Big Brother

Maybe it's unrelated but I'm reflecting on the last ten years, nearly 9 of which have been in the hysteria after 9/11 and the main thing that jumps out is not the war or the sacrifices of the military but rather the explosion of technology and access to information. Veterans need not be surprised when their service goes unrecognized by the younger generation. We were too busy downloading pirated mp3 files. I wonder if the government is making a mistake by sheltering the population from the violence of war. I really wonder. I want to compare it to the filthy rich father who does everything to make sure his son doesn't have to work, and then wonders how he got spoiled. It's a double edged sword because there are folks still alive who remember the bleak depression and WWII rationing. "Never again" they said, but look what they accomplished because of that hardship. And I mean just your average person in 1948 was so motivated. Hell, baseball players, hall of fame baseball players routinely served 4 years in the military. New York would come to stand still if $100 million man, Alex Rodriguez so much as directed traffic on a busy day in Times Square. I think it's understood that we're rotting from the inside out but still the company line is that soldiers die to keep us free. That kind of simplification doesn't cut it for me. Soldier's are dying. And we are free. I'm not sure the two are related. Furthermore, I'm not sure that's the best solution. Maybe I'd change my opinion with a fat check in my wallet.

Oggy gets married and moves to Venezuela

So, I'm at the library yesterday, like normal reading leftist magazines and downloading porn, when a lithe woman walks up and asks me how to connect to the internet. She's barefoot and dressed in a kind of peasant dress and has a lilting musical Irish accent. I'm taken by her dark eyes and say,
"You login with portslib as your name and password."
She explains that she doesn't have a computer and could she use mine. I'm a sucker for a pretty face so I say yes, but pay no attention to the blowjob videos in the browser.
"I'm soo sick 'f seein' other people in porn. I should be in porn," she said as she checked her email.
"Well, I can't really comment on that." I said diplomatically.
"You want to make a porn movie with me?"
I hesitated.
"I'm sorry, it sounded like you asked me if I want to make a porn movie with you."
"Aye."
"Forgive me. But, well, I was actually going to be making some porn in ten minutes with another girl I just met. So maybe I could fit you in later this evening."
She laughed.
"Is this your camera?" she asked.
I was uploading pictures of dogs and chickens.
"Yes."
She grabbed the camera and took my hand and led me to the men's bathroom.
"This is a public bathroom," I pointed out.
"Oh, is there a porn friendly bathroom somewhere hidden?" she joked. "Should I query the reference librarian? Can we check out clean sheets and condoms?"
"No, that won't be necessary," I admitted.
So, after we filmed ourselves fucking in the bathroom I asked her her name.
"A real gentleman you are. Fresh! Cheeky!"
"Cheeky is your name? My name is Oggy and I'm kind of taken with you."
"Well, don't get any ideas. I'm married...to Jesus."And she laughed merrily, a laugh I'd like to hear all day long.
"Fortunately, Jesus has a return policy."
"Aye," she said reading my mind. "But I'm leaving tomorrow on a cattle ship."
"Well, cancel it. Stay here. The cattle won't mind. They'll prefer it."
"I'll mind. It's my one chance to get to Venezuela for free. There's this organic farm there and..."
I found myself kissing her in the magazine section. Really kissing her.
"I changed my mind," I said. "I'm going with you."
"You are a cheeky bastard."
"Not really, but I play one on the internet."
I stared into her green eyes, willing her to cast all doubts from her mind.
"Is this a proposal?" she murmured.
"No," I said as I dropped to a knee. "But this is. Marry me, you crazy gypsy."
I held out my mother's engagement ring to her. This is what I was talking about when I said you have to take risks. I've got nothing going here and I can't let another person walk in and out of my life. I don't want to ponder what could've happened. And I want to go to Venezuela! The girl, whatever her name is, was breathless. A few library patrons were watching suspiciously.
"I have to warn you, Oggy. I'm not the most stable person in the world. You seem kind of normal, stuck up. I thought I could loosen you up with some casual sex, but you look like you've blown a gasket."
I considered explaining myself to her but it didn't seem relevant.
"You've no idea how hellish a 9-5 job is. I'm stuck in a cubicle all day crunching numbers. Pointless loveless labor. I've always been such a reliable, faithful employee. Oggy The Loyal they call me. I'm tired of it! Where's the adventure, the drama? I've never left this little seacoast town in all my life. I'm ready. Will you show me the world? As my wife?"
The girl looked around at the gawking patrons and announced, "I know this is a library, but I'm taking this one," she pointed to me and looked into my eyes, "and I'm not bringing him back."
She took the ring on her finger. An old lady knitting in the corner started to clap. Then we got kicked out.

And the rest has been a blur of hawking all my possessions (except my guitar and violin since it turns out she can play like Mozart) to the pawn store. I drove the van down to Boston and gave it to a homeless guy in Chinatown. He was a little suspicious but he fit perfectly on the bed so he didn't complain. I warned him about the balding tires but he didn't really take me seriously. What can you do?

The ship leaves in a few minutes so I just had time to write this out and upload the porn video. My wife (we got married by a Wiccan priest last night) didn't really want to post her sex tape but I thought I'd surprise her.
It's been nice knowing you all. I really doubt I'll come back this way considering how undesirable I am in this area and continuing to post on this blog seems hypocritical so.... Since the van belongs to a hobo in Boston now I gave him the login information and told him the one condition of taking the van is he had to continue the tradition of economical urban living and an occasional essay denouncing Hannah Montana. Let's hope he follows up on it.
I hear the steam whistle blowing now and my wife is pulling me away. We'll be at a farm in Venezuela. I'm not sure which one but how many can there be? Just look us up sometime!

