Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Onion still funny...

The verdict is in. For consistently funny satire and culture bashing you need look no further than the Onion. I bow to them.
They had an op-ed piece from Jon Benet Ramsey. (I'm still laughing) It was titled... "Don't cry, I'm in heaven singing with the pretty angels."
That is some brave shit. The girl is dead, murdered by some monster who is probably still alive, and they write her op-ed piece from heaven. But it's still funny, at least to me since I wasn't related to her.

And they reviewed a 1988 movie called Mac and Me. It was basically a product placement for Coke and McDonalds. And an alien trapped on earth...who gets addicted to soda...and then becomes a citizen. I cringe when I think of it. Wrong on many levels.

There is no end to the humor. If you are still watching the neutered Simpsons I recommend going to The Onion. Just read the comments on the articles and you'll laugh. Mainstream media is completely played out. All that remains is a funeral.

I went to the Onion website to see if they could put a humorous spin on the earthquake in Haiti. You know, the impoverished island in the Caribbean? It was already in deep trouble before all the buildings fell down. 10,000 + casualties? It's like more people died than survived. It was near bullseye on the capital.

Now, as a champion of the impoverished I think this would be a good time for the people of Haiti to take back the land. Only through design could a country be so impoverished. I mean, really. You don't get those kinds of problems accidentally, or as Pat Robertson said, because God is punishing them. No, that's human design.

Bob Corbett
Why Haiti is so Poor

Haiti, once called The Jewel of the Antilles, was the richest colony in the entire world. Economists estimate that in the 1750s Haiti provided as much as 50% of the Gross National Product of France. How could Haiti have once been the source of such wealth and today be the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere? How could this land that was once so productive today be semi-barren? How did "The Jewel of the Antilles" become the Caribbean's hell-hole?

  1. The international community's role.
    1. French colonial contribution.
    2. The international boycott of the new nation of 1804.
    3. The French debt of 1838.
    4. The United States Occupation, 1915-1934
    5. Post World War II United States domination.
  2. The role of Haiti's rulers.
    1. Slave-like labor systems in the early republic.
    2. The elite's protection of its wealth.
    3. Haitian corruption.
    4. Human rights violations as a tool of oppression.
Someone tell Pat Robertson that God doesn't even make it to the top 10 reasons for the problems in Haiti. (#10 is this recent earthquake)

The earth's crust moves because it is actually floating on magma. This is a problem because we live on the crust. What is like 3 inches of movement can destroy San Francisco. So there isn't much we can do about that, but having the resources to deal with it, conserving the resources, is our only safeguard. What happened with Haiti is the French (and all of Europe) used the resources 100 years ago. So you might say that a $100 million aid package is a long overdue payment of a debt everyone owed Haiti. But it's a similar situation to the Thailand tsunami with a situation that was already dire and a natural disaster being an excuse to start over. Haiti had the potential to deal with this earthquake but was treated like a free food bank for 200 years. The only real justice would be to get the French to rebuild Haiti from the pockets of everyday French citizens. It's tough, but I'll support it. Some French people will probably die. The ones who will do the free labor will most certainly die. And every Haitian male will receive one fertile French payment. Put a sign on them that says, "Fertile" It'll be a small step to replace the women lost in the earthquake. That was supposed to be funny. Why isn't anyone laughing?
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.