Unoffensive

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2015 Proclamations

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Pipeline Blues

TransCanada can buy anything

I should write a song about the pipeline but I'm nursing two huge blisters on my fingers from absently playing the bass guitar so it will have to wait. I figured this AlJazeera article was about a Trappist Monastery.  In one of my desperate circumnavigations of America I saw a little arrow on a map of Iowa saying there was a monastery, and even in 1992 I was considering a total separation of Oggy and Society so I aimed for that arrow and during a snow storm that my little Datsun 200sx was totally unqualified to deal with I arrived at that Monastery around 10PM. I went to sleep in my car, as I always did, and a few minutes later I heard a knock on the window. For fuck's sake! Had the cops followed me miles into the corn pastures during a blizzard to force me to move on? No, it was a hooded monk, carrying a candle lantern, worried I would freeze to death and inviting me to stay in one of the novice rooms. It was like a scene from the 16th century as a faceless brown cloaked figure covered with snow and illuminated by a single candle was offering sanctuary with God. And so began my visit to the New Melleray Abbey, which is closely related to the Assumption Abbey in Missouri in the article. I really considered staying there forever, chanting at 3am, making jam and fruitcake, but I decided it wasn't yet time for that path.

Britney Spears As Seen Through The Oggy Light

My brother has asked me to write 3000 words about Britney Spears circa 1999. He must be smoking crack because there's no other explanation. Oh, wait, I get it. I can type fast and throw some fancy words around and spin some bullshit people are amused by so he thinks I'll be able to work my magic with America's Own Mouseke-Whore, make people see her in a different light, and he's right, but the problem is that the world isn't ready for what I have to say about Britney Spears. It's too soon and since I'm not Ludwig Van Beethoven, I don't like writing for the future. She's still alive, breeding more hillbillies, maybe recording some trashy song written by a bearded suicidal gay guy about some boy crush he had in 1992, and farts some repetitive Katy Perry melody onto the lyrics about "boys and hit me in my love button" kind of bullshit. Add some techno beats and he is able to pay his rent for another self-loathing month. But what the hell, Ok. Let's have some fun. Let's see what happens. I got nothing to lose.

Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Acros 240 Refrigedor

Relay and overload removed from compressor

Some things change, like the year, and other things never change, like Oggy's war with disposable appliances. I think the last time I had access to a refrigerator that wasn't in a trailer was in 2012 in St. Louis. Since then I like to say I use Walmart as my refrigerator. So I finally get to Guatemala and rent a room in a suite with a shared kitchen and I put my mantequilla and leche in the refrigerator and pat myself on the back. The light in the refrigerator is working so I figured it needed time to cool down since my Argentinian housemate always eats out and has never used the refrigerator. I never heard it running and assumed it seldom ran because it's always about 52 degrees in the apartment. Then I realized the ice never froze and the milk never got colder than room temperature and the only reason it didn't spoil was because it's always cold in the apartment.The thing never worked...it's merely an insulated box where I put stuff.

Relay

 So, the current quest involves a simple process of testing the relay and overload protection device to see if they are the problem. The other problem could be some kind of broken thermostat which I think is unlikely since it's merely a dial. I even took the thermostat cover off and inspected the plugs and wires so I think it's ok. Or the dreaded compressor, which dooms the whole unit because it's the most expensive part on it. The compressor is 10 years old so it's possible, but most likely is these two plastic items, relay or overload protection. The symptoms right now are no sound, no motor, no clicking, no attempt to engage the compressor, but there is light. I never heard it run so it will be interesting to see if this is the problem. I found a hack that bypasses the relay and has the compressor run full time but it involved tools which are in my van that is in storage with my tortured moped. It's also a temporary fix that would at least determine if the compressor is shot but would only postpone replacement of these two items.

Overload Protection

Projects really test my troubleshooting abilities because these gadgets bear only a remote resemblance to what other brands look like...but because they plug into a universal three prongs on the compressor and the schematic is at my skill level, I deduced what they were. It's a Brazillian refrigerator, imported to Mexico and smuggled to Guatemala. All this for cold milk, it's crazy.