Margaritaville

Everyone has HD cameras but I use my crappy flip phone camera...and get the worst picture.

This ridiculous 7/10 job has me pushing my hernia back into my belly when I bend over and whining like a child who lost his favorite toy truck. So I had no choice but to rally my nerves and go on a spending spree that would've made the Oggy of 2011 weep with the Chinese Slaves I trampled on. A beaver fur hat? A fancy tooled leather belt? Cologne? A Stetson pearl snap button shirt? You'd think I was getting married to Trisha Yearwood. Then an evening of gambling and sirloin steak at the casino Buffet.

"Searching for my lost shaker of salt..."

Now I can almost tolerate the 22 degree weather. The only way I can be more rock star is by buying a baby grand piano to put in my hotel room.

c

"I'll never forgive you, Oggy."