Saturday, November 26, 2011

Emperor Concerto By Beethoven

Let's take a moment to appreciate something other than our own flawed egos and instead appreciate the flawed egos of L. V. Beethoven and Glenn Gould. The good stuff starts at :36.

In light of the recent debates maybe it would be more fitting to share the "Eroica" (Italian for Heroic) Symphony #3 by Beethoven because it was dedicated to Napoleon Bonaparte and then renamed when Napoleon pronounced himself the Emperor of France.
See, I'm out to entertain and amuse myself like any good court jester would do but it seems lately that my schtick is not found amusing by my audience. Why, pray tell? Dost thou not need a jester to mock? Dost thou prefer the mere predictability of sit coms like Two and a Half Men to the unpredictability of my own antics? No matter, the goal of any court jester is to amuse without the audience knowing they are distracted from the other daily grinds of their lives. That is my job and I've done it well. But it comes at a price and that price is having composers rage in my direction. Hypocrite, lazy, incompetent, pig, filthy, stupid, dirty...these and other accusations are slung casually in my direction as though my skin were as thick as the hide of an arctic wolf. It must be nice to sit on your velvet cushions and throw insults in my direction when I am merely doing my job as jester to a court gone mad. Let's all watch Oggy dance and make merry while the plague sets in.

Three Legged Rocking Chair

This is either a chair with one rocker or a rocking chair with a bad attitude.

Ordinarily, a mouse or mice living in your engine compartment wouldn't be a problem. I had several living with me in the van in Mexico who made the long journey across the continent. All they did was shit near my Footloose record album and eat my fruit. But in the Grand Marquis it's a whole different problem. See, this is a shitty car built for old farts who take it to regular $200 maintenance appointments and put the mechanic's kids through school based on the horrible design of $187 headlight changes and 8 hour heater core replacement. Case in point: The fucking spark plugs. Now, plugs should be replaced yearly on a v8 in New England because of the abuse from weather and at $1 each it's like two gallons of gas every year for good performance. So, what do the engineers at Ford do? They hide the spark plugs so far under the fuel injector tubes and wires and individual coils and then create this huge boot that extends like 7 inches into the cylinder head to get to the plug that you can't even see without a flashlight. Ok, that would suck already, but if someone happens to leave their car dormant for 14 months and mice from Greenland and Rye start charging rent to the grasshoppers and rats from Newmarket for luxury apartments in the engine compartment then all their nests including lip stick smeared cigarette butts, tin foil, lint, cat fur, trash, cotton, clothes, electrical insulation, fire retardant lining, leaves, acorns, beard fur, etc. all fall into the spark plug hole until it's impossible to take the spark plug out without calling O'neil's Landscaping Service to dig a hole down to #1 plug. If it isn't the dust, it's the fucking mud.
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.