Saturday, September 7, 2013

Hot Rod Hearts

29 years ago. Yes, we are old.

When this songbook was published someone who was 42 years old was born in 1942. Dear God! I think I'm the same age as my father was when I first heard these songs. I really wonder what in the world he was thinking to upset the natural balance of divorces by taking responsibility for two teenage boys and basically trading his carefree bachelorhood for hours trying to teach my brother Algebra and answering calls from the police when I was caught breaking into houses or stealing his car?
Why would a 42 year old man do that? Does anyone have an explanation? I'm his same age and I'm telling you that I don't even want to take care of a puppy who only wants water and food...although looking back his contribution to my survival wasn't much more than that. If I got divorced and had two kids I would just ask where to send the support check and that would be the end of all other dads in history. It was like he became the best housemate I would ever have, he shopped for me, let me eat food he bought, didn't make me change my clothes, let me steal quarters from his change drawer, bought me tickets to Red Sox games, hid his porn stash where I had easy access to it. I mean, he was perfect! But from his perspective, that I now know too well, I don't see what was in it for him. I wasn't a chick magnet. In 1982 women did not think it was cute to have two scrubby kids tagging along in the frozen food aisle yelling out their choice of pizza toppings. My brother and I ran off more than one woman my dad was trying to court. I need to ask him next time we talk, "Dad, WHY WOULD YOU SURRENDER THE PRIME OF YOUR BACHELOR YEARS TO LIVE WITH TWO DIRTY KIDS? DIDN'T YOU GET THE DIVORCEE HANDBOOK THAT SAID YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO VISIT US EVERY COUPLE YEARS, PARTY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, PAY CHILD SUPPORT, AND GO TO OUR HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION?" I guess he didn't get that handbook. Maybe you're saying, "Oggy, your mom might've been a drunken whore. He was protecting you." And my answer is let's get together sometime so I can show you how much of a drunken whore my mom was...while your face is being dragged through loose gravel. No, I did know a few divorced dads who cared for their kids for their own good, as the mom was a loose cannon. But that didn't apply in my case. So it's perplexing. Mothers have a different approach...namely they want to raise someone who will leave the nest as soon as possible to spread their wings and go do great things. Dads sort of think it's a success if the kid doesn't die of measles before he's 21. "He's alive with all his limbs? I've done my job!"

Here's a song I know you haven't heard since 1980. I loved this song because it promised awesome car sex when I got older.

I got this "Aerobics Rhythms" songbook in Eagle Pass for $4 at the music store that was in that movie Lone Star.  Trevino's.
I asked, "This songbook has been here since 1984. Are you still willing to sell it?"
The place was like a museum with LP records and 8 track cassettes still in the wrapping. They sold me three songbooks that are classic. This week I'm going to make recordings of songs that haven't been covered in 30 years.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.