Trying to make things look pretty on the blog and added a panoramic collage Ernesto took from the trip down the Baja. That's my 1974 vespa ciao and his KTM motocross bike we stuffed into my van in San Diego and drove 2000 miles through the desert on a ridiculously unplanned expedition having absolutely no idea where we would sleep each night or eat or even if the van was going to make it.
We both started out with working bikes and both soon ran into trouble. The difference is that I managed to fix mine with a Leatherman tool and bicycle parts. His transmission broke and the bike ended up in the weeds and was probably stolen for parts. The desert will destroy everything but it didn't get my Ciao. I refused to allow it to be taken from me. I made it survive.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Laughter is good medicine
I watched Bruno, the follow up spoof movie by Sasha Baron Cohen who did Borat. I thought Borat was funny and I think Bruno is hilarious. It is fast and furious and I laughed out loud many many times.
The funniest part was when he says of his "pygmy" boy lover, "We're just a normal stay at home couple." and the next scene is him pouring champagne out of his ass into a glass.
And I cringed when he was doing baby casting calls for his baby crucifixion photo shoot and he said, "Would you be ok with your baby lighting phosphorus on fire and operating heavy machinery."
and the mother said without pause, "Yes."
And then he said, "Your baby is kind of chubby. Is your baby ok with losing 10 pounds?"
"Yes, she can do that."
"If she can't would she be open to liposuction?"
"Yes."
That might have been staged but for the fact I lived in Hollywood and can attest to exactly that mentality for the wannabe stars. It's like I said when I was pitching my Thoreau script,
"Can we have Thoreau getting drunk and fucking the neighbor's daughter in a boat on Walden Pond? That would be good."
"Uh?"
"And the vegetarianism thing won't work. Can he be a cattle farmer...with a gun...and a huge cock?
"Ahhh..."
My dreams were absolutely destroyed by greasy men while their call girls waited in fast cars. Read more about it in my "Hollywood Moment" story under the top posts.
I'm serious. The questions I got made my jaw drop and since I haven't seen a movie with my jaw hitting the floor then the questions were legit. Those producers really want to see you on your knees. They want to break you or else you aren't reliable. But if they break you then you are worse than unreliable...you are unoriginal. But the law of the land is that when you get in that room with a suit who has 10 million dollars behind him then you say, "Yes. Yes Yes Yes Yes." You never say no. And when I watched those mothers sell their babies into a photo shoot where the baby would be "wearing a nazi uniform and pushing Jesus in a wheelbarrow into an oven." and the mother was very happy...I got an awful flashback of the Hollywood pimp psychology that drove me insane. Then I laughed a little.
If you like dry humor that mocks America then Bruno is a good pic.
In other news I premiered my tune "JJ Newberrys" at the Press Room tonight. It didn't stop people in their tracks but it's done and out there. I'll post a home recording of that song one of these days. Then I asked the Gideon Brown frontman if he wanted to make a video and he's down for it so expect some more music news as that production begins next month. It's another zero budget affair but that's where I am most comfortable.
Prostate Update: The throbbing in my prostate has subsided. Hooray! Thanks Bruno!
The funniest part was when he says of his "pygmy" boy lover, "We're just a normal stay at home couple." and the next scene is him pouring champagne out of his ass into a glass.
And I cringed when he was doing baby casting calls for his baby crucifixion photo shoot and he said, "Would you be ok with your baby lighting phosphorus on fire and operating heavy machinery."
and the mother said without pause, "Yes."
And then he said, "Your baby is kind of chubby. Is your baby ok with losing 10 pounds?"
"Yes, she can do that."
"If she can't would she be open to liposuction?"
"Yes."
That might have been staged but for the fact I lived in Hollywood and can attest to exactly that mentality for the wannabe stars. It's like I said when I was pitching my Thoreau script,
"Can we have Thoreau getting drunk and fucking the neighbor's daughter in a boat on Walden Pond? That would be good."
"Uh?"
"And the vegetarianism thing won't work. Can he be a cattle farmer...with a gun...and a huge cock?
"Ahhh..."
My dreams were absolutely destroyed by greasy men while their call girls waited in fast cars. Read more about it in my "Hollywood Moment" story under the top posts.
I'm serious. The questions I got made my jaw drop and since I haven't seen a movie with my jaw hitting the floor then the questions were legit. Those producers really want to see you on your knees. They want to break you or else you aren't reliable. But if they break you then you are worse than unreliable...you are unoriginal. But the law of the land is that when you get in that room with a suit who has 10 million dollars behind him then you say, "Yes. Yes Yes Yes Yes." You never say no. And when I watched those mothers sell their babies into a photo shoot where the baby would be "wearing a nazi uniform and pushing Jesus in a wheelbarrow into an oven." and the mother was very happy...I got an awful flashback of the Hollywood pimp psychology that drove me insane. Then I laughed a little.
