Thursday, November 28, 2013

In A Previous Life

I was a little disturbed to meet this old version of me. I never watched "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" on television. So I would never have met Maynerd G. Krebs, the resident beatnik sidekick of Dobie...inexplicably hanging around an Eisenhower culture, trying to fit in a diseased society...but also a pawn in the brainwashing machine, indoctrinating a generation of kids into thinking dirty bongo players were people to call the police on and throw eggs at and shoot shotguns at when they drove their van onto their street. Now I know the source of the hate I've been victimized by for 15 years...mindless programming of audience to hate hipsters while the entire ecosystem is devoured by dragons and wars fought by smug lawyers using poor ghetto pawns. The networks had their priorities perfectly aligned with the apocalypse and everyone swallowed the magic pill. I know the fate of Maynerd...they greased his ass with the slobber of the post-Kerouac Walking Dead and drafted Dobie to fight an Opium war in S.E. Asia. And the programming convinced people to go along with it like fucking obedient slaves. I got no problem "working" as long as I'm working for a culture that isn't a diseased variation of a Mississippi cane plantation. Until then, I'll beat the drums loudly in your self-serving neighborhood. Someone didn't eat the worm.
we even wear our watches on the same wrist!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

That's What She Said

Working with 100% men leads to certain traditions of misogyny and sexual insinuations. It is probably the same through all the trades but in Industrial Electrical work with long lengths of rigid conduit buried and threading and cutting and pipe clamps there are some phrases and comments that always lead to someone breaking the tension with the response, "That's what she said."

Here are a few:

"It's too long..."
"I need one more inch..."
"There's dirt on the threads..."
"It won't fit..."
"My hands are tired..."
"Let me get my gloves and knee pads..."
"Put some thread lube on it..."
"Spray it with this [galvanized paint]..."
"I dropped the nut..."
"Push up..."
"It's hot..."
"It's freezing..."
"I'm hungry..."


You can see that almost anything can be twisted into a sexual connotation. It's totally awesome. Exactly how I like spending my days.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Odds

In Roulette there are 36 numbers...plus a zero and a double zero. So, 38 possibilities. The pay off is 1:35 on hitting a given number. So if you covered every single number, betting $38, you are guaranteed to hit and win $35...thus losing $3 every spin. If you cover 37 numbers, then you only lose $2 but you also have a 1:37 chance of losing everything. And if you cover 36 numbers then you will lose $1 unless the ball lands in the two numbers you didn't cover. Cover 35 numbers and you break even...with 3 chances to lose everything.

Tonight, after eating a $25 buffet of fried ravioli and delicious broccoli soup, I covered 30 numbers...leaving 8 numbers uncovered...this is only feasible in a computerized speed roulette table because it takes too long to put a chip on every number in real roulette not to mention you have to climb over every pensioner pissing away her social security check for free mixed drinks. In computerized roulette the wheel and ball is still physical but you place bets on a screen and you never touch the germ ridden chips that caused me to be grievously ill this past week.

I started with $20, betting $0.25 every number, pretty much randomly chosen by my fingers. My total bet was $7.50. The payoff would be $8.75...for a profit of $1.25. I figured I had almost no chance to lose*...and decided to quit when I had doubled my bank. You can either bet in a way that has the odds against you, so you are praying a single number hits...or bet in a way that has the odds on your side so you pray a couple numbers don't hit. Let's see how this played out...

The first spin I hit #14. So my bank was $21.25. I did a dance on the smoky casino carpet with horseshoe patterns, replete with dusty losers...in pitiful Tuesday dress, the quiet sounds of distress and desperation filling the cancerous air.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Desire

