Monday, January 18, 2010

The Hangover

Terrible movie. I want to get as old and feeble as Roger Ebert so I can think this was a funny movie and not a blatant rip off of a bunch of crappy movies like The Bachelor Party and Very Bad Things.
everything bad about cinema
lacking character
lacking humor (I did not chuckle a single time)
insult to all humor
the opposite of good
did I say repulsive yet?

Sample scene: Mike Tyson singing "in the air of the night" and then punching someone. (lisping) "I wanths my thiger back."

My reaction: drop my pants and piss on the computer screen. (lisping) "Dothh thhathh work for you, you tribal monkey fuck?? Huh? Can you feel that coming??"

I actually think someone sent me this script for an analysis. They didn't make a single one of my suggestions.

avoid this movie. piss on a plate and then microwave it. You'll have more fun!


eddie said...

you are crazy!!! This was one of the funniest movies ever!! Are you joking?!?! You must be on drugs at that group home because The Hangover kicked ass. That fat dude was so funny. He didn't even have to talk...just look at him!!! Granted...our Vegas story was better if we had cameras following us...but that is besides the point.

Anonymous said...

Someday I'll watch the $3 bootleg DVD I bought in Iraq and be able to have an opinion.

At the time, my interest in Terminator: Salvation was SO low that I couldn't even be bothered to buy a $3 bootleg of it.

Bought the 2-hour DVD-only Prison Break movie instead. Also still unwatched.

Oggy Bleacher said...

Yes, I'm serious. How can I defend myself to someone whose argument includes, "That fat dude was so funny."??

Uh, no, he wasn't. He was transparent. He was a cliche "outsider". The brother in Wedding Crashers was more developed. These characters were not developed. Their rationales were non existent. The bitchy girlfriend was a patsy. A CARDBOARD CUT OUT PATSY! It was an advertisement for Las Vegas and Rogaine. I was not amused in any way at all.

There was a Prison Break movie??

eddie said...

their "rationale" was to go to Vegas, get away from thier miserable lives and PARTY!!!! Seems believeable to me. Who is patsy?

Oggy Bleacher said...

I can't do this. It's just a horrible movie. A Patsy is a scapegoat...someone easily hated because the writers have absolutely no ability to create dimensions in the characters. When you have an obvious bitch who cheats and is frigid to her boyfriend and disapproves of everything then you have a patsy. This is not a real character...just like every other character in the movie. They are all crude stereotypes who never developed. Oh, the one dentist finally stands up for himself but it's a thin excuse for development since nothing is ever actually at stake for him. In fact, missing a fancy wedding is not a great crisis. Not really. Sorry. Not when you live in a group home in Laconia. How many people watched that movie and thought, "I would do anything for a slice of that cake. It looks so good. Their clothes look so clean."
Understand that I see movies as a poor person sees movies, like a dream world that either represents unobtainable items like cars and clothes or...or a world of drama and character development. All I kept thinking about was a breakfast that Nick (Richie) bought me at Belagio. It had bacon and eggs and sausages (the little ones) and juice and I ordered this tropical bloody mary with sugar on the rim and a twist of orange. It was like a $22 drink and the table cloth was so white. I get tears in my eye when I think of that meal and this movie made me think of that meal.

Sorry, the manager here HAS NO TEETH. Another guy IS DYING OF DIABETES. I REALLY CAN NOT PARK NEAR A HIGH SCHOOL IN MY VAN. Miserable lives? No. no no no no. The food stamp crowd is not the target audience of this movie and right now that is where my loyalty lies.

eddie said...

sounds like me...everytime i watch the Golden Globes or any other award show and watch the actors walk up that Red Carpet I just keep thinking..."why couldn't that have been me?" Wouldn't life be so easy if all i had to worry about was how to spend my $20 million PER FILM and what I had to wear to the next award show. Oh yeah...and which hot chick I was going to bang next...ah the life. I guess we all can't be in the movies or on TV. It would be pretty boring if we were right?

eddie said...

p.s...stop watching movies like a critic and worrying about character development. Just laugh at the fat guy with the baby strapped to him and the skinny chinese man that jumps out of the back of the vintage mercedes with his furry junk hanging out. That is comedy. Sorry.

Oggy Bleacher said...

I really am the crazy one. This is why I left Hollywood. This movie is something I consider unwatchable. It is not worth the dirt that ended up on the car's tires. It is complete shit. COMPLETE SHIT. wins the Golden Globe for Best musical or comedy. I don't even think it qualifies as comedy. It is total shit. And it wins awards?? I'm completely in the wrong country. I would nominate this movie for one of the least funny comedies of all time. I've seen amateur videos with better humor. A gay Chinese guy saying, "It's funny cause he's fat."
That's funny?? That's a throwaway line on Married With Children.
And it wins a golden globe??

I remember development meetings with know nothing producers who would brainstorm humor, "And he can fall in the boat and the dog can sniff his butt. Yeah. Audiences love that."
I remember no one laughing in those development meetings. It was just death. Market research death.

It was like Wendy's executives saying, "People like one burger, so let's put another one on there with onion rings, because people also eat those..."
No one ever stops to think if they would ever eat something that atrocious. But there it is on the menu for $3.99.

Let me live in my cocoon with 1950s musical comedies starring Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds. My frat boy humor gene never developed.

eddie said...

you don't have to be a frat boy i guess... I just remember waking up at times and wondering "what the fuck happened last night??" That is why it's so funny. Just that one scene when they all wake up. What about when they make the baby jerk off? haha. classic stuff there. "paging Dr. Faggot!" love it.

Oggy Bleacher said...

I really have no problem saying I didn't laugh when he made the baby simulate jerking off. Nope. Not funny.

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