Wednesday, May 26, 2010

El Conquestador

Trying to make things look pretty on the blog and added a panoramic collage Ernesto took from the trip down the Baja. That's my 1974 vespa ciao and his KTM motocross bike we stuffed into my van in San Diego and drove 2000 miles through the desert on a ridiculously unplanned expedition having absolutely no idea where we would sleep each night or eat or even if the van was going to make it.

We both started out with working bikes and both soon ran into trouble. The difference is that I managed to fix mine with a Leatherman tool and bicycle parts. His transmission broke and the bike ended up in the weeds and was probably stolen for parts. The desert will destroy everything but it didn't get my Ciao. I refused to allow it to be taken from me. I made it survive.

Laughter is good medicine

I watched Bruno, the follow up spoof movie by Sasha Baron Cohen who did Borat. I thought Borat was funny and I think Bruno is hilarious. It is fast and furious and I laughed out loud many many times.
The funniest part was when he says of his "pygmy" boy lover, "We're just a normal stay at home couple." and the next scene is him pouring champagne out of his ass into a glass.

And I cringed when he was doing baby casting calls for his baby crucifixion photo shoot and he said, "Would you be ok with your baby lighting phosphorus on fire and operating heavy machinery."
and the mother said without pause, "Yes."
And then he said, "Your baby is kind of chubby. Is your baby ok with losing 10 pounds?"
"Yes, she can do that."
"If she can't would she be open to liposuction?"
"Yes."

That might have been staged but for the fact I lived in Hollywood and can attest to exactly that mentality for the wannabe stars. It's like I said when I was pitching my Thoreau script,
"Can we have Thoreau getting drunk and fucking the neighbor's daughter in a boat on Walden Pond? That would be good."
"Uh?"
"And the vegetarianism thing won't work. Can he be a cattle farmer...with a gun...and a huge cock?
"Ahhh..."
My dreams were absolutely destroyed by greasy men while their call girls waited in fast cars. Read more about it in my "Hollywood Moment" story under the top posts.

I'm serious. The questions I got made my jaw drop and since I haven't seen a movie with my jaw hitting the floor then the questions were legit. Those producers really want to see you on your knees. They want to break you or else you aren't reliable. But if they break you then you are worse than unreliable...you are unoriginal. But the law of the land is that when you get in that room with a suit who has 10 million dollars behind him then you say, "Yes. Yes Yes Yes Yes." You never say no. And when I watched those mothers sell their babies into a photo shoot where the baby would be "wearing a nazi uniform and pushing Jesus in a wheelbarrow into an oven." and the mother was very happy...I got an awful flashback of the Hollywood pimp psychology that drove me insane. Then I laughed a little.
If you like dry humor that mocks America then Bruno is a good pic.

In other news I premiered my tune "JJ Newberrys" at the Press Room tonight. It didn't stop people in their tracks but it's done and out there. I'll post a home recording of that song one of these days. Then I asked the Gideon Brown frontman if he wanted to make a video and he's down for it so expect some more music news as that production begins next month. It's another zero budget affair but that's where I am most comfortable.

Prostate Update: The throbbing in my prostate has subsided. Hooray! Thanks Bruno!
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.