and if you ain’t where you’re supposed to be they cut you a check and blacklist you. Adios. Fuck you. Goodbye.
DON
I could do it.
COACH
You might be able to keep up for a day or two. You’d be beat to hell and probably get injured, but you’d fall behind in time. God’s Law.
DON
Naw. I’d keep up for thirty-an-hour.
COACH
Everyone falls behind. That’s why they’re looking for skilled plumbers. Those men, the best plumbers, can keep pace for a week or two. Maybe a month. Then they take a pipe in the shoulder, slip off some scaffold and twist an ankle, burn the skin off their arm, lose a couple teeth on a piece of rebar sticking out. You think they singing like the seven fucking dwarves in those places? No. They working.
BECKER
(sitting next to Coach)
They doing more than us. Shit. Sitting on our asses. Pour some fucking water on us and we’ll grow up to be trees. Fast Food bullshit!
COACH
Good ticket? Treat you right?
BECKER
(shaking his head)
Ticket was fine. It’s...well, the ticket didn’t suck too much. It’s these assholes on the bus. Jesus, please! Talking on their fucking cellphones like they own the joint.
[imitating an annoying cellphone user with his right hand holding an imaginary phone]
‘He said what? Really? Your pussy stinks how much? Oh, yeah, I love to get fucked in the ass. I’m such a fucking asshole that I’ll just talk on my fucking phone like a stupid bitch. That’s how much of a cunt I am! I’m a fucking asshole cunt!’
COACH
I hate them assholes too. Ignorant. Don’t understand how they can afford a cell phone but they got to ride the bus. How does that work? IF I had a cell phone I’d buy me a fast car. One of them new Fords.
CODE BLUE
I’d get a sweet Humvee. Yo! Tricked out.
BECKER
I told one lady, finally just broke down and got in her face, ‘Look, bitch. I don’t care about your dirty panties and I care who you fucked last night. If you want to talk to your pimp then stand on the fucking street with all the other bags of trash.
DON
That’s sorta rude.
BECKER
I lost my shit. Couldn’t think straight. So the driver heard it and the lady complained and he booted me off. Thought I was gonna punch her. Shit. Should’ve punched that bitch. So I got double fucked on the bus fare. Bitch!
CODE BLUE
They all bitches. Every man in the pen is there because of a bitch. That’s the plain truth.
BECKER
Where I go wrong? You know, Coach? I wonder sometimes. How I get here?
COACH
Lord’s got a mission for all of us.
BECKER
This is it? This is my mission?
COACH
Maybe.
BECKER
Well God fucked up. Got me confused with another man. It can happen to anyone. Hell, I could live with that. God ain’t perfect. He just got me mixed up and I got stuck here and another guy is living the good life. Eating steak. Hitting some good ass. Smoking the Chronic. I could sleep with that.
COACH
Course you could. Makes it easier for you to think you didn’t have no hand in it. But all God can do is point you in the right direction. The rest is up to you.
BECKER
(disbelieving)
Well, God got me pointed right into the fucking gutter. The toilet. You wanna know what you see in the toilet?
CHARLOTTE
Sign and initial for your voucher, Beck.
BECKER
(nodding)
You know. Yeah? You know.
Becker signs and stalks to the cash machine.
CHARLOTTE
(stretching)
One more hour. Lord.
CODE BLUE
What you complaining about? Least you get paid to sit on your ass. I’m as broke as when I came in.
CHARLOTTE
Go get yourself a job at the Taco joint down the street. Even they’ll hire a worthless man like you.
CODE BLUE
Sure. Pass a piss test. Back-ground check. Everyone wants to know my business. They got no right. That’s just what the police want me to do.
CHARLOTTE
So work here. Fine. Just sit there and wait. You can still make it up tomorrow.
BECKER
(waves his money around)
Not on eighteen bucks a day.
DON
Eighteen? But that don’t add up. You get paid four hours minimum.
BECKER
Sure. And my ex wife and kids get two of them hours, minimum. Then there’s the IRS. Social Security that I’ll never see.
DON
They can do that? Just take it right from your check.
BECKER
They can do what they want to a man like me. Am I gonna hire a lawyer? Am I gonna fight back? They pick my bones like a son of a bitch.
DON
But you can’t live.
BECKER
Hear that, Coach? I’m dead.
DON
I mean, you can’t eat. You can’t save enough to eat.
BECKER
I eat enough. No steak dinners or donuts in the morning, but I eat plenty from the Big Lots. They got good frozen dinners there.
DON
They got frozen steak? Sausages? Coach was telling me about sausage.
BECKER
Just remember when you have kids that you’re gonna pay one way or the other. I fucked myself when I got married. Too young. Stupid. Thought the shipyard was gonna stay open forever.
CODE BLUE
I feel you. All them skeezers try to pick my pockets. Do I let ‘em? Code Blue looks out for number one.
COACH
Kids are a joyous thing. God’s Law.
BECKER
For a year or two, maybe.
(yawns)
Want some coffee?
CODE BLUE
Lots of sugar and cream.
Edward walks reluctantly into the door. He is dressed in worn, paint spotted clothes but carries himself elegantly. He looks at a piece of paper and then looks around. No one has noticed him.
BECKER
The day I buy you coffee is the day Golden Tickets start falling out of the sky. PW gigs call me in the morning at my house and send a car to pick me up.
CODE BLUE
Why you hating? What I do to you?
BECKER
Nothing. You didn’t do nothing to me and you didn’t do nothing for me. You’re a nobody. I don’t owe you shit. If you learn that then you just might make something of yourself.
CODE BLUE
Whatever. That’s the last time I stick up for you. Homeboy over there was talking some shit about you. Calling you a dragass bitch. Getting nasty on your momma.
DON
That’s not true. Becker knows I wouldn’t say that. I worked with Becker on that country club ticket. He works hard. You believe me, don’t you?
BECKER
Don’t sweat it, D. Blue balls is just jealous.
CODE BLUE
I ain’t jealous. I’m not taking your shit.
BECKER
Let’s get some coffee.
COACH
(nodding)
Shitter’s still busted anyway. Gotta piss.
BECKER
Someone ought to fix it. Bunch of shit making us take a dump at King Taco.
Becker and Coach move toward the door and notice Edward standing there.
EDWARD
Pardon me. Is this the labor union hall?
COACH
Ain’t no union. Just men working for a living.
BECKER
(smiles)
Yeah, it might not be your living. But somebody’s getting rich off you. Damn straight. Slaves had it better...they could buy their freedom.
EDWARD
But this is Work-A-Day Labor Hall. I assume it is a union of workers.
(seeing their clothes)
Are there...renovations in progress?
COACH
Union? Man, you lost. Not only that, you ain’t dressed for work.
EDWARD
I’m sorry? This is my customary wardrobe. Am I under dressed?
BECKER
You want my opinion? Get back in your car and go north. You’re in the wrong building. This is a labor hall, but...
EDWARD
Well then I’m in the correct building. Splendid. Where do I submit my curriculum vitae?
BECKER
Dude, you...
COACH
See that desk over there? They’ll help you out, captain.
EDWARD
You’ve been most helpful. Allow me to introduce myself. Edward James Highstaff...the Third. My father and his father both bequeathed to me three things: a long name, a high forehead and a low self-esteem.
(waits for a laugh that doesn’t arrive)
Indeed. I’m sure I’ll be seeing the two of you as renovations progress. Cheers.
COACH
OK, Dog. Go get ‘em.
Coach and Becker leave Edward to approach the desk on his own.
CODE BLUE
Hey, you a pimp who lost his whores?
EDWARD
I beg your pardon?
CODE BLUE
You lose your whores? You lost?
EDWARD
I’m sure I don’t understand you. Whores?

CODE BLUE
Shit. You stoned? You know where you are?
EDWARD
Certainly. This is an employment hall and I seek employment.
CODE BLUE
No shit? You think I’m sitting here waiting for a doctor to poke me in the ass?
EDWARD
Well...
CODE BLUE
We’re seeking employment too, bitch, and you just another mule. So get in line.
EDWARD
Are you part of the renovation crew?
CODE BLUE
Renovations? Ain’t no renovations here. What you see is what you get.
EDWARD
Indeed.
(to Charlotte)
Pardon me. My name is Edward James Highstaff the third. My father and his...
CHARLOTTE
I’m not interested in any new signs.
EDWARD
Signs? I don’t sell signs.
CHARLOTTE
Well, whatever you’re selling has to go through headquarters first. I’m not authorized to...
EDWARD
I’m inquiring about work. I called yesterday evening and the man...Rubio...advised me to fill out an application today. This is an employment hall, correct.
CHARLOTTE
Sir, we service construction companies, demolition teams, hazardous waste clean-up, light industrial factories, light assembly, janitorial, and office staff. See?
EDWARD
Ah...well...that is a slightly generic description. Could you be more specific?
CHARLOTTE
If a company in the hills is building a new apartment complex and needs help unloading two hundred sliding glass doors then they call us. See? I pick the required number of workers from the selection of men that are seated behind you and dispatch them to the job site. The laborers perform their job and return here with a signed receipt. OK? I pay the workers an hourly wage based on the amount I charge the company. Light industrial would pay minimum wage. Hazardous Waste removal pays much more.
EDWARD
Hazardous waste?
CHARLOTTE
Asbestos. Oil spills. Lead paint. Demolition of old buildings can require special training and equipment. We provide that training and equipment so the company will have a temporary employee who can perform the job safely and correctly. This is a professional company with highly skilled employees.
(dismissing Edward)
So...
EDWARD
Perfect! I’m highly skilled. Let me provide my resume.
(digs in briefcase for resume)
As you can see I’ve been educated at the finest academies.
CHARLOTTE
Sir, I doubt you would be able to perform the duties assigned to you.
EDWARD
Why not? I’m as fit as any of these men. I’m as capable. As intelligent. You don’t know what I can do.
CHARLOTTE
But they are accustomed to digging ditches. When was the last time you wore steel toed boots?
EDWARD
Why on earth would a boot have steel in the toes? They must weigh a ton.
CHARLOTTE
Steel reinforced boots prevent the large metal containers that fall off of conveyor belts from cutting all of your toes off.
EDWARD
Dear me.
CHARLOTTE
Have a nice day.
EDWARD
Wait. But not every job involves hazardous waste and conveyor belts. Correct?
CHARLOTTE
Well, no. Not every ticket. But the majority of our clients...
EDWARD
So simply assign me the most appropriate positions for my employment experience.
CHARLOTTE
(dreading the response)
What exactly is your employment experience?
EDWARD
(grandly)
I am a muralist. A wall artist. I specialize in faux finishes, Trompe l'oeil, Roman frescoes, Baroque gilding. Gold tinted filigree. In some circles I’m known as The King of Venetian Plaster.
(reflecting)
Recently, I experienced a clay renaissance. I...
CHARLOTTE
(hopefully)
Do you do plumbing?
EDWARD
You mean medieval aqueducts?
(fondly remembering)
I once painted a mural in a master bathroom that depicted the Pont Du Gard aqueduct in such a clever fashion. You really would have been impressed, unlike the ungrateful client who refused to meet her end of the agreement and forced me to file a claim against her in court. She was unyielding in her stubbornness.
CHARLOTTE
(scratches head)
Honey, we need plumbers who install pipes, hoses and faucets. You a painter?
EDWARD
That’s a rather simplified designation. I prefer to call myself an independent mixed media visual artist.
CODE BLUE
You a fucking fruitcake is what you is.
EDWARD
(ignoring Code Blue)
Surely you have clients who need painting. Why, this office is in dire need of some cheerful colors. Is it company policy to use prison gray on the walls?
CHARLOTTE
We take what we get, honey.
EDWARD
Well, since you’re renovating the property you might consider updating the paint. I imagine an uplifting fresco on the north wall
(gestures over audience)
to catch the morning light. Or perhaps...
(thinks deeply)
Ivy! That’s it! An ivy covered brick wall. With windows overlooking a French vineyard. Spanish migrants in the rows of grapes, picking in the morning light. Lovely. Who is the contractor? I’ll speak to him immediately. Now, should the brick be weathered or textured? That reminds me of a summer I squandered in Madrid...
CHARLOTTE
(slams hands down)
There ain’t gonna be no brick and no ivy! And what renovations are you talking about? This is all we got! The only renovations we need are on the bathroom toilet that don’t flush worth a shit!
Edward is startled. He looks around at the workers seated behind him.
EDWARD
These men aren’t here to repair the interior of this building?
CHARLOTTE
Half these men ain’t even sober.
SPORTY
Don’t I wish.
EDWARD
They’re waiting for...a job?
CHARLOTTE
They’re waiting for a phone call from a company like Target or the Sullivan Brothers construction saying they need some workers to unload a truck or install shelving. That’s it. If they don’t wait then they don’t get dispatched. You say you a painter? Fine. Hey, Rubio? When...
Rubio is sleeping.
CHARLOTTE
Rubio! Wake up!
Rubio raises his head.
CHARLOTTE
When was the last painting ticket that come in?
RUBIO
Painting? The Fox Hill mall?
CHARLOTTE
That was paving. Hey, Coach!
Charlotte looks over the desk but Coach left with Becker when Edward came in.
DON
Ms. Charlotte? There haven’t been any painting tickets since I’ve been here. I’d remember because I used to paint my uncle’s house.
SPORTY
I worked a ticket last year for the school district. Bullshit ticket. Foreman didn’t give bathroom breaks. Dusty. Becker broke his thumb on that ticket.
CHARLOTTE
And?
SPORTY
Oh. There was some painting. We whitewashed the bathrooms. But you know we didn’t get the right kind of face masks. One cat passed out. It was a bullshit ticket.
DON
That was a PW ticket, right? City work is the steak dinner. You got PW wages?
SPORTY
Oh, I don’t think so. They fucked us out of it somehow. Some sub-sub-contracting loophole. It was bullshit.
CHARLOTTE
See? You better off working for yourself, honey.
EDWARD
That may be true, but for the time being I’d like to submit my application. I didn’t drive here to be dismissed so abruptly. I...
CHARLOTTE
You drove?
EDWARD
Of course? How else does one navigate the labyrinthine Los Angeles?
CHARLOTTE
Why didn’t you say so?
EDWARD
You didn’t ask. So may I submit my resume?
CHARLOTTE
You don’t need to submit nothing. You qualify by answering a few questions and passing a safety exam.
EDWARD
Splendid! I haven’t taken a test since I was at UCLA. Art history was my favorite academic subject. I confess the professor had a crush on me and needlessly padded my scores. Will there be a section on Frescoes?
CHARLOTTE
Uh, Rubio. Are you awake yet?
RUBIO
I was awake.
CHARLOTTE
Then give the King of Venetian Plaster the survey and safety exam. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble to get off your ass.
RUBIO
Damn. You take the Bitch Train to work today? Huh?
CHARLOTTE
Did I...No, the Bitch Train was late this morning. I took the Mean Nasty Cunt Train. Understand?
RUBIO
Damn.
CHARLOTTE
Honey, you weren’t here this morning when Wilson come in here throwing his ass at me. Threatened the boy’s life. Coach dragged him out. Then we get maybe two tickets. Headquarters tells me our numbers are low. And I got one kid flunking out of Spanish class.
RUBIO
So?
CHARLOTTE
So his daddy is Mexican. So, pardon my ass if it stinks.
RUBIO
(to Edward)
Why you want to work here, man. This ain’t for the weak men. We lift heavy boxes and get dirty. You quit on a ticket and you don’t never get sent out once.
EDWARD
(sarcastically)
Well then I’ll exercise extreme caution when accepting a position. Dear me, Michaelangelo had less trouble acquiring the contract to paint the Sistene Chapel ceiling. I profess.
RUBIO
I warn you. Is my job only.
EDWARD
I stand warned. Was that the test, or there something more challenging to come?
RUBIO
Come with me.
Rubio leads Edward to an area of the desk closer to the audience. A 3 ring binder is there. Both sit down and Rubio proceeds to ask Edward the questions.
RUBIO
When I ask you question, you answer honest.
EDWARD
Is there any other way to answer?
RUBIO
Question one. How often...
EDWARD
Don’t I get paper and pen? I’m a physical learner. I need something in my hands to perform well.
RUBIO
No. Question one: How often do you steal from your employers?
EDWARD
Pardon me?
RUBIO
How often do you steal from your employers.
EDWARD
I don’t steal from my employers ever. What kind of a question is that? I’m offended by your impertinence.
Rubio writes something down.
RUBIO
Question two: How often do you take drugs?
EDWARD
Wait, did I pass that last question?
RUBIO
I tell you at the end of the test.
EDWARD
This is absurd. And rude.
RUBIO
Question two: How often do you take drugs?
EDWARD
I don’t take drugs. I mean, I have a prescription for a medical condition, a mild disorder that was diagnosed early in life, thank God, but I don’t do recreational drugs. Goodness!
Rubio writes something down as he does after all the following questions.
RUBIO
Question three: When you...
EDWARD
How many questions are there? Are you going to inquire about my sex life?
RUBIO
Ten questions. Question three: When you disagree with your boss do you punch or kick him?
EDWARD
Punch or kick? Am I in the third grade? I think I can safely confess that I have neither punched nor kicked my boss under any circumstances. Aren’t you going to ask me my employment history?
RUBIO
Question four: Are you ever late to work?
EDWARD
No. I arrive when I’m expected to arrive.
RUBIO
Question five: Can you work with people of other races?
EDWARD
I don’t see why not.
RUBIO
Question six: Have you been in jail for a felony?
EDWARD
No, I have not. Nor have I tried to commit a felony.
RUBIO
Question siete...seven: Can you read and understand English?
EDWARD
I believe a degree in Fine Arts from an accredited university is evidence that I can read and understand English. Shall I write an essay to prove myself?
RUBIO
Question eight: Do you commit sexual harassment in the workplace?
EDWARD
Sexual Harassment? I am the last person who would sexually harass another employee. In fact, there was a club at UCLA and I was elected president. We had a rally for...
RUBIO
Question nine: How often do you swear at people.
EDWARD
Not nearly as often as I’ve witnessed you swear at each other.
RUBIO
Question ten: Do you take drugs when at work?
EDWARD
I told you I don’t take drugs ever.
RUBIO
OK. Now you take the safety test. Here is a pencil and an answer sheet. Read this pamphlet and answer the question.
EDWARD
Did I pass the first part of the test?
RUBIO
Finish the safety exam and I will give you a score.
EDWARD
(sarcastically)
I can’t stand the suspense.
Rubio passes an answer sheet and a safety pamphlet to Edward. Rubio goes back to his seat near Charlotte. Becker and Coach have returned.
BECKER
You call Target again, Rubio? Come on, Man.
RUBIO
Target isn’t hiring. We need plumbers.
BECKER
You’re telling me that not one site in town needs a clean up crew? That big dig over in Westchester? What about that?
RUBIO
What dig?
BECKER
Jesus! They building a whole damn town! They don’t have one ticket for us?
RUBIO
No.
EDWARD
(laughingly)
Now, who would be so careless as to mix ammonia and bleach?
BECKER
Bullshit. We picking our asses here and you’re getting fat off our sweat. Rubio, call someone. Christ! I never seen it so slow.
RUBIO
What I do?
BECKER
You watch, I’m gonna do something right quick. Earn me some dime.
CODE BLUE
What you gonna do? Blow them fags up in Hollywood. Make a buck?
BECKER
I’ll work. I don’t know. I’ll do what I do. I’ll work for myself or something.
CODE BLUE
Hey, you start a business. That’s good. Home-boy’ll be your partner. Corner the market on being assholes.
SPORTY
Didn’t that one dude start his own business? The cat from Texas?
COACH
Who? The pizza dude?
SPORTY
Yeah. Didn’t he get that carpet cleaning gig started in Westchester?
COACH
I heard he got extracted back to Texas for some warrant.
SPORTY
Oh. That right?
DON
They can do that?
SPORTY
Start a buisness? Sure. Takes about a million dollars though. Bank loans. Business licenses. Tax stuff. Paper. I guess you’d need a mobile phone these days. Lots of other stuff the government keeps the little man down with.
DON
I mean the police can extract you from one state to another? Just put you on a plane?
CODE BLUE
You fools don’t know what you talkin’ about. The police extradite cons from one state to another. Extract is what the Vatos do when they make crystal meth.
DON
They just put you on a plane and make you go to court in another state? Ain’t that illegal?
CODE BLUE
Illegal? The cops wrote the book on doing crimes. They can break any law they damn well please. Do it all the time. They got a whole racket worked out with the governor. Kick backs and shit.
DON
But they got to catch you first, right?
CODE BLUE
Ain’t that how it always works? Bunch of Tom and Jerry bullshit. Keeps good men like me in the shadows.
EDWARD
Must I be commanded to ‘lift with my back’ again?
BECKER
You ain’t gonna do shit to get us work, Rubio?
RUBIO
I send out two men today. Maybe a call come in.
BECKER
Maybe? You think I can tell my wife that maybe I’ll send her child support.
RUBIO
So get a full time job at King Taco. I only answer phones. That’s all I am paid to do!
CODE BLUE
Yeah, man. I’ll take me a steak burrito and some soda pop. And don’t let me catch you jacking off in the sour cream.
SPORTY
If I had to work at King Taco tomorrow I’d kill myself today. That’s no lie. Feeding assholes like you, washing your piss off the floor. No. No.
BECKER
Used to be a man didn’t have to think about working at King Taco. That’s a kids hustle. Used to be a man could get himself a job and the executive boss wouldn’t buy himself a pack of whores and big ol mansions in the hills with the profits. Used to be I could eat a steak dinner when I wanted. Drink a beer or two. Corporate fucking larceny is killing this country.
COACH
God’s Law.
BECKER
Economy’s all fucked. Men waiting on the street for a chance to lift brick. It’s never been this bad in a thousand years.
COACH
I saw some guys over by the lumber yard fighting for a job. The one over by that steak sandwich shop. God’s Law. Fighting! Mexicans every one. The guy in the truck had to drive off before they turned riot.
CODE BLUE
They got good sandwiches at that shop? Steak and Cheese?
BECKER
Helluva way to earn a dime.
SPORTY
Can’t last. The government won’t let it last. There was that depression and people got through it. Hell, the Lakers would still play in Minnesota if not for the depression. So there you go.
CODE BLUE
Only way the government gonna help is by locking us all up. Putting us in work camps. A guy at the shelter was in one in the desert. He had the tattoo and said that’s where all the homeless people’ll end up. The shit’s already started.
SPORTY
That’s all...
(makes farting sound)
CODE BLUE
Nope. The dude at the shelter said so.
SPORTY
Yeah, there’s also a guy at the shelter who barks at cars. So...
CODE BLUE
Whatever. You wanna go dig ditches in the desert then keep sticking your head up your ass. Problem ain’t goin’ away. The guy had a fucking tattoo! The Feds branded his ass. I seen it!
DON
Ditches?
CODE BLUE
That’s where they plan to keep all the oil they stealing from the Arab man. Any fool can see it.
DON
Do you think you can get extracted from one of the camps? Back to a place like North Carolina?
CODE BLUE
Maybe. Maybe not. They need you to work before they put you in jail. You worth more to them as a slave. I bet the police just waiting to pick up a dumb ass like you and put ‘em to work. You ever dig a trench in the desert before?
DON
No.
CODE BLUE
You will.
COACH
You kids don’t believe in nothing but the world at hand, do you? You think you spend a few years here and this is it? You think the lord wouldn’t reward a Christian life with eternal happiness? Huh? You fussing over a handful of copper pennies and letting the holy dollars slip away.
CODE BLUE
You babbling again?
COACH
Like Jesus babbled.
EDWARD
(to group)
I work my whole life as an artist and I’m not allowed to use a ladder?
RUBIO
No talking!
CODE BLUE
You see! That’s how they start brainwashing you. Right in school when the teacher told you not to talk. I knew by the fifth grade that they was brainwashing us kids. I split before they could twist me up.
DON
Me too. I quit school to help out my uncle. We were lucky to get out, Huh?
CODE BLUE
Who said we safe? Look around. Police. Work camps. Helicopters. Terrorists. People dying everywhere. We ain’t safe. No one here is safe!
CHARLOTTE
This is a place of business. We are working.
BECKER
That’s coming from the only person here who’s getting paid. The rest of us just waiting for the flood.
COACH
Wish we could get one of those gravy tickets like the one in the Palisades, huh Becker? Remember?
BECKER
Shit. I’m about ready to go to King Taco. That’s how bad it is. I’m here to work. Send me on a ticket.
CHARLOTTE
What you want me to do? Make a ticket up? You’ve seen the rain. Weather like that keeps construction slow. What you want me to do about it? If you think you can bring in business then make some calls.
BECKER
What I get for it? Another thirty dollar check and a kick in the ass, Charlotte. You’re pissing in my face and you want me to open my mouth?
CODE BLUE
Now it’s on. You see? They just beat you down until you break. That’s what they want.
CHARLOTTE
I’m not in the mood. Not after Wilson.
BECKER
I can find work on my own. I bet I could start my own business. Find work on my own. Then I’d be the one getting the checks. I’d be the boss. How about that?
CHARLOTTE
It’s a free world. I get paid with or without you.
BECKER
That’s the problem. You don’t care if I eat steak or fast food. I wind up under a bridge and you sleep good at night.
CODE BLUE
The police watching the bridge for homeless people for them work camps.
CHARLOTTE
I sleep good at night if they’s a nuclear war.
BECKER
Well that’s good to know. Just fine. I could do it. I could work for myself.
CODE BLUE
Sure. Wilson working for himself. It’s called being a bum.
SPORTY
I heard it takes five years before you even out of debt.
BECKER
Five years?
SPORTY
That’s what I heard from my cousin. Friend of his opened one of those hair salons. Bought all the equipment. Rented space. Hired workers. Advertised. Worked all...see, it’s the advertising that’ll kill you. How anyone gonna know to call you if you don’t advertise?
BECKER
I figure people talk.
SPORTY
Hell no. People look in the paper. They get the junk mail. They see those flyers on their doorknob. That shit ain’t free. Charlotte, how much Work-A-Day pay in advertising?
CHARLOTTE
More than you stiffs are making us.
SPORTY
See? Those signs out front. That banner. Business cards. All that shit costs copper money. Know how much an ad on television costs?
BECKER
Couple hundred dollars.
SPORTY
Couple thousand. And they got this internet thing at the library. People say that a business has to have it’s own page or else it won’t fly. I’m just telling you what I heard.
CODE BLUE
Stay away from those computers. That’s how the government tracks you down.
DON
The computers know who you are?
CODE BLUE
Of course. They’re computers. That’s what they do. They know who you are and they know where you are. It’s all connected to them work camps.
SPORTY
There ain’t no work camps.
CODE BLUE
I seen the tattoos!
DON
But if I don’t use computers then they won’t know. I mean, they can’t see me from over there.
Don points at the computer on Charlotte’s desk. And tries to hide from it.
CODE BLUE
Don’t be too sure. If you got a chip implanted in your head then the computers know where you are even if you just in the room.
DON
I never got a chip implanted in my head.
CODE BLUE
Then you safe. (Beat) For now.
DON
Is it just in L.A.?
CODE BLUE
Oh, no. The government been planting computers in every city. When they brought them into my school that’s when I split. I was one of the lucky ones.
BECKER
What choice I got? People gettin’ rich off me. Strippin’ me down. Where can I...? Who...?
COACH
I’ve seen this town drier than this, Becker. No, the meat’s still on the bone.
SPORTY
You start that business and I’ll work for you. Can’t be any worse than this.
Becker nods his head. He is thinking about the business but has many doubts. Edward finishes the test and stands up. He hands the test sheet to Rubio.
EDWARD
Well, that was a waste of ten minutes.
RUBIO
I check the test now. You can wait in the seat.
EDWARD
How will I know my score?
RUBIO
I tell you the score.
Edward finds a seat near Coach.
EDWARD
I presume you’ve passed the safety test?
COACH
Couple times.
EDWARD
Why would you...?
COACH
Different offices. Downtown, Anaheim, San Diego...couple others. Work-A-Day got offices everywhere there’s labor work going on.
EDWARD
Can’t you find a permanent position?
COACH
Why should I? A man my age isn’t going to get a raise. My experience, my skills...they worthless to the folks downtown. They got jobs in them big buildings that didn’t even exist when I started working. Computer designer. Programmer. Software Engineer. I read the Want Ads. I know what I’m worth. But give me a hillside with some brush and a team of men and I’m at peace. God’s Law.
EDWARD
Well this is just temporary for me. I’ve had the most unfortunate run of bad luck.
COACH
Luck is no servant of the lord.
EDWARD
I don’t know what you mean. It isn’t my fault these people refuse to be reasonable. Refuse to honor their...my customers, you see, have no sense of Time. They see my work as a splash of fashion for the neigh. Greedy men and women feasting on trends. Do I give it to them? Of course. What price do I put on pride? A low one to be sure.
COACH
Last time I checked pride wasn’t on the market shelves. They don’t got double coupons for pride.
EDWARD
(skeptically)
Don’t they?
COACH
No, they don’t. You sell your time and your labor. Shit. People don’t want pride. What they gonna do with it? Pan fry it? Wear it on their feet? Wipe their assholes with it?
EDWARD
Hardly. They throw it back in my face at the least...They throw it right back in my face without sympathy! There’s your double coupon.
COACH
You think the boss dealt you some tough cards? You ask for his help? You ask for the lord’s help even once? 10-1 odds says you never have.
EDWARD
Please. Don’t tell me you’re one of those gypsies too. Magic potions and secret spells from a holy book. Indeed. You’re no different than the false facades in a cheap Hollywood Western. You...
(Oz-like with sarcasm)
“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! I am the Great and Powerful Wizard!”
(laughs)
COACH
A laugh on earth is worth a million in Heaven. A smile is priceless from the lips of Jesus. You...
(tries another approach)
hey, you at the King Taco drive-thru window, right. Now, do you just sit there and scratch your ass when the lady asks you what you want? You just sit there and wonder why no one is bringing you the food you want? Huh? You sit there and piss on yourself and bitch about why no one ever did nothing for you?
EDWARD
Obviously not.
CODE BLUE
Someone goin’ out to King Taco? I’ll take a Maximum Burrito. Becker, baby, go make mamma a beef taco.
COACH
You place your order, right? Right? You place your order and you get what you want. Now, how is the lord gonna know what you want if you don’t place your order?
DON
‘Scuse me, Coach. But them computers know who we are and where we are. Ain’t the Lord smart enough to know what we want?
(off Coach’s look)
I’m just saying. Them computers seem to know an awful lot.
COACH
The lord doesn’t read minds. He’s too busy answering prayers.
EDWARD
I hardly think comparing the Lord and Creator of the Universe to a King Taco drive-thru window is adequate praise. In any event your metaphor is lost on my heathen spirituality. Don’t feel bad. I don’t buy magazine subscription over the phone either.

