Sunday, June 5, 2011

Major Nature Voyeurism

Today was the kind of day that encourages short memories. Winter? What winter? Will kids decry the petroleum addicts who burned the climate up for a quick trip to Honey Dew donuts? No, because once or twice a year will be a day like today that makes them forget everything else and bask in the humidity free sunlight that filtered through my protective beard.
Mt. Major was packed. I heard "This picture will be my new facebook avatar" about ten times today. or "I've got a new picture for facebook." or "Can I post to facebook from here?" And it was true, thanks in part to those hundreds of hours I spent placing aluminum fins in huge heat sinks and crimping fiber optic cable in gigantic harnesses, Mt. Major has total internet access. But the facebook references were out of control. Is any moment private anymore?
Also, I had a short history lesson thanks to a 1981 Midway arcade game:

"In the year 2003, the Omega system developed a method of training its warriors to protect their star colonies over the city of Fomap. Android controlled fighters freed to engage and destroy these Omegan warriors."

There is either some serious coverup happening that the government should be aware of or these guys were way off the mark. The game was called Omega Fighter or something and involved a fighter going around a box shooting triangles. It was old old old, considered monochrome/vector graphics for the black and white, linear design. I'm bored just talking about it.

This was the weekend of the classic video arcade game championship. I didn't get too excited this year since I still had tokens left from last year. But I did play some games since it's next door to Mt. Major. The guy chasing the Donkey Kong record was there with his video camera on his game. No one cares, but that'll be a movie sometime.

On the way through Durham I had a slice of Pizza from Wildcats and Durham house of Pizza and Wildcats won my taste test by a pepperoni width. They are both average slices. I wouldn't get out of bed for either one of them. But right next door was pandemonium as that repulsive show "Man vs Food" was in town as the fat guy tried to eat 15 sliders and ten pounds of french fries. OR something. The show is so fake with fake audience cheering. Everyone was trying to get in the picture*. They interviewed me and I stuck my finger down my throat and vomited on the host's plate of food and then I ate it with my hands.
"What? Isn't that what vultures do?" I said as the vomit dripped off my beard and the cute coed girls (paid audience) ran for cover.
"Get out! You filthy hippie!" they yelled.
"Hahahah." I laughed and washed my face with coca cola. "Not crazy enough for you?" and I leaped through the air and landed on a man's back and bit deeply into his throat with my teeth. "Is this crazy enough for you? Man versus Man! Hahahhhahahaha"
It'll be on the Travel channel in a few weeks. Should be good. Stay tuned.

*This seemed very strange to me. I heard someone say, "Do you want to be on T.V?" And it didn't have the same appeal as it once did. I vaguely remember fame and fortune being tied to television and today it's understood that television is simply better produced and promoted internet...and we can all be on the internet if we want. You want to be on the internet? I'll put you on there today. No problem.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.