Sunday, March 28, 2010

Magazine Pitch

I was at the library looking at all these magazines and I thought that between myself and a few other people we have the staff to make an online magazine. I mean, what would be easier than five people having access to one blog and all of us contribute stories based on topical or irrelevant issues. I know everyone expects me to wither away in poverty forever but seriously, I just watched Braveheart and it's time to cave in, to sell out, to trade my convictions for some big mac hamburgers.
So, my plan is to sell advertising space on the site. Hell, we can call it www.portsmouthsellsout.com
For example, go to Moes sandwiches, and get them to pay for our custom ad that we will put on our page. Give them a 75 cent coupon so they know it works. Etc. I've already been giving them free exposure. I know just the person to pose for an ad with a sandwich in his hand. Eddie? You got something better going on?
The content itself will obviously be naked girls and fart jokes, my specialty.
Because, I'll be honest, some of the puff articles I just read in Time magazine were not worth reading. "Football is dangerous...boo hoo...brain injuries....what Obama can learn from Reagan...growing old sucks....etc." really, if you are paying for Time then you are getting ripped off. Those writers must've learned their trade at Disposable University whose motto is: Forget what you're reading as you read it.
Terrible. And who buys ad space? Asthma pharmaceuticals and Cock medicine and something called lipitor and Eukanuba dog food. There's a page long ad (article) about the iPad that might as well be written by Steve Jobs himself he's got his cock so deeply embedded in the writer's ass. "Jobs delivers the goods." Yeah, right up your ass! This is impartial?? No. It's Time Magazine. Their Motto is "It's Time To Buy an iPad."
It wouldn't take much to be more creative. No spoof articles like the onion but things like book reviews. lawn status. Bird watching. little league baseball coverage with analysis and interviews. Like really treat Little League seriously. How funny would that be? The people who really matter in the community, the kids, being taken as seriously as a 30 year old Dominican Republic millionaire athlete. Imagine! When was the last time Big Papi cried when he struck out? Now that's drama. I don't think subversive media has any market so I'd keep all that shit here where no one reads it. But the interesting stuff about local events could actually be marketed.
It's just a thought.
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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.