COACH
I’m not greedy. There’s plenty of the Lord to go around.
EDWARD
That’s nice. My father was...
RUBIO
Edward. Come here.
Edward walks to the desk.
RUBIO
You missed question seven and eleven. Here is...
What follows is Edward experiencing a panic attack, brought on by his failure to get a perfect score on the safety test. Some of the symptoms are:
*  a feeling of imminent danger or doom; * the need to escape; * palpitations; * sweating; * trembling; * shortness of breath or a smothering feeling; * a feeling of choking; * chest pain or discomfort; * nausea or abdominal discomfort; * dizziness or light-headedness; * a sense of things being unreal, depersonalization; * a fear of losing control or "going crazy"; * a fear of dying; * tingling sensations; * chills or hot flushes.
Edward’s actions should reflect his physical reaction. Coupled with the fact Edward has delusions of granduer, his attitude and actions will be totally unexpected.
EDWARD
That can’t be right. Check again. Check it.
RUBIO
(at normal volume level)
You can take the test...
EDWARD
Why are you yelling? Everyone is watching and you insist on drawing attention to me. I have been besieged from the moment I walked in here. I ask for an opportunity and am attacked. I don’t get any thanks. My work isn’t appreciated. I cooperate as well as I can and am beset with vicious moral judgements. What gives you the right?
RUBIO
(baffled and looking to Charlotte for help)
Pass the test and you can work. All these men do this.
EDWARD
(folds arms)
All these men are abused and embarrassed like me? You make a spectacle of them too? Huh? Why are you doing this to me?
CHARLOTTE
The test is require of workers. You have to pass the test.
EDWARD
What right do you have to treat me like this?
CHARLOTTE
You can correct the answers. You just...
EDWARD
When do I get some appreciation and respect?
CHARLOTTE
I’m telling you that you...look, I don’t have time to argue.
EDWARD
Everyone is looking at me. Everyone is looking at me!
CHARLOTTE
Stop talking crazy.
EDWARD
Don’t call me crazy! You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know my life and how I live. What do you know about anything? I’m the one being mistreated. I offer to decorate your office and you hardly acknowledge me. Now you can’t wait to bring all the attention to me. And you presume to play the victim? What about me?
CHARLOTTE
Coach? You got an answer for me? He thinks he’s the only one who has to take the test again?
EDWARD
Why are you announcing this to the world? I’m very hurt by all this. Hurt and disappointed. My skin is only so thick.
Coach stands up and approaches the desk.
COACH
I got ten or twenty wrong on that test. You just read for the answer and change it. See? You only got four choices.
EDWARD
(low volume)
They are making fun of me. Throwing my failure in my face.
COACH
Well, they assholes. You pay attention to every asshole you meet?
CHARLOTTE
That ain’t helpin’, Coach. I got paperwork and can’t do this.
COACH
Look, take the safety pamphlet and the answer sheet and go correct your answer. No big deal. You fail that test and it’s the best thing that happened to you all year. Don’t have to work here.
EDWARD
Must I be made to feel so inadequate? Must they bring my score to the attention of the whole world? This is exactly what happened in my classes at college. Pretentious professors lifting their egos on the shoulders of my humiliation.
COACH
You think any of us got dropped off by the driver in a long limousine?
EDWARD
I am the owner of a very successful business. I am not a failure.
COACH
(points to each person in turn)
Neither am I. Neither is Becker. Neither is Rubio. Neither is...well, Code Blue is worthless. But most of us doin’ the best the lord allows.
CODE BLUE
Damn. That’s some cold shit.
EDWARD
All I ask is some courtesy. Not an unreasonable request. Not at all.
There is silence as Edward reluctantly takes the answer sheet and safety pamphlet back to the desk. He is wounded and makes sure everyone sees it.
CHARLOTTE
One day is all I ask.
DON
Do they make all criminals go to San Diego?
CODE BLUE
What pipe you been smokin?
DON
If they can extract you to the work camps then they can make you do time in San Diego.
CODE BLUE
How the fuck do I know?
DON
I could learn to be a plumber. How can I get them papers?
CODE BLUE
You got to know someone in the union. That’s the only way to make a living. You got to suck someone’s dick.
DON
Suck someone’s...have you?
CODE BLUE
Hell no. I got it all figured out. That’s why I’m saving up my money to move out of the shelter.
DON
What are you gonna do?
CODE BLUE
I tell you and then you tell Becker and everyone’s doing the same thing. Where that leave me? Fucked.
DON
I won’t tell anyone.
CODE BLUE
I don’t believe you. Code Blue is on his own.
BECKER
What about the golf course in West L.A.? The storm probably knocked some shit down. Fucking rich folks probably pissing their pants because they can’t play golf.
RUBIO
They no call.
BECKER
So call them. Shit. You want me to call? No? So ask those cocksuckers if they need men.
RUBIO
I call them now then I am the asshole. Me.
BECKER
You the asshole no matter what, Rubio. At least you get us some work.
RUBIO
Alright. If I call you’ll stop yelling at me?
BECKER
I’m here to work. This ain’t no vacation. You think I want to spend my time talking to these assholes? I’ll stop yelling at you when I get work. Just get me a ticket and I’ll leave.
RUBIO
Then I call.
Rubio makes the phone call.
BECKER
Tired of this, Coach. No breakfast. No lunch. How’s a man supposed to work? Spend a dollar to make a dime. Whose side are they on?
COACH
Not yours.
BECKER
(hushed)
Seriously, you think we could start something up. Sell something or do some work? Then we keep the dough. We do the hiring and the firing.
COACH
You need money to make money, Beck. What kind of operation you thinking about? Drugs? I can’t sell drugs. The law hits hard. I go downtown and that’s the end. No more steak. God’s Law.
BECKER
Fuck drugs. That’s a young man’s hustle.
(as spoken to a drug supplier)
You front me some shit and then climb down on me when I don’t produce? No. Bust my shine box for a dime bag? No. The drug hustle is straight fast food. Something else.
COACH
I’m old, Becker. I got my congregation and that’s it.
BECKER
See? You know folks. I don’t. What is something all your folks need? Something we can do?
COACH
I don’t know. They mostly poor folks. Renting rooms. Leasing Cars. Don’t own nothing. Can’t afford no luxury treatment.
BECKER
But it can be something they can afford. Think about it.
COACH
Well, one lady said she needed help looking after her kids.
BECKER
Shit. That’s the last thing I want to do. No kids.
COACH
That’s all I can think of.
BECKER
Alright. Just keep your ears open at church. Ask around if they got work to do. I don’t know. Stuff like construction and clean up like we do here. Maybe moving.
COACH
Moving? Remember that ticket we did for Atlas? Eleven hours walking up and down those stairs with boxes? You said that was the last moving ticket you’d take. Me too.
BECKER
But we was getting taxed then. Now we can take the cream off the top. No one gets to pick my pocket.
COACH
I don’t know. They had their own crew and they only made fifty cents more than us and not one of them looked happy about it. Moving is a young man’s game, Beck. Once a week is bad enough. Twice a day is gonna put me in Heaven sooner than I want.
BECKER
Keep your ears open. Let me know about it tomorrow.
COACH
Why don’t you come to tonight’s mass? They all nice people. Maybe you can get a regular job.
BECKER
But Social Services still gonna pick my pocket. No. I have to work for myself. That check has to be written to me. How else...? I’m sinking, Coach. I’m...
COACH
I’ll ask around.
BECKER
You know?
COACH
I know.
RUBIO
(into phone)
Yes, sir. Forty minutes to an hour. Yes. Two men.
BECKER
Did I tell you? Did I?
RUBIO
Wait.
BECKER
I told you the club needed men. How many?
RUBIO
Two men with gloves. They got a tree crew there but they won’t do the brush.
BECKER
There you go. At least someone gets to eat today.
RUBIO
Don? Coach?
DON
Is it a PW gig?
RUBIO
No. This is the minimum.
DON
Then I’ll pass.
BECKER
Don’t be that way, D. There ain’t no PW gigs today. Just take the ticket.
DON
But I’m first in line for the next PW ticket.
BECKER
You a fool. Take the ticket. No PW ticket is gonna come in today. Rubio took three hours to get two minimum wage tickets. You think...
COACH
Come on, D. We’ll only get four hours anyway. Be back at the office in time to take the bus.
DON
I want the gravy ticket. I know it’s coming.
COACH
Not a chance one’ll call today. No. Let’ go. I don’t want to miss the next bus north.
DON
You sure a PW ticket won’t come in?
COACH
Hey, I’m the number two man. You think I’d go sling brush for $6.75 If I thought a $35 an hour ticket was gonna call? You make more taking a piss on a PW ticket than you do all day slinging brush.
DON
Maybe one’ll come in tomorrow?
COACH
Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not. You take what...think of Jesus. He couldn’t choose when he appeared to men. He couldn’t pick his time. But he made the most of what was there. The bread plate is gonna pass you by, son.
DON
(reluctantly)
Well. It is late and I could use thirty dollars. It’s alright if I leave my bag here, Ms. Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
It’s your business. I can’t guarantee it’ll be there when you get back. We ain’t a storage business.
COACH
I’ll tell you more about that housing project with the rooms.
DON
Can I cook sausage?
COACH
Cook all the sausage and bacon you want.
DON
Cause I like sausage.
COACH
Me too.
Rubio prints the tickets and gets gloves for Coach and Don.
CODE BLUE
Send me on that ticket, Rubio. Just send me and I’ll make it work.
RUBIO
They ask for two men.
CODE BLUE
Just send me anyway. You afraid?
Rubio ignores Code Blue and hands the gloves and the ticket to Coach.
CODE BLUE
You just wasting a good ticket on grandpa and boy wonder. Just a waste.
RUBIO
You know how to get there?
COACH
Take the six north to Wilshire. East on the Metro. You got change for the bus, D?
DON
I’ve got three dollars left from yesterday.
COACH
Three? That’s enough to get you there, but...we’ll figure it out later. Important thing is to get the ticket in your hand. Come on.
Coach and Don walk toward the door.
DON
Do you get a place to store your clothes in those rooms? The ones you were talking about?
COACH
Place to store...? You get a whole private closet. Hang your clothes up. Listen to music. Cook a whole hog. It’s your room.
DON
I’d like a room. I’d sleep good on a nice mattress with sheets. I could go to sleep right now.
COACH
Well, we working men now. I’ll carry your gloves and ticket until we get there. Come on.
DON
(as they approach the door)
Coach! I smell sausages. I can smell ‘em already.
COACH
No. That’s the King Taco fryer vent. Smells like shit. Makes me want to...hey, that’s our bus. Let’s move!
Coach and Don run through door.

