Tuesday, November 4, 2014

13 Years Left To Live

This picture might be related to my health. These are Carnitas. Maciza meat. High quality pork tacos.

I'm not in pain now, which is a big improvement over the period of time from 1987 to only a few months ago when I could not lift either arm above my head and needed pain killer medicine several times through the day in order to walk normally. The retired life suits me. Go to the gym everyday, eat some fruit salad and tacos, jugos, liquados, jerk off, etc. But this damn health test had me wondering if I could do it and I failed miserably. I simply can not get up. Not because of pain as an excuse but because of coordination and balance and strength. That's fucked up. This is a very vulnerable video of me trying to do this exercise so before you want to be an internet cowboy who says Oggy is a loser and a weakling then go ahead and record you trying to do this exercise and post it online. All you do is sit down without using hands or knees. Then get up without using hands or knees. Go ahead. Anyone can do it.
This woman in the illustration doesn't seem to have any problem but I can not get back up off my ass.

My prediction is that the year 2040 will be the end of humanity. That's when our Soap-on-a-rope ecology mentality will drive temperatures 4 Celsius degrees above current normal and that's it, no more food. We'll eat our own fat rolls and left over canned soup and then perish like bark beetles. The point at which we are one week from total collapse will be much like today, except our denial of evidence will be almost complete. And if my failure to stand up means I've got about 6 years left to live, then I'm going to miss the apocalypse. Actually, the test specifically applies to people over 50, so it's really saying that if I can't get up smoothly in the next 7 years, then I'll be dead within the next 6 years after that. To put it another way, I've got 13 years left to live.
I feel this is a worthy goal for November, to make a video of myself actually getting up off the ground. Maybe my shoes were the problem but I really doubt it. I do want to witness the apocalypse when I'm 70 years old.


Anonymous said...

I kinda did it. I pulled something and I kicked one of my legs out to get it out from under me.
But even in the picture she moves her feet around so she is pushing up with her left leg while bringing her right foot into position. Plus she is a cartoon.

Oggy Bleacher said...

There are videos of normal people doing this and they are simply less decrepit than us. Eventually using a hand or knee is accepted but before 50 it means you are decrepit. In fact, while sitting down one is supposed to be under control. Since I basically crash landed I don't get full credit. And since I can't get up again I'm junk. Sucks getting old.

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