Monday, November 14, 2011

States of Decay



The dreaded Foxconn

This iPod had to be resurrected because it has all my Lionel Richie songs

I want to emphasize how everything is in a state of decay. Not only 1969 vans and iPod classics, But 2003 Grand Marquis sedans. They are all in a state of decay and they are all equally in states of decay. But some have newer parts that are not as far along the road to terminal decay. But to argue a newer car is an improvement over an old car is to deny that they are all victims of physics equally. So, then the only question is how easily can components be returned to the top of the state of decay ladder?


This metal hacksaw has never been used on my van. I had to use it within a few minutes on the sway bar link bolt that protrudes from the kingpin assembly. Why? Because home mechanics shouldn't do this work in the park and ride parkinglot. Also, my cheap chinese tool set didn't come with the critical tool for this job: A 7mm wrench to hold the edges of the bolt end so you can use your 15mm wrench to loosen the rusted lock nut. There is no room to fit a socket because of the rotor...blah blah blah.

I was worried the new sway bar link was too heavy duty, but it works. Unfortunately, that was the least of my problems.
Here are the ever-difficult-to-work with caliper brakes. I had been told the rear brakes needed to be changed (along with the sway bar link to pass inspection) but this was untrue. But I bought rear brake pads. FUCK! So, stubbornly I decided to change the pads anyway and there is an odd bit of feathering on the pads, but I wasn't prepared with a giant C-Clamp so this proved impossible as the piston must be pushed back in the cylinder to make room for the new pads. I swore savagely. Why had I trusted someone to tell me what the car needed? And how often do the rear brake pads wear out? Infrequently, as the front pads do most of the braking. The front brakes were completely ruined and I only saw this when I took the tire off to change the sway bar link. This was a problem that didn't get resolved as the darkness forced me to use a headlamp and then the battery of the car died. I pounded on the steering wheel like Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, turning the key as a click click echoed off the trees. Futile. MOTHERFUCKER! The car had been left to die for 14 months and driven infrequently for a year prior to that. The alternator pulley was seized and nearly burned the serpentine belt out, which would've been another $160, and the tires have flat spots and there is no gas, and my ulcer won't fit in the trunk.

Chili Dog A La Oggy (AKA) Ulcer Fuel



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Man in the Van by Oggy Bleacher is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.