Saturday, November 26, 2011

Three Legged Rocking Chair

This is either a chair with one rocker or a rocking chair with a bad attitude.

Ordinarily, a mouse or mice living in your engine compartment wouldn't be a problem. I had several living with me in the van in Mexico who made the long journey across the continent. All they did was shit near my Footloose record album and eat my fruit. But in the Grand Marquis it's a whole different problem. See, this is a shitty car built for old farts who take it to regular $200 maintenance appointments and put the mechanic's kids through school based on the horrible design of $187 headlight changes and 8 hour heater core replacement. Case in point: The fucking spark plugs. Now, plugs should be replaced yearly on a v8 in New England because of the abuse from weather and at $1 each it's like two gallons of gas every year for good performance. So, what do the engineers at Ford do? They hide the spark plugs so far under the fuel injector tubes and wires and individual coils and then create this huge boot that extends like 7 inches into the cylinder head to get to the plug that you can't even see without a flashlight. Ok, that would suck already, but if someone happens to leave their car dormant for 14 months and mice from Greenland and Rye start charging rent to the grasshoppers and rats from Newmarket for luxury apartments in the engine compartment then all their nests including lip stick smeared cigarette butts, tin foil, lint, cat fur, trash, cotton, clothes, electrical insulation, fire retardant lining, leaves, acorns, beard fur, etc. all fall into the spark plug hole until it's impossible to take the spark plug out without calling O'neil's Landscaping Service to dig a hole down to #1 plug. If it isn't the dust, it's the fucking mud.
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.