Edward finishes correcting the test and brings it to Rubio.
EDWARD
This question about what to do in case of a fire is very misleading. A previous paragraph states I must inform my supervisor if anyone is injured. But in case of a fire I have to find a fire extinguisher first. That’s misleading. And these signs are confusing. Warning, Caution, Hazardous Material; why would the safety of the crew depend on me?
RUBIO
Are you finish?
EDWARD
I suppose. It would be deceiving to suggest I am now expert in the subjects covered in that pamphlet.
RUBIO
No matter. Give it here.
Edward hands the test sheet to Rubio.
EDWARD
I would appreciate some confidentiality regarding the test score.
Phone rings. Charlotte answers it.
CODE BLUE
Watch. That’ll be UCLA asking for the Carolina Kid. ‘Hey, we want the kid from Carolina. He’s a swell worker. Send that bitch up here so we can pay him forty an hour to sit on his ass.’ Whoa!
BECKER
Is everything a chance to run some man down? That kid ain’t done nothing to deserve any hate.
EDWARD
Some find it easier to blow other people’s candles out to make theirs shine brighter.
CODE BLUE
Whatever. I’ll show you what a candle can do.
CHARLOTTE
A car? I’m sorry, I...wait one moment.
(puts phone on hold)
You say you got a car honey?
EDWARD
If you can call it that. Four wheels and a motor.
CHARLOTTE
Will it make it to Westwood?
EDWARD
Perhaps.
CODE BLUE
Why the fuck you sending Mr. Rogers? I was here first.
CHARLOTTE
Just be quiet!
EDWARD
What is the position?
CHARLOTTE
Can the car carry three people?
EDWARD
Am I a taxi now? A taxi driver with a degree in Fine Arts? When did Hollywood decide to script my life?
CHARLOTTE
No law says you have to, but maybe the other men will pitch in for gas and everyone could get what they want. Otherwise, Sporty over there was here before you.
SPORTY
Oh, I thought I was just sitting here holding this chair down. What? Am I gonna make a buck today?
CHARLOTTE
You can take Sporty and Slim Shady over there, or you can wait here for the next call, which probably won’t come in.
EDWARD
This seems altogether like extortion.
CHARLOTTE
Just business.
EDWARD
I don’t even know if I passed the safety exam. You wouldn’t want an uncertified man entering the work environment. Kingdoms could crumble.
CHARLOTTE
He pass the test?
RUBIO
(without looking at the test)
Yeah, he pass.
CHARLOTTE
So?
EDWARD
So how much does it pay, what will I be doing, and when do I get paid.
CHARLOTTE
Pays a quarter above minimum, you’ll be...
EDWARD
A quarter???
CHARLOTTE
You’ll be closing out a toy store, shelving merchandise for clearance, sweeping, and if you make it back before seven then you can get paid today. Otherwise you get paid tomorrow. Sound good?
EDWARD
(to Sporty)
This is how you live? I mean...a quarter above minimum?
SPORTY
It’s a bitch, ain’t it? Come on. We make it back in time for the races at the Park.
EDWARD
It’s medieval.
CODE BLUE
Ain’t no races tonight.
SPORTY
There’s races every night. OTB, baby. Churchill Downs, Arlington. Hell, there’s the Spring Hawaii Cup tonight that I got strong information on. If you was smart you’d bet the house with me. And there’s the Lakers game.
CODE BLUE
You high on the crack cocaine?
SPORTY
Hey, pass up a fortune. Go ahead. Don’t make no difference to me. Tomorrow afternoon I’ll be eating steak off your momma’s ass. What’ll you be eating?
EDWARD
(uneasily)
And these will be my coworkers?
CHARLOTTE
Look, I need an answer. You want to work? You want to make some money?
EDWARD
I guess that’s what I came here for. Did you ask them if they needed painting done. Perhaps a mural.
CHARLOTTE
They going out of business, sweety. Their mural days are O-V-R.
Charlotte begins speaking to the person on the phone again.
CHARLOTTE
Yes, maam. I’ll send my three best men.
EDWARD
(to Rubio)
This isn’t an elaborate hustle, is it?
RUBIO
Hustle? No. You work and you get paid. Is good money.
CODE BLUE
Good money? Maybe if you coming from Mexico where you get paid in Pesos. Shit.
BECKER
That’s because you don’t know anything about saving your money. You young and throw a dollar around like trash.
CODE BLUE
That’s bullshit. All I got is what I am.
BECKER
So am I on that ticket, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
He only wanted three workers. But I think I got something for you later on.
CODE BLUE
See, giving favors. I knew you were holding out on me. Becker gets the PW gig and I get stuck shelving toys with Mr. Rogers. I bet headquarters would like to hear about this one.
CHARLOTTE
We got the best match dispatch here. I told you before that I send who I think fits the job. Westwood wanted a lazy jack-off so I’m sending you.
EDWARD
I think there’s been a mistake. I have grave misgivings about...
CHARLOTTE
Here’s your ticket. Here...Sporty, Code Blue, get a move on. The ticket starts when you get there.
EDWARD
Wait. I’m not getting paid from right now?
CODE BLUE
Save your breath, dude. I already bitched about it this morning. We get paid when we get to the site. Work-A-Day just can’t afford to kick down a dollar and a half for the trip over there.
EDWARD
That can’t be legal. There are regulations against this sort of thing.
CODE BLUE
Regulations? Hear that, Sporty? They got regulations protecting my Work-A-Day ass. Well, shit. I’ll sleep better knowing I got someone on my side.
SPORTY
Hey, how long they need us?
CHARLOTTE
Just till tonight. Here are the tickets. Sporty, show Mr. Rogers here what to do. And you two give him some gas money or next time you’ll take the bus. Make me proud.
The three of them walk to the door. Charlotte begins to talk to Becker.
EDWARD
What happened to labor unions?
SPORTY
You see that supermarket strike couple months ago? Lotta people out of work, sleeping on sidewalks, getting evicted, getting sick?
EDWARD
Of course.
SPORTY
Guess who won?
EDWARD
The union?
SPORTY
You don’t read the paper? Union got their asses kicked. And that was a fucking union. A real union and the illegal scabs broke that like a motherfucker. What we got here is (Code Blue) one lazy dude who sleeps at the shelter, a kid...
CODE BLUE
I’m not at the shelter no more!
SPORTY
...a (Don) kid from North Carolina who lives under a bridge, an (Coach) old preacher. (Himself) A guy who was a college Forward until he tore his ACL. And what was Becker?
CODE BLUE
An asshole. Forget it, Man. Let’s cut loose like a deuce.
SPORTY
No. He worked security for that power company that went broke. And before that he was at the shipyard down south.
CODE BLUE
What shipyard?
SPORTY
Exactly.
EDWARD
So what is your point? You still have the ability to communicate. Why do you allow yourselves to be used like this.
SPORTY
It is what it is. Don’t expect it to pay the rent. You’re working for food now. Hell, you’ll be lucky to break even.
CODE BLUE
Bunch of bullshit.
EDWARD
It can’t last.
SPORTY
Usually, it don’t. You see a line of men waiting to get in here? No chance. You’ve got to have some mental problem to work here. Some days I’m the only one in the hall and I get to pick the job I get screwed at.
CODE BLUE
I hope your ride ain’t as fucked up as your threads, Mister.
SPORTY
Beats the bus. Let’s go.
EDWARD
I’m certain that I’m making an enormous mistake.
SPORTY
Join the club. This here hall is like Big Lots, except all you got on the shelves are [points to everyone in turn] losers, losers, losers, losers.
EDWARD
Well, I hope neither of you are allergic to cats.
Edward exits. Sporty and Code Blue pause at the doorway.
CODE BLUE
Motherfucker got cats in his car. And he’s as fruity as a banana plant.
SPORTY
You want to take the bus? Shit, you’ll toss two hours of work down the shitter. I’ve put up with worse than a queer and some cats for a dollar. It’s up to you.
Sporty Exits.
CODE BLUE
If he puts a hand on me, I’ll knock the shit out of him. Hey! Wait up!
Code Blue Exits.
CHARLOTTE
(to Becker)
Report to a Mister Robinson. You still got your gloves from this morning?
BECKER
Yeah. Who’s on this ticket with me?
CHARLOTTE
The Mexican dude from Compton. Gordo. You work with him before?
BECKER
Yeah. He’ll do. Alright. I got time to get a sandwich at home and catch the bus. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks Char.
CHARLOTTE
Make me proud, honey.
Becker looks around and picks up his jacket from a chair.
Becker approaches door as Rooster walks in.
ROOSTER
What kind of bullshit directions you give me? There’s no library on Fifth St. I looked for thirty minutes.
CHARLOTTE
Fifth street? Sure there is. Sure. Let me see the ticket.
Rooster hands the ticket to Charlotte.
ROOSTER
That’s three hours I wasted. Who’s gonna pay for that?
CHARLOTTE
(points to ticket)
What street that say?
Rooster looks closely at the ticket.
ROOSTER
Alameda?
CHARLOTTE
That’s Alvarado. Alvarado.
ROOSTER
How am I supposed to know that. Damn type is all smudged. Who’s gonna pay me?
CHARLOTTE
The type isn’t what’s wrong. Rubio, what does this say?
Rubio is sleeping.
CHARLOTTE
There ain’t nothing wrong with the type. Why didn’t you call?
ROOSTER
I did call. All I got was the answering machine. That was a dollar just in calls I spent.
CHARLOTTE
Hold on. Let me see if they still want you. Damn, Rooster. Couldn’t you ask no one.
ROOSTER
It isn’t enough I got to walk around south central L.A. looking for a library but I got to ask for directions too and beg spare change? You know what some of those kids would do to a guy like me? They play for keeps. Shit, my body is worth good gang rep to them boys.
CHARLOTTE
I’ll call ‘em back.
ROOSTER
I’m not going back there.
CHARLOTTE
You don’t want to work?
ROOSTER
I’m not going back. Just pay me for my time and I’ll go home.
CHARLOTTE
Pay you for what? Sitting on the bus? You never checked in. I can only pay you if they cancel. Now, I’ll call and ask if they still need you but if they don’t then that’s your own fault.
ROOSTER
I couldn’t read the address. How is that my fault? Don’t cheat me. I need to eat.
CHARLOTTE
So do I. Do I call them back or not? I need to know cause I’m off in ten minutes.
ROOSTER
Fuck this. I’m done. I’m finished.
CHARLOTTE
You can get the same ticket tomorrow.
ROOSTER
I got community service tomorrow! I needed this ticket today! I need cash right now! Damn!
Rooster walks into the bathroom then walks out.
ROOSTER
You still haven’t fixed the shitter? I spend two hours on a bus to go piss in the bushes?
CHARLOTTE
You want to fix it, be my guest.
ROOSTER
Man. What a racket. Getting rich off me. Pretty soon you’ll be building a new addition. Call it “The Rooster Wing”. Name it after the man who worked these shitty tickets for you. Put my name in gold fucking letters.
CHARLOTTE
Rich? How we getting rich off you while you’re riding the bus? How?
ROOSTER
Cause that’s what you all do. You get rich on an honest man’s sweat. I’m done.
Rooster leaves.
CHARLOTTE
Don’t let the door hit you on the ass. Hey! Rubio, can you call...
Rubio is asleep.
CHARLOTTE
Rubio!
Rubio wakes up.
CHARLOTTE
You can’t stay awake? Why don’t you go home?
RUBIO

Ok.
CHARLOTTE
Not a chance. You stay where you are and call the library back. Tell ‘em we dispatched all out employees and ask if they need someone tomorrow.
RUBIO
That’s not my ticket. You call.
CHARLOTTE
I’m not calling them because I’ve done your job long enough. And I’m going home.
RUBIO
I won’t call them. I...what happened with Rooster?
CHARLOTTE
Fucker says he didn’t find the place. Was probably sucking down forty ouncers two blocks away. So call. Goodnight. Goodbye.
Charlotte gets her things and leaves. Rubio calls.
RUBIO
Yes, we have a problem with the man we dispatch. You will be wanting a help in the tomorrow? Excuse me? No, I don’t know. Wait one moment. Charlotte? Charlotte?

End of Scene 2.

A MONTAGE OF THE MEN AT THEIR JOBS. THE DIFFERENT SETS WILL BE 1) COACH AND DON AT THE GOLF COURSE. 2) EDWARD, SPORTY, CODE BLUE AT THE TOY STORE. 3) BECKER AT A NIGHT CONSTRUCTION JOB AT A SUPERMARKET. THE INDIVIDUAL SCENES WILL ROTATE VIA A SPOTLIGHT WITH ALL THE MEN ON STAGE AWAITING THEIR TURN.

Coach and Don are trying to get a CHAINSAW started.
COACH
You flooded it. That’s the problem.
DON
There isn’t hardly any gas left. Ask for some more gas.
COACH
Did they mix any oil in it? You got to mix two-stroke oil in a chainsaw. The way it was running before was like they never added oil to it.
DON
My arm is tired. Coach, why did the boss talk to me like that? What did I do?
COACH
I missed it. I was with the other guys over there. They had me go into the creek for that branch. Did they give me some rubber boots?
DON
I’m afraid to ask for more gas. You ask him.
COACH
Fuck that. He’ll just put me to work. We’re on the ticket now. That’s what’s important. When you get a ticket like this you just try to stay out of the way.
DON
I don’t think Charlotte wants me using chainsaws. Isn’t there something in that safety book about using these tools?
COACH
Charlotte don’t know what it’s like on these tickets. We got to go along with the boss. That’s why I don’t much care if you get it started.
DON
But this ain’t working. It’s out of fuel.
COACH
That our problem? Fuck no. It’s their chainsaw. We just two guys from Work-A-Day. Who are we to tell the boss how to do his job?
DON
I sure wish I was on a PW ticket. You think one’ll come.
COACH
I won’t hold my breath. Tickets like this are bread and butter. They ain’t steak.
DON
I haven’t had sausages in a long time, Coach. I could eat plenty of them. I’d just eat and eat.
COACH
Try the choke again. It isn’t getting any fuel.
DON
My arm’s tired. I think I pulled the joint out when I fell out of that tree.
COACH
What they have you up there for? That ain’t right.
DON
That branch broke and was hanging.
COACH
So? Send one of their asses up. We making the minimum wage. Listen: Don’t risk your ass for no one.
DON
I know. But if I could get a good job like this then I could get me a room and some sausage.
COACH
How you gonna do that if you fall out of a tree and break your neck? How? You gonna be crippled and laying in a hospital with a tube in your dick. That what you want?
DON
A tube? No, sir.
COACH
Then don’t climb no trees. You know what I tell them when they ask me to climb a tree?
DON
What?
COACH
That I’m afraid of heights. Listen: These guys send us home right now and we still get paid for four hours. By law.
DON
But...
COACH
But nothing. That’s four hours take home pay. Charlotte ain’t gonna give a shit if they blacklist us. Are you?
DON
I just want to do a good job so I can get a room.
COACH
That’s fine, D. But you gotta make it to the end of the day before you can sleep. These fuckers will use your ass up and spit you out. They treat their lawnmowers better than they treat you. They think they’re big shots. They ain’t L.A. Hell, you’re L.A. Compared to them.
DON
I’m real hungry coach. Do we get a lunch break?
COACH
Why? You bring a lunch?
DON
No.
COACH
So what you gonna eat?
DON
I don’t know.
COACH
Bread gonna fall out of the sky?
DON
No.
COACH
Fish gonna flop out of the creek? We got no food. We got no money to get back to the hall. You just got to have one thing on your mind right now. Know what that is?
DON
Sausages?
COACH
Nope. Just think about how you gonna get out this in one piece. Don’t get injured.
DON
Don’t get injured?
COACH
That’s right. Don’t climb no trees. Don’t use the lawnmowers. Don’t get near the wood chipper. That’s all. Look after your own ass. Keep your pussy tight. Stay healthy for that PW ticket.
DON
I can feel one coming. Then we’ll be eating steak and sausage.
COACH
Sure we will. If we stay healthy.
DON
I wonder if the other fellas got tickets. If they got a PW ticket I’d be sort of happy for them, but I’d be sad too. You know what I mean? I guess that’s mean. Hey, I almost got it started!
COACH
You on your own, D. God gave you an asshole, but he doesn’t wipe your ass.
DON
I hope them other fellas make it. I hope they doing good.

