Naughty fun??

Email I received:
From: Rae;Bradfordgodfather2109@att.com
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 6:29 AM
Subject:
To: constantjerkoff@gmail.com

FIErwBHeyRsweety,yERIyqsawUiu0aycoupleWofmmonths1agoJandCIfthinkjyounaresjustHsoPadorable.J
wIWamUsorrycifsthis4is3wrongCbut7ILgotIyourCemailpfromHmy5friendwwhodknowshyou.x
iIDwantNto1hookPupgwithwu.5Don'tfbeDscareddcuzgImHnotLgonnaqtryitowmakemux
vcommitQtoBaJrelationship.
u
VI8just9wantoto5haveLsome0naughtyvfun6withXuQifmthat's4ok.qItQwould5be1greatnifr
Byou'reisinglewbutrItreallyUdon'tdcareeifryouOarewnot.uI8stillXwantvtovhookhupewithku.i
lI3canqkeepsaIsecretvand0IuhavexnoQintentionsYoffruiningSyourUrelationship.UJustM
dreplyJbackdtoJthiswemailCifruDwantPtoFreallyNknowawhozILam.sIQwillAnotO
sdisappointnu.yIMamVgorgeous.
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CJustnmakeXsurefuzputFinothatGyourO30nyearsNorBolder7becauseQyouIwontnbesableLtovsearchp
Hme4ifHyou4don't.IZmistakenlyRputmmyqpreferenceoforgonlyDonpthat4age9group..DEIetriedqitsmyselfl
VtoumakeAsureCand3itsBfreegbecauseUIkdidnt5wantgustoOget4chargedKjustgtoSmeetWme,7likeetheyZdou
qonbsomecotherQsites.JZIXmadepsure7andSyes0its4definitely9fZree.QOncebyoukverifyjsendgmeAah
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jIzshouldHbeQon2theYwebcam2rightjnow.3Imcan'tAwaitbforcuatoEseelme.*

My Response:

m7TFIl18Dear Rae, your invitation for naughty fun comes at a bad time. See, the world is ending on the 21st and I need to pack my bags for the rapture. Also, even if the world doesn't end I will not be continuing this relationship. I feel that we are not right for each other. By that I mean you are a dirty skank and I don't date dirty skanks. Sorry. That's just how I feel. It wasn't written in the stars, my dear. Keep trying, sweetheart. I'm sure there are lots of guys who will watch you on your webcam.

You write, "I can't wait for u to see me." And I must tell you that I find that remark totally baffling. Are you that narcissistic? Like, the very act of being looked at makes you breathless with anticipation. I'm appalled. Also, you say that you "mistakenly put your preference for the over 30 age group." How should I interpret this clerical error? I am over 30. Are you repulsed by me because of my age? If so, then didn't my friend mention that I am a hoary 40 years old? It makes no sense. You don't mention your age but judging by your typing and grammar skills I would say about 11. That puts you in the Justin Beiber fan club and I want nothing to do with you.

Ethically, you should have a long talk with a minister because if you think having casual sex with a married man is "not ruining a relationship" simply because you "keep a secret" then you have some things to learn. WHO THE FUCK RAISED YOU? What kind of predatory pre-teen monster are you to randomly email married men so you can chat with them over the web? I, for one, am disappointed with your behavior. You've been very bad. Now go to your room and read "The Bell Jar" until you see the world as a place of misery and pain like the rest of us.

Regards, Oggy Bleacher.

*If you highlight the text of this email you'll see a set of characters between every word. Very sinister. You can't copy and paste the html because of these extra hidden characters. I thought they spelled out a secret message but I can't break the code. 100 punk rock points to anyone who sees a pattern. 50 punk rock points to anyone who emails this person with some spam.

Also, the chicken farmer better get ready to do a poetry reading where I read this spam email and he plays piano.