Hottest Brand Mascot Ever

Me encanta

The chips were ok. too salty.

Seriously, is there a contest between the cheeto cat and the hot latina? Conchitas are the Mexican Frito chip. Fritos don't have a mascot for some reason so I'll have to put her up against the Cheeta cat. You can sort of tell the cat is male by body language but he's not camel toe sexy.

I'm bored.

Bad Transmission

Bad Transmission

Oggy's neck was bothering him and the reek of his arm pits reminded all present of his decaying insides, the lack of good attitude and diet, the rotting putrescence of his bitter bowels. It would all rupture eventually and be filled with maggots. John Updike said of a close call with death, “The Big Guy is getting my range.” like a mulligan taken in golf or a practice toss in cornhole...reducing our demise to a random mortar shot from the almighty. And why can't God take a practice putt before calling in our soul?

Oggy was underneath his dashboard the other day trying to repair a random electrical problem that caused his tail lights to fail and his turn signal to work intermittently. It was that stupid decision to update his turn signal cam switch returning to haunt him. His arthritic knees and besieged spine grated with global indifference to his agony. He only had a few hours to drive to San Antonio and back to return that transformer and look for gifts for the mythological prisoner of Oggy's meandering focus in Mexico. He was sweating and gasping for breath as his ragged lungs mocked his efforts. But was he sweating so bad that his ass crack was soaking wet? Oggy was confused. Maybe he had sat in a puddle when he rolled underneath the van to tighten the worn transmission bands.

Ban Assault Rifles

And while we're at it we should ban cocaine and crystal meth because those are bad also and then the problem will be fixed because no one in America does anything that is illegal. And when a guy kills 20 kids at a school then we can add "Possession of a banned weapon" to the list of crimes he will be charged with. FUCKING AWESOME PLAN PEOPLE>

Back to Freezing

It took three weeks to determine the problem with the electric furnace and fix it and it took Joe 1 day to almost burn the house down. I restrung the elements with nickle plated coils and he turned the heat way up and then shut the breaker off to the fan...which I've told him does nothing to control the heating elements...so they burned and burned with no fan to cool them and melted like the snow cone from Oggy's face in Pierce Island 1982 summertime madness. This is like blowing out the pilot flame on a natural gas stove and then cranking up the temp. But naturally the coil is like a live wire and it drooped down to ground against the metal frame electrifying the whole furnace housing, shutting the fan down permanently as the dogs whimpered in electrostatic fear. I'll take a picture of the half dozen signs and notes I've arranged to warn him from touching the fan breaker and I'll also take a picture of those same memo notes torn down by him in a senile rage. He's used the breaker switch for so long that he is like a zombie who returns to the insanity. The last hope is a padlock on the door to the air handler cage and only I will have the key...and I feel that's already pushed beyond the limit of my responsibility. I have to lock him out of his own breaker box lest he burn the house down in an attempt to stay warm.

It's sad and desperate and there is no solution except chaining him down at night.

On an unrelated note, this song might be the most classic American folk song...It breaks my throbbing heart and my arthritic shoulder moans with misery at the honesty of it. But then I see the world through a pinhole in the sky that is shaped like my own ego. Sadly, I am 32 years too late to the country music scene as today's music concerns beer money, tight jean shorts on sluts, and finger fucking in the back of a Chevy truck. Decay like zombies brings a rain of ignorance on the blighted land.

Nanook of the North

Oggy gone to seed

So I've begun the editing process of my wolf quest to Labrador and can tell I will need some major creativity to make a watchable recollection. As I suspected being my own cameraman did not work. The scenery was supposed to be a background to the madness but there isn't enough madness. Maybe in a few years this will be interesting but right now it's a flop.
Any ideas on how to assemble this mess? I think I'll video myself watching the video and narrating it. That might work.