Edward, Sporty and Code Blue are all taking broken and returned toys from a storage room and putting them on shelves of a toy store that’s closing down. Each of the man has a toy in his hand.
CODE BLUE
Ain’t this the shit? A man gets up in the morning and...this is the last place I thought I’d end up.
SPORTY
You taking another break, bitch? Carrying dolls and games too much for you? Your pussy sore?
CODE BLUE
These toys are all broke. You notice that?
Edward is holding a train with no wheels.
EDWARD
My family had a grand electric toy set that we’d set up every christmas. It was a magical season.
Lights go down except for one directly on Edward. Edward kneels down and begins playing with the train like a child.
EDWARD
(Train sound effects)
Chug chug. All aboard.
VOICE OF EDWARD’S MOTHER (O.S.)
Junior, I told you five minutes ago to have that silly toy back in the box and ready to be returned.
EDWARD
Mommy, look! The train can pull the caboose.
VOICE OF EDWARD’S MOTHER
Act your age, boy. And take your sister’s dress off.
EDWARD
But it’s pretty.
VOICE OF EDWARD’S MOTHER
Go to your room and take it off this instant or there will be no dinner.
Edward stands up as lights return.
SPORTY
(shrugs)
Who the fuck cares ‘bout your Christmas? Does a GI Joe go in the dolls section or the War section?
CODE BLUE
It goes in the headless section. Doll don’t got no head. None of the dolls have heads. Who the fuck gonna buy a doll with no head?
SPORTY
They closing the store. Who gives a fuck? Ain’t my problem, ain’t my deal.
EDWARD
This is quite possibly the worst job I’ve ever had in my life. I have been holding my bladder for forty-five minutes. There are laws against this.
SPORTY
You still here? I thought you bailed after you dropped that box of Leggos. Man, what an asshole you are.
EDWARD
Have you even seen a bathroom?
SPORTY
Ask GI Joe. He’s the shave-ass bitch who hides instead of helping out. Where’s the shitter, bitch?
CODE BLUE
I bet the Lakers lose by twenty tonight. I hope...
Code Blue sneezes.
SPORTY
Take that back.
EDWARD
I think I’m going to be ill. My bladder is throbbing.
CODE BLUE
Stay away from me then. Just stay away from me. One of them cats pissed on me already.
EDWARD
Edward The Fourth is very sensitive.
CODE BLUE
And I’m not sensitive to cat piss? What? (Sneeze) Now I got allergies too.
SPORTY
Bunch of bullshit. Stocking broken toys on game night? When’s quitting time?
CODE BLUE
Shit. There’s a million toys in there. And that kid is high if he thinks he can boss me around. I ain’t matching no head to no body of no broken fuck-ass toy. No way.
SPORTY
He tell you that?
CODE BLUE
To my face. I told him that I’d kick his ass before I went looking for a fucking GI Joe head. You know what he told me?
SPORTY
That you an asshole?
CODE BLUE
Shit. Then Mr. Rogers over here...
(indicates Edward)
starts playing peacemaker. Anyone care what you think?
EDWARD
I don’t see why you have to be so aggressive.
CODE BLUE
That’s because you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole and you’re an asshole and everyone here is an asshole. Read me?
SPORTY
Why you hatin’? We on a ticket. Make your mamma proud. Give your dad a good name.
CODE BLUE
Code Blue don’t take the shit from no punk ass boss and that’s it. I don’t got to take it.
SPORTY
Well, as soon as I hit my Trifecta at the track then I don’t care what you say and whose dick you suck.
CODE BLUE
Shit. You win just enough to lose.
SPORTY
I’m all in, Baby. I’m the King Cobra. My shit tastes like marshmallow. Read me?
CODE BLUE
Assholes. Every motherfucking one of you is an asshole.
EDWARD
I think I’m going to burst.
CODE BLUE
You a child? You need someone to hold your prick while you piss? Hell, go find a bathroom. What they gonna do?
EDWARD
Reprimand me.
CODE BLUE
So punch em in the face. Just stop bitching about it. I’m working here.
SPORTY
Working? I’d hate to see you being lazy. Hey, when you get lazy do you fall asleep? Or what? Do you lie down? Or do you beat your monkey and go for a swim? Shit. You the laziest working man I’ve ever seen.
CODE BLUE
Keep talking out your ass. A man’s back isn’t made of stone.
SPORTY
No shit?
CODE BLUE
That’s right. Keep running your lips. I’ll shove GI Joe up your ass.
EDWARD
I refuse to work under these conditions.
SPORTY
Shit, you haven’t done a minute of work since you got here. All you done is complain about shit and pick up them Leggos you dropped.
EDWARD
I refuse...
SPORTY
Hey, if you fucking disappeared right now off the face of the fucking planet no one would care. No one. You just one more asshole.
EDWARD
My cats would care. That much I know.
CODE BLUE
Why, they got no one to piss on?
SPORTY
We gonna be here all night if you two don’t get the shit out of your ass. Hey, I’ll come back in five years and you two’ll be in here fighting over the Barbie dolls. [pretends to be Code Blue and Edward] ‘Which section does Barbie’s car go in? Which section do the footballs go in? Which section does my lazy ass go in?’ You two are pathetic.
CODE BLUE
Fuck you.
EDWARD
How rude.
SPORTY
Pathetic. I wish to fuck I was on that other ticket with Becker or even the boy from North Caroline. Anything would be better than listening to your shit.
CODE BLUE
Why they even take these toys back? These belong in the trash.
SPORTY
You write up a complaint. Hey, Toy World will change their whole plan.
CODE BLUE
Damn, I’m hungry. What you eat for breakfast?
SPORTY
Them chocolate filled pies. Big Lots had a sale.
CODE BLUE
The little ones?
SPORTY
Yeah. The ones with the chocolate in the middle. Frosted.
CODE BLUE
They got the fruit pies too?
SPORTY
I think so. Them fruit ones taste like shit, though. I get the chocolate ones. Heat ‘em in the toaster oven. Taste good. Dentist told me not to eat no more sweets, but fuck him.
CODE BLUE
Know what I ate?
SPORTY
Was I at your table this morning? Where was I? With you? No. I don’t know what you ate. And I don’t care.
CODE BLUE
Frozen waffles.
SPORTY
So? That’s more than the kid who lives under the bridge had.
CODE BLUE
Don? Fuck him. He’s a man now. Got no excuse for his crib.
SPORTY
Everyone has to eat. You think I got a tattoo on my ass that says I don’t have to eat like the other men?
CODE BLUE
Bunch of bullshit. Let a man starve in the streets. No one cares.
SPORTY
Not about you. Not about me. We worker ants.
CODE BLUE
It’s bullshit.
EDWARD
Speak for yourselves. I’m the only one who benefits from my labor. There is no Pharaoh to whom I’m enslaved.
SPORTY
Then you blind.
EDWARD
I’m not nearly as blind as one who sees no future.
SPORTY
I got a future. This ain’t the end of the line for me. If I win a trifecta or two, The Lakers pick me up, and I go strong in the baseball season then I’m gonna start working for myself.
CODE BLUE
You just told Becker that he’ll be in debt for five years, if he was lucky.
SPORTY
And he will be because he don’t know what the fuck he’s doing. I just need a backer and I can start taking book for myself.
CODE BLUE
You’re crazy, man. No one is gonna come to you with a bet. You a bum.
SPORTY
Keep running your bitch mouth. That’s fine. I got to listen to your bitch mouth because I fucked up in the past. It’s god’s way of punishing me. But I won’t listen to your bitch mouth forever. I’m starting my own book and I’m gonna knock ‘em dead. That’s the way to get ahead.
CODE BLUE
You high.
EDWARD
Taking bets is illegal, if I’m not mistaken.
SPORTY
You mistaken about lots of shit, pops. You mistaken if you think I won’t kick your ass if you keep talking like that.
CODE BLUE
No chance. You a lifetime loser.
SPORTY
Keep flapping your lips. Go on. Take that GI Joe and play house with your Barbie dolls.
CODE BLUE
I’m getting paid. That’s all I know. I’m gonna collect my coin and hit the streets. You do what you gotta do. I don’t know nothing else.
SPORTY
Keep it that way.
EDWARD
I don’t suppose you want to know what I ate this morning.
SPORTY AND CODE BLUE
No!
EDWARD
Well, I was locked out of my apartment by my criminal landlord. So I’ve been out all morning looking for work. I haven’t had a moment to spare for a luxury like a meal. I’d like...
SPORTY
Ain’t that a shame.
EDWARD
I’d like a croissant with some fresh preserves. If I had my whim.
SPORTY
Well, you don’t got no whim. And if we don’t get this junk on the shelves then we gonna be sent home with no Do Re Mi. That means no croissants, no chocolate pies, no pussy, and no sausages.
CODE BLUE
Watch, the Lakers lose by ten tonight.
SPORTY
Never. They always bounce back after a bullshit game like last night.

CODE BLUE
They got no defense.
SPORTY
Watch your mouth.
CODE BLUE
You said so yourself.
SPORTY
Well, I love the Lakers. You just a bitch mouth.
EDWARD
Are all your assignments this mundane?
SPORTY
You mean stupid?
EDWARD
If you wish.
SPORTY
Oh, no. This isn’t bad at all. I once had a ticket downtown where I sat in a room and read all these random words off a piece of paper. Like ‘Alabama’ and ‘Rose’ and ‘Cassie’. This crew from Germany or Switzerland recorded me.
EDWARD
Why?
SPORTY
Something to do with Cell Phones. Voice commands or something.
CODE BLUE
I drove around with a crew in Westchester sand-blasting graffiti off the side of street signs. That sucked ass.
SPORTY
You eat good off that ticket?
CODE BLUE
Sure.
SPORTY
Then why you complaining?
CODE BLUE
Why don’t you fuck off?
EDWARD
Gentleman, this is not a working environment I can tolerate.
SPORTY
So?
CODE BLUE
Yeah, I don’t see no chains. You ain’t a slave in a road gang. Leave if you can’t take it.
SPORTY
Hold on. I don’t want to take a bus.
EDWARD
Take a bus? You haven’t paid me for the ride here.
SPORTY
What am I gonna pay you with? Pussy? You want me to bend over so you can fuck my pussy? You want a blow job? I got no money! I’ll kick down when we get back. Throw you a bone.
EDWARD
If that is to happen then I have to insist you two behave yourselves.
CODE BLUE
Bullshit. No one tells Code Blue what to do.
EDWARD
Then you can walk back to the hall.
CODE BLUE
You think I never took the bus before? Motherfucker, I was born on a bus.
EDWARD
From where does your anger stem? Were you beaten as a child? Abandoned? What has society done to you?
CODE BLUE
What society? All I see are people trying to take what they can get. You call that a society? They ain’t a city. I’m the city. I am L.A. I’m a survivor. You got a problem with that?
EDWARD
I have a problem with uninvited hostility.
CODE BLUE
Tough shit. Go to the moon. You’ll fit right in.
SPORTY
You two ever gonna do any work? Or should we just quit now and go get a cup of coffee. Maybe I can catch the fourth quarter.
CODE BLUE
I got nothing more to say to you two. Just stay out of my way.
EDWARD
Gladly.
CODE BLUE
And no more talking trash about my Lakers. I got money on them tonight.
EDWARD
I really must find a lavatory. I have a medically sensitive  bladder.
SPORTY
I wonder if Becker made out any better. I know he couldn’t have a worse ticket than to baby sit you two losers. Ain’t nothing could be worse than this.
Becker is sitting in the passenger seat of a fake car. The driver is a burly white guy. The driver is “driving” with his hands around a prop steering wheel. The Driver will do most of the talking, which is basically a monologue of racial hatred. The object is to showcase Becker’s ability to ignore his working environment in order to earn a dollar.
Becker is sitting in the passenger seat of a fake car. The driver is a burly white guy. The driver is “driving” with his hands around a prop steering wheel. The Driver will do most of the talking, which is basically a monologue of racial hatred. The object is to showcase Becker’s ability to ignore his working environment in order to earn a dollar.

DRIVER
They come over here, don’t get no papers, drive without a license, work without...see, what do they care if they get caught? I’ve seen a Mexican go to jail for drunk driving, he’s on the street the next day because he ain’t even legal. That’s the kind of City our mayor wants. Nothing but criminals crossing the river, invading. Bullshit.
BECKER
It’s tough.

DRIVER
They don’t belong here. They should stay in Guadalupe or Mexico City and find work there.
BECKER
Right.
DRIVER
Everything was fine until the Mexican Mafia took over in East L.A. Now I can’t even get a job out there. How about I sign you off after four hours and then pay you cash after that? How about twelve an hour. That work for you?
BECKER
That works fine.
DRIVER
Or I could pick up one of them spics on the side of the road if you want. Give them some hours.
BECKER
Nope. I’ll do the work alone.
DRIVER
Good. I’d be sick to my stomach if I gave hours to a goddamn illegal on the street.
(squinting at some figure off the side of the road)
Aw, what the fuck? Is that some spic begging for nickles? What’s that sign say?
BECKER
Don’t see too many Mexicans with signs. You notice that?
DRIVER
Sure. They get all the jobs. What they need to beg for? Push good men on the street.
BECKER
I think I recognize that guy.
Spotlight switches to WILSON who is holding a SIGN on the side of the stage. He walks past Becker and the Driver. Becker hands him some loose change. Wilson walks away as though to the sidewalk and counts the change. His sign reads “Taco Party! King Taco Caters. King Taco!”
WILSON
Motherfucker. Treat me bad. Push me down. Throw me a handful of pennies. I am a man. That’s my ticket. I worked that ticket. I built this city. Me! I am L.A!
We return to Coach and Don. Don is writhing in pain and holding a bloody rag against his hand.
COACH
Put pressure on it.
DON
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. The chain saw slipped.
COACH
You got through the worst of it. Just keep pressure on the cut. Keep pressure on it.
DON
Is it bad? Is it real bad? You look at it.
COACH
Don’t let up pressure. Just keep the pressure on it.
DON
No, you look. Look at it and tell me if it’s bad.
COACH
It ain’t bad. Just keep pressure on it.
Don lifts his good hand off the wound and shows Coach the cut. Coach reacts.
DON
How bad is it?
COACH
Damn.
DON
It’s bad isn’t it. I can’t feel anything. It’s all numb. Am I gonna die?
COACH
Not if you keep pressure on it. Look, the men went for the ambulance and they said...
DON
I wanna go home, Coach. I don’t want an ambulance. I don’t have any money.
COACH
That’s fine. Listen.
(lowers voice)
Listen. You got any ID on you?
DON
In my pocket.
COACH
Give it to me. Wait, I’ll get it.
Coach takes the wallet from Don’s pocket.
DON
But I’m gonna need that.
COACH
Don’t worry. I’ll keep it. See, you gotta tell them you’re somebody else. Make a name up.
DON
Ow! I’m bleeding. Why did that Chainsaw do that to me?
COACH
Listen. You got to tell them you someone else. And make up a social security number. Don’t let the hospital know nothing. Say your ID is in the mail. I’ll fill the forms out for you, OK.
DON
You gotta help me. Let’s just go back to the hall. Let’s go. I can run. Or you said this morning that you could move mountains if you had faith, even just a little bit of faith, then you could move a mountain. Remember?
COACH
I remember.
DON
So do it. Let’s go back to the Hall. I want to go back to the bridge.

COACH
No. You gotta get stitched up. If we got faith then you’ll heal and be able to keep working for the lord. That’s what I mean.
DON
But I can’t pay!
COACH
They won’t make you pay right then. They’ll bill the address I put on the form.
DON
I don’t have any money. Ambulances are expensive.
COACH
So long as you don’t give them any names you won’t have to pay. Understand? You can’t trust the hall to pay because you weren’t supposed to use power tools. It’s in the contract. But you wanted to be a hero.
DON
I wanted to be a good worker, Coach. Maybe they hire me full time and I could get a room.
COACH
What’s done is done. Moses couldn’t pick his time neither.
DON
I’m hurt. What are they gonna do to me?
COACH
They’ll stitch you up.
DON
What about Work-A-Day? They said they’d insure me.
COACH
You read that paper you signed? I just told you. You can’t use power tools or climb ladders or else you ain’t covered. Those are the rules.
DON
But the boss told me.
COACH
He told me too and I told him to go fuck himself. We’re just here to pick up branches and rake leaves. That’s it. No power tools.
DON
I’m real hurt, Coach.
COACH
I know. You get hurt on the job and you’ll never work for the hall again. Stack of papers to fill out and then you get a workers comp assignment, if you’re lucky. Then you never get another ticket. I’ve seen it happen before.
DON
I don’t want that.
COACH
No one does. That’s why you got to do it my way. I’m trying to help.
DON
I don’t want you to lie for me, Coach.
COACH
I don’t either, but that’s the way it is. The lord understands a man has to do some ugly things to stay alive these days. I remember you could walk into a county hospital and get treatment for your pains. That was before insurance and drugs took over. Now they won’t even look at you if you ain’t a Kennedy or a movie star.
DON
It’s starting to hurt. I need a doctor. Coach!
COACH
You’ll live, son. Just relax. Keep pressure on it and keep it up high.
DON
I’m hurt. It feels like my bones are all laid out.
COACH
Keep it high up. That way the blood won’t pour out.
DON
I’m glad you’re here, Coach. I don’t know what to do. I’m real sorry I did this.
COACH
I just hope they sign our tickets. In fact, give me your ticket so I can get them to sign it. At least you get your forty bucks. I’ll tell them that we’ll take care of this on our own. Those assholes wouldn’t even take you to the hospital. I’ll never work here again. God’s Law.
DON
I guess they didn’t want to get blood in their truck.
COACH
They assholes. Plain and simple. Refuse a man help when he’s hurt using their equipment. It ain’t right. All we can do is wait now. You doin’ alright.
DON
It hurts and then it goes numb. You think that’s bad?
COACH
No, that’s a good sign. Real good sign. Just a couple stitches is all you’ll need. Be back to work real soon.
DON
Then I’ll get a good breakfast?
COACH
That’s right. A good breakfast with sausage and bacon.
DON
I’d like hot cakes too.
COACH
All that. And you’ll get that room, too. A room of your own. Just keep the pressure on it.
DON
I’d keep the room clean, Coach. I wouldn’t disrespect it or nothing. I’d sweep and clean. It’d be a good room. I promise.
COACH
Keep your hand up. Maybe you should rest. I think I hear the ambulance coming. Remember what I said about your name.
DON
Don?
COACH
No, you got to make one up so they don’t have you on record. You can’t build a debt with a county hospital. Those bills are a couple thousand dollars. Hell, the ambulance trip alone’ll run a grand.
DON
Maybe we should just run now, coach. We could leave and go somewhere they can find us.
COACH
No, son. You need stitches or it won’t heal. Then where will you be?
DON
But the bill! I don’t have the money.
COACH
That’s why you give a false name. Maybe you should just pretend to be in shock and I’ll tell them everything.
DON
That might be better. I’m scared they’ll find out and tell the police.
COACH
Police? No, this is an accident. The police won’t know about this.
DON
Are you sure? 100% sure?
COACH
Of course. Just act like you can’t speak English. I’ll tell them your name and then you just go along with it. I’ll fill out the forms and everything. OK? That’s the ambulance right there. Ok?
DON
I’m scared. What will the other guys think. They’ll think I’m not a good worker.
COACH
Just worry about yourself right now, Don. Let’s get you stitched up and after that we’ll get some food. I know I’m hungry.
DON
I’m not so hungry now. I’m kind of sick. Do you think it got infected?
COACH
Here they come. Just act like you too sick to talk. Ok? I’ll do the rest. We’ll get you a nice room with a window and a bathroom. Just relax now.
DON
Ok, Coach. I trust you.
Fade lights to reveal Code Blue with his fingers in a man’s chest.
CODE BLUE
What did you say?
MANAGER
I said that you are not working as I asked. Please, we have a lot of merchandise to put on the shelves. You are walking aimlessly in the parking lot.
CODE BLUE
I was looking for a...Have you even seen your ‘merchandise’? Dolls with no head. Games with no parts. Deflated basketballs. What kid is gonna by a flat fucking basketball?
MANAGER
My point is...
CODE BLUE
Dude, I put out a puzzle, one of them jigsaw puzzles, and it said on the box that it was a 500 piece puzzle. Know how many pieces were in it?
MANAGER
Please...
CODE BLUE
About fifty. Now, that belongs in the trash. I went looking for a dumpster. I was working!
MANAGER
We discount the merchandise because it is slightly defective!
CODE BLUE
Defective? The fucking puzzle was missing all the pieces. It belongs in the trash.
MANAGER
Maybe in that case it should be discarded, but I have an inventory to balance. We have trash barrels right here. And you have to tell me what is being discarded. You can’t...
CODE BLUE
All of it. We should be walking out the back door and dropping it all in the dumpster.
MANAGER
That is your opinion. I disagree. For now you must put the merchandise on the shelves.
CODE BLUE
Just respect me. I’m doing the work and I don’t need an attitude. Think this is my dream job? You think I got a career shelving broken dolls? Think I’m here to impress anyone?
MANAGER
We have a lot of merchandise.
CODE BLUE
Just give me some respect, man. I don’t talk shit to you because you managing a run down toy store. A man’s gotta earn a buck.
MANAGER
Respectfully, please return to your job.
CODE BLUE
I’m watching you...
The manager leaves Code Blue. Just then, Edward walks in, trips and drops a jigsaw puzzle.
EDWARD
Damn it!
(falls to knees to pick pieces up)
CODE BLUE
Nice play, Shakespeare. You trip on your pussy lips?
EDWARD
(pounds floor)
Shut your mouth! Shut up! Shut up! You push and push and disregard my every feeling. Why do you enjoy watching me fail?
CODE BLUE
Whoa!
EDWARD
What gives you the right to think you’re better than me? You are worth no more. So shut up!
CODE BLUE
(backing off)
Shit, dude. Freak out, why don’t you.
EDWARD
(his voice breaking)
I’ll not be humiliated. No! I will not be humiliated by you or anyone else.
Sporty walks in carrying a box of dolls.
SPORTY
Oh, shit. We got World War Three going on in here. Hey, Blue, thanks for getting a bug up the manager’s ass. Now he’s giving everyone shit. Good work.
Edward begins picking the pieces up.
CODE BLUE
That motherfucker was giving me shit about trashing some of this junk.
SPORTY
Listen, we come in here and got the easiest job in the whole world. ‘Take this junk from one room to another.’ Simple. A fucking little kid could do it. Only you could fuck it up. Unbelievable.
(points to Edward)
What’s this guy crying about?
CODE BLUE
I’m doing a favor. This is junk.
SPORTY
Who asked for favors? All we have to do is move toys and you got to make a damn issue about it. Why? Can’t you just do what they ask?
CODE BLUE
I am doing what they ask.
SPORTY
You walking around the parking lot looking for a dumpster? Who asked you to do that?
CODE BLUE
The puzzle only had fifty pieces.
SPORTY
So what?
CODE BLUE
So I’m wasting my time putting it on the shelf.
SPORTY
Whose time are you wasting? You’re wasting my time. Just do what your told and take the money. Why don’t you help pick up them pieces.
CODE BLUE
Ain’t my fault. Catman dropped it.
EDWARD
Do not shame me! My life is all I have.
CODE BLUE
Whatever.
EDWARD
What do you know about me? I’m trying to get my life together and must hurdle one obstacle after another. Did you know that I’m a victim of identity theft?
CODE BLUE
No, I missed the memo.
EDWARD
Well, just try putting your life together after someone has stolen your credit cards and bank records.
CODE BLUE
I’ll call the whambulance.
SPORTY
You two are pathetic. Someone has to do some work around here.
Sporty walks past Edward and Code Blue.
EDWARD
Careful!
CODE BLUE
Wait, Sporty. What’s that?
SPORTY
Bunch of crap.
CODE BLUE
That doll there. Let me see that.
SPORTY
No. You playing with dolls now? Shit.
CODE BLUE
Hey, I got a little sister. She likes this stuff.
Manager appears unnoticed near the edge of light. Folds arms and observes.
SPORTY
So go buy it.
CODE BLUE
I ain’t buying shit. This is all junk anyway.
SPORTY
The doll don’t got a head.
CODE BLUE
I know, but I remember where I put the head before. It just needs to be put back together.
SPORTY
ait till the end of the night if you’re gonna lift shit.
CODE BLUE
I might forget. It’s her birthday.
Code Blue takes the doll and puts it in his pants.
CODE BLUE
She likes that shit. I didn’t get her nothing yet.
SPORTY
You high?
Manager walks into the light with the attitude of one who is not happy. Edward hasn’t been paying attention to Code Blue and has just finished putting all the pieces back in the box. Code Blue and Sporty turn silently as they realize they’ve been caught and will have some explaining to do.
EDWARD
(to manager)
I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to ask your opinion about this puzzle. Because it is a paint by number jigsaw puzzle, I thought it should belong in the arts and crafts section. Or it could go in the puzzle section. Though the completed picture is a low quality seascape, it might prove to be useful in developing some brush technique. Sir? Sir?
Light fade to reveal Becker and the Driver still driving.

