Headlines I Wish I didn't Read

Dolphins die after being poisoned with a heroin substitute most certainly dropped into their pool by drug dealers at a rave that rented the area around the dolphin pool. Pray that God hates dolphins.

McDonalds worker is pimped out as hooker. Gives new meaning to the term "Happy Meal". Complained that her bowels were injured and she "Vomited after performing felatio." Then she married her pimp.

Korean health drug is actually made of dried dead babies.

These are all stories I'm trying to work into a song that sums up my disdain for people. I'm going to have to steal a melody from some song. Ah, maybe that Gotye tune. It's easy and topical. Let me get to work on that.