Bonnie Video

I posted a video of my dog companion that took so long to process that I've already moved past it. Check it out here!

The Mic is Open

Tuesday is open mic night at the Press Room and I've been playing Jackson Brown's "For A Dancer" so much in my room that I figured I just have to get out and play it. I mean, what the fuck am I doing with my life?

So I braved the rain and went to the Jazz jam but was snubbed by the pros. I waited my turn at the open mic and got incredibly nervous even though I've played these songs hundreds of times and there is no one there. Fortunately there was no turning back but as usual I changed my plan at the last second and sang "Nobody Home" by Pink Floyd on the piano. "I've got a little black book with my poems in it..."
Then into "Rosie" by Jackson Brown "For all the lonely guys in the audience." And I really wanted to sing "After The Goldrush" by Neil Young but chickened out because I forgot how the last verse goes. I love those seventies songwriters and I'm told I look like Jackson so here's a comparison of myself and J.B. One guy said I look like Cris Angel, the magician, but I don't see that at all. George Harrison and Cat Stevens and I have some features in common but I think Jackson Browne is the closest celebrity look-alike. Oh, if I could sing like him all would be perfect.So I got up and grabbed the guitar (I haven't practiced the changes on the piano because apparently not one church in Portsmouth wants a free janitor) and started into "For A Dancer". I wanted to video tape the performance but also chickened out because I'd have to ask someone to hold the camera and it seems so intrusive. I heard someone say, "I love this song." as I started singing and I don't blame them. It's great songwriting and easy to play. Not so easy to sing as I sounded like a wounded cat. Fortunately that song is so good you can't fuck it up. Since there were so few people I was able to fit in "Shanty" by Jonathan Edwards which kind of sucks to play alone as it is a blues with no solo. I gotta bring my harmonica next time.

But the cool part was the host was Jerry T. and he sings a song called "Forty Dollars" that has been haunting me for a month because I decided it was the song I want to make a music video for. Now, a music video usually involves a studio recording and then many different takes of the band pretending to play that exact studio recording. They don't actually play on the video. It's dubbed. They lip sync the whole thing. But I don't have a studio recording so I'm just going to get creative with the live footage. I told Jerry I wanted to make a video and he seemed surprised. He's probably 70 years old and who knows how he's survived in the world but he's a good songwriter. His hands were cramping up and last time he had some teeth fall out so it's not like he's got a long career ahead of him. So I got that in the can.
There's another trio of a David Gray-ish cat and two young women harmony singers that are next on the list. Never mind that the girls are cute I feel like they are actually talented and charismatic and should have a video. They also seemed surprised that I wanted to record them. Are we not living in a video age? Is this news? And music videos can be put together in a few hours for no money. Well, they're next on the list. I forget their name...like Gideon Breeze or something like that. Fuck. I didn't get their number either. Fortunately they are there every Tuesday so next week we're filming whether they like it or not. They must have a studio recording. For three kids they were pretty good and I'd love to promote them with a video. Or give them the video to promote themselves with. Maybe they do have a recording of their performance but they don't consider it a video because it had no production value. We'll see.

I was satisfied with Jerry's tale of bus stop heartbreak when a guy stood up to read some poetry. Really?
"You want to make a psychedelic video?" I asked.
"I'd love to."
"Ok. Don't mind me. Just read what you have."

And I crawled all over him with the camera and lay on the ground looking up at him and behind him and everything. I think the footage was too dark and the audio will bleed over with crowd sounds but between that and some pictures of frogs and a walking bass line I'll get something out of it. It was really spoken word although some of it rhymed. Not bad at all with a good delivery.

So that's another video project to work on as the world floods. I've got bananas and Ramen noodles. Why do I need to leave the house? I think videography is a legit career path for the next six months. I need a 3 chip HD camera with wide angle and a 1000 watt lighting and an audio set but that's about it. Oh, and a fast computer. $5-6 grand is all I need. My Sexy Chicken manifesto video will probably make that much in a week! The chicken doc is in standby until me and the chicken man can screen it to decide the next step. The chicken man apparently had a complete meltdown over the last couple days, lost power, lost (ate) his phones, dismantled his truck, etc. The Johnny Walker Wisdom was running high, as Leonard Cohen would say. I still need eggs. But not bad enough to drive to Nottingham on a prayer I won't be shot with a rifle when I walk on the property. I'll have to wave a white flag...or a White Russian in this case.

Bonnie Sad Eyes

Bonnie's visit was uneventful compared to her last stay. We went to the dog park and the beach and toured Portsmouth a few times in the rain but there were no hurricane force winds and flooding. I didn't work at the day labor so I took her outside whenever she even looked at the door. I put a dog proof lock on the trash door so there were no banana peels for Bonnie.

The stairs are are too steep for most people so I'm not surprised she had trouble with them. With a treat in front of her she was able to focus and climb but with no treat she just wanted to get back down. To her it was a crazy obstacle course we had to negotiate to get food. And forget about walking back down them since her back legs would be directly above her head and her little front paws would be doing all the work. It would be like a hand stand. So I carried her down every time and she just closed her eyes and prayed. This video is a tribute to her courage in tackling the stairs in spite of her fears.

I thought my desktop computer was slow but this laptop is almost incapable of editing movies. It's the RAM that it uses that causes a latency problem. You need a fast processor and lots of RAM to work with digital video. I'll be shocked if this video plays normally on the internet as it was jumping all over the place on my computer.
Thanks to my cousin for giving me the camera and the dog to complete the project. I'll add it to my reel. The songs are by Robert John and Richard Strauss.