A Student in Expressions
I've been watching Vivien Leigh movies to get a full appreciation of her talents and to assuage my overwhelming loneliness. As a result, I have slightly changed my opinion on her rumored mental illness. I'm starting to think she actually sacrificed her life and reputation to delve into the character and relationships and drama of men and women...in real life...in order to have more experience to draw from when her character called for certain depth. I'm painfully aware of the costs to take ones art to another level. Most artists are content with pretending to act...drawing a line between their work and their life in order to maintain some kind of normalcy. A Hollywood mantra I heard more than once is, "The best acting isn't acting." Leigh seemed to decide that in order to really bring something new to the stage and screen she would need to dig deeper than usual into the heart of people and in order to do that she would have to break some rules. Eventually the lines became blurred and she couldn't or didn't want to return to normalcy. Such is the price of the intrepid explorer. Of course I will leave room in my theory for the possibility that she really was bat shit crazy and I'm merely being a foolish romantic...defending my lady's honor even after she is dead. Her acting mannerisms were developed on the stage, which explains her annunciation and professionalism, but her personality was definitely developed on her own time and at the cost of many broken hearts.* How else does one refine that kind of charm and dynamic charisma than by playing the field? I recall a woman cut from the same cloth as Scarlett O'Hara showing off my ring on her finger and lying to some lustful men in a Mexican cantina, "See? We're married."
"Married?" They asked.
"Of course," I replied. "Can't you tell by how miserable I am?"
And no one laughed.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Rapture

You know you're in the deep south when you're standing idle with a shovel in hand and the boss walks by and says, "Is that what yew want to be doin' when the Lord comes back? Holdin' a sh'vel up and daydreamin' about gerls?"

The answer is yes, but since it was my boss I said no and got busy digging a trench.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Isaiah 5

18 Woe unto them that draw iniquity with cords of vanity, and sin as it were with a cart rope:
Strumming chords of vanity

20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
21 Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
22 Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink:
23 Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him!

Woe Unto Vain Oggy traitorously singing Lynyrd Skynyrd



Wednesday, November 6, 2013

How to Play Blues Harmonica


One day I'd like to blow harp like a blind black man.

The People Speak Out Against Trump

I watched a documentary "You've Been Trumped" about Donald Trump's grotesque golf course project in Scotland. I was going to go on a tirade about how political methods of activism are not legitimate any longer because the whores of capitalism have infiltrated every corner of government and have totally corrupted it. I wish Wilfred Grenfell were alive today to guide me as I am morally lost between the shores of Ed Abbey and John Muir. Obviously someone like Trump has to be stopped but the question is how when he controls so much "money" that he can get Scottish universities to hand him honorary doctorates while destroying and undermining Scottish sovereignty at the same time. That's a hard act to pull off but it supports the old Scottish saying: "If you're in a whore house then don't quote the bible."

Trump reminds me of those dramatic depictions of slave owners who say, with mint julep in hand, "It's so hard to get them niggers to work. They're so lazy."

I really wish you could see the farm that Trump called "A Pigsty". Every crumb of food that Trump (and you and I) has ever eaten has come from a farm like that (we should hope)...only the humility of dirty farmers has allowed Trump to live at all. And his response is to completely slander and degrade one of them while destroying his backyard. It makes me sick to my stomach. I almost wish Trump would decide to develop Battle Harbor because it would really be a pleasure defending it...and I'm not talking about writing letters or circulating petitions.

I feel Americans empowered Trump...we legitimized his evil and now he is showing why you can't ever give an inch to this kind of diseased monster because he will never stop and it will spread and become even harder to stop. His goal is to turn every town into Las Vegas and unless someone stops him he will accomplish that. Turn a blind eye and you are as irresponsible as he is.

I could go on but instead I'll quote some youtube members and their comments which sum up my feelings:





owenstyles Donald Trump is a fucking cunt





StiLLMERedLeader I think we should start killing all of these money addict, lying sons of bitches. Maybe after a few are dead they will stop fucking up the world.






del690 I always thought Trump was a bit of a buffoon, but after watching this doc I now think he is one evil, disgusting, bastard.






Julius Caeser Unfortunately the money and power he has earned for himself has corrupted his soul with so much darkness and it sadens me he can no longer see this in himself, or perhaps he can..






