Sunday, January 31, 2016

Banana Loco

Why was I too modest for nudity but not modest enough for two banana leaves? this was in southern Ecuador 25 years ago.


Coming soon: rodeo essay



Friday, January 29, 2016

Carpenters to The Rescue

When things look their bleakest I can always count on Karen Carpenter to lift my spirits. I do listen to The Carpenters recordings but I prefer to play from this vintage Greatest Hits songbook I found in a St. Louis thrift store with accurate keys and arrangements far superior to the others I own (yes, I own multiple Carpenters songbooks). The arrangement of Ticket to Ride might be Richard's greatest accomplishment because the original Beatles version could easily be mistaken for a peppy pop rock song when the lyrics are obviously melancholy. Same applies to Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl. But Goodbye to Love is the ultimate melancholy song and even the key change at the end is only a harmonic nod to resurrection of Oggy's spirit, when the lyrics still confirm his heart's demise. I really belong in a dark cavern far from the meddlesome trauma of love and longing.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Ninja Warrior

Who is this masked Ninja Warrior hidden in the bushes? His three-sectioned staff is most intimidating!
Back in the days before I knew I would be a major league baseball player I trained in Ninjitsu, a secret society of warrior assassins who protected the emperor. I still have my collection of Ninja magazines...such as these
...and they taught me the True Ninjitsu way. I also studied many secret powerful hand moves that focused my energy and left my hypnotized enemies helpless. I also have the Ninja uniform and some illegal shirkins and a Samauri sword and Hari Kari blade and grapling hook and these hooks that strap to one's feet and hands and enabled me to climb trees like an ocelot. I have all of those in a wooden chest I made in Junior High School.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016


There was a point during my exile in Cuban purgatory that I tried to summon the strength to explain my situation and this is the video that remains. I am not traveling as much as moving through Central America to taste the plates of emotionally ransacked cuisine. These simple excursions sometimes turn into a hopeless and dejected quest, repressed, lonely, dusty heartbroken like a stray dog picked up by the Guatemalan Humane Society, waiting in a filthy cage for an adopted owner who will never come, surely the needle to put me down and then they will dump my corpse along the swollen river with the car batteries, but hopeful, with tail wagging and ears perked up at the sound of the metal gate clanking in the morning not knowing if it is death or life that cometh. My recognition that I had sunk to this low put my spirits in the corpse pile by the river. I had no explanation, my failures, my petty complaints, my lack of ambition, frustration, aggravation, ruined, futile, bereft all seemed to be pointless.

I don't want to revisit or even elaborate on this recent scenario because that would imply I am safely 'out of the woods' and I am not. I'm still in the jungle, still unwanted, still dangling my heart over the tank of bull sharks. So, the details this video can not capture is the 10 gallons of water that soaked into my filthy carpet after a near collision on the highway to the border, a stench of damp decay that reflected on my own misery...alienation, withdrawal, flavors of relief lingering and dissipating to the world, nothing would be the same ever again...pointless. And it could all start again immediately.

no man is an island, but Ometepe is an Island

Monday, January 25, 2016

Young Oggy

This speaks for itself. I'm happy because the red sox were gonna win the 1987 world series and draft me in 1995 by the latest. that was my plan and i saw no reason it would not work out.
right in line with fashion of 1987

I worked here and that's probably my bicycle propped by the trash can that I would empty at the end of the day. I stocked Yoo Hoos and beer in the ice barrel. That help wanted sign in the window had my name on it. For some reason I am not wearing my Spudz MacKenzie t-shirt. Maybe it was dirty.


I had this message trancscrobed to a carrier pigeon so it may be garbled. I esacapef Costa Erica narrowly. Am in nica wa wa. Not perfect for reasons that r private but alive and free. I was prepared to go down with the ship. They will never get my van without being forced to burn my corpse and also visit the hospital to sew shut the wounds I inflict with my axe. It almost reached that point but not yet. No.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Fucked By Costa Rica

It´s going to take all my resources to get the fuck out of this mess. Nicaragua kicked me out and Costa Rica has refused me entry. The situation is as grim as the time I was living in the half way house for SSI rejects in Laconia and playing lottery tickets with spare change found between the cracks of my ego. Maybe this will kick start my ambition to run for hobo mayor. I don´t know. But any one who has any solution such as a friend in the Costa Rica embassy will please help me with a letter of recommendation to get back to the beach paradise and let me live in peace. To clarify...Costa Rica gives 90 day visa. Then nicaragua gave me 30 days. Now Costa Rica is telling me that I have used my 90 day maximum. But Nicaragua tells me I have also used my 30 days maximum. So neither country will allow me in and if you check out a map then you will see that leaves me fucked.
please help. send the fucking Marines back to Nicaragua!
gotta go now.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Murdering a Dress

I want to combine two popular/compelling internet events: 1) The debate of what color "The Dress" is, and 2) the Steven Avery trial that is the subject of Making a Murderer docuseries.

What the two have in common is simply the complete polarity of opinions despite equal stimuli. The dress debate was if the colors were Gold and white, or Black and Blue. The actual dress was a tint in the range of black and blue. But the photo was clearly gold and white to me and many people. When seen in a different photo I can clearly see it is black and blue. But in the controversial photo I clearly saw a tint of white and gold. I don't mean popcorn white and Aztec gold, but a tint in the range of gold and white. Just like the real dress is in the range of black and blue. There are many shades of black and blue and gold and white. off-white, greyish black. etc. Many many shades, but in general I could polarize the picture into gold and white. But the dress is actually not remotely gold and white. The dress only appeared white and gold to me. This was an optical illusion that caused a divide in opinions that captivated people and is still being studied. This demonstrates the infinite range of experiences and how humanity is still learning about our own perceptive abilities/sensitivities. 

This is not to be confused with preference such as with the new Star Wars movie. Some people love it and some people hate it. But at least we can all agree on the color and shape of the principal characters as they appear to us.

Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.