Thursday, July 12, 2012

By The Way, Asshole

If you don't like Spanish being spoken then don't live in Texas. Move to Vermont. They love Texans there and everyone speaks perfect English and all the signs are in English so you'll feel right at home in Barre or Northfield. And that goes for fuckwads in Arizona, too. If you don't want cultural diversity then move to Provo, Utah because you are an asshole if you think some legislation is going to render your state as culturally homogenous as Disneyland. Sorry, your gates won't work because the only saps who will accept $7 to patrol your community on Segway carts will be Mexicans. Move to Berlin, NH. I was there two years ago and no one spoke Spanish. Don't put a fucking Chinese made "America: Love It Or Leave It" bumper sticker on your Toyota truck and then croak up through your gullet that you are sick of Spanish. If you don't like bilingual Texas or Arizona then get the fuck out. Chinga Puta De Madre.

It's like a tangential but philosophically related topic of my quest for good pizza. I went to a place called B&J pizza here in CC as part of my recovery program from the Gulf Oil Syndrome sickness.

All that's left of my B&J Pizza

 The pizza at B&Js was voted best in CC but that isn't saying much with Little Caesar's and Dominos on every block. What the fuck is Texas pizza? This place is where you get real tacos. (Taco Bells are nonexistent) If you like pizza then don't move to Texas. But wait, I ate the finest slice of pizza, possibly in the top three slices ever at a place called "Home Slice" in Austin. It was really perfect. But I had absolutely low expecations of B&Js because were are on the coastal bend and Pizza isn't really a desert/mexican food. In Mexico the pizza is basically pathetic. A good Mexican pizza is way worse than the worst Mexican Quesadilla. It isn't traditional.
But I went because I didn't care anymore and I wanted to try the "Best". Well, it's so damn good I couldn't get any back to the car to take a picture of it. I wanted to say it is in the New York tradition but my rant about Spanish got me thinking that what is wrong with me if I want to go to Southeastern Texas and find good Brooklyn style pizza? My favorite scene is Saturday Night Fever (other than when Tony ignores Annette's unlit cigarette) is when Tony orders two hot slices with casual bluntness. The fact the waitress asks, "Two or three" to suggest not only his potential appetite but also his regional familiarity is what I call good storytelling. The Filmmaker is saying: This is Tony. He is in his home. Done. Pizza was a device to tell a larger detail.
I once walked to Savarios, in snobmouth, NH and the owner had been seeing me regularly and I think he understood what I really wanted because when I walked in the door and before I took off my scarf he asked, "One, or two?"
"Gimme one."
"Not too hot. (echoing my normal request) Coming right up."
And I smiled and looked out at the town and sighed.

Anyway, B&J makes good pizza. Who knows, maybe they make shitty tacos. But the pies are good. No slices but their 8'' pizza is like two slices so... get it...the cheese is especially good. It's probably the furthest south in the U.S. that you can go and still get a good slice of 'za. But if you want Brooklyn style pizza then don't go to Texas. B&J pizza was thin crusted and not too doughy but the cheese was not an east coast variety and the sauce was sweet and the meats were cured differently. IT was oily on the plate and I like that but most eat coast pizzas aren't as greasy. It was Texas pizza in the tradition of Brooklyn.

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.