Peter S. López Donald Trump is a sick psychopath, or would that be a sociopath?!?. This is a classic example of the cold cruelty capable of being exhibited by the evilness of the -1%






bongmistt The day that Trump dies will be one of history's greatest moments.

 





JOHN CRISP Donald Trump is everything thats wrong with the world today.

 





Colin Booth Trump is a slimy scumbag who uses power and money to advance on anyone or anything. He needs to be stopped!!!

 





seomoz im wondering why nobody shot him. what happened to fighting for ones land? kinda disappointing

 





ross200543 fuck donald trump

 





Grahame Thomson A disgusting and ignorant man.

 





Insanekid95 One of the most beautiful places in the world is being ruined!!!! FUCK THAT PIECE OF SHIT TRUMP!!!!!!!

 





paintchick1 Trump is a piece of shit

 





bufon63 I find it staggering that corporate scum like Thump has not to date been the victim of extreme violence. One day, I imagine.





Pop Can He is the epitome of why everyone hates America. A fat, ugly, rich, piece of crap who doesn't have any remorse for anyone, walking around like he's entitled to everything and then some.






thadopeman Trump is a cunt

blueinfinite @thadopeman don't insult the cunts of the world!!!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Duct Tape Free By 2014

I really got tired of looking at the duct tape keeping the elements out of the 5 holes in the van. I'm not learning much new at work so why can't I learn how to make mistakes fixing body work?

Damage from Surfing in Pacific then wearing wetsuit in van.
Sand down to metal, or, in Oggy's case, until you get bored.

I don't understand how you are supposed to keep the resin from dripping down the side of the van like Ice Cream at Pierce Island onto the windows while it is still liquid.

Cut Fiberglass cloth approx to fit over holes. Then dip the cloth in the resin.
 I also don't understand why the resin turned into a kind of jello maybe 40 seconds after I was done mixing it so the end result was a slope of moguls like at Sunday River.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

In Defense of Daylight Savings Time

The basic reason we set the clocks back on the 3rd of November is because if we did not then the sun would be rising at almost 8am in the morning, requiring first shift folk to do everything in the dark.

Length of daySolar noon
DateSunriseSunsetThis dayDifferenceTimeAltitudeDistance
(million mi)
Nov 2, 20137:46 AM6:42 PM10h 56m 12s− 1m 34s1:14 PM44.8° 92.229
Note: hours shift because clocks change backward 1 hour (See the note below this table for details)
Nov 3, 20136:47 AM5:42 PM10h 54m 39s− 1m 33s12:14 PM44.5° 92.206
Nov 4, 20136:48 AM5:41 PM10h 53m 06s− 1m 32s12:15 PM44.1° 92.182

But Wait! There's this thing called electricity. Electricity comes from fairies and elves in the forest mixing magical potions together to generate sparks that tickle lightbulb filaments. All is well with a limitless supply of electricity and...

Wait a second, Oggy, elves and fairies don't mix potions to create electricity!

You got me, dear reader. You're so fucking bright. YOU MUST'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION IN SCHOOL. Electricity is produced by coal plants, nuclear plants, geothermal plants and natural gas plants that heat water to use steam pressure to spin magnetic turbines inside giant copper lined cylinders. Since elves and fairies are not part of this process what must happen is the collection of coal and natural gas and uranium to make these power plants operate. Because your television programming IS THAT IMPORTANT.

Ever since clocks were invented it was probably obvious that 7 am in June was quite brighter than 7 am in January. Unless you live on the Equator. And since humans are so clever someone thought, "It would be awesome if we could manipulate the clocks so the hours between 8-5 had relatively the same amount of sunlight throughout the year."

And it turns out there is a way to do this by simply turning the hour dial on the clock backwards in the fall and forwards in the summer. Now, on Monday, instead of the sun coming up over Austin, Texas at 7:47am...when most people will already be in the warehouse assembling computer parts...the sun will come up at 6:47am when people will be on their way to the warehouse. That means, for one hour of darkness, the warehouse will be empty and the lights can stay off...and we can save electricity.

That's the theory.

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.