Sunday, January 24, 2010

Health is expensive, but sickness is even more expensive

My grandfather used to say, "Oggy, take care of your health."
He'd had knee replacement surgery and even a heart attack or two. They cut veins out of his arm and leg and rerouted some valves in his heart. Those surgeries bought him a decade or two and the lesson he'd learned was how important health is.

When I was 15 years old I filed that lesson right along side flossing my teeth after every meal and "Picking a career path" Ha!~

Well, now that I look in the mirror and ain't too proud of what I see I've revisited the old man's words. Also, I've been on the wrong end of a surgical knife recently so I've got some experiences of my own. But when I get a chance to lecture some punk rockers with their skinny jeans and dyed pink hair and lip rings I feel like my words aren't taken seriously.

"Take care of your teeth."

They aren't interested. I'm like Kathleen Turner's grandfather in Peggy Sue Got Married. "I wish I'd taken better care of my teeth."

blah blah blah. where's the party?

Well, I've been writing and reading and playing guitar lately. I went to get that job brushing snow off cars in the car lot but the line was out the door. Masters degree or better. So I'm still unemployed and not getting much exercise. I eat an egg in the morning. And at night I have a hot dog. Those 10 skinless dogs I bought two weeks ago are still around. I've got two left and they have to last a week. The problem with not getting any physical exercise is revealing itself every time I go to take a shit. See, I had some of my colon removed a year ago and when that happens you gotta make some changes. It was fine as long as I was riding my bicycle and assembling bicycles and foraging for food in Mexico eating beans and juice, but reading and writing on a bacon and egg diet spells hell for my asshole. Thus, my quest for some colon cleanse pills from a co. in Venice that treated me nice in the past. It's like Grandpa used to say, "Health is expensive, but sickness is even more expensive." I've plugged like three toilets in a row. So if my shit can't get down a toilet pipe what do you think it felt like coming out of my ass?

So, my lesson of the day is to get some exercise, eat fiber like corn and beans and rice and if you are like me and bookmark so many web pages that you had to categorize your bookmarks then you should have a bookmark category that says "Health." I feel this is kind of contradictory since the manufacturing and disposal of computers is creating an ungodly amount of pollution (in my mind it's like a Haiti earthquake every day) so I guess it should be "Relative Health" because if you eat fiber and get some exercise then you will be relatively more healthy than if you were like me and didn't do much except write and read and play guitar.

Why do I think no one is going to do this? At what point in my life did I lose my credibility?


hardworker said...

when you refused to floss your teeth?

Oggy Bleacher said...

Would it help if I put a Dr. in front of my name?

Dr. Oggy Bleacher recommends eating corn and beans.

I've got a PHd in Funkology.

hobo soup said...

Just don't overdo it. I never trust a guy who is Rev. Dr. Bleacher Sr. Esq.

ed said...

i eat corn all the time. it doesn't digest well since i see it in my shits.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.