Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Saturday, December 21, 2013


my memories of this Atchalachafaya salad are as blurry as the picture

Gas Flares in the morning. Freezing, knees feel like a broken analogy.

What The Bible Tells Me

Exodus is the second book of Moses. Genesis is the first book of Moses and was very hard to read as sections are repeated and repeated with slightly different phrasing so I kept thinking I had read that already and was tired and going in circles, but no, the book itself repeats sections. The second book is slightly more comprehensible but still painful to interpret. Moses apparently lived so long that he was able to remember not only the creation of the planet which happened 4.5 Billion years ago...but also he remembers the Egyptian Pharaohs and proto-Israeli slaves who coexisted in 2500 B.C.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Report: Sad Man Buys Stocking Stuffer Candy To Eat on Hydro-Fracturing Project

Packaged candy intended for a child's Christmas stocking was recently purchased by Oggy Bleacher to munch on in the freezing cold and driving rain as he wrenches his back muscles installing 4'' rigid conduit. The brightly colored candy, on sale because of the impending holiday, was purchased by Mr. Bleacher without a trace of holiday spirit, only trying to find something affordable to keep his energy up for the 10 hours of manual labor in the sleet and hail.
"I don't give a fuck about Christmas," said Mr. Bleacher as he kicked the mud off his boots and winced from the stabbing pain in his neck, shoulders and back.
"And you can get the fuck out of my face before I punch you in the mouth," added the childless Bleacher.
Mr. Bleacher coughed some phlegm from his congested lungs and spit near the puddles of urine he had just produced to ease his throbbing prostate. With one hand on his infertile, withered cock he fed tasteless morsels of chocolate and caramel into his pale and Grinch-like mouth with the other.
"A couple more days of this and I will die in the mud like a damn confederate soldier, that would make you laugh wouldn't it? You'd just love to see me suffer, huh?" said Bleacher, as he dropped some Holiday themed chocolate onto the mud and his drooped and bleary eyes never blinked from the distant horizon.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013


Everyone has HD cameras but I use my crappy flip phone camera...and get the worst picture.

This ridiculous 7/10 job has me pushing my hernia back into my belly when I bend over and whining like a child who lost his favorite toy truck. So I had no choice but to rally my nerves and go on a spending spree that would've made the Oggy of 2011 weep with the Chinese Slaves I trampled on. A beaver fur hat? A fancy tooled leather belt? Cologne? A Stetson pearl snap button shirt? You'd think I was getting married to Trisha Yearwood. Then an evening of gambling and sirloin steak at the casino Buffet.
"Searching for my lost shaker of salt..."
Now I can almost tolerate the 22 degree weather. The only way I can be more rock star is by buying a baby grand piano to put in my hotel room.

"I'll never forgive you, Oggy."
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.