Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Year of The Scorpion

In honor of the Chinese New Year, I give you a fable written during a dark lonely time. My apologies to the stereotype police.

Dragon ask one-eyed Pig, "What for breakfast?"
One-eyed Pig say, "Scorpion?"
Dragon say, "Breath foul? 180 proof in ceramic bowl with plastic cherry, pineapple rind, cool ice delivered with false smile.
"We make no love in bowl of plastic cherry."
Dragon ask, "One more?"
Pig say, "Yes. Not so much juice."
False smile with yellow lidded eyes and crooked teeth.
"Oh, more good stuff?"
"Yes, not so much juice and less ice," say One-eyed Pig.
Dragon pass out in puddle of hot mustard, face in greasy chicken elbow, fingers of chicken poke Dragon in eye.
"Scorpion fo four," say Rat, returning with straw up nose, placing bowl on table.
Dragon awake and pluck other eye of one-eyed Pig.
"Pig blind," say Dragon. "Pig Blind in both eye but still see scorpion!"
Scorpion dance 180 around yellow bowl with plastic cherries while Dragon and Pig poke each other with chicken fingers and spare rib with rat sauce. Fried rice with broken English names written in 180 proof blood, the menu calender spins faster as cat chases goat and Japan surrenders to the one-eyed crab rangoon. Broken promises go up in the sterno flames with egg roll and fake crab.
Old Mexican template ivy wraps bands around the Dragon's tail while Blind Pig drowns in deluded coconut.
"More Scorpion! Less Juice!" Demands the Pig.
"You want one mo scorpion?"
"Yes. Bring now. Dragon ok?"
Dragon sweat 170 proof pain through bleeding knuckle before making this prophecy:
"We return to empty well one too many times, like farmer who milks dry cow."
Dragon sags face to duck sauce.
Pig say, "Bring two mo scorpion. Revive Dragon!"
Dragon say, "We make movie to inflate ego. Watch me vomit."
Owner yawns and nods in sad gesture to defeated promises and betrayed trust.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.