Maldito Amor

 I am learning this song on the mandolin. Vicente has the strongest voice of all the Ranchera singers but I think I can tame the melody to something in my range. The lyrics basically curse the woman who broke his heart, or maybe they curse himself for falling in love with the wrong person.

Q & A With Oggy

Q: We´re here with Oggy Bleacher, the Man in the Van. How you feel, Oggy? Still shitting the bed?
Oggy: My stomach felt like the spawn of Satan had been implanted in my intestines and was gestating. The things that came out of me could be villains in a low budget TMC movie. The toilet was begging to be euthanized.
Q: You do look horrible.
Oggy: Thanks. I am better now. Mostly.
Q: How much do you weigh?
Oggy: If Miley Cyrus ate a whole pizza. That is what I weigh.
Q: So, like, 100 pounds?
Oggy: Depends on the toppings.
Q: Any other news?
Oggy: The world is fucked up.
Q: Care to elaborate?
Oggy: Current events are fucking with my head. You got Tamir Rice, executed in a park by police while playing with an air pistol. If his mother took a belt to his ass to punish him for playing in the park with an air pistol then she would go to jail for child abuse. But the cops executed him for the same reason and no charges were filed. That is fucked up right?
Q: I don´t get involved in controversial issues. I just ask the questions.

That Thing When You Shit Your Bed? That Sucks.

I tried to get to the Capitol but ended up near Honduras, sick, coughing, and then I woke up and shit the bed. I farted and followed through. It is the damn water and the bowel parasites. No projectile vomiting fortunately, but I shit puddles on the floor and then walked in it on my way back to bed. Oh well. At least this bed has springs and some padding for my skinny flanks. I am so thin my shoes are falling off. excuse me, my ´check colon´ light is blinking. gotta sign off.

Modern Pirates

Carlos, on the left, asked me to take a photo of him and his friend Taco. Classic.  I tried to find them again to give them a copy. In an alternate universe they are morning radio talk show hosts.

About 1000 percent humidity at this spanish castle. My pirate costume did nothing to make me feel less hot. I felt like Captain Jack Sparrow could arrive any minute.

I've been fighting a cold for a month now and coughing and sweating and generally dying slowly at the hands of better bacteria. But wandering through Guatemala, regretting my past, mulling the future. My trip is unplanned, but that doesn't mean I am unprepared. There is a fine difference. I got on a bus yesterday thinking it was going one place and learned it was going to Honduras. Wait wait wait, I don't want to go to Honduras. So I had to get off and get a bus back and then wander for a cheap hostel. I've been thinking of a reality show called "Hostel Makeovers" and this developed my a recent experience where I think I slept on the worst mattress in Guatemala and deserved a t-shirt. That made me think of an interesting quest to find the actual worst hostel in guatemala. or maybe find the worst hostel in the world. that would be fun. it is easy to find luxury, but imagine how hard you will have to look to find the worst? and then I thought, well, if I found the worst then maybe I could film the process of making it slightly better. But the fact it is the worst is sort of a source of pride and could be advertised. "Stay in the worst hostel in Guatemala! We dare you!" that type of thing. all these reality shows and I think one in which some people wander around the world improving hostels would work. I mean, try to make them slightly less filthy, keep children away from the dorms, keep lights off when they are directly outside a window, hey, maybe even provide a clean sheet and a mattress that is not a thin veil of cotton drapped over a torturous nest of rusting wire? I don't know. call me crazy. I am sick and coughing blood all over this keyboard so someone else will get sick. Awful.

Built around 1650 to repel Caribbean pirate attacks.

Hippie Lost in Mayan Ruins

Oggy is asking himself when the cursed barber strike will end. The Temple of The Furry Gringo stands in the back.