Friday, January 29, 2010

Steve Jobs is the Devil

There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs is evil to the core. He personifies the smooth recklessness that is quietly pulverizing the wolf habitat. Wal-Mart is easy to vilify. Of course it's easy to mock fat hillbillies riding motorized carts with soda pop and bulk cheap cheesits. Bravo! We all saw Wall-E. That's like shooting a one legged kangaroo.
But if something about Wal-Mart makes your stomach queasy then look at Steve Jobs sometime. He's all over the place now with his abomination the iPad. This is a true monstrosity of unconscionable engineering. Glossy cases with "simplified" interface and (I assume) some modicum of eco-friendliness. Ugh. It makes me puke in the cracked waste basket near my bed. It makes me shit streams of plastic mercury in the air. FUCK STEVE JOBS! This is a true monster. His phony blue jean image, unshaved. SO EARTHY! I bet they spent hours designing his image. He's probably a fucking robot! I know he's radioactive. Please understand that he is absolutely not your friend. Everything he does is sending horrible ripples through humanity and at the end of it you will be able to update your facebook status. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Why do I have to defend this? I can't understand why this is not obvious to everyone. Didn't we go to the same high school? Ok, see, it's pretty fucking simple. iPads are so incredibly refined that there is nothing in them that doesn't do major damage to habitats SOMEWHERE ON EARTH. Ok, yes, you look out your front window and say to yourself, "I don't see a strip mine. I don't see a civil war. I don't see mercury poisoned water. So I'll buy an iPad." You CUNT!

Alright, I take that back. Sorry. I get emotional. But I know this is the blind obedience Jobs has bought with his disgusting whoring. He's the worst of the worst because he's so unassuming. Everyone loves him! American! Tall! White! Rich! Smart! Everyone loves him! I should be reminded of the Demon Barber of Fleet Street (his victims are sold in meat pies), but instead I'm reminded of Ellsworth Toohey in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Why? Because the obedience seems so complete. People actually look to Apple to decide what to do next. I'm horrified by this because I don't see the access to information as being worth the cost. No. The cost is actually necessitating the access to information. It's run amok. We need Apple...because Apple exists. (I just shivered).

I recall the arguments logging companies used in the northwest. They wanted to cut the trees down and then discuss whether or not it was right. "Get out of our way so the courts can decide if what we did was wrong." hahaha. Those guys at Maxxam knew exactly how to work the system. These were 800+ year old trees. Pricey redwood. Steve Jobs wants his fancy banisters to last. Of course he does. He's got the money...because you gave it to him.

Jobs is behind the technology that spells disaster for so many communities. I'll only say that silicone refinement has decimated the water quality in San Jose and Dallas. Destroyed it!
Coltan is the name for a metal used in computers and other things. Does Steve Jobs ever mention it? Why would he? He'd have to mention the WAR IN THE CONGO that is taking place because everyone wants control of the Coltan mines there. You think manufacturing a mercury-free LCD screen is some clean organic process? Are you a complete idiot? You think there are elves in the forest who pick mercury free diodes from flying fairies? I promise you that there are multiple hazardous waste satellite stations at the mercury free lcd factory because they also make screens with mercury. Furthermore, the reason the mercury and lead were in them in the first place was because someone realized you'd be GIVING EVERYONE CANCER IF THEY STARED AT A RADIOACTIVE TUBE!

Most of all, what bothers me deeply, is how swiftly the mouths of America open to suck down Steve Job's technological climactic juice. You whores! Steve Jobs pulls his pants down and every cock in America gets hard. Please let me see your anus! Please let me suck your balls! It's horrible. Horrible. So obedient. No one questions what is going on. Steve Jobs is introducing another gadget?? Well, it must be good. I want one! How much does it cost? Only $500. Hell, that's not even the price of a slave from the Congo!

Let me tell you, as your friend, that nothing Steve Jobs has to offer is good. It's new and you are like a little 3 year old who wants new things, who wants everything to be easy...and swift...and wireless. But it isn't easy. It's extremely difficult and costs many lives and causes permanent damage. That $500 represents death and destruction. Every second you think you saved because you were able to track your goddamn LL Bean shirt from Maine to your house COSTS SOMEONE ELSE TEN TIMES THE TIME! You just transferred the dirty work to someone born under a different flag.

Can you grasp that? Can you peer out of your bubble for a second and realize that nothing is easy. What you call easy, is just someone else doing something for you. In this case it's a war in the Congo, ships crossing the ocean, slave labor in China, more ships crossing the ocean, non-union mothers dropping their kids off at day care so THEY CAN SELL YOU AN IPAD?? That sound easy to you? Unless you are the fucking president of Costa Rica you should not own one of these monstrosities. Never have I met a person who actually needs this much technology at their disposal or is worth the destruction that it left in it's wake. No. You want to believe that because you own a computer that you deserve a computer. No. Wrong. I'm telling you that is not true. You and I do not deserve these computers. We simply stole the resources from the future to use right now because we are selfish. We rationalize it so well (Steve Jobs is so helpful in pointing out how good it all is) but there is no justification for it except if we are those who devour planets. Are you that? DO NOT BUY ANYTHING STEVE JOBS HAWKS! NOTHING! An alien visitor to America would probably think Steve Jobs was leader. Maybe that's true.

I'm telling you without a doubt that historians will look back and mark Steve Jobs as an evil genius. Bill Gates will be there too on the list of monsters but Steve Jobs will get top awards for duping America into funding ecological and human genocide. The propaganda was shiny and let you take pictures. The final responsibility is ours, of course, but the future historians will conclude that we were outmatched. No one could possibly see what such a smart white rich guy was doing behind the curtain. He's a wizard! It's magic! Let's buy one! Help the economy!

From Apple site: " iPad. Our most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price. Watch the keynote. Watch the video"
Magical?? Revolutionary?? Is it a video of war crimes and dying wolves? Retarded kids in San Jose wearing Apple shirts? Probably not. Propaganda is untruthful by definition.

So historians will say, "They had good excuses. We can't blame them. They thought they were being good citizens. They were being loyal. How sad."
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.