Sunday, May 30, 2010

Last Man Standing

Not to brag, but about 4 people have been fired from my Hockey merchandise gig and I got promoted to the "Walkie Rider" My feet still kill me from about 2 PM onward but at least I can accomplish more in the time I'm there.
I don't know what the secret to keeping this job is. I'm still pretty flaky and distracted but I've learned the computer interface and some of the secrets to boxing odd items. I do not like the job. I hate it pretty passionately, but that's normal. It's repulsive to me that some 11 year old American wants to buy a pair of shorts with a built in jock strap because he wants to be safe playing hockey. Well, after dealing with hockey equipment for 3 weeks I can say that hockey players are a bunch of fucking sissies. Knee pads? Elbow guards? Cock guards? Throat guards? Padded wrist guards? What's wrong? If the puck hits your wrist will you not be able to jerk off your boyfriend?

The thing is this...I'll keep it simple so you hockey players can keep up...WHEN MORE PEOPLE GET INJURED MAKING YOUR EQUIPMENT THAN PLAYING THE GAME THEN YOU ARE OFFICALLY MORE OF A SISSY THAN A 50 YEAR OLD ASIAN SEAMSTRESS.

I guess when a game requires so much equipment to protect you from getting hurt during the game and that game only involves a stick, a puck, and a net, then what the fuck? A pro hockey player couldn't make a single piece of his equipment. An Asian seamstress probably couldn't play hockey but I guarantee her job is more dangerous and taxing than playing hockey. I guarantee it. Hell, MY job is more taxing than playing hockey and I don't do shit compared to the seamstress in Thailand or China. Ooooh, three 20 minute periods. Wow! You could play your entire game during the time I take a break from my 12 hour job. Goalie equipment is like a NASA space suit. Why? So Mrs. Nancy Don't Hurt Me can stand directly between the puck and the goal. Uh....

Whatever. Hey, let's employ thousands of people so some guy can play hockey and not get bruised. That's a great idea. That makes sense. Maybe one day they'll promote me to the Rugby equipment department...oh, wait a second...the only equipment in Rugby is the ball.

Alright, enough hating.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.