So much drama in the LBC

The man in the van is in Long Beach, recovering from ass surgery. He'll be back in action soon. Keep it real!

They Cut my Ass Open

The man in the van doesn't want to gross people out, but the realities of his life have crossed paths with some nasty afflictions.

Now, kids, if you don't want to have prolapsed hemorrhoids, like the man in the van, then don't do the following:

1. Put 6 inch dildos in your ass. "just to see what it feels like" lol. who hasn't done this?
2. Sit for 18 months writing a book.
3. The only exercise you get for 18 months is walking to the donut shop for an apple fritter. Mmmm. They taste so good but they turn to drywall mud inside your colon. Then you gotta strain like hell trying to shit it out.
4. Ride your bicycle from The East Coast to The Rocky Mountains.
5. The only fiber you eat is when you accidentally chew a piece of Styrofoam off your cup of noodles cup.

ouch

$50 to sell some plasma. Next is the sperm donations. This nurse butchered me.

office

call me

alarm

the man in the van felt guarding his possessions by installing an alarm in the van would be the right move. Someone had already patched into the wires and set up an alarm but the actual siren and the brain box were dead on arrival. So TMIV bought the exact same alarm system and swapped out the brain and the antennae and a few other wires...and it actually worked. He left the old siren so maybe someone would cut it thinking it's going to disable the alarm and then used the new alarm and put it in the cabin. Of course, if someone really wanted to steal the van they would just take it with the alarm blaring and disconnect the battery once it was started. Please don't!