Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sexy Chicken Manifesto

I've attempted this before, a manifesto to organize my theory on human interaction. I have several manifestos in journals that should be sealed until I die. But my latest video project I've considered calling "Chickens are Sexy" has me seeing things more clearly, my role as a counterculture revolutionary. You can either go along or you can resist. But if you resist with a half-baked idea of what you are doing then you might as well get a job a Starbucks. But since survival is so difficult no one has a clear idea of what it means to seriously revolt against board room manufactured culture. There is no time to break it all down. But I took the time and I think I'm ready to publish my manifesto on this topic.

It came to me as I told Claire for the third time that "Chickens are not the subject of my documentary. They are the stars. The topic is Native Culture Sublimation."
I kept trying to explain myself because every time I mentioned it I sounded, as Claire said, "Insane."
Am I insane? I don't think so. But my sexy chicken documentary is central to my goal and I decided that I need a manual to follow. But there is no manual so I will need to write a manual: The Sexy Chicken Manifesto/Manual. It's a mouthful, I know.

See, I've studied the methods of the prevailing culture. I see the brainwashing that has to start early...almost at birth. Tyson Food, Disney, Toyota...THEY CAN NOT AFFORD TO LET YOU THINK FOR YOURSELF. THEY WILL GET INTO YOUR BRAIN. They also have billions of dollars to do it. But their methods are what I've studied and it's basic propaganda, a manipulation of priorities until their priorities appear to BE YOUR ONLY CHOICE. So you choose between a Camry and a Corrolla. It's liberating! Toyota-thon (like a pledge drive for cancer research) A Hannah Montana doll has a choice of outfits. Awesome! I get to choose between fish sticks and chicken sticks? Which do I want tonight??

Really, the board room giants are children with drug habits and call girls on speed dial and acne on their ass and pit stains on their blouses. But do I need to attack them? No. That's the easy path. Their biggest fear is that someone will come along who is better at every facet of their brainwashing methods and will beat them at their own game. Hackers and open shareware software programmers do this all the time. Look up the history of Apache server. Written by guys in their spare time it blew away everything to the point it is the #1 HTTP server and the internet owes a great debt to the developers. I love the story of a Windows exec trying to figure out what his programmers were using and it all came down to,
"It's just a free server."
"But did you buy it?"
"No. You just download it."
"Who wrote it?"
"Anyone can write it or improve it. It's open source."
The guy looked around at his gigantic office of overpaid programmers and must've felt like an ant under a microscope. I think that anecdote was in a book called The Earth is Flat. Fact-checkers get to work!

Anyway, my goal with the Sexy Chicken Manifesto/Manual is to supplant dominant cultural dialogue with my own. That's the only way to stick it to The Man. You can not fight The Man, you just have to outsell The Man. Can I outsell The Man? I think so. My product is not counterculture, it is sexy chickens. Are chickens sexy? Yes. Very sexy. Will I employ sex to market chickens? Yes, I will. Not chickens having sex or people having sex with chickens but definitely sexual images, a tender breast, a long red fleshy waddle, talons clipped just so from digging for worms. And those wings~! So fucking delicious and erotic!
I mention this because what I will be asking people to do for a few days is to be filmed saying, "Chickens are Sexy." This mantra (people are so easily influenced) will become a battle cry of the next revolution. Did anyone catch that Starbucks marketing campaign where the entire world could sing All You Need Is Love? This is a very good campaign. The marketing strategists at Starbucks are earning their money.

The Manifesto/Manual may take some time to publish but the chapters I have under development are as follows:

Hannah Montana: The Whore of Disneyland
We Were All Eggs Once. (Except Steve Jobs...He Was Protoplasm)
LIVE Is EVIL Spelled Backwards
Charlie Manson Baked Good Organic Bread
Repeat After Me: Chickens Are Sexy
How To Play Harmonica

There will be a disclaimer at the start of the manual that says, "For entertainment purposes only." which is funny because if I do it right then it will slowly erode all previous definitions of acceptable culture.
Creative Commons License
Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.