Thursday, February 23, 2012

Quetzalcoatlus: RIP

What does the Fox News audience care abut the Quetzalcoatlus? They watch their watered down Simpsons and listen to the news spin around like a broken washing machine in the rubbery jowls of pasty presenters while the furry Lorax is morally kidnapped to shill IHop chocolate chip pancakes, Mazda SUVs used by soccer moms burning Iranian children to get their own children to flute practice, and also, left wing political conspiracies. I'd love to be able to give you a picture of a living Quetzalcoatlus but that's impossible since they are now extinct and it's all because of the selfish proclivities of the Taco Bell generation who have dinner at the drive through and learn their economics from an Kebler elf chosen for her breast size. Let's all sleep soundly with our Ambien pills snoring through the whisper of wind on the Quetzalcoatlus' wings as he glides gently over the fern prairies, content with the world. These animals needed our protection and we shit on them just like we are attacking the Arctic Wolf on all sides. There is no mercy from the merciless and the spell check mentality that keeps us in our easy chairs while the magnificent Quetzalcoatlus rots in his desert grave. Go on and live with the blood of the Quetzalcoatlus on your hot sauce stained hands. Once monkeys roamed the parched desert and died in fierce anonymity and now our Cadillacs roll over the dusty remains of the Quetzalcoatlus, once man's friend and once the symbol of great majesty in this corrupt land, now a distant reminder of our senseless assault on the habitat of the impoverished Dixie werewolves.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.