That's What She Said

Working with 100% men leads to certain traditions of misogyny and sexual insinuations. It is probably the same through all the trades but in Industrial Electrical work with long lengths of rigid conduit buried and threading and cutting and pipe clamps there are some phrases and comments that always lead to someone breaking the tension with the response, "That's what she said."

Here are a few:

"It's too long..."
"I need one more inch..."
"There's dirt on the threads..."
"It won't fit..."
"My hands are tired..."
"Let me get my gloves and knee pads..."
"Put some thread lube on it..."
"Spray it with this [galvanized paint]..."
"I dropped the nut..."
"Push up..."
"It's hot..."
"It's freezing..."
"I'm hungry..."


You can see that almost anything can be twisted into a sexual connotation. It's totally awesome. Exactly how I like spending my days.

Odds

In Roulette there are 36 numbers...plus a zero and a double zero. So, 38 possibilities. The pay off is 1:35 on hitting a given number. So if you covered every single number, betting $38, you are guaranteed to hit and win $35...thus losing $3 every spin. If you cover 37 numbers, then you only lose $2 but you also have a 1:37 chance of losing everything. And if you cover 36 numbers then you will lose $1 unless the ball lands in the two numbers you didn't cover. Cover 35 numbers and you break even...with 3 chances to lose everything.

Tonight, after eating a $25 buffet of fried ravioli and delicious broccoli soup, I covered 30 numbers...leaving 8 numbers uncovered...this is only feasible in a computerized speed roulette table because it takes too long to put a chip on every number in real roulette not to mention you have to climb over every pensioner pissing away her social security check for free mixed drinks. In computerized roulette the wheel and ball is still physical but you place bets on a screen and you never touch the germ ridden chips that caused me to be grievously ill this past week.

I started with $20, betting $0.25 every number, pretty much randomly chosen by my fingers. My total bet was $7.50. The payoff would be $8.75...for a profit of $1.25. I figured I had almost no chance to lose*...and decided to quit when I had doubled my bank. You can either bet in a way that has the odds against you, so you are praying a single number hits...or bet in a way that has the odds on your side so you pray a couple numbers don't hit. Let's see how this played out...

The first spin I hit #14. So my bank was $21.25. I did a dance on the smoky casino carpet with horseshoe patterns, replete with dusty losers...in pitiful Tuesday dress, the quiet sounds of distress and desperation filling the cancerous air.

Desire

A Student in Expressions

I've been watching Vivien Leigh movies to get a full appreciation of her talents and to assuage my overwhelming loneliness. As a result, I have slightly changed my opinion on her rumored mental illness. I'm starting to think she actually sacrificed her life and reputation to delve into the character and relationships and drama of men and women...in real life...in order to have more experience to draw from when her character called for certain depth. I'm painfully aware of the costs to take ones art to another level. Most artists are content with pretending to act...drawing a line between their work and their life in order to maintain some kind of normalcy. A Hollywood mantra I heard more than once is, "The best acting isn't acting." Leigh seemed to decide that in order to really bring something new to the stage and screen she would need to dig deeper than usual into the heart of people and in order to do that she would have to break some rules. Eventually the lines became blurred and she couldn't or didn't want to return to normalcy. Such is the price of the intrepid explorer. Of course I will leave room in my theory for the possibility that she really was bat shit crazy and I'm merely being a foolish romantic...defending my lady's honor even after she is dead. Her acting mannerisms were developed on the stage, which explains her annunciation and professionalism, but her personality was definitely developed on her own time and at the cost of many broken hearts.* How else does one refine that kind of charm and dynamic charisma than by playing the field? I recall a woman cut from the same cloth as Scarlett O'Hara showing off my ring on her finger and lying to some lustful men in a Mexican cantina, "See? We're married."
"Married?" They asked.
"Of course," I replied. "Can't you tell by how miserable I am?"
And no one laughed.

Rapture

You know you're in the deep south when you're standing idle with a shovel in hand and the boss walks by and says, "Is that what yew want to be doin' when the Lord comes back? Holdin' a sh'vel up and daydreamin' about gerls?"

The answer is yes, but since it was my boss I said no and got busy digging a trench.

Isaiah 5

¹⁸ Woe unto them that draw iniquity with cords of vanity, and sin as it were with a cart rope:

Strumming chords of vanity

²⁰ Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
²¹ Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!
²² Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink:
²³ Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him!

Woe Unto Vain Oggy traitorously singing Lynyrd Skynyrd

Photos by Tom Ward