BECKER
I was thinking about starting my own business.
DRIVER
You crazy? Don’t even think about it. Just stick with what you’re doing. Make some money and do what you gotta do.
BECKER
It’s just that me and some other men were talking and...
DRIVER
Nope. Small business is a grind to beat all. Wake up in the morning, grind it out on the street, cold calls, dead ends, mexican crews picking your pockets. Nope. The worst mistake of my life. You know, I used to like carpentery. I liked it. Now I get sick to my stomach when I hear a tape measure snap back in the case.
BECKER
But is it real hard to start up? I mean, do you need a lot of paperwork?
DRIVER
Tons. I tried to keep my own payroll going for a few years but that took bookkeeping. My wife kept the books for a while, but then she couldn’t keep up. So I hired an accountant and he turned out to be a crook.
BECKER
But I know the men I want to work with.
DRIVER
That’s even worse. Friends are the worst partners. You think it’ll be like your back yard, talking, drinking beers, bullshitting. But, it ain’t. Nope. A business is a business. Friends are for the weekend.
BECKER
But we could get some jobs like you. Fixing stuff. We’re all good workers.
DRIVER
Nope. Just cause you’re a good worker doesn’t mean you’re a good businessman. If you don’t have what it takes to make a dollar then you will be broke before lunchtime. Clients will have you in court so fucking fast.
BECKER
Court?
DRIVER
Hell, yes. I’ve been to trial four times in twenty years and I won every one of those cases. I’m no fool. I’ve got a good lawyer. Keep my records straight. Take pictures of all my work. If you aren’t prepared then you will go to court and you will lose your shirt.
BECKER
Even in something simple?
DRIVER
Ain’t no business simple. Hell, even a paper route takes some skill. What you guys want to do?
BECKER
We haven’t decided. Mow Lawns. Or...
DRIVER
Nope. Mexicans got the landscaping gig cornered. Not a chance.
BECKER
We were thinking about hauling stuff to the dump.
DRIVER
(nods his head)
That’s a good one. If you got a good truck with high sides and you have insurance then I could hire your right now.
BECKER
Right. A truck.
DRIVER
A good pick-up with high sides so you can bury the hazardous material like cement and tires.

BECKER
You’re probably right. I was just looking for a way out of the labor hall. The tickets just aren’t paying the bills.
DRIVER
Are you kidding? You cost me over a hundred dollars to drive around picking up material. You gotta see at least seventy of that.
BECKER
A hundred?
DRIVER
Hell yes, twenty-five dollars an hour. Four hour minimum. You figure it out.
BECKER
I’ll be lucky if I get a twenty dollar check.
DRIVER
What?!
BECKER
I got child support and back taxes.
DRIVER
Still, you should see more than twenty bucks.
BECKER
Nope.
DRIVER
Shit. That labor hall of yours is pimping your ass out. Hell, them fag whores on the Sunset Strip make more than you just giving hand jobs.
BECKER
It’s a bitch.
DRIVER
Well, I’ll pay you cash for anything after four hours. That way we both make out. Alright? What you do before this?
BECKER
Then I worked security for Powercon.
DRIVER
A client of mine lost everything when they shut down. His whole pension was tied up in Powercon. He was a good man and now he’s broke somewhere in Montana living with his son. Worked all his life and he can’t wipe his ass, can’t even buy himself a cup of coffee in the morning because some CEO was building marble skyscraper on a private island and filling it with teenage whores.
BECKER
I knew more than one man who went down hard after the shutdown. I guess I was lucky since I’d only put in seven years. I kissed my retirement goodbye, but I still got time to earn. I still got time.
DRIVER
Hey, there’s that hobo again...

Fade lights to reveal Wilson with a new sign that reads “Pizza Party. Call Pizza Time. Weekend Deal.”
WILSON
That’s my bridge. I built that bridge. I built it with my hands. You don’t belong under my bridge. I’ll rape you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll sneak up on you when you are asleep and I’ll fucking kill you. You want war? I’ll give you war. I am L.A. I am L.A. I am L.A.
End Scene 4
End Act I

Act II
SCENE 4: OFFICE INTERIOR
Act II opens in the labor hall interior on the morning after Act I. Mid morning. Charlotte is alone behind the desk. Coach, Becker, Sporty, Edward, and a reluctant Code Blue sit in a circle.
BECKER
Let’s go over it one more time then.
CODE BLUE
Y’all are crazy.
BECKER
Are you in or out?
CODE BLUE
I don’t want my name on no paperwork. That’s how the feds keep track of you.
COACH
You more worried about the feds keeping track of you than of what God thinks? You think He don’t know every move you make?
CODE BLUE
He ain’t gonna put me in the work camps.
SPORTY
Them work camps don’t exist.
CODE BLUE
And God does?
COACH
Yes. And this [indicates the hall] is his work camp. You working for the Lord from the day you’re born.
CODE BLUE
Then where’s my paycheck? Huh? The Lord’s been coming up light for a few years now.
COACH
No, you’re the one who’s been coming up light. You bring everything down. What are you doing to make it better? Name one thing.
CODE BLUE
I take care of Code Blue. That’s what I do.
COACH
Then you got no paycheck coming.
EDWARD
Listen to yourself. Speaking in King Taco parables. What kind of Wizard are you?
COACH
I’m a servant. A shepherd. That’s all.
EDWARD
Don’t look now, Mr. Shepherd, but the wolves have taken over.
COACH
Ever since you came...
BECKER
Coach, this ain’t the time for talk. We’ve got to act. This guy I worked with yesterday said I could borrow some of his materials and tools but he doesn’t know when he’ll need them back. Right?
COACH
That sounds mighty generous for a boss.
BECKER
We’re just borrowing them. So we take Ed’s car south and get the tools. Sporty, you said you can get that printing done? Sporty?
SPORTY
What? Printing? Hell, yes. I went to school with a girl at the copy place. We’re tight. I get a discount.
CODE BLUE
Aw, shit. You gonna hit that ass?
SPORTY
Watch your mouth.
CODE BLUE
Yep, you’re gonna hit that ass. Just watch out she don’t bitch you down.
SPORTY
I got my ass covered. Just ante up for the paper and shit. I’ll do the rest.
CODE BLUE
How much you figure the printing will cost?
SPORTY
Three hundred.
COACH
Three hundred? Hell, no. Give me the flyer. I’ll use the church copier.
SPORTY
You want it to look like crap? I’ll go get good fliers made. Color ones. Look real sharp and professional.
EDWARD
I hate to drain the hot tub on everyone but we don’t even have a flier. We don’t have a business plan and we don’t have a business agreement. We don’t even have a name.
BECKER
That’s cause all you fellas do is argue about whose bitch fucked who last night and whose ticket sucked.
CHARLOTTE
Come sign for your voucher, Becker. Sorry about the four hours. I swear he said he needed you for more.
Becker walks to desk and signs sheet.
BECKER
I take what comes.
(looks at voucher)
Jesus. This won’t even buy lunch. Four fucking hours and I still got fast food.
CHARLOTTE
I’ll try to get you a good ticket. It’s the storms. Outdoor sites just shut down.
BECKER
You do what you can.
CHARLOTTE
Funny that Gordo couldn’t find the guy but you did. Gordo said he never saw you.
BECKER
That right?
CHARLOTTE
And it’s kinda strange he asked for two workers but then only needed one for four hours. Don’t you think that’s strange?
BECKER
You don’t pay me enough to think, Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE
Well, I think it’s strange.
Becker gets his money from the machine and returns to group. He places the money on a chair between them all.
BECKER
So there it is. Now, Sporty, three hundred for copies is too much.
EDWARD
And I’ll need gas. Where did you say this man’s warehouse was?
BECKER
Long Beach.
EDWARD
Long Beach? Well, that’s too far for Edward the Fourth.
BECKER
Who the fuck is...?
CODE BLUE
His cats. The dude has a couple cats in his car. One pissed on me.
Don enters the hall with is hand bandaged up. He stands by the door and then walks in, hiding the hand behind his back.
BECKER
How we gonna truck equipment and materials with cats crawling everywhere?
EDWARD
I told you it was a bad idea to use my car. It isn’t a truck. I have a hard enough time getting my painting materials in it.
BECKER
Aw, well, we gotta use it. My ride’s a piece of shit. Doesn’t start.
COACH
(noticing Don)
Hey, Don. How you feeling, Son?
DON
Tired.
COACH
But they fixed you up right?
DON
I guess. They gave me a prescription for some pills.
CODE BLUE
Don’t take ‘em. Them doctors just try to drug your ass up. Then you’ll be off to the desert.
SPORTY
I got a buyer for your pills if they the good ones.
DON
Did you tell Charlotte?
COACH
All she knows is that we went to the ticket, did our job, and went home. Here’s your ticket. Those guys put on a couple extra hours for you. I told Charlotte you stayed longer.
DON
How many more hours they put.
COACH
Three.
BECKER
Shit. Your blood was worth twenty bucks. Get more than that down at the Plasma Bank.
COACH
That’s twenty bucks closer to that room.
CODE BLUE
They got good snacks at the Blood Bank. And one of them nurses wants a piece of Code Blue. You know what piece?
BECKER
Shut up. And you got a place in the business if you want it, D.
DON
A business?
BECKER
Keep your voice down. Until we can get an office of our own we got to meet here. And we got to be quiet. You know Charlotte.
SPORTY
No tickets here anyway. Bullshit town.
DON
I can still work, Mr. Becker. I got one good hand. I can lift things and push things.
CODE BLUE
Shit, you employee of the month.
BECKER
Well, we need a flier.
EDWARD
And a name for the business.
SPORTY
Who’s gonna give us a job again?
CODE BLUE
Oh, yeah, we gonna be rich real soon. I should go up to Beverly Hills and have them measure my ass up for one of them Armani-sace suits. You know, just so they’ll have it ready for me.
BECKER
If you got nothing good to say then shut your mouth.
CODE BLUE
Sure thing, dude.
(pretends to speak into a cell phone)
Hey, Alfred? Could you send the car around with a couple bitches in it? I’m getting a hard on.
BECKER
You are a worthless piece of shit.
DON
Will we still be able to take the PW ticket when it comes?
BECKER
That’s the best part. Because we’re meeting here we can just pick and choose which tickets we take. See? We’ll be in control. If we don’t want to take another shit-eating ticket moving furniture then we don’t have to.
SPORTY
That’d be nice.
BECKER
Sure it would. And remember last year during the playoffs? Remember that ticket you worked?
SPORTY
Missed Game 5. I couldn’t get out of that shit and I missed a double overtime win.
BECKER
That won’t happen this year. We’ll have our own tickets to work. Hell, if a guy wants to earn a little more dough then he can pick up the slack. See?
DON
I’ll make enough for the room?
BECKER
Of course.
EDWARD
We still haven’t discussed profit sharing, a business plan, a marketing plan, or a name. All we’ve established is that we are well short of the capital needed to start a business.
BECKER
Look, we need the fliers to get business. That’s our plan. We’ll do stuff around the house. We’ll haul junk. We’ll paint. We’ll cut hedges. We’ll fix the plumbing. We’ll fix shit.
EDWARD
Ok, even with my limited experience as a businessman, I know writing “We’ll Fix Shit” on a business card or flier probably won’t bring an avalanche of calls. And whose phone are we going to use?
BECKER
The one outside King Taco.
EDWARD
A pay phone?
BECKER
Sure. Guido’s been using it to hustle smack for a good nine months.
EDWARD
His name can’t be Guido.
BECKER
Probably not, but that’s what we call him.
EDWARD
(laughs)
Won’t we be invading his ‘turf’
BECKER
I know Guido. He’s cool with it. He works nights anyway.
CODE BLUE
I ain’t cool with it. You know the fed’s got that phone tapped.
BECKER
Hey, Dragnet, it’s only until we can afford a cell phone. Jesus. I got it all planned out. We just need an extra hundred bucks and then we can get one of them portable phones at the Target. See?
CODE BLUE
I’m just saying.
EDWARD
So let me summarize: our office will be the nearby pay phone, which we’ll share with Guido, the local smack dealer?
(everyone nods)
Splendid. And we’ll do various chores around a client’s property, such as ‘fixing shit’?
(everyone nods)
And my decrepit, feline-occupied vehicle will serve as the company vehicle as we circumnavigate Los Angeles county borrowing tools and material from strangers?
(everyone nods)
Well [beat] what could possibly go wrong with a plan like that?
COACH
It just might work. With the Lord’s help, it just might swing. We should pray. Bow your heads. Lord, give us strength.
EDWARD
I’d settle for a glass of Meursault and a good book.
CODE BLUE
I’d take some good pussy.
DON
They got sausages in Heaven, right?
SPORTY
I just want to hit one trifecta. One fucking trifecta. Why doesn’t God want me to hit it?
COACH
If we do it right we could make it swing.
BECKER
Yes! Then we can call the shots. We can be the boss. We can say who works what ticket and how much they get paid. And we get to keep all the dough and split it up right.  No more IRS deductions. No more bullshit. It’s our turn to eat good. Take long weekends, have cookouts, drive around in the nice cars. Think: we can eat steak dinners and sausages. We’re so close. Once we get the word out then the tickets’ll come in. We just gotta act. Who’s in?
Silence.
BECKER
Or do you just want to wait for Charlotte to feed you up another winning lotto ticket? Huh? What you got to lose?
COACH
I’m with you, Beck. We’ve been through a lot. It’s about time I ate a good meal.
DON
I can still help. I can still work.
COACH
Why don’t you go get your voucher?
DON
Let me see my ticket. The boss really put extra hours on there.
COACH
Sure, he did. Real working-man’s hero. Listen, just remember to mark down that you didn’t get hurt. Tell Charlotte you just scrapped the skin on your palm. Ok? How does it feel.
DON
They gave me some pills that make me a little sick. But my hand is just sore.
COACH
That’s a real good sign. Isn’t it Becker?
BECKER
That’s good. You can help us out with the little stuff. You can answer the phone. Maybe you can draw the flier.
DON
What’s a flyer?
Don takes ticket and brings it to Charlotte. He hides his hand behind his back.
EDWARD
Obviously, I’m the artist and I’ll be responsible for the flier. Since we’ll be concentrating on painting contracts I think the best concept is...
CODE BLUE
Hold on. What makes you think you can draw?
EDWARD
I graduated with a degree in visual arts.
CODE BLUE
I saw your samples in your car. No one wants to hire a bunch of fruits. I’ll draw a kick ass flier.
EDWARD
You will not. I’m easily the most talented artist here.
CODE BLUE
You draw them rivers and naked fat chicks. Pretend water fountains. What good does that do us?
EDWARD
It is evidence of our skill.
CODE BLUE
Man, you high. Look outside and tell me how many naked fat chicks you see on the billboards.
EDWARD
That has nothing to do with our services.
CODE BLUE
Exactly. I’ll do the flier and if someone hires us to paint a waterfall on their garage then you can do that.
EDWARD
This is absurd.
COACH
Why don’t both of you draw a flier. We’ll use both of them. It doesn’t hurt to have two.
EDWARD
But it is a waste of money to print a flier that isn’t professional.
COACH
Then we’ll decide which one to print. Lord, please! If you want to help us then go make the flier and stop arguing. Both of you. Until we have advertising then we don’t have business. What’s the number for the phone.
BECKER
555. Write this down. 555-9898.
COACH
You’re sure the phone accepts incoming calls.
BECKER
That’s why Guido uses it.
COACH
I’m just checking.
EDWARD
I feel very uneasy about all of this. I took a small buisness course at UCLA and this is not how to go about starting a small business.
BECKER
Yeah, well, it’s how we’re gonna start one. And we’re gonna be successful. You watch. We’ll be drinking pina coladas in at the beach in a month. Have our own office. Secretaries. Company vehicles with our name on it.
EDWARD
Speaking of names, we should decide on a name for the business so I can incorporate it into my flier and design strategy. I was thinking something simple like “Edward and Company General Chores and Painting.”
CODE BLUE
That’s a bullshit name. No one wants that name.
SPORTY
We should call ourselves “The Lakers” Everyone loves the Lakers.
BECKER
Sporty, that’s already taken.
SPORTY
It’s a good name.
BECKER
There aren’t any lakes in L.A. Anyone know where the closest lake is?
DON
I was on the bus once and I had to get off and there was a real big lake over there.
Points west.
BECKER
Were there boats on it?
DON
Sure. Biggest boats I’ve ever seen. And people sitting on the sand. And there were these jugglers and painters on the sidewalk and people selling necklaces and kids skateboarding and riding bicycles. There were men lifting weights and playing basketball. It was like a big parade. And lots of people were smoking from pipes and rolling cigarettes. I was gonna sleep there, but it gets too cold at night to sleep so I ended up under the bridge.
BECKER
That’s the ocean, Don. That don’t count.
DON
Wow. The ocean.
BECKER
Look, the name just has to be good enough to get us work. Nothing crazy.
DON
How about Franklin? I went to a school named Franklin.
BECKER
That doesn’t have anything to do with the business.
DON
Ok.
BECKER
Lets just call it Chores and Painting. C and P.
SPORTY
C and P? That makes no sense. The name has to have some punch to it. It’s gotta have the word ‘work’ in it. So people know they’re getting good work.
CODE BLUE
The Labor Boys?
SPORTY
That’s not bad. Lets go with that.
COACH
I’m not a boy.
CODE BLUE
We don’t want the customer to know that you’re a million years old.
COACH
I’m barely sixty and I can still kick your ass.
BECKER
Let’s concentrate here. What’s a good name for the business. Boys is a bad name because people think we’re still in high school and don’t know what we’re doing. It’s gotta be professional. Something people can trust.
EDWARD
‘Edward’s Professional Painting’ is a name people can trust. You know, I’ve been doing this for over ten years.
BECKER
But that’s not a good name for all of us. Look: there are six men in this business. Six men have to agree on everything. We’re partners. Got that?
DON
It feels kind of strange to be in a business. I’ve never been a partner of anything. I can really answer the phones? What should I say?
BECKER
Say ‘Hello.’
EDWARD
Six partners and a Dream. That would be a poetic name.

