Saturday, April 20, 2013

Grand Opening of Supermarket Ruined by Work

Sources confirmed that the festive atmosphere surrounding the Grand Opening of the new H.E.B. grocery store in Alamo Springs, Texas was ruined for H.E.B. employee Juan Ramirez, 16, because it coincided with his first day of work at the newly opened store.

"Normally, I'd totally be enjoying this: the streamers and balloons, the music, the people, the free snacks," said Ramirez as he feverishly stocked peaches on a rack. "But I have to admit it completely sucks on this side of the ball. My shoulders are on fire right now."

After directing a shopper to the aisle containing chips Ramirez continued, "Yesterday at this time I was just waking up, looking out at the blue sky, wondering what I would do, which friends I'd call. Now," said Juan gesturing disdainfully at the peaches, "I don't even know why people bother living. This sucks. Work sucks. Life sucks."



Juan, who had never had a "real" job before went on to describe the excitement he felt for the upcoming Grand Opening, "...and then I remembered that I had to work that day as part of the Grand Opening produce crew and that killed my buzz real quick."

When asked if his concerns were realized he answered, "Completely. I had a terrible feeling of dread that my first day would be exactly like today [his first day]. Yep. No doubt. It's as horrible as I feared."

After looking at the clock he paused with a look of confused revulsion in stark contrast to the colorful banners and excited shoppers at the store, which represents economic growth and investment in the future.

"11am? Are you fucking kidding? It's not even noon? I've only been here for a little over three hours? Holy shit! It seriously feels like I've been here for fifteen hours but I've got at least 5 hours left...oh, my manager said we'd probably be asked to stay over. Man. How do people do this [work] day after day?"

Mentally calculating his wages Juan shook his head.
"It's not worth it. $20? Maybe $60 a day? But it's the whole day. Gone. Forever."

When told about taxes Juan froze in the middle of balancing one peach on top of another.

"Taxes? You mean I'm going to make less than $60 a day? How much? $42? No. That's not possible. That's fucking slavery!"

Juan continued stacking peaches and muttered how much he hated grand openings.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.