Friday, April 4, 2014

Hunting 500 Million Year Old Lizards

I was trying to put everything I'm doing into perspective and concluded that I'm basically hunting 500 million year old lizards and plankton that have been compressed into oil. But that's not totally true. Lizards didn't live in the vast shallow ocean that became the Permian Oil Field...but bacteria did, in huge quantities, and when the bacteria died and was then covered up by silt and that silt either lifted out of the ocean due to continental drift or the ocean receded from the shore, then it became a flattened sandy hell hole known as Pecos where Oggy kneels in dusty misery with his sweating ass crack smiling at the burning sun. The Carboniferous Period was responsible for coal beds derived from pressed rainforests...and the Permian Period ended with the largest mass extinction ever but it happened 250 million years ago so CNN was not there to minimize it with horrible tabloid reporting. Do not confuse this with the meteor impact 66 million years ago that killed off T-Rex and his kin.
So, I'm hunting single cell bacteria clusters that died 500 million years ago and became a black stew that is flammable once refined.

Christians usually take this opportunity to tell me that if that sounds like a reasonable and noble justification for my existence then maybe I need help...and they have a book about a man that can help me. And how can one defend a life chasing 500 million year old algae? Is that a reason to get up in the morning? Is that even a good reason to have my lips burned like a summer sausage on a propane grill?

Here's a video of me searching for the elusive bacteria...

But we of the Cenozoic Era, living on a planet that was so hot when it was created that it's still cooling down 4.6 billions years later, amuse ourselves, plot our pathetic paths on paper maps, laugh at cat videos, strum instruments and make love to our own vanity. How old is our solar system? 10 Billion years? We were not created except in our own imagination because we're the next generation of multi-cell bacteria that will fuel alien spaceships on their brief trip through our solar system and since that's unpleasant to think about we cut ribbons out of our own insignificance and hang them on our necks. "1st Prize!"
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.