Friday, January 29, 2010

Steve Jobs is the Devil

There is no doubt in my mind that Steve Jobs is evil to the core. He personifies the smooth recklessness that is quietly pulverizing the wolf habitat. Wal-Mart is easy to vilify. Of course it's easy to mock fat hillbillies riding motorized carts with soda pop and bulk cheap cheesits. Bravo! We all saw Wall-E. That's like shooting a one legged kangaroo.
But if something about Wal-Mart makes your stomach queasy then look at Steve Jobs sometime. He's all over the place now with his abomination the iPad. This is a true monstrosity of unconscionable engineering. Glossy cases with "simplified" interface and (I assume) some modicum of eco-friendliness. Ugh. It makes me puke in the cracked waste basket near my bed. It makes me shit streams of plastic mercury in the air. FUCK STEVE JOBS! This is a true monster. His phony blue jean image, unshaved. SO EARTHY! I bet they spent hours designing his image. He's probably a fucking robot! I know he's radioactive. Please understand that he is absolutely not your friend. Everything he does is sending horrible ripples through humanity and at the end of it you will be able to update your facebook status. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Why do I have to defend this? I can't understand why this is not obvious to everyone. Didn't we go to the same high school? Ok, see, it's pretty fucking simple. iPads are so incredibly refined that there is nothing in them that doesn't do major damage to habitats SOMEWHERE ON EARTH. Ok, yes, you look out your front window and say to yourself, "I don't see a strip mine. I don't see a civil war. I don't see mercury poisoned water. So I'll buy an iPad." You CUNT!

Alright, I take that back. Sorry. I get emotional. But I know this is the blind obedience Jobs has bought with his disgusting whoring. He's the worst of the worst because he's so unassuming. Everyone loves him! American! Tall! White! Rich! Smart! Everyone loves him! I should be reminded of the Demon Barber of Fleet Street (his victims are sold in meat pies), but instead I'm reminded of Ellsworth Toohey in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Why? Because the obedience seems so complete. People actually look to Apple to decide what to do next. I'm horrified by this because I don't see the access to information as being worth the cost. No. The cost is actually necessitating the access to information. It's run amok. We need Apple...because Apple exists. (I just shivered).

I recall the arguments logging companies used in the northwest. They wanted to cut the trees down and then discuss whether or not it was right. "Get out of our way so the courts can decide if what we did was wrong." hahaha. Those guys at Maxxam knew exactly how to work the system. These were 800+ year old trees. Pricey redwood. Steve Jobs wants his fancy banisters to last. Of course he does. He's got the money...because you gave it to him.

Jobs is behind the technology that spells disaster for so many communities. I'll only say that silicone refinement has decimated the water quality in San Jose and Dallas. Destroyed it!
Coltan is the name for a metal used in computers and other things. Does Steve Jobs ever mention it? Why would he? He'd have to mention the WAR IN THE CONGO that is taking place because everyone wants control of the Coltan mines there. You think manufacturing a mercury-free LCD screen is some clean organic process? Are you a complete idiot? You think there are elves in the forest who pick mercury free diodes from flying fairies? I promise you that there are multiple hazardous waste satellite stations at the mercury free lcd factory because they also make screens with mercury. Furthermore, the reason the mercury and lead were in them in the first place was because someone realized you'd be GIVING EVERYONE CANCER IF THEY STARED AT A RADIOACTIVE TUBE!

Most of all, what bothers me deeply, is how swiftly the mouths of America open to suck down Steve Job's technological climactic juice. You whores! Steve Jobs pulls his pants down and every cock in America gets hard. Please let me see your anus! Please let me suck your balls! It's horrible. Horrible. So obedient. No one questions what is going on. Steve Jobs is introducing another gadget?? Well, it must be good. I want one! How much does it cost? Only $500. Hell, that's not even the price of a slave from the Congo!

Let me tell you, as your friend, that nothing Steve Jobs has to offer is good. It's new and you are like a little 3 year old who wants new things, who wants everything to be easy...and swift...and wireless. But it isn't easy. It's extremely difficult and costs many lives and causes permanent damage. That $500 represents death and destruction. Every second you think you saved because you were able to track your goddamn LL Bean shirt from Maine to your house COSTS SOMEONE ELSE TEN TIMES THE TIME! You just transferred the dirty work to someone born under a different flag.

Can you grasp that? Can you peer out of your bubble for a second and realize that nothing is easy. What you call easy, is just someone else doing something for you. In this case it's a war in the Congo, ships crossing the ocean, slave labor in China, more ships crossing the ocean, non-union mothers dropping their kids off at day care so THEY CAN SELL YOU AN IPAD?? That sound easy to you? Unless you are the fucking president of Costa Rica you should not own one of these monstrosities. Never have I met a person who actually needs this much technology at their disposal or is worth the destruction that it left in it's wake. No. You want to believe that because you own a computer that you deserve a computer. No. Wrong. I'm telling you that is not true. You and I do not deserve these computers. We simply stole the resources from the future to use right now because we are selfish. We rationalize it so well (Steve Jobs is so helpful in pointing out how good it all is) but there is no justification for it except if we are those who devour planets. Are you that? DO NOT BUY ANYTHING STEVE JOBS HAWKS! NOTHING! An alien visitor to America would probably think Steve Jobs was leader. Maybe that's true.

