Grow a beard to save water....drink shitty beer responsibly

I don't want to pick on large corporations with green-washing goals and some 25 year old "social marketing guru" who dreams up frivolous campaigns to save the world, but this Budweiser campaign on facebook is infuriating.
Grow a beard to save water.... Only a kid who grew up with The Simpsons as a third parent would promote this insanely contradictory campaign via a beer company. Or maybe he is a genius trying to mock the world that isn't smart enough to recognize lunacy when it is under their noses. But the chances are that it is a real world example of something too crazy to be spoofed. It's like a condom company encouraging masturbation. Or Ford sponsoring a "Bike To Your Car" week.
Do I need to point out that beer is made from water so if you are drinking a case of beer a week and have a beard then you are still an asshole. You are a bearded asshole. And the amount of water used nationally brewing beer must dwarf the amount we use shaving our faces so all men look like Katie Holmes.
Maybe I'm missing something because I haven't slept in days. Is this a genuine campaign or the way a social marketing division of Budweiser justifies their ridiculous salary? Or is it a spoof and I'm gullible?

I admit that I've looked at the razor packaging and the shaving cream cans and could not bring myself to buy them. The plastic, metal, over engineered madness makes me put them back on the rack. Yeah, it's so important that mustache hairs don't fall in my Ramen noodles that I need 4 blades that pivot on an indestructible hinge so I can shave. So I used an electric beard trimmer for years and accepted looking like Don Johnson. Then I would reclaim water from my kitchen and use that for shaving but my razors were always dull and my face got a rash. In Mexico I shaved in the ocean. These days I let the beard grow wild so I will look more credible in the wilderness of Labrador. The wolves need to know I'm their friend. But if Budweiser wants to save water they should shut down their brewery and teach people to brew their own beer from reclaimed rain water. I mean, if they recognize that national water supply is actually in a crisis situation because of pollution and depleted groundwater then shouldn't they do something serious?! It's either serious or it isn't, but this game of sticking one toe in the water and running back to the house doesn't do anyone any good. Let's get serious about reclaiming rainwater, conserving the water we do use by letting lawns die, not shaving, showering twice a week at most, washing clothes less, ceasing all silicone chip manufacturing, shutting down nuclear power plants, and let legs and male chins grow hair like our good looking cousin the chimp. But I guess that just sounds insane. Better to pay lip service like reusing cups to drink coffee from Morocco.

In other news Toyota has created a social networking site that records and posts conversations between you and your car. Soon, cars will be talking to each other and the owner can elect to post that conversation on Facebook. Eventually cars will create their own networking site and only cool people will be allowed to join. But the big question is if the cars will decide to shave their beards.

Hippie Grows Old on Road

We were almost in Pennsylvania. West Virginia, to be exact, the little ear flap that stick up it's middle finger between Penn and Ohio so WV could get in on the I70 traffic fuel taxes.
"Ready, we're almost there," said Josh, a commercial const. foreman moving from New Mexico to Penn. with one too many cars to drive.
I jumped up and down.
"Let's do it. That energy drink is working like a mother fucker. I've been talking to myself for the last two hours."
Yep, I'd downed one of those "5 Hour Energy" drugs and could feel the caffeine warp my heart muscles out of true. So this is why people drink coffee! Even when those two white tail deer decided on the worst possible time to cross the 4 lanes of highway traffic and I buzzed one of their furry asses with my mustache whiskers I was unflappable. Dozens of deer carcasses lay in the breakdown lanes as the traffic on I 70 is one unbroken stream of 18 wheeled death traps running over deer and possums and bunnies for 8 hours a night. One animal ran out of the woods and straight into a 10 ft high cement barrier. He must've run down it looking for a break when the semi truck hit him and threw him against the barrier with such force that his blood and fur streaked an area about ten yards long. I knew it was Russian Roulette between deers and my car. It was like Frogger except I was driving and the frog was the size of a pro wrestler and there were dozens of frogs. Someone would hit and kill a deer tonight. Probably dozens of people. Would it be me? There was no time to stop when we were going 80MPH with lights in my dilated eyes. If there had been a third deer crossing the road I'd've hit him in the knees and kissed his asshole with my chin at 80MPH. People wonder why I didn't drive my van at night. Only chance would protect me but I was feeling lucky. There must be a special division of road kill cleanup people to go out and remove the bodies from the road. That deer would've landed in my lap and shown his disapproval of my operatic voice. But I missed him and his partner by an inch and laughed with energy drink haughtiness.
"Bring it on, Mother Nature! I'll mow you motherfuckers down one by one!"

I had just filled up the tank for $75 and was eager to move. Maybe I'd run a bobcat over! Also, if I caught the 7am bus out of Harrisburg then I'd get into Ports at night in time for Pizza slices downtown.
We left the Sheetz Bros. parking lot and Josh takes his vehicle in a weird detour toward an Applebees. I'm following in a Honda shit coupe piled so deep with clothes and Oggy debris that I have to hold one arm above my head to fit in the seat. This makes it incredibly difficult to shift gears but that doesn't matter because the clutch feels like it belongs on a go kart. I wonder, why is he going this way? Does he want to visit the Tridelphia Cabelas to look at shotguns? But it's closed...

