Monday, October 27, 2008


Don't Park Here
Police Will be notified!
License and Registration, please
Where Do You Live?

All Niggers out of town by noon.
nameless, faceless cowards wearing white suits.

Love it or leave it, say the cancer cells.

American's don't trust Americans.
Why should they?

These are the days of the goon squad
in black coats and flashing a badge of justice.
Poor is the new nigger.

We are monkeys run amok in the land of the fraud
our economy is in ruins
We are unwell, sick, desperate, paying off dinners we ate two years ago, driving with gas we don't own yet.

But the fraud hates an honest man, hates his face, hates his presence.

So the fliers are posted in the night, "Out by noon, nigger. Out! Out! Off My Street!"

These streets are filled with irritation, pain, loss, fear. Better to blame the man on the street than the crook in your heart.

The lights flash behind pull over, give the goon your paperwork, try not to look him in the eyes (goons hate honesty).
We want you out of town. Understand. Get off these streets.
You slip and ask,
"What did I do?"
The goon tosses your paperwork at you.
"DWP. Guilty!"
You were Driving While Poor.
In a land of false wealth, the honest poor must be criminals.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Moped man

The idea is to have a moped that will run and so the man in the van can be just like Batman and when his van finally bites the dust or gets shot with a bazooka then he can just get on his moped and ride away. He may even modify the van's driver's seat so he can ride the moped and just as the van dies he can engage a special catapult that will whip him forward and start the moped and off he goes!~

Red Sox Rant

It's hard to win back to back championships. But it's also hard NOT to win back to back championships.
Maybe next year.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


gone of the man in the van's favorite places...the junkyard.

I think I can get one of these bad boys up and running. No problem. Some of those dents will just buff right out. A light here, a seat there and the man in the van will have his motorcycle back on the road!


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Good morning mudslide

This morning, the man in the van was crippled with cramps. These are natural reactions to the laxative pills he takes to help him shit. Why can't he shit like normal people? Well, it's an unpleasant story, that will hopefull come to an end one way or another on Wednesday, as the man in the van goes to Glendale for a hemorrhoidectomy.
but that's beside the point. This morning the man was slow getting his act together and he paid for it as the normal morning shit came early and the man ended up taking a gigantic shit in the middle of the L.A. Weekly newspaper spread out on the floor of his van. Man, this was a steaming pile of sloppy shit that you don't want to see up close. Fortunately, the man was too flustered to take a picture of it.
If it happens again then you can count on a picture.

Friday, October 10, 2008

pain diary

the man and his fans

The rain man

on the economy


once upon a time...

post op

The man in the van will withhold the videos of him taking a bloody shit into a to-go container. Those are not something he wants to share with the world. But you can tell by his lack of mobility that pretty much everything took some effort.

desolation angels

he man in the van was hanging out at the old Long Beach oil drills. At night so he had the exposure set for 2 seconds to get light in. IT was actually almost pitch black, and the only light was from the nearby industrial wasteland.

Monday, October 6, 2008

So much drama in the LBC

The man in the van is in Long Beach, recovering from ass surgery. He'll be back in action soon. Keep it real!

They Cut my Ass Open

The man in the van doesn't want to gross people out, but the realities of his life have crossed paths with some nasty afflictions.

Now, kids, if you don't want to have prolapsed hemorrhoids, like the man in the van, then don't do the following:

1. Put 6 inch dildos in your ass. "just to see what it feels like" lol. who hasn't done this?
2. Sit for 18 months writing a book.
3. The only exercise you get for 18 months is walking to the donut shop for an apple fritter. Mmmm. They taste so good but they turn to drywall mud inside your colon. Then you gotta strain like hell trying to shit it out.
4. Ride your bicycle from The East Coast to The Rocky Mountains.
5. The only fiber you eat is when you accidentally chew a piece of Styrofoam off your cup of noodles cup.

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.