Friday, April 1, 2011

Applause for The Onion

Please check out some of the best satire news The Onion has ever written. The level of sardonic mud-snide comment quality is so high right now. Every day is like April Fool's Day there and their jokes are the best ever played because they are so close to being true. If you have a humor shortage in your life then go there for a free refill.

My favorite is the "U.S. Cutting Oil Imports by One Third"
One comment is "Whatever happened to all that oil we were supposed to get from Iraq? Blood for oil, that was the deal, right?"

I love what that comment implies, that killing and maiming for oil so we could drive an SUV to Home Depot to buy seeds for a garden (because we want to be more eco-friendly) is perfectly acceptable and that this deal was somehow a legal contract that someone can be held accountable for with lawyers saying, "We sent soldiers to Iraq to kill and die and by my count we're owed x amount of oil. What am I missing? Your Honor, we delivered the blood and now we expect the oil, goddamn it!"

That strikes at so many levels of lunacy I can't contain my laughter.

Seriously, the insight and cleverness has to be awarded a standing ovation. And the fact that the site still sells advertising to legit companies defies the same capitalist theories they slam in one of this week's articles. Everything they write stabs at some pile of bones we have buried in a shallow grave near the banks of a radioactive river. Yet a car company thinks this is a good place to sell uranium? The ship is crippled on the jagged rocks and the Onion mocks the passengers as they sunbathe in the glare of a nuclear explosion. Indeed. It's hip to be a broken spirit who laughs at funny videos while the neighbor's family is murdered with machetes...then laughs at auto tuned Glee renditions of the jury's verdict....

And the Jury finds...yeah...the Jury finds...yeah...the jury....the jury
Jury finds the accused
(beat box)
guilty guilty jury jury guilty guilty jury jury

with dancing puppets wearing thongs cut from Haitian Children's hides.....

Would get a million hits on youtube as the cycle prevails upon the drive through culture of wolf killers.

In honor of National Poetry Month:

March of The Wolf
By Oggy Bleacher

No Ginsberg Howl is heard in Arctic Nights
No Wolfean Angel to guard our flights
no Kerouac or Chinaski savior
invade Hemingway's inalienable rights

Bearded arctic wolf in smoky pajamars
moan your moon song, song of wild, song of stars
remove the hide of wolverine and present the morning
on Somerville hills and in D Street Bars

March right march left persuaded by your master
a puppet on thin strings marching ever faster
kiss the blade, grow manly amid shouts
the accuracy of your words presage disaster!

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Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.