BECKER
We’re not poets. Come on! We’re men and we’re workers. What’s a good name?
SPORTY
This is bullshit. We goin broke just thinking about a name. Look at Work-A-Day. That ain’t a good name but we showed up. Hell, this place sucked me dry and I still come back. What about that?
BECKER
Maybe we don’t need a name. We got the phone number.
EDWARD
We need a name. Let’s just take a minute and each of us will come up with one good name for the business. Then we’ll put the names in a hat and pick one.
COACH
That won’t work. Let’s just vote on one. The most votes wins.
EDWARD
Whatever. It’s obvious debating the topic won’t resolve anything.
DON
I think we should be called ‘Manpower’.
BECKER
That’s a temp agency already. Don’t choose a name that’s already been used.
DON
How about...
BECKER
And don’t tell me. Just write it down. At this rate we’ll be broke forever.
CODE BLUE
I’m done. Here.
BECKER
Just hold on to it. Give us time.
DON
Oh! I got a good one.
BECKER
How can I concentrate with you fools talking?
A few moments pass as the men think of the name and write it on a piece of paper. They all put the slips of paper in Sporty’s cap.
BECKER
Ok, I’ll pick one out at a time and read them. Then we’ll vote. Most votes wins.
EDWARD
What if we all just vote for our own name?
BECKER
I don’t know. We’ll try something else. Alright? Name one: Men at Work.
DON
That’s mine! Do you like it?
BECKER
It’s great, Don. Just great. Let me read them all before we vote. OK?
DON
Just remember that one was mine.
BECKER
Name two: Yellow Brick Road Labor Group. Man, that won’t even fit on a flier.
EDWARD
Of course it will! Leave the flier to me.
BECKER
Whatever. Name Three: Skilled Labor.
DON
I like that one. I’d hire them.
BECKER
Name Four: Minuteman Labor Services.
SPORTY
See? People like you to be quick. You get there and get the job done fast. That’ll be our thing.
BECKER
Name five: The Son’s of Job. [Pronounces ‘Job’ like the noun.]
COACH
Job. [Pronounces the name like the personal pronoun Job from the Bible]
CODE BLUE
The Son’s of Job? Old man, you crazy. That makes us all sound like we’re nuts.
COACH
Not to someone who studies the old testament. You know what happened to the son’s of Job?
CODE BLUE
Were they broke down and looking for work in Los Angeles?
COACH
They lived in the Land of Uz.
CODE BLUE
Then I ain’t no son of Job. Read the next name.
COACH
The seven son’s of Job loved food and drink. They loved sausages and they loved music. They loved to party all day long. Their father was the richest man in the land. They didn’t have to work even a little since they had so many servants to do it.
CODE BLUE
(to Becker)
Does that sound like you? It doesn’t sound like me.
COACH
Nor did they go to church. They worshipped wine and women.
CODE BLUE
Now you’re talking.
COACH
The sons of Job were killed by Satan to test Job’s devotion to God. They were killed just so Satan could win a bet with God that Job’s devotion would fail if his fortunes were reversed.
CODE BLUE
What does that have to do with us?
COACH
What do we know about the sons of Job? Almost nothing. The book of Job is about Job himself. We know Job’s sons and daughters were killed by Satan to prove a point. They were taken along with Job’s cattle. I got to thinking about what happened to the sons. Where did they go? Satan didn’t want them. He was only using them to get to Job. So what happens when Satan has no need for you and God ignores you? Where do you go? Who will write the history of Job’s sons, the forsaken children of a righteous man?
CODE BLUE
Read the next name.
COACH
And while Job was plagued by boils and pain and doubt, while he counselled his friends Eliphaz and Bildad and Zophar, while Satan and God watched Job suffer, what became of the sons? They might have been sent somewhere else, somewhere like Los Angeles. And there they had to live as men. These were men that neither God nor Satan had valued and now they had to survive homeless in a hostile desert.
DON
How did they live?
COACH
That’s what I want to know. How did they eat? Where did they sleep? Did they even recognize each other? I don’t know the answer. It’s a history that was never written.
DON
I think I know something, Coach. I do. I know what they were looking for.
COACH
What was it?
DON
They were trying to find a way home. Back to the land of...
COACH
Uz?
DON
Yeah.
CODE BLUE
What this have to do with us?
EDWARD
You lost me when you mentioned Satan as an actual person who smites people with boils.
COACH
I figure the sons must’ve been some confused in their new land. Maybe they could recognize each other. Maybe they only partly knew where they were coming from, but like Don said, they were all trying to go home.
DON
What happened to them?
COACH
Job never cracked. He remained loyal and God rewarded him by healing him doubling his fortune and bringing his family back to him.
CODE BLUE
So they got rich again? Shit, I still ain’t seen what this has to do with our business.
COACH
I thought we could give a tribute to them sons of Job.
DON
The sons got lost. I took a bus through Kansas once. I could see how you could get lost there. You can go for miles without seeing a house.
SPORTY
Are we ever going to finish? The copy place isn’t gonna stay open all night.
BECKER
Name five: We already did that one. Name Six: Pinnacle Painting. Fine. We got Men at Work, Yellow Brick Road Labor Group, Skilled Labor, Minuteman Work Services, Sons of Job, and Pinnacle Painting. Alright? Anyone vote for Men at Work?
(no one raises a hand)
Sorry, Don. Anyone vote for Yellow Brick Road Labor?
(no one raises a hand)
EDWARD
I’ll continue under protest.
BECKER
How about Skilled Labor?
(Becker and Don raise their hands)
Two votes for Skilled Labor.
DON
It’s a real good name.
BECKER
How about Minuteman Work Services?
(Sporty, Edward and Coach raise their hands.)
Three votes for Minuteman Work Services. That’s the winner. I agree it’s a good name.
DON
But Code Blue didn’t vote.
BECKER
He don’t have to. He votes for Pinnacle Painting and that’s one vote. Minuteman Work Services is the winner.
CODE BLUE
I had a real good flier all figured out with a mountain.
BECKER
Well, think of something else. We already behind.

SPORTY
Like a clock. Just make sure people know that we’re fast. As soon as they call, we’re gonna fix the broken shit. Got that? That’s why we’re The Minutemen.
CODE BLUE
I’ll be over here drawing. Don’t bug me.
As Code Blue goes to draw Don also dits down and draws something with his one hand.
EDWARD
Should the colors be muted or vibrant?
BECKER
Man, who knows? We just need the fliers.
EDWARD
Is it Minutemen or Minuteman?
BECKER
Minutemen. Now get going. We need something to put on the car windows and in mail boxes. I figure with 500 copies we could get fifty or a hundred jobs.
EDWARD
That’s not probable.
DON
Fifty jobs? How we gonna do all those tickets?
EDWARD
We won’t get fifty jobs.
BECKER
We’ll just take the ones that pay the most. I figure we could just raise our rates. The guy I worked for yesterday told me that he pays twenty-five an hour for each man he hires here.
EDWARD
Twenty-five? And my share was Six-Seventy-Five? That’s unacceptable! I did all the work.
SPORTY
All the work? What the fuck ticket was I on? All you did was bitch and drop shit.
BECKER
That’s why we’re starting the business. That’s why we’re gonna be The Minutemen. So finish that flier.

CODE BLUE
I’m almost done.
BECKER
Good. We gotta do this.
EDWARD
But it takes time to do a professional job. The flier must be professional. His flier will be crude and childish.
BECKER
We gotta advertise today. We need the flier to be done yesterday.
EDWARD
That’s what all my clients said. They don’t understand that good work must be done with care. It takes time. Planning.
BECKER
We’re not called ‘The Five-Hour Men.” We get shit done in one minute. Sixty seconds.
EDWARD
It takes time!
CODE BLUE
I’m done.
BECKER
Let’s see it. I hope you didn’t put no pimps and hos on it.
Code Blue makes some final touches on the flier and then hands it to Becker.
BECKER
Holy shit! What the fuck are you doing pushing brooms, man? This is Pro.
CODE BLUE
Whatever.
BECKER
This is dynamite. Look at this Sporty.
Becker hands the flier to Sporty.
SPORTY
Motherfucker. Where the fuck you learn to draw like this?
CODE BLUE
I just know. I always knew how to draw. I see what it’s supposed to look like. I’m gonna start...
BECKER
What?
CODE BLUE
Nothing. Forget it.
BECKER
No, man, you got a talent. That’s more than anyone else here has. What you gonna do?
CODE BLUE
I don’t know. I saw these guys doing tattoos and they all sucked. Same old shit. No one wants the same old shitty tattoo. I just need the equipment. Whatever. You guys don’t give a shit.
BECKER
You help us, we’ll help you. We work together and maybe you’ll get that equipment.
COACH
That’s right. If you don’t have a plan, then you’ll always work for someone who does. God’s Law. That’s some good drawing.
CODE BLUE
If I had more time then...
EDWARD
Let me see it.
Edward grabs the flier and examines it with a sneer.
EDWARD
Ha! This is unacceptable. Who would think to hire us? Look at the figures. Look at the bubble lettering. This is too contemporary. Too modern. It is all in pencil. We won’t be taken seriously.
Code Blue tries to grab the flier back.
BECKER
We don’t got time to find an art studio.
EDWARD
This might as well be graffiti. Why not just spray paint our phone number on the highway overpass?
SPORTY
That’s not a bad idea.
CODE BLUE
What do you know, fruitcake?
EDWARD
I was educated in a university. I’ve taken courses on business marketing, advertising, media arts. This is unacceptable. We’ll be making fools of ourselves.
BECKER
We’re going with it. So...
EDWARD
I don’t think so.
Edward tears the flier up.
Ad lib: Code Blue, Becker, Rooster all yell in protest. Code Blue goes for Edward’s throat.
EDWARD
Unhand me, you beast!
CODE BLUE
I’m gonna kill him. Let me do it.
CHARLOTTE
Children!
The two are separated.
EDWARD
It’s my car. I’m as much a part of this business as anyone.
CODE BLUE
Why you do that, man? I fucking hate you.
EDWARD
I did you a favor. The little talent you have is not marketable. It’s unrefined. You are a graffiti artist and nothing more.
CODE BLUE
That’s not graffiti. I don’t do graffiti. I don’t do that shit.
EDWARD
Maybe you’ll learn to be marketable instead of grotesque.
CODE BLUE
Motherfucker.
CHARLOTTE
Coach, what I gotta do? Call the cops?
COACH
Not yet. Just give ‘em time.
CHARLOTTE
What you guys doing over here? Nobody’s bitching about the tickets. I don’t like it.
BECKER
We’re just talking. There a law against talking?
CHARLOTTE
Not yet. We’re doing business here. Hey, what you do to your hand, Don?
DON
What hand?
CHARLOTTE
That hand that’s all bandaged. You hurt that on a ticket? Those bandages look fresh.
DON
No. I’m alright.
CHARLOTTE
Where you do that?
COACH
He told us that he did it climbing the fence by the bridge. Isn’t that right, Don?
DON
Yep. I did it climbing the fence.
CHARLOTTE
Which fence?
DON
The one by the bridge.
CHARLOTTE
The winos busted down that fence last summer.
DON
I climbed another fence.
CHARLOTTE
Oh yeah?
DON
Yeah. And I slipped and cut my hand.
CHARLOTTE
Bad cut for a fence. Which hospital you go to?
DON
I don’t know.
CHARLOTTE
You don’t know? You sure you went to a hospital? What you pay with? You do a work exchange?
COACH
Let the boy alone, Char. He’s alright. He can work.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know about sending a man out who’s injured.
COACH
He’s fine.
CHARLOTTE
Then why he need the bandage?
COACH
Keep it clean.
CHARLOTTE
That right? We got to protect our clients. A man comes on a ticket and acts like he gets hurt for the insurance then we lose a client. We lose clients and pretty soon headquarters closes us down. [Raises voice] That affects everyone here!
DON
I’m ok now. You can send me out on a ticket. I’ll do good work.
CHARLOTTE
You couldn’t do good work with two hands, let alone one. I might have a ticket for two men tomorrow. You interested?
DON
Is it a PW ticket?
CHARLOTTE
Stop it with those PW tickets! You want to pick and choose then go get a degree? Who are you? Living under a bridge with a banged up hand? Are you here to work or aren’t you?
DON
I just want a room.
CHARLOTTE
Then go back to Virginia. I ain’t a waiter giving out chef’s specials here.

.BECKER
You a middleman. That’s all you are. You a middleman with a middleman’s hustle. You take the middleman’s cut and live the middleman’s lie.
Beat.
CHARLOTTE
I see how it is. You all are too good for Work-A-Day? You got fancy job offers to negotiate? Shit. Must be nice to be an executive. Let me get out of your way. Motherfuckers.
Charlotte returns to desk.
CODE BLUE
This ain’t through, fruitcake. Don’t turn your back on me.
EDWARD
My opinion is not negotiable. It’s my car we’re using. I decide what flier to use. Yours is unprofessional and useless. I will make the flier
BECKER
Listen, just go make another one. It only took you five minutes.
CODE BLUE
Fuck, no. Not now. Not for that fruitcake.
BECKER
Forget him. Come on.
CODE BLUE
Fuck you all.
Coach comforts Code Blue
EDWARD
You see? He isn’t fit for a business.
BECKER
You’re fucking poison.
EDWARD
I’m just doing what I think is best for the business.
BECKER
There ain’t no business without the flier. How people gonna call us?
EDWARD
I’ll design a proper flier. One that people will respond to.
BECKER
When? We need to start right now. You think we can wait forever?
EDWARD
I’ll be as forthcoming as possible. You can’t rush perfection.
Don comes over with a flier.
DON
Here’s a flier I made. It just says what we do and where to call us. I’m not a good artist like Code Blue, but I took an art class in grade school. The teacher, Mrs. Newman, she said I had a real good eye. I’m not sure what that means.
EDWARD
Everyone who can hold a pencil wants to be an artist. Don’t you understand that it takes training.
BECKER
Let me see that. I can’t believe we got to go through this again.
Takes flier. Frowns.
DON
It’s just for now. You know?
BECKER
Blue, you gonna do another flier?
CODE BLUE
Fuck no. Bullshit.
BECKER
Then we gotta go with this one.
EDWARD
I just told you I’m in charge of the flier. I’ve got the car.
BECKER
Fuck you and your car. We got to start today. Unless you can finish in five minutes, we’re making copies of Don’s flier. It’s good enough. Not as good as Blue’s, but it’ll do.
EDWARD
But professional work takes time. At least a few hours. Maybe a day and another for shading...
BECKER
Sporty, go make copies of this one.

