Something That I Wish I Didn't Know

This has been a long time coming. I'm trying to present my disdain for humanity in one pretty package. But that means I need to have topical music and current events at my disposal and then make a single skit that entertains while also venting some of my distate. Not as easy as it sounds. Of course parodies aren't original and there are already parodies of this particular song but I think mine is pretty good since it uses the original title slightly transformed in wording and usage. I give it to the world.

Something That I Wish I Didn't Know

Music by Gotye (Am, G for the verse, then Am, G, F, G, from the first chorus on)

Lyrics by Oggy

Most the time I wish I didn't know what was happening.

the news is so gruesome that I want to puke.

Then I turn the Internet on

And suddenly my serenity's gone.

MSNBC and CNN I hate you...

If I read another story about Global Warming I'm gonna die.

The Economic Collapse doesn't cheer me up.

What's this, another family dead?

That missing girl they just found her head.

What the hell is wrong, and why can't I turn away.

Headlines I Wish I didn't Read

Dolphins die after being poisoned with a heroin substitute most certainly dropped into their pool by drug dealers at a rave that rented the area around the dolphin pool. Pray that God hates dolphins.

McDonalds worker is pimped out as hooker. Gives new meaning to the term "Happy Meal". Complained that her bowels were injured and she "Vomited after performing felatio." Then she married her pimp.

Korean health drug is actually made of dried dead babies.

These are all stories I'm trying to work into a song that sums up my disdain for people. I'm going to have to steal a melody from some song. Ah, maybe that Gotye tune. It's easy and topical. Let me get to work on that.

Childhood Revisited

I try to avoid any mention of professional sports because it's all a racket to sell after shave lotion. When I was a teenager I played baseball and thought I had the talent to make money. I was the only one who thought that was true. I also loved the Red Sox despite their long love affair with 4th place. But in 1986 I thought all the pieces had come together for an ultimate victory. This is expanded upon in my book, Memorabilia, soon to be released in digital format, for download to your e book reader but it is currently available for free.

Race to the Bottom

Capitalism merely forces wage slaves to compete for who can accept the least amount of money for the most work. Basically, who can survive on the least amount of food? That's the natural progression of capitalism and we made it. Congratulations! 6 Billion people underbidding each other for a can of dented Alpo. Awesome! Enjoy your iPod!


The Chinese, as God intended them to be.



Bag Lady Hat

This hat had big dreams at the start like children born of average parents and ended up being reconstructed until I ran out of yarn and feeling resentment at the lack of love and respect.
"Fine. BE defiant. See where that gets you," I lectured.


Then I patched it together with whatever yarn was laying around and added some vintage buttons that I once traded some plaid pants for and some hat bangles from a 1965 pill box hat design.* It's $3 worth of Goodwill baby blanket wool yarn and $6 worth of some kind of acrylic/wool/nylon that I found and thought would look nice but really was hard to work with and when I crocheted it wrong was a nightmare to untangle.