If you like dry humor that mocks America then Bruno is a good pic.
In other news I premiered my tune "JJ Newberrys" at the Press Room tonight. It didn't stop people in their tracks but it's done and out there. I'll post a home recording of that song one of these days. Then I asked the Gideon Brown frontman if he wanted to make a video and he's down for it so expect some more music news as that production begins next month. It's another zero budget affair but that's where I am most comfortable.
Prostate Update: The throbbing in my prostate has subsided. Hooray! Thanks Bruno!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Cricket in the Monastery
I've been trying to write this children's story for 15 years. It involves a sort of symbolic cricket who represents the agitated mind of the seeker of peace.
Here's what I've got so far...
Shhhhh. There’s a cricket in the monastery
Listen with only one ear
He is eating grass wedges with his sharp mouth
Suddenly, he’s quiet. His dry eyes await your applause
He’ll sing you to sleep with his crocodile wings.
Would you read this story to your kid at bedtime? It's not done yet. Anyone want to illustrate it?
Here's what I've got so far...
Shhhhh. There’s a cricket in the monastery
Listen with only one ear
He is eating grass wedges with his sharp mouth
Suddenly, he’s quiet. His dry eyes await your applause
He’ll sing you to sleep with his crocodile wings.
Would you read this story to your kid at bedtime? It's not done yet. Anyone want to illustrate it?
Monday, May 24, 2010
m4m - for a few dollars more
Just to show I am an equal opportunity pervert I have changed the craigslist adult services feed to male 4 male. Somehow I'm not as upset by a man in short shorts offering to give hand jobs for $150. Why is that?
I see some of the women who show ass crack and cleavage and I just think this is so sad that they show their ass and then write "Classy and discrete. Service with a smile." I think, god, what is going on? These women had mothers and first grade teachers and I was a kindergarten teacher and I was trying to teach kids to wash their hands and not insult each other and to appreciate birds and fish and "look at that sparkly rock" and we sang songs and danced and learned numbers and now...now that girl is listing her numbers so you can call her and have her pounce on your balls in high heels. That's what makes me sad. That all that labor and hopes and dreams and little stars on their homework all end up being a $150 blow job in Van Nuys because the rent is high. I know not everyone is a hooker but I just get sad when I see all these women fucking for money. It gives me relief to see men doing the exact same thing. Gay or gay for pay. Who knows? They need money and there are gay men who will pay them to fuck their ass or get a blow job.
One guy once offered me money just to allow him to give me a blowjob.
"Close your eyes and it'll feel just like a cheerleader," he said.
Theoretically he was correct. Hell, I've had blowjobs from cheerleaders and they ain't nothing special. That guy, a black truck driver from Texas with big lips, could probably suck the tongue out of a cat's ass. It would feel better than a cheerleader. He's probably sucked a ton of cock in his day, more than any cheerleader, and he's got a cock so he probably knows how to get sloppy and nasty and not treat it like a damn crystal chalice. Furthermore, he was hungry for cock. Willing to pay me to suck my cock or even just watch me play with myself. He was horny from driving all day and really wanted to fuck me, to feel my cock in his mouth. The dude chased me down on the highway in an 18 wheeler. He was itchin' for dick. I can't say that about any girlfriend I've ever had. Can you? He could probably get me off in a minute. Except it's a black dude in a wife beater t-shirt at a truck stop in Louisiana. I mean, what the fuck? So...I passed on it even though I needed the money. It doesn't make me better. I'm just puritan like the folks in the Mayflower. Sorry. That's me. If I grew up in Los Angeles I would've 69'd that dude all night long and bought myself a nice steak dinner and hotel room with the money I made. But I'm from Portsmouth and I said no thanks and slept in my car.
And now there ain't no New World to go to so I rant on my velvet cushion.
oh I don't have any answers. It's all so mad.
I see some of the women who show ass crack and cleavage and I just think this is so sad that they show their ass and then write "Classy and discrete. Service with a smile." I think, god, what is going on? These women had mothers and first grade teachers and I was a kindergarten teacher and I was trying to teach kids to wash their hands and not insult each other and to appreciate birds and fish and "look at that sparkly rock" and we sang songs and danced and learned numbers and now...now that girl is listing her numbers so you can call her and have her pounce on your balls in high heels. That's what makes me sad. That all that labor and hopes and dreams and little stars on their homework all end up being a $150 blow job in Van Nuys because the rent is high. I know not everyone is a hooker but I just get sad when I see all these women fucking for money. It gives me relief to see men doing the exact same thing. Gay or gay for pay. Who knows? They need money and there are gay men who will pay them to fuck their ass or get a blow job.