SPORTY
I need two Benjamins.
BECKER
We only got one hundred between us all. That’s all we can spare. You gotta let her know we need as many copies as she can give. This is it.
SPORTY
I don’t know. One hundred dollars for all the advertising? That’s cutting it close.
EDWARD
I strongly object. I haven’t even looked at the flier and you are investing a hundred dollars in copying it.
SPORTY
You still here?
EDWARD
I have the car.
SPORTY
And I have a big dick. You see me bragging about it?
EDWARD
Absurd.
SPORTY
I can get real nice fliers made for two hundred.
BECKER
Alright. We can let you have one-fifty. No more.
SPORTY
I’ll do what I can do.
BECKER
Take you ten or fifteen minutes?
SPORTY
Naw. Maybe an hour.
BECKER
Copy place is right around the corner!
SPORTY
I gotta butter her up. Look, before I’m done I’ll be I get one of them color banners. You know? A big flag. Or maybe some big wooden signs. And a magnetic one for the car. How about it?
COACH
Better give me a copy of that flier. I can take the bus to the church and use their machine for nothing. Get at least twenty-five copies that way. I’ll come with you.
ROOSTER
Naw. I don’t want her thinking I’m busy. Bitches like to be treated good.
Wilson walks in the front door. He’s carrying his Pizza Party sign.
COACH
Oh, shit.
WILSON
I’m here for my ticket, motherfuckers.
CHARLOTTE
Get the fuck out. You ain’t wanted here.
WILSON
I’ve got my gloves. I’m going out. Give me a ticket. [To Don] What are you looking at?
DON
Sir?
WILSON
I asked you a question.
BECKER
There’s no tickets for you, Wilson.
WILSON
You the big boss man now?
BECKER
We’re waiting for work.
WILSON
You’re sitting around making fun of me. Laughing in my face.
BECKER
[to Coach] You and Sporty go get them copies.
WILSON
[picking up pieces of the original flier] What’s this bullshit? ‘The Minutemen? Hauling and painting? Professional Service? Call Becker?’ This ain’t no ticket. This is bullshit!
DON
That’s not yours!
Don grabs a piece of flier and puts it in his pocket. He walks away and Wilson pounces on his back. They scuffle for a moment as Coach and Becker break them apart. Don re-injures his hand.
WILSON
That’s my bridge! You can’t live there. If I see you there again...
Becker physically moves Wilson out the front door. He throws his sign after him.
BECKER
Don’t make me get rough on you. Shit. Motherfucker tore my shirt.
Coach is tending to Don.
DON
Them stitches tore. I felt it when I fell down.
COACH
Keep pressure on it.
DON
What am I gonna do?
COACH
Keep it tight. You just gotta keep it tight until I get back. Ok? We need them fliers. Then we can get you checked out. Can you make it?
DON
I’ll try. I left my stuff under the bridge. My napsack. I stashed some bread under there too. I couldn’t carry it no more.
COACH
We’ll go back together to get it. This business thing is gonna get us all straight. We’re gonna make some money. Then you can get the room and food.
DON
I want it, Coach. All I want is a room. A room with sheets and a door I can close. I’d keep it clean. I swear. And I’ll answer the phones real good. Like Charlotte. Even better.
COACH
Just wait here. You’ll be safe here until I get back. Sporty, you ready to roll?
SPORTY
I told you I need to fly solo.
COACH
Bullshit. I just need one copy and then I’ll go to the church. Lets go.
EDWARD
If a miracle happens and someone calls, I still don’t know how you’re going to get to any jobs without my car.
BECKER
Why don’t you shut up?
CODE BLUE
Sporty was right, man. You disappear right now and no one cares.
BECKER
We’re gonna need more fliers. You could...
CODE BLUE
I ain’t doing nothing for no one. I knew I shouldn’t have signed on for this bullshit.
EDWARD
You haven’t even seen my flier and you already assume his is better than mine.
BECKER
You want to draw a fucking flier? Go ahead. Fuck! Draw one up. We need to get the word out. Draw one up, go print the fucking thing out and put it on some car windshields. Why do I gotta be the boss? Step up!
EDWARD
I will. And my flier will be professional. I took a marketing class. I was educated at the finest...
CODE BLUE
Shove your class up your ass!
EDWARD
You’ll see.
BECKER
If you with us then you’re with us. We need that car. You get the gas money from the profits and the maintenance. All that. But we need that car. And the flier.
EDWARD
Of course. Now, do you think I should use the hammer and sickle for effect. Or is that too retro Soviet? I was thinking of a blazing sunscape with busy workers building and building...
A few hours later Becker, Sporty, Don, Edward, and Code Blue are waiting in the office. Edward has set up shop in the corner with an easel and paints. Code Blue stares at the flier, plotting revenge.
DON
Should I go stand by the phone now, Mr. Becker?
BECKER
When Sporty gets back. How’s your hand?
DON
The bleeding stopped, but it’s sore.
BECKER
Maybe you should go clean it up in the bathroom. You got extra bandages?
DON
I’m afraid of what it looks like. What if the stitches tore out? I can’t go back to the hospital.
BECKER
Hey, Charlotte? You got any bandages for the boy’s hand?
CHARLOTTE
What’s that? I can’t hear you unless you call me on the phone. That’s just how us middlemen operate.
BECKER
Shit. This whole show has gone from bad to worse. When’s Sporty getting back. Hey, Don, you ok enough to go check on Sporty?
DON
I don’t know where he went.
BECKER
To the copy place down the block. Next to that other donut shop.
DON
Which donut shop?
BECKER
It’s the donut shop between the garage and the bridge.
DON
The one that sells donuts?
BECKER
Yeah. And here’s a couple bucks for a some donuts. I haven’t eaten all day. Get me a chocolate covered cake. Blue, you want anything?
CODE BLUE
Fuck you.
EDWARD
Do they have cappuccino?
BECKER
They got donuts and coffee. Look, just bring back a couple donuts for Coach and Sporty and Blue. It’ll be a business expense.
DON
Ok. I’ll bring back donuts for the business. See? I can do the small things until my hand gets better. I’ll be real useful to the business.
BECKER
Alright, man. Tell Sporty to hurry the fuck up.
DON
I’ll be back in a minute, Becker. Get it? A minute? Because we’re The Minutemen. That’s our name and...
BECKER
I get it. As fast as you can.
Don leaves. Edward tilts the easel to Becker can see the painting. Edward doesn’t care. Code Blue shoots knives from his eyes.
EDWARD
This is some of my best work. Don’t you think the contrast between the men in the field and the men on the skyscraper projects a rustic and professional attitude?
BECKER
You’re the one who took the class. I don’t know shit about art.
CHARLOTTE
Beck? That construction fellow you worked for the other day asked for you back. You need a pair of gloves?
BECKER
I’ll pass, Charlotte. I’m waiting for a PW ticket.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know what’s gotten into you men. You know something that I don’t? UCLA ain’t calling with no ticket.
BECKER
I’ll wait.
CHARLOTTE
Shit. You might as well go home then. Where’s Don?
BECKER
Went to get some donuts.
CHARLOTTE
Well he missed his chance. Hey, Blue? You want the ticket?
Becker looks at him as does Edward.
CODE BLUE
Print it up. Nothing but a bunch of losers here.
CHARLOTTE
At least someone wants to make a dollar. You need gloves?
CODE BLUE
Yeah.
Code Blue moves to the desk. Coach enters the front door. He’s out of breath and unstable.
BECKER
Ho! Take a seat. You’re all hot.
EDWARD
Is he alright?
COACH
(breathless)
We got one. We got one.
BECKER
What you talking about?
COACH
I was at my church and one man got work for us.
BECKER
Slow down. Who’s got work?
COACH
We do. The Minutemen. We got our first ticket. It was the lord’s work. He wants us to make it.
BECKER
Give me the details. Hey, Blue. Come listen.
CODE BLUE
I got better shit to do.
BECKER
(nods)
Just slow down, Coach. What’s the ticket?
CODE BLUE
Listen. One of the men at my church does accounting for this hot shot producer. Or was he a director?
BECKER
So?
CODE BLUE
So he’s got all this work on his house in the hills. The accountant talked to him on the phone and he said if we wanted to start today then we get the job. Becker, there’s a thousand dollars worth of work. Maybe more.
BECKER
And we got the job? You talked to him?
EDWARD
Is there a contract?
COACH
I talked to the man himself. He wants us to start as soon as we can. I told him we got transportation and tools and six good men. He said he could use ten me. You know what that means?
EDWARD
That we’re understaffed.
BECKER
No. It means we hit the golden ticket. What’s the job? What kind of tools are we talking about? Are we gonna need to rent a truck?
COACH
I don’t know about a truck but we need hand tools and lumber. He’s building a pool house. We’re building a pool house.
BECKER
Woah! A pool house? From the ground up?
COACH
He said we got to clear some brush, pour the foundation. And that’s just the start.
BECKER
How we gonna do that?
COACH
We got the ticket! Thank you lord.
BECKER
Slow down, Coach. We got concrete. We got clearing brush. We got buiding. Roofing.
COACH
Plumbing too. The place needs a bathroom and all that. He’s got a big old place in the hills. We got the ticket. I knew we’d make it.
BECKER
(troubled)
Ok. Let’s just take this one thing at a time. Let’s get the men together, tell them what we know and then work from there. Where the fuck is Sporty?
COACH
Where’s Don? He’ll be dancing.
BECKER
Don went to get Sporty.
EDWARD
The pool house will need to be painted I presume.
COACH
Probably. I didn’t ask.
EDWARD
I’m sure it will. And those mansions in the hills almost always have a mural or a faux finished wall.
BECKER
Hold on. The walls ain’t even built yet.
EDWARD
I should prepare a portfolio of my work to show the owner.
BECKER
Let’s not get crazy. We got the ticket but now we need to make it happen.
Don walks in carrying the donuts.
COACH
We got the ticket, Son. We’re gonna get you that room.
DON
What happened?
COACH
The minutemen just got a golden ticket doing work in the hills. The Lord was looking out for us. He wanted us to have this job.
EDWARD
The Lord had nothing to do with it. We were just lucky.
DON
We’re gonna work?
COACH
Yes. We’ve got lots of work. Work for everyone.
DON
I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. I’m so happy. I’ll get the room? The room with a door and a key?
COACH
You’ll get it.
DON
And sausages?
COACH
Bacon and sausages.
BECKER
What about Sporty? Was he almost finished?
DON
Sporty?
BECKER
You see him at the copy place?
DON
Copy place. Oh! I forgot. I was at the donut store and I got you some big Cake donuts and the man gave me a bear claw for free. He just gave it to me and I thought we could split it up.
BECKER
You forgot to go to the copy place?
DON
I’m sorry. I was getting donuts and...
BECKER
Fuck! You can’t forget shit like that anymore. We’re a business. We got to run a tight ship.
Code Blue walks up with his ticket and gloves.
CODE BLUE
You bitches leave yet?
COACH
We’re gonna get work, Blue. You can get that equipment you want.
BECKER
Blue’s taking the work-a-day ticket.
COACH
I don’t understand. We’re working together.
BECKER
The ticket just came in and he took it. Or you still want a piece of The Minutemen?
DON
Yeah. You want a donut or something? A piece of a bear claw?
COACH
It’s not too late. You can work with us still. Blow that ticket off.
BECKER
You got thirty bucks coming to you from that ticket and an earful of shit from that driver. He’s the one I’m borrowing the tools from. Or you can stay with us and get that equipment you were talking about.
CODE BLUE
Fruitcake over there is still on board?
BECKER
He’s got the car. He’s got the painting gear.
EDWARD
I did you a favor with that flier. But if it will smooth over this feud, I apologize. Happy?
CODE BLUE
I don’t forgive and I don’t forget.
BECKER
You with us or not?
Code Blue looks at the yellow ticket with the address on it for where he has been dispatched. Then he tears it in half.
COACH
You made the right choice. This ticket is gonna keep us working all summer. Like Beck was saying, we get to be the boss from now on.
BECKER
Blue, you the fastest one here. You gotta run up and get Sporty before he gets them copies. We don’t need them anymore.
EDWARD
I worked all afternoon on our new flier.
BECKER
Well save it.
CODE BLUE
(full of revenge)
Yeah. Save it.
Don leaves.
DON
So what are we gonna do?
BECKER
We’re gonna get Sporty and then go get some tools. Coach, you got the guy’s number?
COACH
Got it right here.
The number is tucked in the pages of the bible.
COACH
I put it in the passage I was reading. We’ve made it through the flood and now we have to change. Listen: Joshua Chapter 24, Verse 13 “And I have given you a land for which ye did not labour, and cities which ye built not, and ye dwell in them; of the vineyards and olive yards which ye planted not do ye eat.” See? This city was given to us.
CODE BLUE
So what? I didn’t ask for no filthy city.
COACH
You’re not listening. We made it through the flood and are blessed with opportunity. Even the sons of Job had a chance to make it in that world they were sent.
BECKER
I wonder where Sporty is.
DON
What’s an olive yard?
BECKER
Where’s Sporty? I hope Blue gets to him before he pays for those copies. What day is today, anyway?
COACH
Friday.
BECKER
Huh. Race night at the Park. Sporty never missed a race night. I went with him once and he didn’t have a dime. He just picked horses.
COACH
He pick a winner?
BECKER
Two of ‘em. Didn’t pay much. He loves them races. But he can catch ‘em this summer.
COACH
Right.
BECKER
He doesn’t have any money to bet with anyway. Right? He was broke again wasn’t he?
COACH
Right. He just worked that one ticket from last night. What that pay, Ed?
EDWARD
A paltry sum. Thirty-five dollars. He gave me five dollars for the ride. We both gave half of it for copies.
COACH
See? He didn’t have any money. Thirty dollars isn’t enough to bet with. That’s two races. Unless...He...
It slowly dawns on Coach and Becker that Sporty took the money for the copies. He isn’t coming back.
BECKER
You don’t think.
COACH
I don’t think. I know. The flesh is weak.
BECKER
That motherfucker. We got bitch slapped.
COACH
Even the sons of Job can betray their own father.
EDWARD
Not everyone made it through the flood, did they? Your perfect Lord appears to discriminate.
COACH
The lord only parts the waves. Takes a man to walk between them.
Code Blue comes back in out of breath.
CODE BLUE
He wasn’t there. They never saw his ass.
Coach and Becker react.
EDWARD
So much for the flier. Another waste of time.
DON
Is anyone gonna eat their bear claw?
FINAL JOB SITE: TREES AND BRUSH SCATTERED NEARBY.

Later that day at the work site. Becker and Edward are standing together Becker is holding a shovel. Edward holds a hammer.
EDWARD
So who will pay for the window?
BECKER
Why don’t you relax? We’re on the ticket now.
EDWARD
I will not relax. My car has no rear windshield. How can I relax?
BECKER
The business will pay for it.
EDWARD
I will believe it when I see it.
BECKER
It was your fault for driving so fast.
EDWARD
The alarm went off! People were yelling. Don said he saw a policeman and you nearly broke my arm when you dropped that lumber. I’m not insured, you know.
BECKER
We had to leave.
EDWARD
Why? You said the person invited you to borrow his tools.
BECKER
I didn’t want to explain what I was doing with all you guys running around. I’m trying to be professional.
EDWARD
Professional? You cut the lock. You climbed a fence. You broke a window.
BECKER
Code Blue did all that.
EDWARD
You encouraged him! What if they had cameras? They’ll trace it back to my car. I’ll bet the FBI are there right now.
BECKER
They didn’t have cameras. We got bigger problems.
EDWARD
If the police are involved I will not take the responsibility for these crimes!
BECKER
Wanna keep your voice down? The owner is around here somewhere. Shit.
EDWARD
I won’t! You didn’t even look at my flier! You just assumed it wouldn’t be good enough! All the work I’ve done has been ignored. When will I receive some appreciation?
BECKER
Where did Don go off to? That boy can’t be left alone. Where is Coach?
EDWARD
I should have just returned to Indiana.
BECKER
There he is. Listen. At least try to act like you ain’t an asshole.
Coach comes up with the OWNER of the house, a man in his forties.
OWNER
Why don’t you rest a bit, Coach. I can get you a chair.
BECKER
You Ok, Coach?
COACH
Just can’t seem to catch my breath. It was all that running around we did. And this hillside. When I was younger I could work all day. Let me just rest here.
BECKER
You bleeding?
COACH
It’s nothing. Tripped on a root or something and hit a thorn bush.
OWNER
I’ll get some ice.
EDWARD
Are you planning on decorating the pool house exterior.
OWNER
Who are you?
EDWARD
Edward Highstaff. I’m the muralist and decorator consultant in the business.
OWNER
I’m less concerned about painting than I am with what that young man is doing down there.
The men look stage left.
BECKER
Don!
DON
(from off stage)
I’m stuck.
BECKER
Blue, go help him out. Where’s Blue?
DON
Help!
OWNER
Exactly what kind of credentials do you all have. Coach mentioned a lot of general experience but...
EDWARD
The Minutemen are Jacks of all trades and Kings of none.
OWNER
I was under the impression that you could build the addition.
BECKER
Damn straight...sir. Look. Just tell us what to do.
OWNER
Well, I was hoping you could tell me. I’m not a contractor. The architects are completing the blueprints and...
BECKER
Well, what do want?
OWNER
I want a two bedroom guest house by the pool. Obviously, this brush is in the way.
BECKER
So you want a house here?
(indicates a general area nearby)
Fine. We’ll put it here. No problem.
Becker begins to dig.
OWNER
What would that entail? Could you give me an estimate in time and cost?
BECKER
Sure. Coach? What you think that’ll cost? How long? Couple weeks?
COACH
I just can’t seem to catch my breath.
EDWARD
I can show you my portfolio. Faux finishes for the exterior, vineyard landscapes for the interior. A burnt finish to match the hillside?
OWNER
I’m not sure you’re qualified for a job of this...
EDWARD
(aggressively)
Not qualified? I beg your pardon? Listen, I’ve been an independent artist for ten years. I’ve painted some of the most famous exteriors in Los Angeles. Have you heard of the ‘Capistrano Cafe’?
OWNER
Maybe someone should go help that man.
BECKER
Coach, you Ok? I gotta go get Don.
COACH
Go on. I’ll be alright. It must be the altitude.
Becker exits.
EDWARD
I painted the arched doorways and the false shutters. I did that. Not to mention the house two houses away from the house once owned by Humphrey Bogart.
OWNER
I’m sorry. I don’t think this is a good match.
Code Blue swaggers up.
CODE BLUE
You guys talking shit about me?
OWNER
Pardon?
CODE BLUE
Fruitcake over there probably talking shit about me?
EDWARD
You should mind your own business.
COACH
Please...guys....
EDWARD
While you were casing the grounds for valuables, we were negotiating. Children really have no business working with men.
CODE BLUE
Have a nice time driving home on them flat tires. What’s wrong with you, Coach?
EDWARD
You did what?
CODE BLUE
Nothing. [ to owner ] Who’s this?
OWNER
I’m the property owner. Are you part of this crew?
CODE BLUE
Shit, yeah. I’m the fucking president CEO. Been writing false checks all day, building up a fat ol’ mansion in Malibu on credit. Isn’t that how it works? Fact is, I fired this fruitcake this morning because he’s a sissy bitch.
OWNER
(understanding that this will never work)
I’m sorry for bringing you up here, Coach. This was a mistake. Maybe I’ll have some...
EDWARD
You can’t do that. We have a contract. You signed a contract.
OWNER
I didn’t sign anything. We have no agreement and never will. I...I made a mistake. If you’ll please leave.
The owner exits.
EDWARD
We had an agreement! We’ll take you to court! I’m very experienced in civil litigation!
COACH
Ed. Ed! We can find another ticket.
EDWARD
(to code blue)
You coward. You deliberately sabotaged our success.
COACH
(delirious)
Becker? Help me up.
Edward turns to leave.
CODE BLUE
See you later, fruitcake.
EDWARD
I pity you.
Edward Exits.
COACH
Help me up, Becker.
Code Blue helps Coach to his feet. Becker and Don arrive.
CODE BLUE
What the fuck?
BECKER
Where’s the owner? Let’s get to work.
CODE BLUE
Ain’t no work here. This is a bullshit ticket.
DON
I found an old tire and then I fell in a hole.
BECKER
No. This is it. This is the one. Get the saws. Let’s clear some brush. What’s that sound?
CODE BLUE
Sounds like a car driving on its rims.
BECKER
Where’s Fruitcake?
CODE BLUE
Driving a car on its rims.
BECKER
Motherfucker. You gotta stop him.
COACH
He’s gone.
BECKER
He’s got the tools and the lumber.
DON
He’s got the donuts.
CODE BLUE
Never had a chance.
BECKER
You fucked with his car?
CODE BLUE
Fuck him.
BECKER
So we got to walk home?
CODE BLUE
Take the bus.
BECKER
Bus don’t come out here. Shit! That’s three miles down the hill. Damn it! You don’t know shit. You want to end up eating soup out of a can?
DON
You got a can of soup? What kind?
BECKER
Damn it! Damn it! ‘Helps those who help themselves,’ huh Coach? Helps who? What I do wrong?
CODE BLUE
That’s what you get for being a CEO.
BECKER
Go to hell.
CODE BLUE
I don’t got far to go. Hell’s just down the hill. Look. See them buildings? See that smog? See them devils? You want hell? They digging ditches in the desert right now!
BECKER
You’re worthless. You don’t got no respect for yourself so no one has any respect for you. You think you can start your own business? You think you can do better than me?
CODE BLUE
Can’t do worse.
BECKER
Then do it. Prove I’m the asshole.
CODE BLUE
Maybe I will.
BECKER
Sure. Tomorrow morning you come walking into Work-A-Day and you’ll bend over just like you’ve done all year. Just watch.
CODE BLUE
Fuck that.
BECKER
Where you gonna go then? You got some Plan B?
COACH
Let it go, Bildad.
BECKER
Bildad? Bildad who?
COACH
What? I call you Bildad? I’m sorry, Beck. I’m just tired. It was all this running around.
BECKER
We ain’t young no more.
(to Code Blue)
You see? You think you get free years to fuck off? You think you get to play this game over if you fuck up? No, man. This is game time. The clock is running.
CODE BLUE
I got a plan but no one gives me a chance. I don’t get no breaks.
BECKER
Who does? Who? You might not be able to afford a big place like this one. You might not get your own pool house and shit. But you can get your tattoo equipment. You can do something that doesn’t make you feel like a dog on the streets. You can wake up in the morning with an egg in the refrigerator. You can have a healthy kid and take him to a ball game or to the ocean. You can give your woman a night out and lay with her on a soft bed under your own roof. I mean, if there’s something more to life then tell me what it is. Cause that’s all I ever wanted. That’s all this man wanted.
CODE BLUE
I...
BECKER
You speak for yourself, but me? I put myself here. This is where I belong. Right, Coach? I was born for this. I don’t know nothing else. This is where I belong. The lord doesn’t know the difference.
COACH
A good father treats all his sons the same.
DON
Are we gonna start working now?
COACH
Why don’t you help me walk back to the street? Come here. That’s right.
Don supports Coach.
DON
I’ll answer the phones, you know. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.
COACH
Just get me home. How’s that hand?
DON
It’s good. The stitches didn’t tear. It’s just sore now.
COACH
That’s a real good sign. If you feel pain, at least you know you’re alive.
Coach and Don Exit.
BECKER
That’s the last we’ll see of Edward. How do people like that survive.
CODE BLUE
I’ll be seeing you, Beck.
Code Blue moves in opposite direction.
BECKER
Where you going? Road’s this way.
CODE BLUE
I’ll take the scenic route. Maybe piss in a pool.
BECKER
If you want to dig ditches and stack lumber, that’s your business. But you’ll never know what the other thing was like. You know, failing ain’t as bad as the not knowing. I’ll sleep good tonight.
Becker leaves Code Blue alone on the hillside looking at the city below. He exits after a moment.
EXT. WORK-A-DAY OFFICE. NEXT MORNING.

