Quotes from tonight's poker game

"It was like fucking a wind tunnel..."

"Why would I be pissed off my full house loses to your four of a kind?"

"I said, 'I'm not being mean. I paid for a whole seat. You just need to stop eating Twinkies.'"

"If I win Powerball I'm gonna buy a big ham steak. And potatoes. I'll eat steak every day for a week."

"I can't afford jalapeno poppers. I got some bread in the fridge."

"Forget everything I said. I'm just pissed that I'm 40 and living in a group home."

"No no no no. He said he had a pair of 7s. I don't care what the cards read."

"It's just she's a cunt. She's gotta stick her cunt into our business. I hate her. It's pure cuntery."

"If someone mentions God again I'm gonna go berserk."

"When my unemployment kicks in I'm gonna buy popcorn and beer.

"Someone probably died right there."

"I saw Paul Revere and the Raiders on acid."

"I won't even look. Blind. I'll bet 5."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You beat me with two flushes in a row?"

"Oh, yeah, they're gonna offer me a job as president of the motherfucking bank. Right after they take their dick out of my ass."

"You want to remind me that I folded four of a kind? You think I need to be reminded?"

"My dad gives me advice on where to buy shoes. I'm 40 years old. Do I look like I need advice on where to buy shoes?"

"Drink another beer. Quit your whining."

"3s and 9s are wild. 4s buy an extra card but only if you pay 5."

"If you don't keep quiet I will call the police. The rules say no noise after 10pm."