Tuesday, September 1, 2009

my ride share ad. would you call?

I've got a 1/2 ton cargo van that is aimed in the direction of Newfoundland or New England. If you take care of the gas I will let you put anything you want in the van and I'll take care of the maintenance of the van. Lots of room for cargo and boxes and people. departure date depends on when I can collect enough dough to cross the country. possible stops in St. Louis. Albuquerque. Denver. Pennsylvania. Boston. Flagstaff. Las vegas. cincinnati. cleveland. new york. Tulsa. Wichita. it is all flexible though the purpose of my trip is to be in Newfoundland in the fall foliage season...so that means I must leave the west coast by mid september, dig? I am ready to leave asap but you've got to have some money and a sense of adventure. IF you want a "normal" person to drive with then keep looking...I resolved long ago that being normal meant I was just taking up space on the planet. I'm not normal...I don't like normalcy...I revile normalcy...I am abnormal. For the 2008 presidential election I wrote in Noam Chomsky. What an asshole I am. They ought to lock me up.

The cheapest way to travel is Greyhound or hitchhiking. The fastest way is by plane. The coolest way is in my van.

I estimate this trip all the way to the east coast will cost $1000 in gas. If I can split that three ways then that would be perfect. We can camp in the van or on the side of the road if you want to save money.
The van will fit a motorcycle so if we can get it in then I'll transport it to wherever you want. pets ok.

call mark


This trip will go through Dallas or colorado or utah or possibly montana and then St. Louis. Recently I decided that this trip will be for a cause. The cause is the arctic wolf. These solitary animals are threatened by just about everything mankind is doing. especially since they survive in the arctic by moving around on ice flows. these ice flows are all melting and so push the wolf out of the arctic. I think the iphone best represents the enemy of the wolf so this trip will be to highlight the dangers and effects of this invention and how it is killing the arctic wolf. The trip may be filmed for a documentary so be prepared to sign a waiver.
P.S. Hannah Montana is involved but when I start to explain how then people begin to back slowly away from me. I don't know why. It is so obvious to me how she is connected to the deterioration of the world. But I thought I would mention it as part of my full disclosure policy.


Anonymous said...

Chance of NOT being serial killed by the passenger - 10 percent.

Chance of partnering with serial killer - 5 percent

Chance of ultimately serial killing your passenger - 15 percent

Oggy Bleacher said...

Wha? But...I'm a HIPPIE. We just want peace and love. Why would anyone kill me on the 40th anniversary of Woodstock in a 40 year old van? That's no fair. I better be careful.

no worries, my one passenger backed out because "that van ain't makin' it to Las Vegas, let alone Texas."
Ha. I'll show him. I'll make it. I do it alone.

actually, someone just said he might want to buy it. I laughed. Sure you do.

The good news is that I managed to get the suspension lifted on the van's registration. So that's something.
Still, I like my odds. 90% chance of dying. and only a 15% chance of my killing my passenger. So that would mean the odds of my surviving the trip at all (considering I give myself a 50/50 chance of making it in the van) is very small. Hell, I don't stand a chance...no matter what I do. That sucks. What's the over/under on how old I am when I die? SO on my gravestone I can put "I beat the odds." or else someone will put "The odds caught up to him."
no, i gotta stay positive. I'm gonna make it.

Anonymous said...

Why are you headed back to the North East?-c.

Oggy Bleacher said...

Newfoundland, Canada is the last province I haven't seen. And I hear they make good apple pies in New Hampshire. After that it's guatemala...maybe.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you happen to drive through Kansas City, let me know so we can meet up. -Christina

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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.