Then I see the smoke billowing out of the hood of his truck. Doesn't look like steam. So that means a belt. It smells like burned rubber. We check it out and the serpentine belt has broken. The A/C pulley clutch has lost the will to continue and even a hatchet doesn't budge it again. It's 3am and the world is supposed to end today and it is getting cold. We attack the belt and the pulley trying to get it all out. The belt is so hot it melts a brand name into my palm. "Dayton" Backwards in my flesh.
But we do it and later I lay in the car dreaming of one day when something goes normally for me. This is the beginning of a 1300 mile trip and I have no itinerary. It's already coming unglued. I feel weighed down because of a bunch of prop pants I brought from St. Louis. too much shit to hitchhike. I decide to help him fix the truck. The bolts holding the A/C were impossible to get out with the clutch in place and we had no idea how to remove the pulley from the unit. So I use my Oggy senses and leverage a wrench under the pulley to move it enough so Josh can hammer the head of the bolt from behind and they come out.
He's got a smart phone so it's like all the information that takes hours to acquire are instantly found like where the nearest U-Pull-It is (In Penn. 5 miles east.) and the nearest Auto store, back west 3 miles in a town that time forgot called Elm Grove. But it is 4:30 am so all we can do is wait. I try to sleep but the 5 hour energy drink still has two hours left. My heart feels like a ripe grapefruit that has been hit by a canoe paddle. 27 hours without sleep as I spent all yesterday working on sealing the tile mosaic floor and packing and installing CFL light bulbs in every lamp in the house. I don't know it at the time but when the Go Juice wears off I will imagine herds of deer are leaping in front of my car and I will swerve to avoid the ghosts in my addled brain. There will be hundreds of them and I will blink and they will still be there. I don't know this yet but it will happen and so I stare at the ceiling of the car and count wolves in their arctic lair. 1.....2.....3.....4....
I also don't know it yet but this delay puts me on a collision course with a toxic Greyhound bus bathroom. Illustrations to follow...

Foxconn explosion

Did a search for this event on CNN. Nothing.
On BBC it is front page news.
Coincidence?

These products are deadly to everything.

"It is unclear whether production of the iPad will be disrupted."
Really? Explosion of ultra-light dust and the concern is over production? This isn't an anomaly. The mining of copper and rare metals is causing destruction world wide in an effort to create digital star maps for modern Mayans priests. It has to end. Tomorrow is judgment day.

Plutocracy: The Crooked Rabbit Hole

Michael Moore has prodded me again with his movie Capitalism: A Love Story. He basically films the kind of interviews I've been doing for the last 20 years. People on the street. Real stories of actual events. That's how I've learned to distrust America. That's why I'm a renegade. My self-education has totally contradicted the shit I learned in school, which means the school stuff was pure propaganda, like calling aspartame a sweetener instead of a poison. hahahaha. Yeah, it only converts to formaldehyde in the body. No worries. Believe Monsanto. They'll look out for you. BULLSHIT!
These past few years have taught us all, if you were paying attention, that there is no more democracy in North America. Wall Street does control our politics. Capitalism isn't an economic system in America, it is a political regime. "Democracy" is like the mafia's "waste removal company" that launders money for the real business. We need an oversight commission like the government but it won't resemble anything like what we have currently elected because our current government has pimped out the working man for 200 years. Everything they tell you is a lie designed to get your obedience. The smart man basically has designed a system so he can avoid to do any manual labor (what actually keeps people alive). The man who can delegate responsibility, assign blame, find loopholes will prevail over the man who plays by the rules and tries to account for his own actions. The system is designed to protect the elite at the price of the majority.
If you are happy with current events then you are basically the guy behind the wall who is pushing the button that shocks a test subject to death because a man in a white coat is telling you to push the button. You are ignorantly obeying and you are a murderer. We all are. The Ruling class has manufactured a method of environmental destruction and emotional terrorism that utterly cripples an ethical person.

We have to be strong and organize. I see that justice is not like water, eventually finding a way to its mother. No, justice is static and will obey the masses. It's a constant struggle between slaves and masters and I think the premise of land ownership is at the heart of the problem. It's mythology that everyone believes even though it doesn't work. That's the nature of propaganda.

This next year will be interesting for me as I'm determined to only work for people. That means no sexual harrassment videos or piss tests or uniforms. That also means the work will not rely on the defacto enslavement of copper miners and chinese assembly grunts. That means the only time the word "tax" is used will be when we say, "That job was taxing."
I've come across a few freethinking employers but they are fast heading for the hills. Eventually they will have to turn and fight and I'm pretty sure it will be a scared Walmart contractor who will be chasing them as the hired gun. But I know who I want to stand behind. The trouble will be finding a farm or ranch to work on. I've been studying the Amish and they are definitely an oasis in the ethical desert of America. Do I want to sing hymns in German for the chance to fix wagon wheels? I'm not sure. The Amish are not only pacifists, which means they are doomed, but they are practical and I'm not practical. They accomodate the world around them when it would be cooler if they set up road blocks and seized property from Walmart. No, a Canadian or Mexican commune is where you'll find my ematiated bones. I'll already be a visa refuge so I might as well defy taxation while I'm at it. In a crooked world, said Thoreau, the honest man is a criminal.
It's disappointing to see the lies and conspiracies take over. It all goes back to a paradigm that the earth's resources can belong to a single person. That is a political conclusion and not a human one. It is only true through might and must be taught. This mountain is yours. This island is mine. This building is yours. This cow is mine. These are taught to us but unjustified. The way Wall Street pulled the strings on the government these last three years is repulsive. It makes me feel like Oggy in Wonderland.

End The War Against the Wolves

Dear Oggy,

Thank you for speaking out against Wildlife Services' terrible wolf-killing program in Idaho. Your voice is critical to ensure a lasting future for these America's wolves.

For the Wild Ones,

Jamie and the rest of the Defenders of Wildlife team

You could be the proud recipient of this form email response if you write your state rep . at...
http://www.savewolves.org/