One guy once offered me money just to allow him to give me a blowjob.
"Close your eyes and it'll feel just like a cheerleader," he said.
Theoretically he was correct. Hell, I've had blowjobs from cheerleaders and they ain't nothing special. That guy, a black truck driver from Texas with big lips, could probably suck the tongue out of a cat's ass. It would feel better than a cheerleader. He's probably sucked a ton of cock in his day, more than any cheerleader, and he's got a cock so he probably knows how to get sloppy and nasty and not treat it like a damn crystal chalice. Furthermore, he was hungry for cock. Willing to pay me to suck my cock or even just watch me play with myself. He was horny from driving all day and really wanted to fuck me, to feel my cock in his mouth. The dude chased me down on the highway in an 18 wheeler. He was itchin' for dick. I can't say that about any girlfriend I've ever had. Can you? He could probably get me off in a minute. Except it's a black dude in a wife beater t-shirt at a truck stop in Louisiana. I mean, what the fuck? So...I passed on it even though I needed the money. It doesn't make me better. I'm just puritan like the folks in the Mayflower. Sorry. That's me. If I grew up in Los Angeles I would've 69'd that dude all night long and bought myself a nice steak dinner and hotel room with the money I made. But I'm from Portsmouth and I said no thanks and slept in my car.
And now there ain't no New World to go to so I rant on my velvet cushion.
oh I don't have any answers. It's all so mad.
Population Quiz
I was pondering the work that made the allied victory in WWII possible. It was done with 130 million people in the States and about 2.5 billion in the world. (1940 numbers.)
I like to think that since it was done once (a total paradigm shift) then it's possible again to change our approach to energy and resources. But then I remembered that we don't live in 1940 anymore.
Instead of 130 million people in the States all getting on the "Kill the Nazi Wagon" we have 300+ million who have to become hemp wearing hippies. A two fold increase.
Instead of 2.5 billion we have (gulp) 7 billion plus on the planet, including people like Paris Hilton who count as about 4000 Haitians in resource terms.
Between 1804 and 1927 was the time it took to go from 1 to 2 billion.
That's 123 years.
In 83 years we went from 2 billion to 7 billion.
We'll reach 8 billion in 2025, 5 years past the point of peak oil production and the agreed upon point of no return. It isn't 2012 like the movie says. 2020 is the projected point when resources will be completely taxed. We're already collectively using 5 times more than the earth can sustain. In 2020 fresh water will be more valuable than oil, and oil will be very valuable. World harvest yields will be threatened by climate instability. Fishing will be taught in history classes like how we demonstrate Indians heating acorns and grinding the flour for tortillas.
And the change that has to take place is among 8 billion people. 8,000,000,000. I predict an entire generation of people who will be janitors of the planet and you know when you go into a public bathroom and someone has shit on the seat? You know how you feel when you see the shit smeared on the seat and sometimes the wall? Ok, multiply that feeling by 8 billion and you will get an idea of how that generation is going to think about us. Facebook and youtube will be looked at like we look at spraypaint on a school wall...the ape-like scrawlings of inconsiderate infants who deserved a worse fate than we will eventually get.
I wish I had a punch line for this.
I like to think that since it was done once (a total paradigm shift) then it's possible again to change our approach to energy and resources. But then I remembered that we don't live in 1940 anymore.
Instead of 130 million people in the States all getting on the "Kill the Nazi Wagon" we have 300+ million who have to become hemp wearing hippies. A two fold increase.
Instead of 2.5 billion we have (gulp) 7 billion plus on the planet, including people like Paris Hilton who count as about 4000 Haitians in resource terms.
Between 1804 and 1927 was the time it took to go from 1 to 2 billion.
That's 123 years.
In 83 years we went from 2 billion to 7 billion.
We'll reach 8 billion in 2025, 5 years past the point of peak oil production and the agreed upon point of no return. It isn't 2012 like the movie says. 2020 is the projected point when resources will be completely taxed. We're already collectively using 5 times more than the earth can sustain. In 2020 fresh water will be more valuable than oil, and oil will be very valuable. World harvest yields will be threatened by climate instability. Fishing will be taught in history classes like how we demonstrate Indians heating acorns and grinding the flour for tortillas.
And the change that has to take place is among 8 billion people. 8,000,000,000. I predict an entire generation of people who will be janitors of the planet and you know when you go into a public bathroom and someone has shit on the seat? You know how you feel when you see the shit smeared on the seat and sometimes the wall? Ok, multiply that feeling by 8 billion and you will get an idea of how that generation is going to think about us. Facebook and youtube will be looked at like we look at spraypaint on a school wall...the ape-like scrawlings of inconsiderate infants who deserved a worse fate than we will eventually get.
I wish I had a punch line for this.
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