Shamrock Shake-up

Johnson Shut-In after a rain

If I catch the asshole who threw a Mcdonald's shamrock shake on my van I'll beat him with the Book of Kells. They don't tag vehicles with spray paint in Missouri (probably because they can't spell), so they steal them or throw food on them.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Taum Sauk

Taum Sauk Summit

Missouri was named for an Algonquian* Indian word that means "river of the big canoes." That probably was what we pale faced burger chompers call the Mississippi.
A Piankeshaw* chief was named Sauk-Ton-Qua and that could be the origin of the name for the highest peak in Missouri called "Taum Sauk. I haven't heard a local pronounce it so I'm not sure if it's "Tam" or "Tahm" or "Tum". Another possibility is the name Sauk means "Outlet" and to climb this peak you have to cross a distinctive valley. Taum Sauk is the 40th highest peak out of the highest peak in each state and I've had a harder time climbing into my bed in the van than getting to this summit.

Everything Else included something called a "Frito Pie"** which made Wild Turkey Whiskey seem like a protein shake.

A thunder storm opened up on us not long after we reached the summit and made me realize why God was a big factor here in 1790. The homesteaders didn't have Cracker Barrel and Big Lots to fill up baskets of cheap Chinese staples like Ramen noodles and Mello Yellow. They were attacked by the Indians, Tornadoes appeared at random, thunder and lightning will make a believer out of anyone if it goes on for 6 hours. Hail the size of golf balls had me praying to Jesus and digging around for my bible. Flash flood made Noah my friend. Yeah, Jesus gets a bad rap because he's invoked for everything from the lottery to classroom science and traffic lights but in the beginning when you had a hut buried under a dirt hillside and the Indians were waiting for the tornadoes to pass before they attacked while the lightning illuminated the mysterious heavens...then you had no friends and not much to live for. It's easy to bash Jesus from an easy chair in front of the Discovery Channel. If you rough it for a few months in Missouri your faith will multiply like Abel's flock of sheep. So, we are blundering toward a higher quality of life. Yes, the arctic wolf and the Senegal slave was our stepping stone but it's up to us to do something worth killing off the arctic wolf.

*Along with the Kickapoo and the Cherokee, the Algonquian and the Piankeshaw tribes have been replaced by Jack in The Box and Target and Frito Pies...

**The last thing you see before your arteries permanently clog

Old Man River

Lonestar Natural Gas Facility

The wrong side of the tracks

1974 Vespa Ciao overlooking Mississippi

 A storm is coming.

Foot in Mouth

I'm famous for opening my big mouth without regard to consequence. Speaking truth to Power sometimes leads down a terrible detour to going berserk when someone walks on a reseeded grass patch. That doesn't really compare to the incident where a U.S. soldier slaughtered 16 civilians in Afghanistan but it's an example of how I used to offer my opinion even if it wasn't asked for on things that I can't understand. Lately, I am beaten down by the topics of the day, Acidification of the Ocean, Desertification of the West, Climate out of control, gadget after gadget thrown on the shelves as surrogates for happiness. It's exciting but the science is running neck and neck with the spin and it's not just kooks predicting the end of the world if nothing changes. I'd like to apologize to anyone I've offended in the past with my big mouth. My response to the latest killings in Afghanistan is going to come in the form of comments written on CNN. CNN audience isn't the bottom of the barrel of humanity but they are close cousins. You go from a misleading article on climate change to a video about teenagers skipping school to huff paint fumes. Fast food and car advertising dominates the screen. CNN is a perfect record of how adults want to state their opinion on far ranging topics but they often have nothing to say or shouldn't say what they want but do anyway. Some will comment only to say, "I'm American and it's my right." It's an awful awful forum but I tell myself we're a young animal and in 2000 years things will improve. Christians used to stone Roman Pagans and now we send Atheist soldiers to shoot and burn Muslims. That's progress, right? If I can figure out a way to make these lyrics into a song I'd be rich. U.S. commanders say he was a rogue soldier but that's because the commanders haven't been reading the CNN comment board. Obviously, plenty of people think what happened is great. If we had a few hundred rogue soldiers like him the war would be over in a week. Wait, that's a line from Apocalypse Now. Who wants to go on a hunger strike to end the war?

nuketowlies
And they say that the route to all evil is money!!!  i think its religion and primitive interpretation of the ramblings of an ancient scribe smashed on sour goats milk :-/
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  xxdilligafxx

  YAY God! Go Muhammad!! Praise Allah! Save me Jesus!
  Where are your gods now?
  
  

  Justice2To 

  Impeach Bloody Obama that insults and charges his United States troops.
  Impeach Bloody Obama that insults and charges his United States troops.

  
  
  

  • nuketowlies 

    why bother having nuclear arsenals if were not gunna use em????  jeeeze what a waste

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    Nodack

    Really?
    Unbelievable.
    
    

    • Bannister

      According to the article, this guy was on his third tour of duty and he suffered a "traumatic brain injury in a vehicle accident" in 2010.
      Shouldn't a soldier be SENT HOME after suffering a "traumatic brain injury"????

      
      
    • 
      
    • 
      keksyx

       Well they didn't want him to kill Americans so they sent him back to Afghanistan.

    elloco123 

    ok i b gentle now this gentleman soldier that kill 16 people should be court marshall and executed
    
    

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Black 8

My lucky number is 8 and when I'm in a Casino I put money on Black 8 in the Roulette Table. Of course I'm seldom in a casino and seldom have money, except today when I got lost by the Mississippi River looking for aluminum cans on my moped and ended up taking a dump in the River city casino bathroom. I had $6 in my pocket, my entire allowance for the week. I saw from the board that Black 8 had plunked down ten turns earlier. It probably wouldn't drop again. I walked over and laid my $6 on the table. The man counted it out. "Are you playing inside or outside?" I hesitated. Would I lay $6 on Black 8 or play the safe bet on Black or Red to double my money, build a stake and then play Black 8?
"Outside," I say.
He hands me a $5 chip and a $1 chip.
It's a $5 minimum bet so I place it all on Black, then I change my mind because Black just hit. I put my two chips on Red. The man spins the ball.
"No more bets."
"Come on Red!"
It drops.
"Black 8!"
Groans.
He takes my $6, I head for the door and my moped with aluminum cans.
35:1 odds on $6 pays $210.
The odds on a kick in the ass every time I walk in a casino door is 1:1.