Becker is standing with Rooster outside the office door reading a paper.
ROOSTER
100 hours left. I’ll be glad when it’s over.
BECKER
When do you get your license back?
ROOSTER
A year. But as soon as I can afford another car I’ll get one.
BECKER
I know it. I need to fix the engine on my Chevy. You know anything about Corvettes?
ROOSTER
What year?
BECKER
Eighty.
ROOSTER
T-top?
BECKER
Yep. Missing one of the panels, but it’s sweet in the summer. 8 cylinder, 350. I bought it with six thousand miles on it. I know a guy who’s gonna hook me up with some racing slicks. But she started missing last year. I think it’s the cam chain.
ROOSTER
I don’t know shit about engines. That’s a good car though.
BECKER
I first dated my wife in that car. That was a time. I was at the shipyard. They paid double overtime on Sundays. Man, we danced that summer.
ROOSTER
Yep. You get any tickets yesterday?
BECKER
Naw. It was slow.
ROOSTER
You guys ever start that business you were talking about?
BECKER
No. We were just talking.
A car drives up. Charlotte enters and nods to the men.
ROOSTER
Another day in the trenches.
CHARLOTTE
Two more weeks and I get a vacation. Eleven days. Ten if you don’t count today.
ROOSTER
Any plans?
CHARLOTTE
Sleep.
BECKER
I’m with you.
Charlotte approaches the door.
CHARLOTTE
What the fuck? You guys been fucking with the door?
BECKER
Naw. I just got here. Then Rooster showed.
CHARLOTTE
You sure? The door ain’t locked.
BECKER
I swear. What am I gonna do in an empty office?
ROOSTER
I got here right after Beck.
CHARLOTTE
Is Coach around?
ROOSTER
Haven’t seen him.
BECKER
He’ll probably take today off. He was feeling tired yesterday. He didn’t look too good.
CHARLOTTE
Well somebody unlocked the door. Unless that worthless Rubio didn’t lock it. Shit.
Charlotte pushes door open. Door prop swings out of the way. All three enter. Charlotte turns to turn off the alarm.
CHARLOTTE
Now I’m pissed. The alarm ain’t on.
ROOSTER
Anything missing?
CHARLOTTE
What’s next?
Charlotte turns on light to reveal the entire rear wall has become a MURAL that appears to be a window or a porch overlooking vineyards and fields. Men are working in the fields and picking grapes. It is someone’s masterpiece.
ROOSTER
When you guys do that?
CHARLOTTE
This has to be a joke. Becker, who put you up to this?
BECKER
Charlotte, I have no idea about none of this.
CHARLOTTE
Quit playing with me. Tell me that’s fake. Tell me someone didn’t paint our wall.
BECKER
That’s as real as it gets, Charlotte. There’s paint all over the floor. The guy left his brushes and paints. He just left it.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, no. This is too much. I gotta go home.
BECKER
Let me take a closer look.
Becker walks closer to inspect the painting. It covers the whole rear wall.
ROOSTER
You didn’t know about this, Char?
CHARLOTTE
(yelling)
You think I would know about this? Someone broke in and painted up the place. The whole world’s gone crazy.
ROOSTER
That’s the truth.
CHARLOTTE
I’m gonna cry. I just want a normal job.
BECKER
Look at this. These folks in the field. They look like...us. That’s Don with the bandage on his hand. That’s Coach. That’s Code Blue. That’s me. Do I look that old? There’s Sporty. There’s...we’re all here. This is freaky. This is Twilight Zone shit.
CHARLOTTE
I gotta sit down.
Charlotte sits down at desk.
CHARLOTTE
The police are gonna think I lost my mind.
ROOSTER
Well, there any tickets for this morning?
CHARLOTTE
Do you mind? We been vandalized!
ROOSTER
I’m just saying. I could just take the ticket and trip.
CHARLOTTE
Leave me be.
BECKER
Well, there’s the answer right there.
(points to corner of painting)
CHARLOTTE
What?
BECKER
The dude signed it. Edward...James...Highstaff The Third. That dude from the other day.
CHARLOTTE
He signed it?
BECKER
Somebody signed it.
CHARLOTTE
That painter dude broke in here and painted that on our wall and then signed it?
BECKER
I’m just telling you what I see. He was a fucked up dude. Lived in his car with his cats.
CHARLOTTE
You left with him yesterday. Was you in on this?
BECKER
Last I saw him, he was driving away on four flat tires. We wasn’t friendly anymore.
CHARLOTTE
Tell me why? Why he got to mess with me? What I do to him?
BECKER
He went crazy all on his own.
ROOSTER
It’s not hurting nothing. How about them tickets?
Coach walks in slowly.
BECKER
Coach. You alright?
Becker goes to Coach’s side.
ROOSTER
Look! We got an internal decorator.
BECKER
Why you come today. Take a day off. You should’ve stayed in bed. Get some rest.
COACH
I couldn’t sleep. I just lay there listening to my heart. At first I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore.
BECKER
Sit down, Coach. You’re talking crazy.
COACH
Maybe.
BECKER
What’s wrong with you. You’re all pale.
COACH
What’s that on the wall.
BECKER
That guy, Ed, he...he painted something on the wall.
COACH
That’s a real nice picture. Are those vineyards?
BECKER
I guess.
COACH
He remembered. That’s something.
BECKER
Sit down, Coach.
COACH
I'm weak now. I felt something go in my chest.
BECKER
Let me take you to the hospital.
COACH
For what? That's not my home. They can only fix the body here. This flesh wasn't mine to start with. I just borrowed it and now the lord wants it back. I can't complain. Got better mileage than some.
BECKER
Let me get you some help.
COACH
(holds up bible)
I got my help right here.
BECKER
I'm not in the mood for it, Coach. Let's just get you some medicine.
COACH
That's all snake oil to me. I've only got one medicine now. I'm lighter now. Something broke inside me, but
(stumbles on words)
BECKER
I don't know how to help, Coach.
COACH
It's my tongue. Huh. Doesn't want to cooperate. Feels thicker.
BECKER
Let me help.
COACH
I was reading Job last night. Have you ever read it?
BECKER
No.
COACH
You should. I was reading it. Listen.
BECKER
I don’t want to hear it. Not now, Coach. Later.
COACH
I’m not afraid anymore. Hey, did you notice the painting of the vineyard?
BECKER
It’s something else.
Rooster sits down with Becker and Charlotte.
ROOSTER
You catch that Lakers game last night? They played like shit. I bet Sporty’ll be hot. Buddy of mine said he bet the house on the Lakers. Where you think he gets that kind of money?
ONE POLICEMAN walks in. He is carrying Don’s napsack.
BECKER
What you call the cops for, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
I didn’t call the cops. Can I help you, officers?
OFFICER
We’re investigating an incident possibly involving the owner of this bag. A jogger found a body in the river this morning.
CHARLOTTE
What?
BECKER
Ah, no.
OFFICER
Do you recognize this?
BECKER
It belongs to one of the workers. A man named Don. He lives under the bridge over there. He’ll want that back. Has all his pictures of his family.
COACH
He’s saving up for a room.
OFFICER
From what we could tell, the man had multiple stab wounds.
BECKER
Is he alright?
OFFICER
He was probably killed last night or early this morning. Had he been living under the bridge for long?
BECKER
Killed? Ah, no.
COACH
Lord help him.
BECKER
He was just a worker. I don’t know why no one would want to kill him. He wanted a room and a steady ticket.
ROOSTER
You guys talking about that kid from North Carolina? He’d been living there for at least a month. Since he left the shelter.
BECKER
He liked camping. He had a mattress and a sterno stove under that bridge. He was a funny kid. His waves didn’t reach always the shore, if you know what I mean.
ROOSTER
He fell out of the back of a truck on one ticket we were on Downtown. Setting up a stage. Lucky he didn’t break his neck.
BECKER
Yesterday he got stuck in a hole. He said he was hunting rabbits. You remember, Coach?
OFFICER
Do you know his full name? We couldn’t find any ID.
BECKER
I just knew him as Don.
CHARLOTTE
We got his name on file. He might’ve had false papers, but I’ll give you what we got.
BECKER
I’ll bet Wilson had something to do with it. I’d bet a million dollars Wilson cut him.
OFFICER
Wilson? Was he an employee here? Do you have a record of him?
BECKER
Used to work here. He’d been on a drunk for the last month. He slept under that bridge sometimes too. Last couple days he’d been around here and threatened Don. Threatened all of us.
OFFICER
We’ll send an investigator over to get a full description. Are those files ready.
CHARLOTTE
It’s gonna take a minute. We were vandalized last night. I was just going to call you.
OFFICER
You think Wilson was involved in the vandalism?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know. Whoever did it painted that thing on our wall.
OFFICER
He painted a mural?
CHARLOTTE
Thought you’d seen everything?
OFFICER
He broke in and painted a mural?
BECKER
This is too much.
COACH
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
OFFICER
An investigator will be by to take your statements. Just sit tight for an hour. Any information you can give us will help us apprehend the killer.
COACH
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Amen.
BECKER
Amen.
ROOSTER
Amen. It’s a shame. He was a young boy.
Officer leaves.
CHARLOTTE
I got to call Rubio in early. I’m not gonna make it.
Phone rings.
CHARLOTTE
Lord, I hope this is good news.
BECKER
It’s my fault. That kid wouldn’t gone on down the line if I hadn’t kept him around.
COACH
You were trying to help.
BECKER
But he’s dead. I told him he could save enough for a room. Then Wilson stuck him. Damn it!
COACH
‘I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.’ So said Jesus. But every shepherd loses one from his flock. It’s the way of life.
BECKER
He was young.
CHARLOTTE
(excited)
At UCLA? One man. Gloves and Hard Hat. Absolutely. I’ll send my best man. Yes, sir. He’ll be there in the next bus. Yes. Becker!
Don appears slowly at the entrance. He tries to get Becker’s attention.
CHARLOTTE
Becker! You got the PW ticket. Get your gloves!
Becker concentrates on Charlotte and Don creeps into the office quickly. He is holding his injured hand is limps slightly.
DON
(quietly)
Mr, Beck? Coach!
CHARLOTTE
Listen. He said he only needs you for a day, but...
DON
(louder)
Becker? Mr. Becker.
Everyone turns to see Don at the door.
CHARLOTTE
You? But...
BECKER
Don!
DON
Shhhh. That policeman. When is he coming back?
BECKER
Don? You...they said...you alright?
DON
I did something bad.
BECKER
Sit down. The cop said he’d be back. Sit. He’ll help you out.
DON
I can’t go back.
BECKER
You don’t have to. We thought you were dead.
COACH
What’s on your mind, son?
DON
I killed him. He came at me last night. He came at me and he was screaming and cutting at me. He cut my arm.
CHARLOTTE
I got to call the police.
BECKER
Don’t! Char, he didn’t do anything wrong.
CHARLOTTE
Except kill a man.
BECKER
Wilson was asking to be killed. I mean, everyone makes mistakes.
CHARLOTTE
This is beyond a mistake.
DON
He came at me. Please, Mrs. Charlotte. Please. I just wanted to get a room and send for my girl. Please.
COACH
You can’t stay here, Don.
DON
I got no money. Help. Please.
Beat.
BECKER
Give him the PW ticket.
DON
PW ticket? A PW ticket come in?
BECKER
Give it to Don.
CHARLOTTE
I’m not giving shit to Don. I’d like to help him but it’s out of my hands.
BECKER
Charlotte. You his last hope. Give him the ticket. I won’t take it.
CHARLOTTE
Hell no. If you won’t take it then I’ll give it to Rooster. Come on, Rooster. You can still catch the next bus.
ROOSTER
That’s a golden ticket.
BECKER
That’s a good man’s life.
ROOSTER
I could get me some good weed with that ticket. I could party hard.
BECKER
Or you could give Don a chance.
ROOSTER
Ticket like that doesn’t come along every day. Maybe one or two a year. Prevailing wage. What that ticket pay an hour, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know. Over forty an hour. You take it now.
ROOSTER
Forty an hour. That could get you quite a ways down the road, Don. Where you planning to go?
DON
I’m not sure. San Diego?
CHARLOTTE
You don’t want it?
ROOSTER
I think that’s Don’s ticket. He earned it.
CHARLOTTE
Man! What is wrong with you? Coach. You want gloves?
COACH
It’s Don’s ticket, Char. It’s Don’s. I’m taking the day off. Worked too long for the wrong reasons.
CHARLOTTE
This ain’t happening. Fine. I’ll call Shorty. I got twenty people who’ll take this ticket.
COACH
It’s Don’s ticket. He earned it. Give him a chance.
CHARLOTTE
I send him looking like he does, just after he knifed a man, what do you think they’ll do to me? Give me an award?
COACH
The Lord sacrificed more for salvation. Maybe that’s what you should be thinking of.
CHARLOTTE
This is serious, Coach. I got a family counting on me.
COACH
We all live with our decisions. You’ve heard ours. Now what is yours?
Charlotte pauses with the phone in her hand.
DON
I’ll try real hard, Mrs. Charlotte. I still got one good hand. I promise I’ll do good. I promise.
Charlotte deflates. She puts the phone down and prints another ticket.
COACH
Amen.
CHARLOTTE
Here’s some gloves. Here’s your ticket.
DON
Thank you.
CHARLOTTE
Just do what you’re being paid to do. Or pretend to.
DON
I promise.
Don takes the ticket and gloves.
DON
What am I gonna do?
BECKER
Go to San Diego. Lay low there. They got work-a-day offices down there.
DON
Will I see you again.
BECKER
I’m a dime a dozen in this state. You’ll see me again.
COACH
God be with you, Son.
DON
Mr. Becker. Thank you. I...I was looking at this.
Don takes the piece of a flier he kept from yesterday out of his pocket.
DON
This was Code Blue’s flier. He might’ve wanted it back. He’s a good drawer.
BECKER
You keep it. The police took your napsack with all your pictures. You got to start over again. Keep it.
DON
I liked being in The Minutemen. I hope you guys get another job real soon. I know it’ll work if you keep at it. Hey, did you paint that, Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
Hurry up and catch your bus.
DON
A PW ticket.
Don walks out the door.
ROOSTER
I need a cigarette. That’s all I got to say.
Rooster goes outside and stands just outside the door.
BECKER
I wonder how Don’ll screw that ticket up?
COACH
I truly thought he was dead. But there he goes. How about that?
CHARLOTTE
This is the worst day ever.
COACH
Depends on how you look at it, Charlotte. The sons of Job are going home. It’s a sadness and a joy.
CHARLOTTE
Which of you two men want to earn twenty dollars to paint over that wall?
BECKER
I’ll do it.
Outside the office, in view of the audience, Code Blue walks up to Rooster.
ROOSTER
You missed some crazy shit.
CODE BLUE
Who in there?
ROOSTER
Same old. Becker, Coach, Charlotte. I can’t believe I passed on a PW ticket. Man. Bullshit, anyway. Them UCLA bosses are assholes. Bust your nuts any chance they get. I don’t envy him.
CODE BLUE
Who?
ROOSTER
That boy. Whatever. You got a light?
CODE BLUE
Naw. Hey, you bring these donuts in there for me?
ROOSTER
Donuts? You springing for donuts? Kissing ass?
CODE BLUE
Something like that.
ROOSTER
You got some cream filled?
CODE BLUE
I got all kinds.
ROOSTER
I’ll take me a cream filled.
CODE BLUE
Take what you want. Just bring ‘em in there.
ROOSTER
No problem. You coming?
CODE BLUE
I got a bus to catch.
ROOSTER
I’ll see ya.
CODE BLUE
Just tell ‘em the donuts are from The Minutemen.
ROOSTER
Who?
Code Blue walks away. Rooster enters the office.
ROOSTER
Check it out. We got donuts.
BECKER
Nice. I’m starving. Any cake ones with the chocolate?
ROOSTER
You look.
BECKER
Thanks man.
ROOSTER
I didn’t buy ‘em. That bitchy little bitch gave 'em. Code Blue. Said they from The Minutemen or some shit. Who the fuck are The Minutemen?
Becker ponders this for a moment.
BECKER
Nobody. You want a donut, Coach? I can get you some coffee.
COACH
The sons are going home, Beck. You feel it?
BECKER
I like donuts. Remember that guy in the hills who bought us donuts each morning. That was a good old ticket.
COACH
Have you read the book of Job?
BECKER
No.
COACH
Can I read you some of it.
BECKER
I don’t mind. Was you on that ticket up in the Palisades, Rooster?
ROOSTER
I heard about it. Shit. You fellas were living off the fatta the land.
Coach has the bible opened now.
COACH
I’ve been reading with new eyes, boys. The book of Job is about the passage of the sons of Job from the world and back. They were spoiled and frivilous and they came back changed. Satan took Job’s family and wealth from him. This was his blindness. Satan thought he was testing Job, but he had no where to send his family. Maybe they came here, to another time.
ROOSTER
Sausages and donuts. A man don’t need more than that.
COACH
The true test was put to the sons, to be uprooted and put down in a hostile land. And some passed and some failed. “The roaring of the lion, and the voice of the fierce lion, and the teeth of the young lions, are broken.”
BECKER
It was a time.
COACH
The old lion perishes for lack of prey, and the stout lion's pups are scattered abroad.
Phone rings. Charlotte picks it up.
CHARLOTTE
Work-a-day. You need two men? I’ll send my two best men.

CURTAIN
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.