Friday, August 16, 2013


I felt self abusive today and since I drank all my hemlock recently I had to go to Fox News (also known as Serial Killer News) to flagellate myself. I usually browse until something makes me slap my takes about 2 minutes.

The head-slapper today came after a minute of painful grimacing, like I was passing a Kevin Smith limited edition Mallrats Blue-Ray DVD out my asshole. But first, a review...
The general presentation of Fox News makes CNN look like Frank Lloyd Wright designed it. I'm deeply troubled by the popularity of such total trash. It is offensive to taste and decency. Still, I plunged on through puerile and tasteless gossip tales (one hesitates to call them news stories), alligators eating celebrity babies, dead celebrities, dying celebrities, feuding celebrities, sex changes, dirty laundry...I laughed when I read the headline "NO END TO CARNAGE IN EGYPT" It was funny because it's exactly the headline that Citizen Kane would've penned for what he considered the dumbest people on the planet: the readers of his paper.
No News, Only Static

Citizen Murdoch, you are a complete cunt. 

Oggy's Alternate Entertainment

Pleasant Thoughts

Oggy laughed himself to sleep
dreaming of the certainty
when all Americans are enslaved by Chinese
Tech moguls
and are forced to plow under their ancestors
into dusty fields
and irrigate with their own blood
the treasures of lost cultures
Micky Mouse droppings on Pluto's head
pet cemetarys bulldozed to make room
for pagodas selling goofy t-shirts
the cycles turn for and against
the imperialist demon

Asian emperors denounce rock and roll
subdivisions of ghettos are where hip hop
on the parched lips of a blind child
the last remaining trace of our once prideless slop

It's a James Cameron movie
projected in 3D on the fat back of Honey Boo Boo
where Big Red Soda flows through veins of immortal statues
guarding the circuit boards that recorded our pet's bowel movements
for broadcast to internet.

Oggy's brain is hot wired to a gold fish bowl
for non stop entertainment
pulverized by nonsense
Fox News has won
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.