I'm telling you without a doubt that historians will look back and mark Steve Jobs as an evil genius. Bill Gates will be there too on the list of monsters but Steve Jobs will get top awards for duping America into funding ecological and human genocide. The propaganda was shiny and let you take pictures. The final responsibility is ours, of course, but the future historians will conclude that we were outmatched. No one could possibly see what such a smart white rich guy was doing behind the curtain. He's a wizard! It's magic! Let's buy one! Help the economy!

From Apple site: " iPad. Our most advanced technology in a magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price. Watch the keynote. Watch the video"
Magical?? Revolutionary?? Is it a video of war crimes and dying wolves? Retarded kids in San Jose wearing Apple shirts? Probably not. Propaganda is untruthful by definition.

So historians will say, "They had good excuses. We can't blame them. They thought they were being good citizens. They were being loyal. How sad."


Anonymous said...

your right...we should just all go back to driving cars with wooden wheels and writing on scrolls. Shit we could just use a steel wedge and a hammer to write on rocks!! I wouldn't mind riding a horse downtown and roping it up in front of Breaking New Grounds....talking smack about the guy's horse next to me...."mine's at least 3 hands taller than yours" Does Apple go a little overboard with the we need 200 different applications on an IPhone...probably not...but he's not the Devil....he has more money than the Devil.

ed said...

whoops...that is Ed above..forgot to put my name.

Oggy Bleacher said...

Any guy who sells death and then gets people to defend him as sarcastically as you do is something evil. You see these bullshit products as materialized out of thin air...because that's the way Steve Jobs wants you to see them. I'm telling you that it's completely the opposite. These products are torn from a mother's breasts and shoved down your throat. Is it so hard to believe that Apple in fact has a magnificent marketing strategy and has everyone fooled? They've got the best propaganda department in the history of propaganda. But even Leonardo Da vinci had inventions he refused to popularize because some things are not improvements...they are just money makers...trinkets for big children who drool on expensive shirts.
Eventually people are going to have to say "No" to Apple. I'm saying that time is now. Today.

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Anonymous said...

If you start rank-ordering "evil", it is a long, painful list. Was the first aboriginal native evil because he made an object and traded it for a different object, thereby inventing trade. What about the invention of money, an incredible convenience, but nonetheless, a wonderful device for abuse, greed, and evil. Etc., etc., etc. - Steve Jobs is simply one of the latest in an infinitely long line of "traders". For whatever reason, for better or for worse, enough humans have chosen the "trader" path, along with the "warrior" path to bring us to this place. To blame Steve Jobs is like blaming the flames for the Challenger disaster or Buckner for the '86 Red Sox loss.

Oggy Bleacher said...

You and the asshole who spammed me sound like two of S.J.'s think tank toadies.
It's all about environmental impact. When you start trading gall bladders or babies then you have to be categorized differently than a trader of spices or fur. But if you start manufacturing something that can't be destroyed without destroying us then you are not part of a long list of anything. That's a VERY SHORT FUCKING LIST! VERY VERY SHORT.
I can think of maybe J.D. Rockefeller, and Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Can you name any others or are you too busy sharpening your whale cutting knife?

I wonder if the spammer used software to find any mention of Steve Jobs. I find it amusing that he planted his investment fraud link here where it could only damage his reputation. He almost proves my point of reckless, pointless scattering of consumer principles even into the maw of the opponent. Why would he care? He's rich. Hahaha. He's a terrible pitch man but he does represent your Eskimo middle man, with neither bone nor arrow but a taste for bringing money and meat together...for a fee. He is harmless. An ant like me. But Jobs is devouring the planet.

Just because it is hard to judge a man like Jobs doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. Hell, he's counting on your apathy.

Anonymous said...

Either you know how to make someone feel like a piece o' shit for owning an iproduct, or you know how to make someone feel that you are crazy after reading your post. How do you feel about second hand iPhones?

Oggy Bleacher said...

This is a good question. The moral algebra (Vollmann's term) associated with second hand products is complicated but my current theory is that as long as no money goes directly from my hand to the blackened, corrupt paw of Steve Jobs then I am in the clear, ethically. There are levels of responsibility and associating with iProducts is not a guarantee of evil, but it is definitely flirting with Beelzebub. You are dancing, as Brad used to say, with the devil and eventually the devil will want to suck your cock.

These are all rants that are being refined for the Santa Cruz book, where I play a crazy person. I have no imagination so I must first be the character I'm writing about. You'd be amazed at the reactions you get!

The U.S. budget is something like $1.7 Trillion. Any false feeling of comfort or "sophistication" is much like the plantation owners sipping mint juleps while the darkies pick cotton.
We're a nation of Pharaohs. Maybe I am crazy for thinking we have some ethical obligation to the future or to the wolf. The bible is full of stories about Pharaohs who freed their workers. Right?
If there's a pill that makes me stop caring then please give it to me. I'll go program applications for Apple. Until then, ban everything Apple sells!

Oggy Bleacher said...

And once you own the thing it really is too late to do anything about it. You can't put the cotton back on the bush.

All you can do is when it breaks send it back to apple with a note that says, "I'm never buying anything from you again."

Oggy Bleacher said...

I meant the U.S. debt is 1.7 trillion. the budget is probably like a few billion. that's what it costs to keep your govenor's in fast cars and nice clothes!

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.